Your most embarrassing moments?

[Skidmark]

While visiting my girlfriend's family on Christmas day, I started taking pictures with my mobilephone of the family and the kids playing with their toys, and whenever I got a cute pic I showed to the GF, the young kid got curious and wanted to see what we were looking at and started pointing on my phone and gesturing that he too wants to hold it. That drew everybody's attention and they found it really cute.

I hand the kid my phone and the first thing the kid does is press on the xpress play button on the side, that for some stupid reason bypasses the keypad lock function and the phone immediately starts playing a porno that I had earlier stored somewhere on the phone, it starts from somewhere in the middle of the scene and all you can hear is really loud and painful shouting and moaning.

I panicked and with in less than a second managed to grab the phone from the poor kids hand and smash it on the floor so the battery drops out and the phone dies. Everyone then looks at me, not sure if what they just saw actually happened. I acted so casual about it like i know what I am doing and reinsert the battery and then put the phone back in my pocket.

Apparently non of them really understood what has happened, including the gf. Her father however gave me a weird look so I am not sure if he really figured out why I did what I did.

I have an iphone 4 now and the fact that I simply can't remove the battery or turn it off in less than 10 seconds makes me soooo fucking paranoid.

[Reb]

Why would you have porn on your phone or computer? It's all about streaming now!

[Diunx]

"You have one ball?"

[Phoenix Dark]

About 6 years ago I forgot it was my best female friend's birthday. It was around 11:30pm and I hadn't called, bought her a card, no nothing. So in desperation I called her and she answered the phone with such indifference in her voice that I decided to sing her happy birthday, then I apologized for calling so late. Her tone changed, she got real happy and almost sounded like she was going to cry. Awhile later I realized she took the thing as me telling her I wanted to start dating, but that's another story.

Turns out she had me on speakerphone during the call and her dad heard everything; he's a super old school, salt of the earth type guy. I ran into him about a month later and he said "I heard you singing to my daughter. You've got a...nice voice." Something in his tone convinced me he thought I was gay, dunno. I didn't know what to say, so I just said "thanks, well you know how it is, sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and sing a song, right?" He gave me the SMH face and said "no."

[Himu]

In high school I gave a report on anime.

[Skidmark]

Why would you have porn on your phone or computer? It's all about streaming now!

It was a while ago, it was an old phone anyway and didn't have wifi and browsing the Internet on it was very expensive and very slow. So I downloaded and copied over a whole movie instead. Saved money and time.

I used to play a song on it after I was done fapping so that if I ever press the play button by mistake it would play the song. I apparently forgot to do so that time.

[chronovore]

You know that "got yer nose!" gag you can pull on kids, sticking your thumb between your pointer and middle finger? "Hey, I got yer nose!"

Yeah.

I was doing that to a 3-year-old here in Japan, and she was cracking up. My fiancee's family thought it was pretty hilarious, too. They were all laughing, because that same hand gesture in Japan means "pussy." So I was shaking an obscene gesture in front of a 3-year-old girl's face.

 

[Human Snorenado]

In truth, I don't remember some of my most embarrassing moments because I was blackout drunk and had to be told what I did later, which in itself is pretty embarrassing.

Some of what I do remember doing:  multiple instances of public urination, public vomiting, publicly kissing fat chicks, etc.  Again, drunk.

[Raban]

In high school I gave a report on anime.

/thread

[Bloodwake]

It's complicated.

[Madrun Badrun]

About every time I have a social interaction with some one.

[fistfulofmetal]

i lost my wallet at work a few weeks back. i looked everywhere and couldn't find it. i determined somebody had stolen it.
i told my manager who reviewed the security tapes to no avail.

without much to do and getting pressure from my mom, i ordered replacements on all of my credit cards and my bank card.

i later found my wallet underneath something on the side of my desk. no idea how it got there.

[Joe Molotov]

None of this sounds really embarrassing.

In high school I gave a report on anime.

[Phoenix Dark]

[youtube=560,345]hgY6xV4gaso[/youtube]

Himu's presentation is at the 50sec mark

[Himu]

Kill me

[Madrun Badrun]

[Great Rumbler]

Kill me

[Himu]

I brought a VHS tape with intent of showing the class the beauty of the vision of Escaflowne. I showed them a pre-rewinded clip of a fight and was like "anime is very special to me". I can't watch that scene in Escaflowne without shuddering now. It was like I was bebpo but 16 years old. My lowest moment.

God I hate teenagers.

[MrAngryFace]

Back when I was a gradeschool moron knew this kid that I didnt like, but he had an NES with SMB, so I pretended to be his friend (kids are dicks) but id only ever come over to play NES. One day I called his house and was like hey can I come over and hes like yeah then his Mom takes the phone and dresses me down cause she picked up on the fact that I seemed to only hang out with him when it involved the NES. I still come over that day and had a boring afternoon of hanging out with someone I didnt like, after that I stopped going to his place lol.

[Skidmark]

Back when I was a gradeschool moron knew this kid that I didnt like, but he had an NES with SMB, so I pretended to be his friend (kids are dicks) but id only ever come over to play NES. One day I called his house and was like hey can I come over and hes like yeah then his Mom takes the phone and dresses me down cause she picked up on the fact that I seemed to only hang out with him when it involved the NES. I still come over that day and had a boring afternoon of hanging out with someone I didnt like, after that I stopped going to his place lol.

 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Back when I was a gradeschool moron knew this kid that I didnt like, but he had an NES with SMB, so I pretended to be his friend (kids are dicks) but id only ever come over to play NES. One day I called his house and was like hey can I come over and hes like yeah then his Mom takes the phone and dresses me down cause she picked up on the fact that I seemed to only hang out with him when it involved the NES. I still come over that day and had a boring afternoon of hanging out with someone I didnt like, after that I stopped going to his place lol.

Heh, I did the same thing, even with the NES and SMB.  Once I got an NES, I stopped hanging out.  Shortly after getting my NES, I was invited to the kid's 6th birthday party.  I remember turning it down.  His mom figured it out and called my mom, who forced me to go to the party.  I did go but left as soon as I could.  I guess it was more of a dick moment than embarrassing but I was wowed by the machine and wanted one badly.  Even if it meant hanging out with a kid I didn't care for.  I just wanted to play one any way possible.

[Himu]

I was the same fucking way about nes.

[Positive Touch]

my neighbors got a brand new snes and i was over there playing it every day til they returned it two weeks later

[Shaka Khan]

Back when I was a gradeschool moron knew this kid that I didnt like, but he had an NES with SMB, so I pretended to be his friend (kids are dicks) but id only ever come over to play NES. One day I called his house and was like hey can I come over and hes like yeah then his Mom takes the phone and dresses me down cause she picked up on the fact that I seemed to only hang out with him when it involved the NES. I still come over that day and had a boring afternoon of hanging out with someone I didnt like, after that I stopped going to his place lol.

Story of my life.
I was a big fucking opportunist, especially when it came to consoles. It was high on my priority list when picking friends

[MrAngryFace]

I'm glad life lessons started rolling in around the age of 10, or I'd be a pretty worthless person lol

[Shaka Khan]

I'm glad my parents started buying me more video-games when I was a kid when they picked up on that. Otherwise they would've ended up with a (very nerdy) prostitute.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I didn't really have any embarrassing moments except buying uguu panty bait SRPGs for the PSP but I was a big dick to a lot of people back in high school.  In hindsight, it was pretty embarrassing and shameful for me to pull that shit and was lucky someone didn't kick my ass.  The worst instance was that I nearly drove a kid towards a nervous breakdown.  Given how stratified society in high school is regarding popularity, I never got reprimanded or punished once.

I'd like to hope that I'm a better person now, that the worst thing I am is an elitist prick to a bunch of stoners and horny semi-transients on an internet message board.

[cool breeze]

I fell in a toilet once

[Shaka Khan]

Would it be pretty embarrassing if no one found out about it? Because no one found out about this, but it was mortally embarrassing still.

[Van Cruncheon]

i wouldn't know where to start

[Himu]

not fair. if i had the balls to admit i gave a report on anime in high school you have to dish too

[Beezy]

i wouldn't know where to start

This. So I won't.

[Van Cruncheon]

the year 1994, when i was into anime, for starters, and lost my girlfriend at the time to a rotc bro

[Van Cruncheon]

also the time i ate a little dead dog's vagina

[Shaka Khan]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

7 years ago a local restaurant started serving a spicy taco/Mexican pizza, so my roommate and myself decided to try it out. Half way through the pizza I had the most urgent code brown, and ran to the communal bathroom. I couldn't take off my pants in time and dropped the bomb fully clothed.

 was stuck in the bathroom, "what the fuck do I do now?" That's when I realized nobody was at the bathroom, and I was wearing that terrorist white dress. So I took off my pants, washed myself, and threw the shamefully stained pants in the next stall, "Nobody would suspect who it belongs to." And walked out with nothing underneath paki dress all the way back to my room. Needless to say I started using a different floor's bathroom ever since.

[close]

Probably TMI, but that's probably the most embarrassing thing that happened to me recently.

[Great Rumbler]

He said as long as the reservoir wasnt full of blood too we didn't have a problem.

[Joe Molotov]

also the time i ate a little dead dog's vagina

I bought you a sandwich though, so it's cool.

[Barry Egan]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

7 years ago a local restaurant started serving a spicy taco/Mexican pizza, so my roommate and myself decided to try it out. Half way through the pizza I had the most urgent code brown, and ran to the communal bathroom. I couldn't take off my pants in time and dropped the bomb fully clothed.

 was stuck in the bathroom, "what the fuck do I do now?" That's when I realized nobody was at the bathroom, and I was wearing that terrorist white dress. So I took off my pants, washed myself, and threw the shamefully stained pants in the next stall, "Nobody would suspect who it belongs to." And walked out with nothing underneath paki dress all the way back to my room. Needless to say I started using a different floor's bathroom ever since.

[close]

Probably TMI, but that's probably the most embarrassing thing that happened to me recently.

I have a similar story.  Piss drunk at a frat party, and my toga falls off my shoulder and directly in to the "line of fire" while I'm in the bathroom.  Not sure what to do, I sling the entire toga out the window and continue to party bare chested.  When I leave I see the piss soaked bed sheet draped over the stare banister :-/

[Skidmark]

had trouble finding the light switch and trouble with the toilet seat but managed to figure it out.

Turns out that i'd not found the toilet at all, but rather their tv set and video recorder which i'd managed to piss all over

How the fuck did this happen? did they have a tv in the toilet? or is their living room that small and had only one door?

[chronovore]

It's alright, it was a Betamax deck.

[Positive Touch]

i had to drag a guy  - dick out - away from a couch and into the bathroom because he was trying to do the same thing.  he fought the whole way and then ended up pissing on the doorknob when i was holding the bathroom door from the other side

[bork]

I brought a VHS tape with intent of showing the class the beauty of the vision of Escaflowne. I showed them a pre-rewinded clip of a fight and was like "anime is very special to me". I can't watch that scene in Escaflowne without shuddering now. It was like I was bebpo but 16 years old. My lowest moment.

God I hate teenagers.

There was a shop class in high school where the teacher would let us do whatever the hell we wanted to.  Some other kids brought anime, only everybody liked it.  They watched Street Fighter II and Ninja Scroll 200 times.  I wasn't there when this happened, but I heard one day they also watched Urotsukidoji.     This was probably around '96 or so.

[MrAngryFace]

There was also this time I had to help my great uncle with a colostomy bag take a piss- we got into the bathroom and I kinda held him up while he rummaged around for his penis. Unfortunately the nerves at the end of his fingers were pretty much dead, so he couldnt feel it- after a few minutes he was desperate enough to ask me to 'find the bugger' and I was like 'ha ha no, im not going to keep looking' and it kind of carried on in that pattern for a few more minutes- getting louder of course, then finally as we were both completely panicked, him about peeing himself, me about digging around in a dudes pants, he managed to get a hold of it and take a leak.

TERRIFYING.

[muckhole]

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before, but I used to sleepwalk when I'd get sufficiently liquored up. I've woke up twice lying on top of dressers (narrow tall ones so my head and legs were hanging off both ends), on the floor, once in the wrong bed (curled up at the bottom of it, like a dog). I had a spectacular episode during one New Years Party that involved me marching around naked, waking people up to see if they "heard that noise", and then pulling all the coat-hangers out of cupboards to apparently "make them safe".

After that one, I learned when to cut myself off.

[Human Snorenado]

Back in college, for my rommate's 21st bday we took him out and got him trashed.  So trashed our friend had to carry him the last 2 blocks back to the car on his back.  When we got home we put him on the couch and kind of forgot about him.  He woke up maybe 2 hours later, staggered to his feet and looked sick- we thought he was going to throw up.  But nope, he started undoing his belt.  Fortunately we had put a trash can by him in case he needed to puke and he pissed into that... for like 3 minutes or something, in the middle of the living room.  Then he passed back out on the couch with his junk hanging out.

[BobFromPikeCreek]

When I was in Iraq I walked in on a man taking a shit in a squat toilet. Stupid fucking toilet doors didn't have locks on them, so I had no fucking clue which were occupied. All I saw were cock and poop hanging from his butt. He saw me later and we made awkward eye contact. 

[BobFromPikeCreek]

Oh, I also ruined Christmas last year by chugging a fuck load of bourbon. Blacked out and woke up the next day to horrible stories including groping my friend (we made out a few weeks later though, so whatever), stealing a deck of cards from my friend's neighbour after I forced my way into their quiet Christmas gathering and shoving them down my pants, resulting in cards somehow constantly spilling out my pant leg all night, barfing in the shower, stealing peoples beds and throwing plates down the stairwell.

[EmCeeGrammar]

This thread wouldn't be possible without alcohol.

Apparently in the fourth grade I was singing some radio song that got stuck in my head while on the shitter.  I get back to my classroom down the hall and was informed the whole school had heard me singing.  Makes sense considering Arkansas public schools are basically one long hallway.

In Spanish class, I went to sneeze and ended up farting too, not much to tell there.

In the fifth grade, I didn't understand why it was weird to wear daisy dukes.  I blame my parent for that one though.

[Human Snorenado]

Oh man, once I was at a magic tournament and had to use the pisser, I open the door to the dude's bathroom and some guy is crouched down on the shitter squeezing one out- he had forgot to lock the door.  I closed the door after going "AAAAHHHHHH!" and of course we got paired up in the next round and had to play each other.  AWKWARD.

[Shaka Khan]

My entire family went camping a week ago during the holidays. I was walking between guests one night when I saw an empty water bottle being thrown to the ground. I picked it up, turned around and saw my young nephew, a likely suspect, in that direction. So I said with a loud stern voice: "DID YOU THROW THIS?" while everyone was listening, a 70 year old high-profile guest spoke-out instead: "Not it was me!"... 5 seconds of awkward silence passed by before I replied with "GOOD JOB!" then threw the bottle to the ground again.

Everyone laughed at me

[Phoenix Dark]

Oh man, once I was at a magic tournament

that's all you needed to say, breh

[BlueTsunami]

In Middle School I used to have this black little two speaker radio with a middle cassette slot. I'd come to find that you can record your voice without a mic (it had a port on the body you could sing into). So hey, I wanted to hear my singing voice and was in a Latin Freestyle kick at the time so I decided to sing this jam...

[youtube=560,345]Qj4JqGmYSBE[/youtube]

So I forgot about the tape and after some time my sister finds it. Listens to it. Laughs and plays it to my two closest cousins. I still catch shit for it 'till this day.

[TakingBackSunday]

When I was like 9, I was playing hide and seek with my sisters and a few neighbor kids.  Back then for some reason I was terrified of taking shits.  I wouldn't shits for weeks at a time, I'm not kidding.  During this fateful day, a particularly wicked motherfucker of a turd was pressing the innards of my anus something fierce.  While running to find a place to hide/maybe a place for a discrete shit, I stopped right in the middle of our cul-de-sac, with parents watching, and couldn't take it any longer.  I just shat the thing out without even taking off my pants.  I shit my pants.  This thing had to have been a good 7 to 10 inches long.  Looked like I had a tail.  All the parents saw me do this, including my own, as well as my sisters and my neighbor friends.

Needless to say, I started taking shits every day after that.

[Human Snorenado]

Oh man, once I was at a magic tournament

that's all you needed to say, breh

Did you just type that while wearing clothes mommy bought you?

[Phoenix Dark]

Oh man, once I was at a magic tournament

that's all you needed to say, breh

Did you just type that while wearing clothes mommy bought you?

nah son, I'm wearing an MMA tap-out shirt I borrowed from my dad and forgot to give back, some shorts I bought, and some socks my grandma bought (Christmas)

[drozmight]

Recently got into Magic.
Played my first game a few weeks ago and equipped a great sword to a zombie that was also enchanted with fire-breathing and it seemed pretty damn fun after that.

[MrAngryFace]

I play card games if theyre in as a videogame- otherwise its just not my thing. Not really looking to get into a culture for any of my hobbies really- tends to get in the way of friends/work. Half the reason I quit WoW a year ago.

[lennedsay]

Oh man, once I was at a magic tournament

that's all you needed to say, breh

Did you just type that while wearing clothes mommy bought you?

nah son, I'm wearing an MMA tap-out shirt I borrowed from my dad and forgot to give back, some shorts I bought, and some socks my grandma bought (Christmas)

Oh sweetheart...

[BlueTsunami]

Oh man, once I was at a magic tournament

that's all you needed to say, breh

Did you just type that while wearing clothes mommy bought you?

nah son, I'm wearing an MMA tap-out shirt I borrowed from my dad and forgot to give back, some shorts I bought, and some socks my grandma bought (Christmas)

Your move, Triumph.

[Human Snorenado]

I got nothin, I'm too frightened by the prospect of a scary black man in a tap out t shirt to do anything more.