Need some advice friends. I'll try and give the cliff notes/TLDR version at the end because this is long and I'm bored. Okay here's go:
I've been with my current girlfriend for about 9 months. Things have been pretty good thus far. We've had our moments and bicker like most couples, but ultimately there's been great chemistry and I really do love her. We practically live together and we've both talked about a future together in terms of what our hopes and goals are with each other down the road.
Anyway, throughout the past 9 months, there's been this dude who she's known since High School (she's 25 now) that will text her every month or so. She claims he's just a really good friend who's 'helped her through some really tough spots in life sometimes'. The texts themselves are pretty friendly. Except for the fact that he would on occasion call or text really late at night - in addition to saying stuff like "I miss you". Again, nothing blatant, but enough to make me feel a bit uncomfortable. She claimed at the time that she's never had anything to do with him romantically (fling or otherwise), and that he's always been just a 'friend'.
Well, beyond one major issue we had when we first started dating, which resulted in her sending explicit texts to a co-worker (which I forgave her for
), there's never really been any trust issues since. I mean, yeah this guy gives me the creeps, because I could tell that he's thirsty, but I certainly didn't dwell on it. In fact, I told her numerous times that I'm cool with them being friends, just don't cross any boundaries and disrespect me.
So anyway, flash forward to tonight. I go into plug my phone, notice hers on the counter - and she has a bunch of texts from him. Didn't read them, mostly because she was walking in behind me, but immediately she started acting a bit odd. She then kept asking me if everything was okay. Clearly, she knew I saw what was on her phone. She then proceeded to reassure me that nothing was going on, and that she 'just called him on the way to work to see how he was doing'. It turns out that he actually called her yesterday, but she deleted his call and possibly a voicemail? I should probably point out that we both use each other's phones a lot for various reasons when we're both at home being lazy.
Anyhow, we then get into a fight. She feels like I'm acting weird now, or being distant now that I saw his texts. I told her straight up; I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but it's whatever - I'm not her parent, and it isn't my place to tell her who she can and can't talk too. She then proceeds to say that she's just going to call him once and for all, and tell him that they can't be friends anymore. Because as she said "It isn't worth losing you over something so stupid - or making you not trust me". I repeated what I said about not being her parent and that she's a grown woman, but I also feel like I'm able to voice my opinion when something doesn't seem right to me.
So we finish talking/arguing. I guess there was closure. She says she's going to call him - I said whatever (still feeling a bit awkward now that she's essentially losing a 'friend' because he CANT leave her alone or act socially responsible in my estimation). The next part gets a bit weird. She calls him basically balling her eyes out. I wasn't in the room, but I could hear her crying really loudly, with various parts of the conversation mixed in (my house is really small). She proceeds to tell him that I am the love of her life, and she doesn't want to risk losing me over keeping in contact with him because 'it's not right'. I guess he responds by telling her he knew this phone call was coming, and that she shouldn't do it, but he'll respect her decision?
Anyhow, the end of the phone call is what makes me the most uneasy. She ends the call still crying and telling him he's a wonderful guy, and she hopes he gets all the happiness in the world and meets a great person. Except before she hangs up, she says "Can I ask you one question?". She then says "Did you ever have feelings for me at some point???". I don't know what his response was, but whatever. It just makes me uncomfortable because if you really don't give a fuck about this dude, why even ask or care? Female/Human curiousity? I don't know. The other part is, after their conversation, she confesses that she DID have feelings for him right before we got together, and that she had a thing for him during High School. However, they've never dated because "the timing has never been right". This kind of contradicts in the past about her saying she's never felt anything for him, but whatever.
Do you guys think I am overreacting in feeling a bit awkward and bothered by this? I feel like it's some 90's RomCom, where the best friend (which in this case he's not) can't leave some girl alone who's about to get married (which we're not, but have talked about). In my opinion, there's just some socially acceptable behavior that you don't do towards a friend of they're in relationship. Like calling/texting them late a night, or sending suggestive texts. Thoughts on the whole thing?
TLDR Version:
- Girlfriend of 9 months has guy friend from High School years ago (she's 25 now).
- Dude has called and texted her every month or so since we've been dating.
- Texts are fairly innocent, does sometimes get a bit odd with him telling her stuff along the lines that he 'misses' her at midnight
- Said shes never dated or hooked with him, only been a friend and that's it. I told her its whatever - just don't cross any boundaries and its cool with me
- Got into a fight tonight because they've been contacting each other again.
- Told her it's kind of awkward for me, but whatever - i'm not her dad.
- She tells me she's going to call him and tell him they can't be friends anymore because it might cause us more drama.
- She cries on the phone with him, emotional call, tells him I'm the love of her life.
- She says goodbye, but then asks at the end if he ever had feelings for her.
- She later admits that she DID have feelings for him back in High School and before we started dating. Never got together due to "timing"
- I again feel awkward as fuck.
