The problem with getting old and women

[tiesto]

Sorry to be a dick but it blows my mind that a lawyer is having trouble picking up women.

Eh, it doesn't mean much these days.  Online dating = women have more choice.  Online dating = generally younger women -> younger women = don't care about profession/income & more likely to be anti-authority.  Online dating is the place where the homeless artist, the straightedge surfer, or the living-in-a-tour-bus indie musician thrives; meanwhile the white collar I-work-a-job and have-a-stable-life has the hard time.

I think your description is more specific to okcupid.  There are plenty of non-hipster/anti-establishment types on POF, from what I recall.

Yeah, I think you'd have better luck finding women more into professional men on Match. It's a paysite, but the girls there are generally more serious and looking for a bit more than a fling... it's not quite "on the marriage train" as eHarmony, nor is it as casual as OKC... it's a good in-between. All I can say is, I hope you like teachers, Jesus-freaks and Jesus-freak teachers.

[Bebpo]

I hope you like teachers, Jesus-freaks and Jesus-freak teachers.

Been there, done that.

Not joking.

Never doing those again.  Literally.

[chronovore]

So apparently if the locking device in the trunk of your car breaks, you are in for a headache.  Because if the trunk is not locked down closed the trunk light bulb will always be on and your battery will die.  I pulled open the panel for the bulb and tried to pull it out but it doesn't twist off or pull out.  I'm not sure how you're supposed to get it out.  Next thing I'm going to do is pull out the fuse but it's pitch black at night and I can't see anything so will have to do that at the crack of dawn.  And since it's a holiday weekend, if I don't find the right fuse it'll be on until tuesday at best, so the battery will be shot for sure.  ARGH.  I had heard some weird jingling in the locking device previously like a screw loose or something but had never though anything of it.  I think a piece disappeared :X

Unscrew the trunk light?
Use a bungie cord to close the trunk?
Camp out on top of the trunk? Make s'mores?

[Bebpo]

1. Light was unscrewable
2. Yes, that was the best solution for the time
3. Where were you a week ago when I needed good advice like this?     :'(

Anyhow I took care of the car issue last week.  All good now! 

Can't say the same thing about my road to human interaction though :x  Have hit a few detours so far.

[Akala]

Bebpo, come flaunt lawyer money in Vegas. You buy bottles, I'll get you some play. It may not be pretty, but I'll get you play!

[BlackMage]

Bebpo, come flaunt lawyer money in Vegas. You buy bottles, I'll get you some play. It may not be pretty, but I'll get you play!

I leave for Vegas on friday    gonna go see Deftones at the joint on saturday!

[Akala]

You bastard! Stay another week! EB meetup at Surrender on Wednesday.

[Bebpo]

I always thought we should have an EB con in Vegas like how SA has gooncon.  Everyone on EB is the Vegas-enjoying type and most of us are on the mid/west-coast area.  Could be fun!

[Phoenix Dark]

I'd rather go to London

[Madrun Badrun]

Bebop just find a pretty girl in need and do some pro bono for some pro bono. probono solved.

[Bebpo]

Well I'm over women.  Waste of time and full of crazies.

Better to spend my time hanging with the bros and having a crazy fun single life while enjoying my soon to be 30s.

[Mr. Spinnington]

just say that you're a lawyer out loud in a public place and a pair of panties will land in your mouth.

I have never heard of or seen this phenomenon

unrelated, i love that the quote text reveals

'Quote from: My F*cking Grandpa'

[choco parfait]

Well I'm over women.  Waste of time and full of crazies.

Better to spend my time hanging with the bros and having a crazy fun single life while enjoying my soon to be 30s.

Not that that's a bad route, but imo it seems that your troubles mainly stem from your lack of time (#3). There's nothing wrong with your appearance, your age, or your personality (based only on my perception of you online, of course). Lots of single guys and girls wander around into their late 20s/early 30s, you just need to be realistic about your prospects: imagine the most likely catch will be someone similar to your level in terms of age, experience, life, etc.

Then it's just a matter of exposing yourself to more situations, increasing your encounter rate!

[Bebpo]

Thanks, yeah I guess I'm just too busy atm and female companionship is not something that is a super high priority in my life right now.  Maybe will give internet sites another shot in some time, but just seems like a big waste of time currently.

[Cormacaroni]

Thanks, yeah I guess I'm just too busy atm and female companionship is not something that is a super high priority in my life right now.  Maybe will give internet sites another shot in some time, but just seems like a big waste of time currently.

You are doing absolutely the right thing.

[Robo]

The "ignore her" strategy only works if you're already in a relationship.

[Himu]

The ignore her slant is dependent on too many variables to be legitimate. It has its time and place.

[Bebpo]

I can attest that once you are IN a relationship, ignore her drives the other person crazy about you.  Of course, ignoring is hard if you actually enjoy the person's company, and when you don't then it's no big deal but then you have a crazy girl that you don't enjoy being around whose madly into you.  In other words, it's not really a viable method of dating.

[Himu]

ignoring is only good for short-term and not good for long-term.

cock + funny >>>>>> ignoring any day

[Bebpo]

I have cock but not that funny

[Barry Egan]

Have u murdered your inner child yet?  I want to see you get laid.

[chronovore]

Thanks, yeah I guess I'm just too busy atm and female companionship is not something that is a super high priority in my life right now.  Maybe will give internet sites another shot in some time, but just seems like a big waste of time currently.

You are doing absolutely the right thing.

(Image removed from quote.)

This is largely accurate, and will result in getting laid. It is so tricky to pretend to ignore them even as they're unzipping your pants.

However, the "Be yourself" option is the only one that leads to working, healthy, long term relationships. It fails repeatedly, but when it works, it's the best.

[Boogie]

Never witnessed the "ignore her" shit work, personally.  i call shenanigans.

[Cormacaroni]

'Be yourself' translates almost exactly to 'Ignore her' in my world.

[Bebpo]

I've been so busy in the last week I haven't even checked my inbox on okc/pof.  Apparently I've gotten some messages.  May check them out tonight if I got time. 

Went to a golfing fundraiser yesterday with the local lawyer chapter.  Women were approaching me left and right after I introduced myself.  Was nice.  One of them called me at work today to ask if I wanted to go to another event tonight with her, but it was in Beverly Hills and time-wise I couldn't make it from getting off work so told her no.  She mentioned something about lunch over the weekend and I said for her to shoot me an e-mail if she wanted to do that on Saturday.  She's not from around here though, just on a trip to CA so it's nothing in that direction, just some friendly chat about lawyer stuff.

Anyhow, what I gleamed from that situation was that if I actually put myself somewhere where there are women (like a club or social event), it's not actually that hard to meet people.  They come to you!  You just gotta open with a comment or something.  Seems much better than all the internet carrot/stick schtick.  I just gotta find the time to get out to more events and figure out what kind of clubs I should join.

'Be yourself' translates almost exactly to 'Ignore her' in my world.

 

[Phoenix Dark]

'Be yourself' translates almost exactly to 'Ignore her' in my world.

.

Girls get hit on, stared at, and basically harassed all day. There's not much of anything you can do to stand out if you want to play that game. Just do your own thing but be confident; there's a difference between the "ignore her because you have no balls" camp and the "ignore her because you're a confident mother fucker" camp.

[Cormacaroni]

ignore her....and be awesome

[Mupepe]

Ignore her only works as real tactic when there's already something between you two.  When there's sexual tension but she's playing hard to get and being stubborn. 

[Cormacaroni]

i.e. if you're awesome all the time, thereby guaranteeing sexual tension

[Bebpo]

So one thing that makes no sense to me in the online dating scene is I've had this situation play out 4 times in the last 3 weeks:

-Guy+Girl click somewhat, e-mail messages back and forth for 3-6 days, each getting more open and friendly with each other
-Girl's profile tends to indicate that girl is interested in meeting up in person rather quickly to get a grasp of if there's any real interest
-Guy figures, after 3-6 days of 4-8 emails, it's probably a good time to invite out for a cup of coffee or something.  Mentions this at the end of 4-6th email.
-Weeks pass; Guy never hears another reply from girl.  Girl just vanishes the second Guy brings up the concept of actually meeting in person, despite guy/girl having friendly e-mail chatting going like actually friends by this point.


Very confusing.  All I can think of is:
1) Girl is not interested in ever meeting up with guy and doesn't have the guts to tell him that so just doesn't say anything
2) Girl is interested in meeting, but saying "yes, let's meet" takes courage and girl is too shy/nervous to do that

I dunno what the guy can do in either situation.  If he sends another e-mail a week later trying to find out what happened...that's not going to work.  Just seems hopeless.

Anyhow, had that happened with 3-4 girls.  I haven't met a single internet person in the flesh since I started looking again a month or two ago despite having back/forth e-mails going with dozens and dozens of girls over the timespan.  Not really discouraging so much as just confusing as to what kind of symbols are being presented and how are they being misinterpreted. 

Any EBro advice on this matter?

[chronovore]

Stop trying to fit it into an equation.

[Himu]

I have cock but not that funny

er...cocky + funny

[Bebpo]

Stop trying to fit it into an equation.

I'm like recursive though.  I like my world in numbers, formulas, and predictability.  If A, then B.

[Himu]

The world is never a -> b

any situation could just as well be a -> z

[Bebpo]

What do you think though about girls who you built up a rapport with and we're in the middle of several conversational threads when they just VANISH after you throw in one sentence about meeting over coffee in the previous message?

Is there any point in even doing a followup mail ever?  Or do friendships you've started to build up just instantly die for eternity the second that happens?  I feel like I should followup and resume contact with these people who I clicked with and got along with, but I don't want to come off as annoying by msging them again after they've decided not to reply to my previous message.

[Himu]

Hell if I know. I'm black. I've never managed to get past the "lol you like The Office too?!?!?!" point in terms of messages. Online dating sux.

[Bebpo]

It really does.  Although I don't think being Black has anything to do with it.  It sucks equally for everyone.

[Himu]

No one replies to or has interest in black people on the major dating sites.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I've been getting invited to a lot of parties and stuff lately by female friends, I think the young women in my neighborhood seem to have collectively decided I'm probably not a serial killer after all. not sure if this has any bearing on dating opportunities, or if I'm even interested in them at the moment tbh

I also got a message from an appealing looking woman on OKC, which I hadn't logged into in like a year. but she hasn't responded to my response, for which I don't blame her as my response was pretty lame

[Himu]

females inviting you to parties.

of course that's a dating opportuni...

fuck it

JUST FUCK IT

[recursivelyenumerable]

Some are married/have boyfriends, and the others I sort of think of as out of my league, I guess.  or maybe not so much "out of my league" as just not really compatible other than as friends.

[Akala]

I've been getting invited to a lot of parties and stuff lately by female friends, I think the young women in my neighborhood seem to have collectively decided I'm probably not a serial killer after all. not sure if this has any bearing on dating opportunities

but think of all the killing opportunities that have opened up.

[Mupepe]

Dude. There is no answer. Women are just people. They each probably have their own reasons and none of them will satisfy you and they don't matter. And in my opinion, if you're thinking this hard about it you're probably trying too hard and reeking of desperation. Try to make an offer to meet come up "genuinely". Steer the conversation towards something of equal interest that will grant you an opportunity. Not just a "hey so you wanna do this thing already? scenario.

[Mr. Gundam]

What do you think though about girls who you built up a rapport with and we're in the middle of several conversational threads when they just VANISH after you throw in one sentence about meeting over coffee in the previous message?

Or maybe they like the attention online but have no real interest in taking it offline.

It's human interaction, it's not a math equation that's always predictable.

[Barry Egan]

Is there any point in even doing a followup mail ever?  Or do friendships you've started to build up just instantly die for eternity the second that happens?

could you be any more dramatic? 

[Barry Egan]

sorry.  there's no reason for me to be mean.  All I meant to say is, most women can sense if a guy is becoming overly attached too quickly, and it's only going to have them leaning on the eject button.  Now I don't know how you might be communicating that in your interactions, but when you wax about the end of an internet non-relationship with histrionics it's easy to assume the worst. 

[Himu]

give up on online dating, bebpo. it's a sham. do this shit face to face.

[Oblivion]

Ignore her only works as real tactic when there's already something between you two.  When there's sexual tension but she's playing hard to get and being stubborn. 

This.

If the girl didn't give a shit about you to begin with, ignoring her definitely doesn't seem like it would a helpful tactic.

[choco parfait]

Or maybe they like the attention online but have no real interest in taking it offline.

My conjecture as well. I wouldn't be surprised if a majority of online dating ends like that. The transition from online/semi-anonymity to real life is always a hurdle in any situation, so either the other party was never interested in jumping that hurdle or, unfortunately, you never gave them enough of a reason to.

But you talked earlier about your good experiences in large group places and stuff, I totally think you should pursue that route! Clubs or parties or lively events are really the optimum way to be exposed to a large range of people without the situation making it weird or putting up artificial hurdles.

[cool breeze]

Ignore her only works as real tactic when there's already something between you two.  When there's sexual tension but she's playing hard to get and being stubborn. 

This.

If the girl didn't give a shit about you to begin with, ignoring her definitely doesn't seem like it would a helpful tactic.

yeah, I don't think you can misconstrue 'ignore her' as "sit in a corner and sulk quietly and she'll be allured to your emanating sexual wit"

[recursivelyenumerable]

yeah, I don't think you can misconstrue 'ignore her' as "sit in a corner and sulk quietly and she'll be allured to your emanating sexual wit"

that actually used to sort of work for me when I was like 24 and pretty. I mean women would at least approach me and occasionally want to make out with me. but now that I'm old and ugly that never happens anymore 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Never witnessed the "ignore her" shit work, personally.  i call shenanigans.

"Ignore her" only really works if there is some kind of sexual attraction on her end.