I think there's a monster on the island!
Yes, if the Icons demise does not come to pass on that fateful day, fore witch our saviour, the hebrew-god Willco hath prophesised, I Ackroyd, devourer of mutants will wreak a great and terrible vengeance upon thine, and thine like.
Using my noble axe and insatiable homophile nature bestowed on to me by Willco, I will destroy all Icons.
To do this, I must first decapitate the legendary Tauntaun's genitalia, from which all Icons gather their life force. After witch, I will proceed to man-rape all subsidary Icons to death.
The land will be green and pleasant once more friends, fear not.