Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[demi]

Get married, brehs.
Trust other people, brehs.

Wizard excellence.

It's really nice to have someone who looks after me when I'm sick, supports me when I'm down, and cheers me on from the sidelines. I highly recommend it.

I can do that too if you really want. No marriage needed. Weird, I know, but - it's 2016 and not the stone age anymore

[demi]

You want broken - try having a wife of 20 years getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

All aboard

[Mupepe]

I'm really confused by how much importance people on the internet put on how others define their intimate relationships.

[Tasty]

BF spent last night here.

 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

First time I've ever come twice in a row.

[close]

[Tasty]

You want broken - try having a wife of 20 years getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

All aboard

This movie is an American classic.

[ToxicAdam]

First day of marriage counseling.

Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

[Rufus]

Don't give up before it's really started.

[Samson Manhug]

I wish I had the opportunity to do that with my ex. Don't take it for granted. Good luck!

[bork]

My wife is back in "work depression mode."  Hates her job.  Just spent NINE-HUNDRED FUCKIN' DOLLARS on an online scam course to "change your future."  I asked her what this was and she gets text messages/emails/facebook shit every month.  For $900.


There's supposed to be actual meetings you attend, but they're in Japan and we live in the States.  So she's giving them a bunch of money for nothing.  This follows the $400 she spent a few years ago on some DVDs that were supposed to make the viewer "happy forever" after watching them.  She watched one of them and never looked at them again. 

Absolutely floored here.  I had the credit card company on the phone to dispute the charge but ended up stopping because it would just piss her off and make our relationship hell.   

[Tasty]

Can your wife just like, send me $50 every month or something.

I promise it'll go to a better cause (Pokemon GO Gold.)

[bork]

Can your wife just like, send me $50 every month or something.

I promise it'll go to a better cause (Pokemon GO Gold.)

You joke, but that would actually be a better use of that money. 

See, when I got my new job, I had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.  It cost almost $1,000 for everything.  It was insane but necessary and she said she understood.  This is now the card being played against me.  She was like "you return the clothes and I'll cancel the order."  So you know, go to work dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, get fired, and have no money.  Makes sense. 

I tried to explain to her that it's not the money she's spending that's got me riled up here...it's what the money is being spent on.  But I know better and I'm just gonna let her shit that money away.  Way better for mental health.

[Tasty]

It feels like an obvious stopgap. What's the real issue? You mention "work depression," can she get a new job? Go back to school? It sounds like a rut or something.

[bork]

It feels like an obvious stopgap. What's the real issue? You mention "work depression," can she get a new job? Go back to school? It sounds like a rut or something.

She hasn't been big on her job for a while now.  Up until now it was always the social aspect of it-- she thinks her co-workers are a bunch of backstabbing bitches.  This is exactly what she said about her previous job, btw.  But now she thinks she's going to be stuck in that job forever and wants to do something else.  She is interested in web design and I've been encouraging her to study and practice up on it. 

Going back to school would be hard on us financially, but the bigger problem is her English-- she still needs to learn a lot more and that is what is really stopping her from finding a new job.  There's slim pickings for her around here with her current language skills.  What would have been better is spending that $900 on some English-related courses or something.

She's also going to be pretty much back to normal by tomorrow.  This shit comes and goes every year or so.  In fact we had some friends pop by unexpectedly and she was having a great time and forgot all about everything.  Too bad she'd already ordered that shit.  :'(

I should also mention that she was also feeling a bit down because we couldn't go on vacation this summer.  Again related to my new job.  I started the week she had off.  So I think that also came into play here.

[Samson Manhug]

Sorry to hear about the rough patch, bork. I had a girlfriend once that would get in similar routines. She would get depressed and would spend a bunch of money on something to make her happy again. I remember she wanted to buy the “Insanity” workout DVD set really badly and I told her I thought it was a bad idea and that it was a waste of money. She ended up getting it, using it once, and never using it again.

To me, this validated my initial skepticism, proved I was “right”  and I let her know how much of a waste it was. So she ended up being just as depressed as she was and down however much it cost.

But looking back on it I realized I set her up to fail. By doubting her I made it harder for her to feel confident in doing the exercises. Instead, she probably just felt stupid and ashamed — not what she was hoping when she got them. What could have been a positive change in her life: routine, exercise, new hobby was ruined by my negativity.

It sucks your down the $900, but I think you’ve got the right attitude with, " I know better and I'm just gonna let her shit that money away. Way better for mental health.” Sometimes its hard to be encouraging despite your disapproval, but it’s what the people who we care about need.

[Human Snorenado]

Get married, brehs

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I have a therapy session Thursday, probably a good 45 minutes of it will be spent talking about how being alone has me depressed 

[close]

[Tasty]

Agreed with Manhug but I would be careful about letting this issue boil under the surface. In fact it seems connected to a couple other issues too (resentment over you spending $1000 on clothes, not spending enough time with friends, your new job for not letting a vacation happen.)

If it's not the time to talk about this stuff it's not the time but I'd be careful about letting it fester, especially since it seems like a yearly thing.

Best of luck bork.

[bork]

It sucks your down the $900, but I think you’ve got the right attitude with, " I know better and I'm just gonna let her shit that money away. Way better for mental health.” Sometimes its hard to be encouraging despite your disapproval, but it’s what the people who we care about need.

 

Agreed with Manhug but I would be careful about letting this issue boil under the surface. In fact it seems connected to a couple other issues too (resentment over you spending $1000 on clothes, not spending enough time with friends, your new job for not letting a vacation happen.)

There's no issue with friends-- friends popped by and it totally changed her mood.  We talked about what would happen if I got this new job going months back and she kept saying she was fine with it.  What's really going on here is that she wants to buy this shit in the hopes that it's going to fix her work woes and then uses stuff I bought (or not going on the vacation) in almost child-like way, saying it's not fair that I spent money so she should go spend the same thing too.  That shit doesn't phase me though.

If it's not the time to talk about this stuff it's not the time but I'd be careful about letting it fester, especially since it seems like a yearly thing.

Best of luck bork.

At the end of the day, our relationship is fine.  I'm not the cause of her problems and I just do my best to support her.   

Now, what IS something that comes up between us is having kids.  She wants to have one and I am...not ready.  She also flip-flops on it from time to time.  It's mainly money that I worry about, TBH.  Nobody else in my family thinks it's a good idea at the moment either...but that said she is 37 and understandably that biological clock is ticking.  So it's a tough one.  What makes it worse is her bitch of a sister getting in her head and making this worse.  Her sister, BTW, is basically the equivalent of my wife when she's really pissed off...except that this is how she acts all the time.  She actually stopped talking to me completely and I'm glad.  Also glad that we don't live in the same country.
 

[Bebpo]

Sorry to hear your going through that lyte. 

[brawndolicious]

I think I recognize some of those problems. I've only been with my girlfriend for a little over 6 months but we both share the discontent with not feeling a real purpose/goal in life at the moment which gets us talking about why we want to change our careers and (in the long-term) have children. 37 definitely isn't too late but I think she's really anxious about it and brings it up periodically because she doesn't want to make you throw away your prospects of advancing your career by having them too soon due to work/family balance.

It does sound like you're right now on a good track with being in a good job and company so it might make sense make a little borker when you feel settled in to your new job. It is common in Asian households for the grandparents to essentially be a live-in babysitter which frees you two up a little. All I know is that kids take a lot of time off your hands but I can't say what the exact financial costs are.

[I'm a Puppy!]

There's a fine line when it comes to kids. You should never just have them willy-nilly, but if you wait for things to be perfect to have a kid it'll never happen. I had my first when I was 22. Looking back it, by my standards now I never would've done it and would've waited for better financial footing. But we made it. And I'm glad we did it when we did. I had my last kid when I was 35 and man I could totally feel the drag of my age at that point. I honestly would not want to start in late thirties. Not only are the pregnancies higher risk, you're just not as energetic as you are in your twenties. And really, looking back at each of my kids there was ALWAYS an argument that it wasn't the right time for each and there never was a time when everything lined up perfectly. If I had waited for the right time I wouldn't have any kids.

[Cerveza mas fina]

I think I recognize some of those problems. I've only been with my girlfriend for a little over 6 months but we both share the discontent with not feeling a real purpose/goal in life at the moment which gets us talking about why we want to change our careers and (in the long-term) have children. 37 definitely isn't too late but I think she's really anxious about it and brings it up periodically because she doesn't want to make you throw away your prospects of advancing your career by having them too soon due to work/family balance.

It does sound like you're right now on a good track with being in a good job and company so it might make sense make a little borker when you feel settled in to your new job. It is common in Asian households for the grandparents to essentially be a live-in babysitter which frees you two up a little. All I know is that kids take a lot of time off your hands but I can't say what the exact financial costs are.

37 is pretty late if you are just thinking about it and not doing it, I mean it could take years to get one

How old are you Lyte?

My wife was 35 when we got our angel hellspawn and I was 32.

[Human Snorenado]

There's a fine line when it comes to kids. You should never just have them willy-nilly

nudemacusers most assuredly NEVER said that

[Cerveza mas fina]

he does in the king james version fyi

[bork]

37 is pretty late if you are just thinking about it and not doing it, I mean it could take years to get one

How old are you Lyte?

My wife was 35 when we got our angel hellspawn and I was 32.

I'm 35. 

[chronovore]

No-one is ever actually ready for kids. The people that think they are have no real idea of what they're getting into. No-one does.

It's still worth it.

[I'm a Puppy!]

exactly. I had a friend that waited until he was 40 to be "ready" I was like "LOL dude, you're not ready you're never ready." He got all indignant that I didn't know what I was talking about. When the baby was 3 months old he called me up and was like "I wasn't ready!"


You're never ready. It's like trying to describe a color. Unless you've seen it, you wont know what people are talking about.

[ToxicAdam]

You should never get depressed about being alone. You are making your own decisions and are not at the mercy of others. That's the greatest freedom in life, we spend so much of our lives following the whims of others (directly and indirectly). You should appreciate it every day you wake up.

Like a tourist from a First World Country that visits a shithole to feel better about his/her life, maybe be a tourist to support groups for people with troubled relationships or people that are stuck in toxic relationships they can't get out of. Then maybe you will come to value the incredible amount of freedom you enjoy and take for granted.



My advice on lessening the pain of loneliness (which I believe is just the male psychological version of 'baby fever') is to stop watching porn, stop looking at Facebook and start getting more massages and doing group activities with random strangers. There are tons of them out there if you just look.





 

[tiesto]

As someone who recently ended a 3 year relationship, that's excellent advice, TA. Taking a break from FB really feels great, and I've replaced the time I would spend screwing around on FB (or chatting with my gf) with doing little house projects (cleaning the garage, changing air filters, etc.). Or actually picking up a phone and calling people I haven't chatted with in a while. Or even taking up new hobbies or old ones I've neglected (wanting to get back into drawing, game dev, weights, bike riding, and DJing). Or getting ready to schedule my dream vacation, without being encumbered by my ex and her neediness and whinyness.

Sure, it sucks a bit when everyone is out with their SO's on Saturday night and I'm stuck at home by myself, but I've been so busy lately that just staying in and playing some backlogged RPGs (or reading a book, or practicing my sketching) is refreshing.

It's weird, I feel so much different after this particular breakup. Got over the girl MUCH faster than usual, am not in such a hurry to jump back in, or hell even start dating. Even though I'm 34 and the only non engaged/married one in my social circle, and after previous relationships I fretted that "nobody else is gonna go for someone like me, I'm too much of an unattractive, socially awkward nerd with weird-ass interests". I dunno what it is, it could be that there are too many little things I want to do first.

[I'm a Puppy!]

You should never get depressed about being alone. You are making your own decisions and are not at the mercy of others. That's the greatest freedom in life, we spend so much of our lives following the whims of others (directly and indirectly). You should appreciate it every day you wake up.

Like a tourist from a First World Country that visits a shithole to feel better about his/her life, maybe be a tourist to support groups for people with troubled relationships or people that are stuck in toxic relationships they can't get out of. Then maybe you will come to value the incredible amount of freedom you enjoy and take for granted.



My advice on lessening the pain of loneliness (which I believe is just the male psychological version of 'baby fever') is to stop watching porn, stop looking at Facebook and start getting more massages and doing group activities with random strangers. There are tons of them out there if you just look.





 

all of this is so true. My brother is in a toxic virtually non-relationship. And when I ask him why he's still there he always replies "You don't know how hard it is to be alone." I keep telling him it's better than where he is, but it just doesn't register for him.

[Phoenix Dark]

Chasing after the imitation of a relationship while depressed or lonely is a recipe for complete disaster.

[Bebpo]

My advice on lessening the pain of loneliness (which I believe is just the male psychological version of 'baby fever') is to stop watching porn, stop looking at Facebook and start getting more massages and doing group activities with random strangers. There are tons of them out there if you just look.

Yeah, but if you do that you're practically guaranteed to get a in a relationship

Seriously, putting yourself constantly in social situations is the most sure-fire way to end up in relationship because no matter how weird, awkward or depressed you are, the reality is you're not actually that bad and if you're around enough people, percentages make it so that some people are gonna like who you are and want to be with you.

If that's what you want, then just get out there and do it. 
JUST DON'T BE CREEPY. 

[bork]

My wife was back to her old self yesterday.     In fact...she seemed to be doing so well that she told me to go ahead and buy the Surface Pro 4 I'd been eyeing.  So now I just spent a nice chunk of cash, too. 



Still less than that scam shit though.    (Plus I got shit to sell off to make up for the difference.)

I talked to my parents about what happened and my mother still thinks it would be a bad idea to have kids because of the financial situation. She thinks it will cost like $1000 a month for daycare alone.  That seems insanely high...and appears to be the case from a quick Google search.  I'd love to have my wife stay home, but that wouldn't work.  The two of us working makes us pretty financially-stable and comfortable as a couple, but I think a baby would throw a monkey wrench into that situation.    I dunno.

[demi]

Wouldnt it be a concern that she is "suddenly back to her old self again"? Just asian hormones at work or something more sinister?

[Cerveza mas fina]

Kids cost a lot of money yeah. Do you parents life close by? Maybe grandma can babysit.

Did I mention kids cost a lot of money? Probably if you have kids you won't have money for something else, that's how it is for most people unfortunately.

It seems like your finances are pretty ok when you can just buy a Surface Pro 4 after your wife spent a grand on a online course. That's all disposable income that could go to lil Bork. I'm sure you would make if you want to

[Atramental]

All I can say about this subject is that I hope my parents don't badger me when I'm 30 to get married and have kids.

I also hope that I have an app business or a slew of information products that makes me money in my sleep by then.

[bork]

Wouldnt it be a concern that she is "suddenly back to her old self again"? Just asian hormones at work or something more sinister?

I think this is a case of her feeling satisfied after blowing that money.  It's ultimately going to be a short term 'fix' since something else at work will get her feeling down again.  She also said that she was very unhappy about not having been able to go somewhere during her week off.  So I'm looking into some options for labor day weekend now.

My mother thinks she is flat-out jealous of my new job and money being spent on clothes.  I don't think its the job but I do think it is because of the clothes.  Her sister acts the same way.  It's pretty childish.  I didn't buy those clothes because I wanted to go shopping...I bought them because I needed them to be able to work where I am now.  My previous job let us wear whatever, so I had no business/casual things to wear.

Kids cost a lot of money yeah. Do you parents life close by? Maybe grandma can babysit.

They do, yeah- my parents come over M-F to pick up the dog and take care of her while we're at work, in fact.  But taking care of a dog is a hell of a lot easier and there's no stress with her.  My mother isn't interesting in babysitting an infant.

Did I mention kids cost a lot of money? Probably if you have kids you won't have money for something else, that's how it is for most people unfortunately.

It seems like your finances are pretty ok when you can just buy a Surface Pro 4 after your wife spent a grand on a online course. That's all disposable income that could go to lil Bork. I'm sure you would make if you want to

We don't have any debt apart from standard stuff like the mortgage, utilities, and a car payment, plus we have a decent-ish savings, so stuff can be bought...but $900 on a scam 'course' is not smart.  The Surface I'm only getting because I'm selling shit off to cover it.  I already sold my previous tablet to put towards it.

[Cerveza mas fina]

how long ago did you move to the states with her? has she ever lived abroad?

[bork]

This is her first time living abroad.  We came here at the end of 2008.  She adjusted pretty well here and doesn't have a problem being in another country.  I've seen what Japanese women who hate it outside of Japan act like and she's nothing like that.

[Cerveza mas fina]

oh ok I thought you guys just moved, dont have any advice in that case

[bork]

If there was any hesitation about living here, I'd still be in Japan.  She likes going places and trying new things (especially food), so she adjusted pretty well.  The main problem is the language barrier, but things are getting easier with time.  She could barely speak English when she came here and now she can have conversations.  It's more of a self-image thing/lack of confidence that can cause some problems.  She had a great job lined up at the consulate, was on her third interview, and then freaked out in front of the interviewer when they wanted her to do some basic translations to English.


One my buddies came back to Atlanta before I did and his wife clearly did not want to move here.  She ended up leaving him here after a few years and he wanted to stick with the marriage, so he dropped a promising career here and moved back to the sticks there to work a shitty low-paying English teaching job.  But they have a kid now and seem to be happy enough...I think.  Every time he does anything I see him and junior, but never the wife in pictures or descriptions of events.  That's what happens when you marry an otaku/NEET, I guess. 

[Atramental]

Guys...

Dating single moms. Yay or Nay?

[Phoenix Dark]

Guys...

Dating single moms. Yay or Nay?

Might as well get your dick wet but

 

[chronovore]

exactly. I had a friend that waited until he was 40 to be "ready" I was like "LOL dude, you're not ready you're never ready." He got all indignant that I didn't know what I was talking about. When the baby was 3 months old he called me up and was like "I wasn't ready!"


You're never ready. It's like trying to describe a color. Unless you've seen it, you wont know what people are talking about.

Yeah.

I had a friend at work get his wife pregnant, and he said "Now I'm a Dad, too!"

I said, "Hey, congratulations, I can't wait to see how you enjoy having a kid! You're going to be a great dad!"

He said, "I'm already a dad!"

"Did you have a kid? Have you changed a diaper? Have you been awake at 4AM when you have to get up again at 6AM? You're not a dad, but you'll be fine."

Dude was SO PISSED at me. Really pissed.

A month after his kid was born, he came back and said, "You were right. It's not the same."

[Human Snorenado]

Guys...

Dating single moms. Yay or Nay?

I've done it. It should be readily apparent if she's looking for someone to have fun with or a serious partner and potential dude to step in and be part of the kid's life.

Your call on which one you're interested in. One great thing about dating single mothers is that they generally don't have time for bullshit, so they're pretty up front about what they're looking for. If she IS looking for a sugar daddy situation, just be upfront about how much you make and she'll figure it out pretty quick.

[tiesto]

Went to a restaurant by myself last night, down port, that was more (much more) like a bar filled with barely-21 people. Quite a few cute girls though waaaay too young. While eating a chubby Asian girl glanced in my direction and smiled... I'll chalk that up as a minor win for now.

[Phoenix Dark]

Also don't lead single moms on. It's hard enough for them, no need to swoop in promising shit and then disappear. And as others have said many tend to be very blunt. Maybe she's just looking for dick, maybe she's looking for help, maybe something short term. Sometimes they just want to feel appreciated again.

Also you should be up front too. You don't have much (any?) relationship experience, which could actually be a good thing here depending on the chick. Just be up front and serious and know she's probably been lied to many times so any hint of bullshit or indecision on your part will be met with anger.

[Mupepe]

Is she still lactating?  If so, definitely go for it.  Say what you need to in order to drink the milk.

[Cerveza mas fina]

fucking scust mups

fucking scust

[Atramental]

Most of their kids seem to fall in the 3 to 7 range so... I kinda hope not.  That would be some Lysa Arryn shit.

[CatsCatsCats]

Met my wife when she was a single mom with a 4 year old

[Atramental]

Oh wow, didn't know that. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

She had a kid with a four year old?!

[Steve Contra]

She had a kid with a four year old?!

Not in anime years

[CatsCatsCats]

Luxury milk

[nudemacusers]

catching up on this thread... wow. some heavy stuff in here. hang in there brehs.

There's a fine line when it comes to kids. You should never just have them willy-nilly

nudemacusers most assuredly NEVER said that

fair tho

[ToxicAdam]

First tinder girl: Revealed she was an escort in Bahrain trying to get Johns.

Pass.

Dipped my toes into Tinder for the first time a few nights ago and saw a married woman that my wife and I are good friends with.

*immediately deletes account and app**


Living in a small city sucks.

[Rahxephon91]

I mean Tinder sucks even in a big city unless your good looking and white.

I'm not and vaguely ethnic so Tinder was a waste the three times I tried it. Online dating in general is crappy. The women are picky and demanding (not that I'm saying they shouldn't) more then the men.

At this point I'm just hoping for the best. Having a positive outlook, doing things when the chance pops up, and hoping something comes my way.

[Atramental]

Something that I've noticed about a lot guy's tinder profiles is that most say (and show) basically the same thing over and over again. And they take themselves too seriously.

"I work at such n such place. I do such n such recreational activities. I'm totally not here to hookup *nervous laugh*."

I feel like being humorous would work more to ones favor but I'm by no means a comedy genius.

But once I get a green screen for my home office I think I'll do some weird shit with my profile pics to really stand out from every Chad Thundercock and mopey Beta Males.

Also, I've been toying around with a bio that makes it seem like it was written by some guy in India who I hired on Upwork. Or it'll be a bunch of absurdist text.

And yes, I have been drinking tonight, officer. What of it?

Edit:

Also, this guy has the right idea but it's been copied by a bunch of people already so it's useless now:


Be interesting. Don't be boring. That's really the only take away from this tl;dr post of mine.

[Rahxephon91]

Well who am I to say anything. I just told someone I was slightly interested in to basically go fuck herself for leading me on.

Yes I'm drunk.

[toku]

you'll be alright