bebpo being crazy, talky, in denial and maybe at the end a better person

[Fresh Prince]

Prole has just confirmed all my beliefs about online dating.

[demi]

Best Friend? Ooook. You are living in a dream world.

You should ask yourself

* Can they cook
* Can they help pay the bills
* Do they appreciate cleanliness

I'm sure all those divorces went just well because they were best friends so it's all ok

Snap out of it sweetums

[recursivelyenumerable]

Isn't Long Beach in Orange County?  It seemed kind of cool while I was there.

[Bebpo]

I can cook!
I can help pay bills!
I appreciate cleanliness!

/I think I'm on the wrong side in this game of life

they only become your "best friend" when the limerence wears off and you both decide to change yourselves for life together.

:\  

I want to keep my pet dream that my gf would be someone who I can go anywhere with and do anything with and talk about anything with and would be supportive and inspiring and fun and funny and everything a friend would be + then you cuddle at night and be "more than friends"  

[Van Cruncheon]

i dunno. i'll be honest; dating outside of college sounds really brutal to me. i'd find a regular hangout -- a coffee joint, a bookstore, maybe a non-trashy bar or some sort of group hobby meetup thang that isn't super nerdy -- and approach women there? you want a venue where they might be receptive themselves without being creepy or a total meat market, i guess. it sucks if you don't have friends into partying or matchmaking, no doubt.

Ya, this is the problem I think I'm going to have now that I'm single again.  Not sure how to "put myself out there", most of my friends are spread around the country now, and when I do hang out with friends, it tends to be just my friends, I'm not really meeting anyone new through my friends at this point.

i always figured there would be some sort of moneymaking opportunity in a singles coffeehouse/bookstore that catered to single late 20s and 30-somethings with introverted tendencies, but i lack the cultural savvy and cachet to imagine how it might work or how to successfully market it

[Bebpo]

Isn't Long Beach in Orange County?  It seemed kind of cool while I was there.

Sorta.  It's not that far (30-40 min drive).  No idea what there is to do there besides what I go there for (pier, aquarium, conventions).

[demi]

I can cook!
I can help pay bills!
I appreciate cleanliness!

/I think I'm on the wrong side in this game of life

they only become your "best friend" when the limerence wears off and you both decide to change yourselves for life together.

:\  

I want to keep my pet dream that my gf would be someone who I can go anywhere with and do anything with and talk about anything with and would be supportive and inspiring and fun and funny and everything a friend would be + then you cuddle at night and be "more than friends"  

Too many RPGs

No I'm kidding I love Kingdom Hearts :wub

[Bebpo]

i dunno. i'll be honest; dating outside of college sounds really brutal to me. i'd find a regular hangout -- a coffee joint, a bookstore, maybe a non-trashy bar or some sort of group hobby meetup thang that isn't super nerdy -- and approach women there? you want a venue where they might be receptive themselves without being creepy or a total meat market, i guess. it sucks if you don't have friends into partying or matchmaking, no doubt.

Ya, this is the problem I think I'm going to have now that I'm single again.  Not sure how to "put myself out there", most of my friends are spread around the country now, and when I do hang out with friends, it tends to be just my friends, I'm not really meeting anyone new through my friends at this point.

i always figured there would be some sort of moneymaking opportunity in a singles coffeehouse/bookstore that catered to single late 20s and 30-somethings with introverted tendencies, but i lack to the cultural savvy and cachet to imagine how it might work or how to successfully market it

I like this idea and would buy your coffee.

[Bebpo]

I can cook!
I can help pay bills!
I appreciate cleanliness!

/I think I'm on the wrong side in this game of life

they only become your "best friend" when the limerence wears off and you both decide to change yourselves for life together.

:\  

I want to keep my pet dream that my gf would be someone who I can go anywhere with and do anything with and talk about anything with and would be supportive and inspiring and fun and funny and everything a friend would be + then you cuddle at night and be "more than friends"  

Too many RPGs

No I'm kidding I love Kingdom Hearts :wub

No, you're a little bit right.  Growing up on Japanese games/anime definitely molded my personality a bit and gave me the stupid white knight syndrome where I'm always drawn to a princess I can "save" from distress/despair.  Too many "I WILL PROTECT YOU" lines drilled into my head from Japan :\

[Van Cruncheon]

seriously, i can't imagine how a  coffee joint with no alcohol, quieter music, late hours, and regularly scheduled group discussions/events wouldn't work. it'd all be in the marketing, of course

this is because i loathe clubs and everything they stand for, of course

[Eel O'Brian]

coffeehouse/bookstore/fresh-made chocolates

[recursivelyenumerable]

i always figured there would be some sort of moneymaking opportunity in a singles coffeehouse/bookstore that catered to single late 20s and 30-somethings with introverted tendencies, but i lack to the cultural savvy and cachet to imagine how it might work or how to successfully market it Sad

have you shot j allard an email yet?  you could tie it into the zune social somehow.  software plus services plus venue

[Van Cruncheon]

we could keep a liquor license handy just in case Nebbish McNerd needs a little help chatting up Nerdina O'Titties

[Bebpo]

coffeehouse/bookstore/fresh-made chocolates

On a side not I baked chocolate chip cookies last night at a party and everyone loved them and said I should open a bakery.
I really should.  

In fact, I could bake for Prole's shop.

[Eel O'Brian]

- make the tables so that they seat no more than three people comfortably
- make the chocolates bigger than the normal serving size so that people are more apt to share
- limited amount of sofas, all loveseat-sized
- mellow but upbeat music
- lighting low enough for discretion but bright enough to read
- low-key, neutral decor, so you're not shoving romance down people's throats
- book slection keyed towards discussion topics
- lots of two-for-one specials

[demi]

- big black dildos for the ladies













- and the men i guess

[Van Cruncheon]

- anime in a hermetically sealed room in the back for odor control

[Eel O'Brian]

- if alcohol is an option, keep it to things like brandy and liquors that can be added to coffee-type drinks
- during the summer season, cut down on the chocolates and maybe add a small selection of ice creams

[Van Cruncheon]

yeah, nerds need drinks but only in a very controlled amount

[Eel O'Brian]

- refuse service to anyone wearing an anime/comic book/ video game t-shirt
- no shoes, no shirt, no soap, no service

[Mr. Gundam]

Bebpo, you're going to law school, right? Are there social gatherings for your cohort or other graduate students? That would be a great place to make friends or meet other people.

You're also more than likely on a college campus, where lots of things are happening. That's one of the best places to meet people.

[Eel O'Brian]

- on weekend nights, though, you could have something like a set-up for rock band, or wii games, or something similarly non-threatening and comfortably social

[recursivelyenumerable]

I used to hang out at an anarchist coffeeshop/occasional bookstore that fits a good deal of your description.  I never met any women there though.

(edit: there were plenty of girls/women there btw, they just weren't interested in talking to me.)

[Van Cruncheon]

the 2-fer-1 is oh so cunning

[recursivelyenumerable]

So how are you planning to promote the romance/singles angle without actually promoting it?  I assume that's the idea, right?

[Eel O'Brian]

if you promote it as a romantic hangout shy antisocial nerds will avoid it like daylight

you let it naturally happen

plus, you also want to sell coffee and sweet things to others with money, so you wouldn't want to put up that barrier for the average schmuck who just wants to slurp on an overpriced latte

[Bebpo]

Bebpo, you're going to law school, right? Are there social gatherings for your cohort or other graduate students? That would be a great place to make friends or meet other people.

Kindaaaa.   But it's more like people giving speeches and things.  There are some clubs and people do go drinking on fridays, but I've never really gone because I didn't hang with the crowd that went and had no idea what time and where they were taking place.

I should try going next semester.

You're also more than likely on a college campus, where lots of things are happening. That's one of the best places to meet people.

It is on one but we're like across the street in our own building.  I could just non-nonchalantly walk over and just kinda walk around on the grass area of the main campus.  Though not sure what to say if someone asks me what I'm doing there, lol.  Also it sounds weird coming from my story above, but I've always been uncomfortable around college women because it makes me feel creepy.  I'd never even thought about approaching anyone more than a year or two outside my age in either direction until just this time I was like "what the hell, I doubt an 18 year old would have any interest in someone 27, but she seems really cool and what do I have to lose?".

[Mr. Gundam]

Bebpo, you're going to law school, right? Are there social gatherings for your cohort or other graduate students? That would be a great place to make friends or meet other people.

Kindaaaa.   But it's more like people giving speeches and things.  There are some clubs and people do go drinking on fridays, but I've never really gone because I didn't hang with the crowd that went and had no idea what time and where they were taking place.

I should try going next semester.

You should totally go. I remember lots of my classmates hooking up with each other at our parties and gatherings in graduate school.

Also, are there any adult sports leagues near you? My wife and I play on dodgeball and kickball teams with a bunch of our friends. There are also teams with a bunch of strangers, and they always get along. These are not just a bunch of hardcore jocks trying to relive their high school and college days, it's a mixture of them and city dwelling hipsters. After the games all the teams go drinking at a nearby bar. It's a great way to meet people.

[Himu]

Bebpo good luck!

[Bebpo]

Another aside for dating tips

So on Friday I was at this party at a friend of a friends house and I didn't know most people but it was a small 10-15 person thing.  I was somewhat alcholized and was talking with this cute alchoholized girl and her friend as well as another guy (so 2girls/2guys) and we talked from like 11-12pm until like 2-3am; laughing, joking around, high fiving each other.  Then her and her friend said they were going on a del taco run at like 2-3am.  I had thought there was some potential between myself and the girl and thought maybe something was going to happen so I was like "are you coming back after?" and they were like "nah, we're heading home to get some sleep after" and I'm like "oh, bye".

Somewhere along there I'm sure I blew the chance at hooking up with the girl.  Where did I mess this up?

[Bebpo]

Also, are there any adult sports leagues near you? My wife and I play on dodgeball and kickball teams with a bunch of our friends. There are also teams with a bunch of strangers, and they always get along. These are not just a bunch of hardcore jocks trying to relive their high school and college days, it's a mixture of them and city dwelling hipsters. After the games all the teams go drinking at a nearby bar. It's a great way to meet people.

How do you find out and get involved in these things?  I never really tried to actively get involved with things in my community and I really have no idea how you start.

[Himu]

Well, checking your local paper is a very good start for finding out about local activities.

[Fresh Prince]

Another aside for dating tips

So on Friday I was at this party at a friend of a friends house and I didn't know most people but it was a small 10-15 person thing.  I was somewhat alcholized and was talking with this cute alchoholized girl and her friend as well as another guy (so 2girls/2guys) and we talked from like 11-12pm until like 2-3am; laughing, joking around, high fiving each other.  Then her and her friend said they were going on a del taco run at like 2-3am.  I had thought there was some potential between myself and the girl and thought maybe something was going to happen so I was like "are you coming back after?" and they were like "nah, we're heading home to get some sleep after" and I'm like "oh, bye".

Somewhere along there I'm sure I blew the chance at hooking up with the girl.  Where did I mess this up?

Pretty simple should of said you'll go along with them.

[Kara]

Are you talking about LA?  I'm in Orange County, aka 60-90 mins south of LA.  I have no idea where to go to socialize in this city.  Even the dating sites show 90% of the women registered nearby are an hour drive from me.  There are very, very, very few women from OC on online sites.

I was talking about the North / South divide within Orange County. (The 22 is the boundary, usually.)

South County is safe, pedestrian, homogeneous, not welcoming to variance and crushingly dull. North County has something other than white people.

I just moved back to South County after half a decade in LA but things can't have changed too much in my absence. If you live south of the 22 stop lookin' for women there.

[Barry Egan]

Grumpy Old Man Alert  

You become an adult when you swallow the following bitter pills, and all that they imply:

- You are going to die.

- You are fundamentally alone inside of yourself.
      
- Noone is ever going to be interested in endlessly exploring the depths of your personality, because your girlfriend is not your mommy.

[Van Cruncheon]

pretty much that! you'll never, ever stop feeling alone in some capacity, so start rationalizing it NOW NOW NOW and get comfortable with yourself

or find jesus, he likes to live inside you

[Mr. Gundam]

Also, are there any adult sports leagues near you? My wife and I play on dodgeball and kickball teams with a bunch of our friends. There are also teams with a bunch of strangers, and they always get along. These are not just a bunch of hardcore jocks trying to relive their high school and college days, it's a mixture of them and city dwelling hipsters. After the games all the teams go drinking at a nearby bar. It's a great way to meet people.

How do you find out and get involved in these things?  I never really tried to actively get involved with things in my community and I really have no idea how you start.

Google it? Is there an alternative weekly newspaper in your area? The Stranger up in here in Seattle has lots of gatherings for single people. They've been doing this thing called Slog Happy once a month where everyone meets at a different bar for happy hour and they mingle. I've never been, but they appear to be popular.

One of my close single friends has gotten into fire hooping and aerial rope climbing recently, which has opened him up to TONS of single girls. We'll be hooping at the lake near my house and loads of girls coming running up him. He's also heading down that hippie Burning Man path, but I don't know if that's something you're interested in.

Another aside for dating tips

So on Friday I was at this party at a friend of a friends house and I didn't know most people but it was a small 10-15 person thing.  I was somewhat alcholized and was talking with this cute alchoholized girl and her friend as well as another guy (so 2girls/2guys) and we talked from like 11-12pm until like 2-3am; laughing, joking around, high fiving each other.  Then her and her friend said they were going on a del taco run at like 2-3am.  I had thought there was some potential between myself and the girl and thought maybe something was going to happen so I was like "are you coming back after?" and they were like "nah, we're heading home to get some sleep after" and I'm like "oh, bye".

Somewhere along there I'm sure I blew the chance at hooking up with the girl.  Where did I mess this up?

You could've manned up and been like, "Oh, that's cool. Hey, do you think I could call you sometime and maybe we could hang out?" If she says no, at least you tried.

[recursivelyenumerable]

- Noone is ever going to be interested in endlessly exploring the depths of your personality, because your girlfriend is not your mommy.

tbh, on the occasions that I've met women who acted all interested in exploring my personality and shit it just made me feel guilty and undeserving. 

[Bebpo]

Are you talking about LA?  I'm in Orange County, aka 60-90 mins south of LA.  I have no idea where to go to socialize in this city.  Even the dating sites show 90% of the women registered nearby are an hour drive from me.  There are very, very, very few women from OC on online sites.

I was talking about the North / South divide within Orange County. (The 22 is the boundary, usually.)

South County is safe, pedestrian, homogeneous, not welcoming to variance and crushingly dull. North County has something other than white people.

I just moved back to South County after half a decade in LA but things can't have changed too much in my absence. If you live south of the 22 stop lookin' for women there.

I do live south of the 22, but what's there to do north of the 22?  Or are you just saying I should check out clubs/bars north of the 22?

[recursivelyenumerable]

how bout trying to pick up women directly on the 22?  you could stand on a divider and hold up a sign.

[Bebpo]

Google it? Is there an alternative weekly newspaper in your area? The Stranger up in here in Seattle has lots of gatherings for single people. They've been doing this thing called Slog Happy once a month where everyone meets at a different bar for happy hour and they mingle. I've never been, but they appear to be popular.

One of my close single friends has gotten into fire hooping and rope climbing recently, which has opened him up to TONS of single girls. We'll be hooping at the lake near my house and loads of girls coming running up him. He's also heading down that hippie Burning Man path, but I don't know if that's something you're interested in.

Hmmmm, I've never really read local newspapers since I had the internet; but I'll take a look.  

And yeah I keep hearing about the burning man thing.  The girl I was talking to was going to go do that next time.  Seems like fun, but crazy, but maybe good crazy?  Idk; I'd be down to go with someone but I wouldn't just go by myself.

/google's fire hooping

[Mr. Gundam]

Google it? Is there an alternative weekly newspaper in your area? The Stranger up in here in Seattle has lots of gatherings for single people. They've been doing this thing called Slog Happy once a month where everyone meets at a different bar for happy hour and they mingle. I've never been, but they appear to be popular.

One of my close single friends has gotten into fire hooping and rope climbing recently, which has opened him up to TONS of single girls. We'll be hooping at the lake near my house and loads of girls coming running up him. He's also heading down that hippie Burning Man path, but I don't know if that's something you're interested in.

Hmmmm, I've never really read local newspapers since I had the internet; but I'll take a look.  

And yeah I keep hearing about the burning man thing.  The girl I was talking to was going to go do that next time.  Seems like fun, but crazy, but maybe good crazy?  Idk; I'd be down to go with someone but I wouldn't just go by myself.

/google's fire hooping

Fire hooping is a hula hoop with wicks attached to it that are on fire. It's really cool to watch him do fire hooping shows in our friends' backyards, but I'd start with hula hooping and work your way up to it.

Burning Man is so not my thing. I'm pretty much a crazy leftist liberal city 20-something, but Burning Man is too out there for me.

[Bebpo]

Grumpy Old Man Alert  

You become an adult when you swallow the following bitter pills, and all that they imply:

- You are going to die. I'm ok with mortality; it's sucks but it's a great motivator to do things NOW and enjoy things while they last

- You are fundamentally alone inside of yourself.  "No one's going to hold your hand on the day you die", yeah I get this; it sucks; I don't like to think about it
      
- Noone is ever going to be interested in endlessly exploring the depths of your personality, because your girlfriend is not your mommy. I don't like this; In fact, maybe I do need a therapist to have someone for this; but then I think I'd just fall in love with my therapist.  I want people to understand me and I want to understand them.

.

[Tristam]

I'm glad you're trying to change yourself. The problem with the post in the pics thread that prompted this topic is that it highlights your presumptuous attitude (Fresh Prince IIRC already pointed this out). You presume that a woman is less interesting than you simply because she doesn't share your interest in anime and robots or is confused when you start harping on about moon-bombings. And the implication in your posts is that you have trouble meeting women you like because--damn!--there just aren't that many women who are more interesting than you. You're just that awesome.

But Prole has been giving great advice in this thread--some of which I may need to refer back to if I break up with my current girlfriend, since I just graduated from university--and it looks like you're trying to follow it, so good on you.

[Bebpo]

I don't want to presume anything!  I just have trouble talking with people unless we click after the first 5-10 mins.  Otherwise I ask simple questions, they ask simple questions, at some point I just walk away and start talking to someone else.

Anyhow I've been looking at the dive bar reviews for this area, and there are some interesting places that have are crowded every night.  Now I've never been to a dive bar and I'd be interested out of curiosity to do an experiment and like go to a different dive bar every night this week to practice socializing with people but I see two problems:
1.  By myself
2.  I can't drink if I'm driving (which obviously I am) and if I can't drink I'll be shy and quiet and feel weird being at a bar and not drinking :x

[Tristam]

Buy a beer and sit around taking occasional drinks from that. You won't get drunk and you won't look weird.

[Fresh Prince]

Maybe turn it down a notch. If you want to socialise with people your own age in a fairly non-stressful environment there must be some youth jewish groups or even liberal youth church groups you can attend and then bail out of.  

[Phoenix Dark]

The problem with deciding that you want to be in a relationship, and making that your goal, is that it's something that's inherently completely outside your control, and because of this you just end up frustrating yourself and maybe driving yourself half insane.  So I've found that it's better not to try and to focus on other goals instead, things that are within your power.

When you stop looking for a relationship and stop caring, almost to the point where you almost believe you're better off alone forever, you'll find somebody.

Focus on work, school, hanging out with your friends, etc. etc. If you can't meet a girl doing these things, then you're trying to hard. If you have to go elsewhere to find a girl, it won't work out (no similar interests, friends, goals, etc). Do what you love and, hopefully, in doing so, you'll find someone who has the same interests as you.

.

I began to feel much better about myself when I stopped caring, and eventually my luck got substantially better

[Bebpo]

Maybe turn it down a notch. If you want to socialise with people your own age in a fairly non-stressful environment there must be some youth jewish groups or even liberal youth church groups you can attend and then bail out of.  

Religion:  Let's not get into that time I read half the bible for a girl.  Not doing that again.  EVER.

[Fresh Prince]

Eh depending on the church group you might not even need to read the bible. Anyway it's not for picking up girls or making new friends even (though that might happen) it's just there to polish you social skills.

[Kara]

I do live south of the 22, but what's there to do north of the 22?  Or are you just saying I should check out clubs/bars north of the 22?

I'm saying the people north of it aren't as shitty. As for specific places I'll have to ask around, as I said I just got back.  

[Bloodwake]

I didn't make this thread

[Bebpo]

So I didn't bring up that I'd been talking to someone new since the start of July when I lost the previous one because I didn't want to jinx it and I also wasn't really interested in pursuing it beyond friends since we were like 90 mins driving distance.  We didn't talk a lot, just a little over the couple of weeks and it helped my confidence since I was the only guy out of all the guys who messaged her on okc that she gave her aim to and chatted with.  The reason why we didn't date right away (I did ask) was that she was moving and packing and didn't have time and said she'd see about it after she moved.

Anyhow I was talking to her tonight and she brought up her ex and then had an emotionally breakdown and said she hadn't dated anyone for 3 years and that okc has only solidified that she can't do dating and she was going to delete her profile, was sorry she wasted my time, and was going to work on her personal issues.

This was a "normal" girl

duckroll says I need to reroll my character because of my bad fucking karma 

Anyhow don't worry I'm not upset at all about this.  The distance was too far and I didn't see anything actually happening.  It was just nice having a girl to talk to right after the last girl stopped talking to me after 4 weeks of intense conversation.  I guess this is what rebounding feels like in an weird non-physical texty-emoticon way.

 

[BlackMage]

I live in Camarillo, bebpo.. 

[BlueTsunami]

This is the "Introvert Thread of Relevant Girl Advice" to rule them all

[Bebpo]

I live in Camarillo, bebpo.. 

So farrrrr

This is the "Introvert Thread of Relevant Girl Advice" to rule them all

Hey, mypersonality.info says I'm 5% more extroverted than introverted so yeah; take that!
http://www.mypersonality.info/bebpo/

I'm basically the male Amelie except I enjoy social events.  The 4 week girl was also an ENFP and had pretty damn close numbers, which explains why we got along so well. 

Also seeing how I am feeling absolutely nothing and I didn't really have much compassion to help this new girl through her problems (just gave a little encouragement and let her go with positivity that she'll get through her issues); I kinda wonder if the 4 week girl thing kinda killed my emotional attachmenting to girls or if I just felt detached completely with this new girl because of the distance.  It's kind of nice not caring to the point that it actually hurts when rejected.  To quote the 4 week girl (she was a seriously a great writer)

I can’t relate to you. I never could. You would never understand me and I could never understand you. It doesn’t matter. Imagine, leaving. Everyone is always leaving. Imagine being immune to it. Imagine still hurting, another hurt doesn’t matter. We we’re never close, anyways. We couldn’t relate.

But I'm afraid I'll just become a robot if I lose my emotions.  Maybe they are simply sleeping right now.

[demi]

you're such a unique snowflake, bebpo

[Bebpo]

you're such a unique snowflake, bebpo

But I'm not your type and that makes me sad  :'(
I shaved my chest last week; do I get any plus points with you for that? 

[Mr. Gundam]

Stop chatting with girls on the internet. It's not a slam on you, but it's probably not helping you to develop realistic ways of interacting with them and getting out of the friend zone.

[recursivelyenumerable]

umm i appreciate your trying to learn from your mistakes and change but i think you seriously inferred the wrong lesson from your last cradle-robbing foray.  this new girl is only 4 weeks old?!?