What I wrote in Reddit:
I took a quarter tab of LSD the other day and I haven't felt so alive in a long time
As someone with ADHD I instantly felt like my brains holes had been plugged and I had a sense of euphoria. I initially made a list of things to analyze about my negative thought processing ("why am I such a negative person? Why do I always think of the worst case scenario? How can I heal from these thoughts?") and sit down with myself but in the end realized how silly it was. After dropping my quarter and experiencing the come up I said to myself,"This doesn't even matter. Enjoy life" and I went on a walk. While walking I managed to have so much love for everything - this world, God, my neighbors, the plants, even metallic surfaces and stones, which felt neat to touch. But most of all, love for myself, who I've been so hard on. It made me realize all we need is love and so much we face is in our minds. For so long I've felt like a broken person - the first time I experienced suicidal ideation was when I was 9 years old and I've long convinced myself that I was unlovable or not worth loving. I got lsd to, and combined with therapy, help fix my broken pieces but taking it I've realized I'm not broken or cracked in any way. It's like God has hugged me and loved me despite my struggles and I'm crying as I type this. More than that, it felt like my brain was actually functioning in full capacity. As someone with ADHD it was a revelation. It's easily the best ADHD medicine I've ever had and didn't turn me into a robot the way Adderall always did. My tinnitus and audio processing were completely demolished and music sounded so good. I'm Muslim and even prayer was so beautiful and euphoric.
It has been almost two days since taking it and my ADHD has been curbed still. Yesterday I didn't put anything off, didn't procrastinate. It was beautiful. With my depression and ADHD I put things off a lot or tell myself some things aren't even worth doing. I ended up scheduling an exam for a job I wanted to apply for, studying Arabic for Quran, prayed most of my prayers on time, did chores as they came rather than put them off. I haven't tripped in earnest yet but I'm really grateful for this experience as I think it taught me that psilocybin or lsd won't teach me secret answers or anything and that everything will come from myself that was already there and always had the potential to have.
Since taking it I'm not going to say I experienced ego death or anything but I realized how much of an ass I can be to people (and myself) and that most people are just hurting and we should treat them (as well as ourselves) as kindly as possible. All we need is love!
Further musings: haven't felt the need to post about politics or anything here since taking it. The only reason I've been being like this is because I can say things I can't say on Facebook or elsewhere on the internet. It was a way to express myself without a need of censor but in the end it was still based around my ego and the thrill of being hated. I was being an asshole on purpose because I have no outlet elsewhere to be and because it felt good to hate post. What a waste of time and energy. Over the past few years I've kind of lost empathy for others when I used to be a more empathetic person. So this feels nice to spare others me being a shit head on purpose.
I'll be taking half a tab next week or the week after that. I'll still have a quarter of a tab left and I'll be saving that for a vacation to the beach or day in nature. Given my "trip" and its effects I would wager I took around 20-25ug. Enough to feel a euphoria but not enough to see visuals. Enough to talk to people but still feel something. Next go around will be twice this. After that, I'll take a full 100 or so ug tab and I'll have my first proper trip.