craziest thing you've ever used for fapping

[Eschaton]

 
Inspired by this gem thread

http://www.the-coli.com/just-buggin-out/61858-craziest-thing-youve-used-fapping.html#.UPT2MB3LTN4


Sohh, what is it? I'm pretty tame. Only ever used a condom once just cause, and maybe a sock once

[Cormacaroni]

a woman

[Beezy]

Can't see that thread.

[Phoenix Dark]

I lined the vacuum clear nozzle with vaseline


the trick is to turn it on for a few seconds, then turn it off, etc. feels more realistic that way

[TakingBackSunday]

sofa cushion

[etiolate]

Icy Hot

never again

[Phoenix Dark]

Shout out to my EBers who used your thighs, no hands

[brawndolicious]

I remember waking up several times as a teen humping mattresses/pillows. I had such insomnia during sleep-overs.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Not sure why, my excuse I guess is that I was in 8th grade and was a huge dumbass.  The smell would never completely go away if I washed up afterwards so I reeked of aftershave until I finally dislodged my head from my ass and stopped using it entirely.  There were so many girls at my school who had big tits that I couldn't help but jack off constantly once I got home.

[Brehvolution]

[Don Flamenco]

vaseline i guess.  I grew up always hearing vaseline jokes, so i thought that was the best to use...and it was good, but a complete goddamn mess that's hard to clean up.  Not to mention the telltale oil stains on the playboys...

[bud]

everything i've used as far as i can remember:

lotion
cream
vaseline
oil (olive, vegetable)
soap
conditioner
condom
blanket
my thigh
mattress
sock
shirt

[Don Flamenco]

all the jewish kids at camp used to use gold bond

what?  like more than once?   

that was a prank at my camp.  Everyone in on it would agree goldbond is the best to jerk off with, while the mark listens and is convinced to try it.

[Joe Molotov]

You guys are some disgusting perverts.

[king of the internet]

I've been jerkin it raw for years now but when I was younger I required lubrication. Long story short, I was in a dire situation and the only lubricant available was hand sanitizer. My dick skin practically melted off afterwards, it was not pretty.

[Mupepe]

a tub of margarine.  I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done.  So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house.  When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it.  She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

[Phoenix Dark]

a tub of margarine.  I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done.  So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house.  When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it.  She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

She was even more perplexed by the hole in the margarine that resembled the width and length of a AA battery

[Himu]

a tub of margarine.  I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done.  So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house.  When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it.  She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

[nudemacusers]

a tub of margarine.  I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done.  So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house.  When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it.  She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

Man I jerked to sears catalogs but I never stooped to fucking tubs of fake butter.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Margarine is pretty stiff too.  You must have really been going at it with the tub.

[MyNameIsMethodis]

banana peel

[nudemacusers]

Margarine is pretty stiff too.  You must have really been going at it with the tub.

Country Crock is pretty smooth IME

[Mupepe]

a tub of margarine.  I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done.  So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house.  When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it.  She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

She was even more perplexed by the hole in the margarine that resembled the width and length of a AA battery

It was like a year later and had been sitting out in the hot texas sun.  It was all liquid by then

spoiler (click to show/hide)

and fuck you! :p

[close]

Margarine is pretty stiff too.  You must have really been going at it with the tub.

To be fair I had to get it going with my finger a bit before I could really get in there.  But yeah, I tore it the fuck up. 

Even worse than the actual act was the fact that there was really no excuse for it.  I was getting laid on a regular basis.  It was just a boring summer day in Texas

[Positive Touch]

i knew an old dude who used to tell me about microwaved cantaloupe

[chronovore]

Even worse than the actual act was the fact that there was really no excuse for it.  I was getting laid on a regular basis.  It was just a boring summer day in Texas

One of my friends is a nurse in Cambodia; she says when the locals get TV, the birthrate goes down. People fuck just because they're bored. I wish they'd just wank; less crotchfruit that way.

[brawndolicious]

a tub of margarine.  I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done.  So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house.  When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it.  She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

Did it make farting sounds or did it go PLOP-PLOP-PLOP?