i need to create a new internet law for convenient net nerd argumentation

[Van Cruncheon]

help, help. poe's law does not suffice for my purposes (http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe's_Law), and i need to codify the following interwub social rule:

call it "Maurice's Law": "a sufficiently engaged and determined troll is ultimately indistinguishable from the crazy person he purports to satirize."

also add "Futami's Corollary": "it is a best practice to regard the committed troll as the intellectual owner of his constructed persona, regardless of his actual previously held beliefs, as his message is made moot by his diminished returns over time."

help me refine this for submission to the internet cabal.

[Fresh Prince]

"PD's Law": When being a virgin beyond a certain age used to be a source of shame but now is used as a self-satisfied source of supremecity as a subject matter expert when it comes to pornography.

[Madrun Badrun]

"PD's Law": When being a virgin beyond a certain age used to be a source of shame but now is used as a self-satisfied source of supremecity as a subject matter expert when it comes to pornography.

[Van Cruncheon]

okay, that one's a lot better. "internet virgin status indicates extensive pornographic expertise" is almost a truism

[Rman]

[ToxicAdam]

Ironic since they are more likely to white knight in a thread.

Apparently fighting the objectification and abuse of women only extends to matters outside the reach of their right hand.

[Madrun Badrun]

Not true. PD has always held firm that he likes his pornstars to like their jobs.

[Cormacaroni]

Can't really make that a law, since it hinges on the degree of determination. How about you just say 'There is a fine line between a troll and his target'?

[Van Cruncheon]

well, i want to emphasize the point that you might as well treat a sufficiently determined troll exactly LIKE you would the personality he has adopted, since it boots nothing to call him out on the act

[Fresh Prince]

Not true. PD has always held firm that he likes his pornstars to like their jobs.

Already PD's Law is in effect

[Phoenix Dark]

PD: got a couple chick's numbers at Buffalo Wild Wings, hung out with another lady friend
Prole: posted a thread on Evilbore, performed christian side hug on wife

[Himu]

PD: got a couple chick's numbers at Buffalo Wild Wings, hung out with another lady friend
Prole: posted a thread on Evilbore, performed christian side hug on wife

OH SHIT

[Madrun Badrun]

[Madrun Badrun]

Only if we can make our own.

Arvie's Law:  No matter how a guy looks, he will ultimately be rejected by every girl if his personality is bad enough.

[demi]

I had to google Christian Side Hug

[brob]

Prole can't catch a break after revealing his puritan ways. Annihilated by chronic masturbators   :'(

[Fresh Prince]

[youtube=560,345]P-HmDE0Plj0[/youtube]


Boogie Christian Side something something

[Madrun Badrun]

No he has not been rejected by EVERY girl.  There was one.  He then rejected her.  What a cruel world.

[Barry Egan]

getting rejected implies that you're actually asking.

[Madrun Badrun]

getting rejected implies that you're actually asking.

I liked three girls in highschool, was rejected by one, creeped out the other one, and by the third I could tell she wasn't into be and so didn't try.  I tried...kind of lol 

[Madrun Badrun]

Someone make a law about Green Shinobi.

When everyone, including you yourself know you're getting trolled, anything you say after that can only make it worse.

[Fresh Prince]

"Green Shinobi's Law": In real life I'm totally awesome. Yes, really I am. Just because you think I'm an idiot on the internet doesn't make it so. In real life. I am awesome. Even though part of the reason you think I'm an idiot is because I share my real life ancedotes online. But really in real life. Awesome am I. 

[Reb]

GS' Law: If you have to explain you haven't been annihilated for the tenth time, you've been annihilated 11 times.

[Madrun Badrun]

GS' Law: If you have to explain you haven't been annihilated for the tenth time, you've been annihilated 11 times.

best one yet

[Fresh Prince]

GS' Law: If you have to explain you haven't been annihilated for the tenth time, you've been annihilated 11 times.

[Barry Egan]

GS' Law: If you have to explain you haven't been annihilated for the tenth time, you've been annihilated 11 times.

[CajoleJuice]

GS' Law: If you have to explain you haven't been annihilated for the nth time, you've been annihilated n+1 times.

/recursive'd

[Barry Egan]

thinking the same thing Cajole 

[Van Cruncheon]

wow, i am annihilated by pd in my own thread, AND i share that annihilation with green shinobi

WORST. NIGHT. EVER.

i'mma go sidehug my wife now, maybe cuddle if i'm lucky

[Human Snorenado]

GS sublaw section a, part 1:  by pointing out my prodigious iq, i am compensating for my lack of social skills/penis size/absence of affection during childhood/[insert other tragedy here]

[recursivelyenumerable]

Isn't this just an application of the Liskov substitution principle?  If a troll correctly implements the ICrazyPerson interface contract and upcasts itself to ICrazyPerson, you ought to be able to process it like any other ICrazyPerson without worrying about what it might supposedly be downcastable to.

[Joe Molotov]

recursivelyenumerable's Law: There's no form of human interaction that can't be worked out with math.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I just got this great book on "Mathematical Physiology".  It's got chapters on everything from cell signaling and the Krebs cycle to the various systems of the body, the digestive system, nervous system and so on.  There's not a chapter on the reproductive system though.

[Fresh Prince]

GODDAMN IT.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Really, I am.

[close]

Anyway, those are some pretty strong words considering you're about as far from an intellectual heavyweight as it gets on this forum.

GS sublaw section a, part 1:  by pointing out my prodigious iq, i am compensating for my lack of social skills/penis size/absence of affection during childhood/[insert other tragedy here]

GS' Law: If you have to explain you haven't been annihilated for the nth time, you've been annihilated n+1 times.

[Ichirou]

This thread is fucking amazing.

[Ichirou]

Ichirou's Law: Its OK to bitch about being owed money even if you stupidly gave it to someone on the internet.

I did like a half-dozen trades here, Mupepe's the only one who ripped me off. :shrug

Not that I mind you reminding people that Mupepe's a thief.  Keep making fun of me for being a naive dumbass as long as you want, bro.

[Ichirou]

You know he has a tiny penis, though, right?  He suffers from Chub Dick Syndrome.

[Ichirou]

ay Dios mio

[demi]

You know he has a tiny penis, though, right?  He suffers from Chub Dick Syndrome.

I like stubby weiners. It's cute.

[CurseoftheGods]

PD: got a couple chick's numbers at Buffalo Wild Wings, hung out with another lady friend
Prole: posted a thread on Evilbore, performed christian side hug on wife

[demi]

Meh

[etiolate]

I think the actual GS law is:

1. If one is trolled hard enough then the trolled subject may entice the trolls into further behavior, so that at a certain point the trolls expend more energy trolling the person than is expended by the trolled subject, thus effectively trolling themselves.

Some further internet laws that I have learned over the years.

The Whipping Bag Law

1. The community whipping bag holds a subversive form of power to the overt power of the community rulers for without the whipping bag the community turns on itself.

The Missing Bag rule

1. Once the whipping bag leaves, they effectively pull the plug on the community. If the community doesn't find a new focal point then it is destined to fall apart. Further plug pulling by future whipping bags eventually lead to continual community splintering.

[Ichirou]

You mean whipping boy, not bag.

[etiolate]

I didn't want to be sexist.

[Barry Egan]

The Whipping Bag Law

1. The community whipping bag holds a subversive form of power to the overt power of the community rulers for without the whipping bag the community turns on itself.

The Missing Bag rule

1. Once the whipping bag leaves, they effectively pull the plug on the community. If the community doesn't find a new focal point then it is destined to fall apart. Further plug pulling by future whipping bags eventually lead to continual community splintering.

These are okay, but too generally applicable to group psychology to be distinguished as internet laws imo.

[etiolate]

True. The internet just might make it a lot more common.

[Barry Egan]

The dude-bros who pack together at bars and can't even tell you what a smilie is are just as obsessed with the question of who's in and who's out as your average forum community, I reckon. 

Wherever there is a pack there is its other. 

[Barry Egan]

Also; Evilbore can sustain itself without any whipping bags posting internally because of the "post here to spew venom at GAFers" thread!

[Green Shinobi]

The actual GS law is something like "The funnier person wins the argument every time" followed immediately by "GS is the least funny person on Evilbore."

A nice little catchphrase would be "Logic. It's only cool when Mandark does it."

[Human Snorenado]

Completely forgot about the Etoilet Maxim: 

Wherein making fun of Nintendo today is the equivalent of a genocide in the future.

[Barry Egan]

The actual GS law is something like "The funnier person wins the argument every time" followed immediately by "GS is the least funny person on Evilbore."

A nice little catchphrase would be "Logic. It's only cool when Mandark does it."

Hopefully you made this post simply to illustrate GS's law, and not because of it.  I'm just not sure what the ramifications of a law that produces the annihilation it seeks to address would be.  You may have just accidently annihilated yourself to infinity.

[Green Shinobi]

The actual GS law is something like "The funnier person wins the argument every time" followed immediately by "GS is the least funny person on Evilbore."

A nice little catchphrase would be "Logic. It's only cool when Mandark does it."

Hopefully you made this post simply to illustrate GS's law, and not because of it.  I'm just not sure what the ramifications of a law that produces the annihilation it seeks to address would be.  You may have just accidently annihilated yourself to infinity.

OMG you might be onto something! 

[Green Shinobi]

If there is an actual, definitive GS Law, it's this: If people want badly enough to see someone annihilated, than absolutely anything can serve to represent that annihilation, regardless of whether a debate had a winner and loser, or whether a debate even existed in the first place.

[Barry Egan]

.

[Phoenix Dark]

If there is an actual, definitive GS Law, it's this: If people want badly enough to see someone annihilated, than absolutely anything can serve to represent that annihilation, regardless of whether a debate had a winner and loser, or whether a debate even existed in the first place.

^
12th annihilation

[The Fake Shemp]

 

[Barry Egan]

GS's post count should be replaced with an annihilation count that goes up everytime he argues against his having been annihilated.

[Joe Molotov]

GS's post count should be replaced with an annihilation count that goes up everytime he argues against his having been annihilated.

Ironically, that number would be the same as his post count.

[Bloodwake]

[youtube=560,345]Sa0EtdtPi8w[/youtube]

[recursivelyenumerable]

GS standing up for Enlightenment values against romantic obscurantism (hipster edition)