Author Topic: I hate going to Walmart (Read 6191 times)

Phoenix Dark · « **on:** May 10, 2008, 10:10:40 PM »

because EVERYTIME I go someone I know (whom I'm trying to avoid) runs into me, or I see some stupid shit happening. Today was the former.

I went to Walmart to get a mother's day card, and while I was in the crowded aisle someone put their hand on my shoulder. I turned around and there stood a 300 pound chick I didn't recognize wtf

Fat chick: Hey Maurice!
Me: Uh hi...
Fat chick: Remember me?
Me: ...I've been working all day, I don't remember anything
Fat chick: Haha I'm Angela! Remember we took bio together a couple years ago!
Me: Oh yea
Angela: You said we were going to study for the final exam at Subway remember, but you never came
Me: Oh...I wound up with enough points to pass the class without taking the final

Now, we're standing in the busiest aisle in the store and she's blocking the mother's day card shelf due to her weight. So I can't leave because I still need to get a card

Angela: So yea, I passed the class!
Me: Awesome
Angela: Looking for mother's day cards?
Me: Yes
Angela: I was looking for a card for my grandma...my mom's dead
Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that
Angela: Yea. Do you want to get a bite to eat on Monday? We can go to Applebees, my cousin works there
Me: Monday...oh, I'll have to check my schedule. I've been busy...
Angela: Ok, here's my email

I got home a few minutes ago and she had already sent me two emails and found my Facebook. She was kinda chubby two years ago but nothing like the orca I saw today. Is it my fault? If I had gone to Subway with her, would she have changed her diet? $:-\$

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #1 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:11:18 PM »

AHHHH KILL IT WITH FIRE

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #2 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:12:41 PM »

Be friends with her if she'd take you to Red Lobster.

demi · « **Reply #3 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:23:11 PM »

Hit it, Maurice, you're in college, it's ok to make mistakes. Blame it on alcohol.

Look at those TITS

Ichirou · « **Reply #4 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:25:30 PM »

I thought black guys loved fat white chicks?

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #5 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:32:48 PM »

Not me. Thick is fine, but she's beyond that point. I'm a nice guy so I have no qualms with talking to her but there's no way I'm going to be seen in public with her.

Ichirou · « **Reply #6 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:34:34 PM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 10, 2008, 10:32:48 PM

Not me. Thick is fine, but she's beyond that point. I'm a nice guy so I have no qualms with talking to her but there's no way I'm going to be seen in public with her.

Oh, what the fuck, PD. I thought you were a better man than that. I'm not saying you should date her, but "not be seen in public with her"? WTF?

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #7 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:36:59 PM »

PD doesn't want to be mistaken as one of those black guys that date white fatties for free meals at Red Lobster and Olive Garden.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #8 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:37:10 PM »

It sounds mean, but the whole "black dude-fat white chick" phenomena really disturbs me. It's something that's argued over all the time. If it's love and shit more power to you, but I know of way too many situations of black guys who just want to be seen with a white girl.

Ichirou · « **Reply #9 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:45:21 PM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 10, 2008, 10:37:10 PM

It sounds mean, but the whole "black dude-fat white chick" phenomena really disturbs me. It's something that's argued over all the time. If it's love and shit more power to you, but I know of way too many situations of black guys who just want to be seen with a white girl.

Don't be so concerned about what other people think, dude. She sounds like a beautiful person. Let her into your heart.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #10 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:48:15 PM »

It's okay, PD, I don't like to be seen in public with black people because of that whole "token black friend" phenomena. It sounds mean, but I know of way too many situations of white guys who just want to be seen with a black friend.

max_cool · « **Reply #11 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:51:00 PM »

well, you could stop going to walmart.

fistfulofmetal · « **Reply #12 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:52:54 PM »

shit

mothers day

Ecrofirt · « **Reply #13 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:55:23 PM »

She's a large white girl. She's probably resigned herself to the fact that the only people who seem interested in large white girls are black guys.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #14 on:** May 10, 2008, 10:59:43 PM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 10, 2008, 10:32:48 PM

Not me. Thick is fine, but she's beyond that point. I'm a nice guy so I have no qualms with talking to her but there's no way I'm going to be seen in public with her.

Ichirou · « **Reply #15 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:06:02 PM »

Quote from: Eel O'Brian on May 10, 2008, 10:48:15 PM

It's okay, PD, I don't like to be seen in public with black people because of that whole "token black friend" phenomena. It sounds mean, but I know of way too many situations of white guys who just want to be seen with a black friend.

PD owned.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #16 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:08:35 PM »

Quote from: Eel O'Brian on May 10, 2008, 10:48:15 PM

It's okay, PD, I don't like to be seen in public with black people because of that whole "token black friend" phenomena. It sounds mean, but I know of way too many situations of white guys who just want to be seen with a black friend.

fuck

this is different i swear

Tauntaun · « **Reply #17 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:16:18 PM »

IDK man, you're a black dude, she's a fat white chick, it's bound to happen. $:-\$ Sorry pal.

Ichirou · « **Reply #18 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:18:31 PM »

She looks like the fat version of Ashley Tisdale.

Ichirou · « **Reply #19 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:24:46 PM »

Go with her to Applebee's and casually drop mention of the fact that you have a girlfriend. Problem solved.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #20 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:26:43 PM »

It's been arranged: I'm going to go to Applebees with her, but I'm bringing a wing man - a buddy of mine who was also in the bio class. problem solved

Ichirou · « **Reply #21 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:36:28 PM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 10, 2008, 11:26:43 PM

It's been arranged: I'm going to go to Applebees with her, but I'm bringing a wing man - a buddy of mine who was also in the bio class. problem solved

Does your buddy like fatties?

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #22 on:** May 10, 2008, 11:39:49 PM »

Dunno, he just wants some ribs, and since I owe him a favor I'll be buying his dinner smh

Eric P · « **Reply #23 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:08:04 AM »

i had the pleasure of taking someone from nyc to her first walmart

it was a wonderland to her

she bought a 2 camo blanket with wolves on it.

also, the fact that there was a mcdonalds in there too just blew her mind

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #24 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:09:51 AM »

Her cousin might be okay PD

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #25 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:14:19 AM »

Quote from: Eel O'Brian on May 10, 2008, 10:48:15 PM

It's okay, PD, I don't like to be seen in public with black people because of that whole "token black friend" phenomena. It sounds mean, but I know of way too many situations of white guys who just want to be seen with a black friend.

evilbore ownage of the week!

abrader · « **Reply #26 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:15:55 AM »

pd - I always see you diss your dates on here.

Why so ashamed? I mean you got pix and everything - so obvious its someone you know and like.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #27 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:23:26 AM »

She's not my date, and I'm not "ashamed" - although I do find myself wondering why fat chicks gravitate towards me. I don't act like a dick to anybody but some people have certain preferences. With respect to weight if you're thick awesome, if you're fat ehh I'm sorry. Is there anything wrong with that? I bet everyone here feels the same way

FatalT · « **Reply #28 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:42:11 AM »

No fat chicks.

T234 · « **Reply #29 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:49:34 AM »

Especially ones that could eat FatalT!

Powerslave · « **Reply #30 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:52:25 AM »

ugh, she's hideous

FatalT · « **Reply #31 on:** May 11, 2008, 12:54:19 AM »

Quote from: T234 on May 11, 2008, 12:49:34 AM

Especially ones that could eat FatalT!

The one after PD could probably eat 3 of me.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #32 on:** May 11, 2008, 01:10:06 AM »

FatalT with the much needed support. *high five*

xnikki118x · « **Reply #33 on:** May 11, 2008, 02:36:17 AM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 10, 2008, 10:37:10 PM

It sounds mean, but the whole "black dude-fat white chick" phenomena really disturbs me. It's something that's argued over all the time. If it's love and shit more power to you, but I know of way too many situations of black guys who just want to be seen with a white girl.

Today at work, there was a black dude patient and his chubby white chick girlfriend. They were having sex in his bed. They're in a hospital for crying out loud!

Obviously race has nothing to do with it, I was just reminded of it when I read this.

tiesto · « **Reply #34 on:** May 11, 2008, 02:43:43 AM »

Fat chicks tend to gravitate towards me as well... and lately it's been desi chicks. I say you should just go for it, PD... this could be the magical one!

demi · « **Reply #35 on:** May 11, 2008, 02:45:14 AM »

You could probably smoosh her puss like play-doh. Go for it!!!!

Rman · « **Reply #36 on:** May 11, 2008, 02:51:33 AM »

It's such a pervasive stereotype. I know a black dude at school whose pretty good looking. He could definitely go after good looking chicks, but he's dating this overweight Italian chick. Nothing wrong with that. He loves her. But it's crazy how pervasive it is. She treats him like a king BTW.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #37 on:** May 11, 2008, 03:25:04 AM »

Quote from: Rman on May 11, 2008, 02:51:33 AM

It's such a pervasive stereotype. I know a black dude at school whose pretty good looking. He could definitely go after good looking chicks, but he's dating this overweight Italian chick. Nothing wrong with that. He loves her. But it's crazy how pervasive it is. She treats him like a king BTW.

This man knows what I'm talking about. If that's what you like then fine, I'm not going to judge. But god damn some blacks guys will date a sack of lard just to be with a white chick, and that's jarring to me.

Beezy · « **Reply #38 on:** May 11, 2008, 03:53:41 AM »

PD, can you at least get some head as a test for my "fat chicks give the best blowjobs because they're always hungry" childhood theory?

abrader · « **Reply #39 on:** May 11, 2008, 09:58:28 PM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 11, 2008, 12:23:26 AM

She's not my date, and I'm not "ashamed" - although I do find myself wondering why fat chicks gravitate towards me. I don't act like a dick to anybody but some people have certain preferences. With respect to weight if you're thick awesome, if you're fat ehh I'm sorry. Is there anything wrong with that? I bet everyone here feels the same way

^ Didnt you just say above that you have arranged a date at Applebees?

Plus - girls who I have opinions about similar to those you expressed for the girl featured in this thread know better than to come up and say hi to me. Much less would I end up at "Applebees" with them under any circumstances. I would not even look in the direction if addressed and if the bitch touched me evasive measures would need to be taken.

At the same time girls I dont like dont think im being mean - I have just given them the "stay away" look from the first time I saw them so they have nothing to go on about.

You must have at least flirted with this girl before - and now going to suck the meat of of some BBQ ribs in front of her? Yeah sounds like a date to me.

But I was actually thinking about this for like 5 minutes over the weekend. I remember when I was a virgin id hand out with all kinds of any type of girls for experience or some shyt.

Once I got into my own on that front I didnt even bother smiling at or looking at girls who werent within the range of having a chance.

Candyflip · « **Reply #40 on:** May 11, 2008, 10:13:24 PM »

Is that a mustache?

CrystalGemini · « **Reply #41 on:** May 12, 2008, 12:01:01 AM »

Quote from: xnikki118x on May 11, 2008, 02:36:17 AM

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 10, 2008, 10:37:10 PM
It sounds mean, but the whole "black dude-fat white chick" phenomena really disturbs me. It's something that's argued over all the time. If it's love and shit more power to you, but I know of way too many situations of black guys who just want to be seen with a white girl.

Today at work, there was a black dude patient and his chubby white chick girlfriend. They were having sex in his bed. They're in a hospital for crying out loud!

Obviously race has nothing to do with it, I was just reminded of it when I read this.

For some reason I find the imagery hilarious.

etiolate · « **Reply #42 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:02:57 AM »

I hate running into people from my past as well.

I remember this one chick I made out with ONCE came into my work with a kid. I didn't make any mention of the kid or how he came to be, but she made mention of "it be nice if his father would show up and do something about him" when he was misbehaving in front of my coworkers. She gave some weird look after this. I don't know if this was her trying to make it look like it was my kid as revenge for never calling her back and sort of silently dumping her, but luckily my coworkers didn't bite on the bait as they knew I was too inept with women to be knocking random ones up.

Ichirou · « **Reply #43 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:05:50 AM »

ditching your baby mama

smh

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #44 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:10:35 AM »

no homo: etiolet is the best looking man on EB

etiolate · « **Reply #45 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:11:14 AM »

IT WAS NOT MY BABY

Ichirou · « **Reply #46 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:20:00 AM »

Quote from: etiolate on May 12, 2008, 01:11:14 AM

IT WAS NOT MY BABY

Yeah, right. I think I'll wait for Maury Povich to read out the DNA test results.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #47 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:22:46 AM »

she called me about 20min ago wanting to wish my mom happy mothers day. Now, a female friend who actually knows my mom called earlier and asked to same question, and I let her talk to my mom. She knows my mom, my mom thinks I should marry this girl eventually, etc. But I don't know Angela well enough for that, so I just told her my mom was sleep. smh

This is getting out of control

Ichirou · « **Reply #48 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:23:43 AM »

Has Angela actually even met your mom? She seems so sweet to be concerned with your mom on Mother's Day.

You picked a real winner, Maurice.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #49 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:26:15 AM »

No she hasn't, and since she's not a family friend it didn't seem like a good idea. My mom has actually met vamp girl (hint: she doesn't like her) and I probably wouldn't have let her talk to my mom today.

Ichirou · « **Reply #50 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:26:55 AM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 12, 2008, 01:26:15 AM

No she hasn't, and since she's not a family friend it didn't seem like a good idea. My mom has actually met vamp girl (hint: she doesn't like her) and I probably wouldn't have let her talk to my mom today.

Why doesn't your mom like vampgirl? Racism?

etiolate · « **Reply #51 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:28:41 AM »

You should talk to her about actresses you like and make sure they are all really skinny. And also say you hate Queen Latifah.

Ichirou · « **Reply #52 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:33:15 AM »

Make sure all the actresses are black, too. Like, really black. Like Angela Bassett.

etiolate · « **Reply #53 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:35:14 AM »

Now that I think about it, it might be easier for Maurice to go the gay route. I bet she has a handsome male friend who seems gay. Ask her if he's single. This should get you out of the woods. Also, don't worry about the guy friend making a move in response. He is likely playing the same game.

Ichirou · « **Reply #54 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:36:12 AM »

Quote from: etiolate on May 12, 2008, 01:35:14 AM

Now that I think about it, it might be easier for Maurice to go the gay route. I bet she has a handsome male friend who seems gay. Ask her if he's single. This should get you out of the woods. Also, don't worry about the guy friend making a move in response. He is likely playing the same game.

Well, duhhh, he should just ask Cheebs to come along with him. And they could hold hands and stuff.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #55 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:37:34 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on May 12, 2008, 01:26:55 AM

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 12, 2008, 01:26:15 AM
No she hasn't, and since she's not a family friend it didn't seem like a good idea. My mom has actually met vamp girl (hint: she doesn't like her) and I probably wouldn't have let her talk to my mom today.

Why doesn't your mom like vampgirl? Racism?

I dunno. She was hounding me for months, begging to meet her, so finally I decided to bring vamp girl to a family event about a month and a half ago. At first I thought it was due to religion (she's catholic) but instead my mom complained that she dressed too "revealing" - fuck, it was cold outside and she was fully clothed with some tight stuff on, nothing serious. Then she complained about how vamp girl told her she was taking a year off from school to "get her mind right."

She's been trying to get me to date one of my old classmates for awhile now. We're still friends, and I know she likes me, but I'd rather be friends, plus I doubt a relationship would work with her. I've know her for almost 7 years

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

Ichirou · « **Reply #56 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:39:01 AM »

Hook me up, PD.

Beezy · « **Reply #57 on:** May 12, 2008, 03:38:35 AM »

That chick is bad, PD.

Vizzys · « **Reply #58 on:** May 12, 2008, 03:45:20 AM »

Quote from: Amber Lambchops on May 12, 2008, 01:26:15 AM

spoiler (click to show/hide)
[close]

I wear my stunna Glasses at night
so i can SO I CAN

marty james

Ichirou · « **Reply #59 on:** May 12, 2008, 03:48:52 AM »

PM me her facebook info, I'm gonna open a facebook account just so I can hook up with that hottie.

News:

Author Topic: I hate going to Walmart (Read 6191 times)