Author Topic: craziest thing you've ever used for fapping (Read 1948 times)

Eschaton · « **on:** January 15, 2013, 01:27:02 AM »

Inspired by this gem thread

http://www.the-coli.com/just-buggin-out/61858-craziest-thing-youve-used-fapping.html#.UPT2MB3LTN4

Sohh, what is it? I'm pretty tame. Only ever used a condom once just cause, and maybe a sock once

Cormacaroni · « **Reply #1 on:** January 15, 2013, 01:56:31 AM »

a woman

Beezy · « **Reply #2 on:** January 15, 2013, 01:59:28 AM »

Can't see that thread.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #3 on:** January 15, 2013, 03:15:18 AM »

I lined the vacuum clear nozzle with vaseline

the trick is to turn it on for a few seconds, then turn it off, etc. feels more realistic that way

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #4 on:** January 15, 2013, 04:11:48 AM »

sofa cushion

etiolate · « **Reply #5 on:** January 15, 2013, 04:17:20 AM »

Icy Hot

never again

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #6 on:** January 15, 2013, 04:27:55 AM »

Shout out to my EBers who used your thighs, no hands

brawndolicious · « **Reply #7 on:** January 15, 2013, 06:02:09 AM »

I remember waking up several times as a teen humping mattresses/pillows. I had such insomnia during sleep-overs.

Olivia Wilde Homo · « **Reply #8 on:** January 15, 2013, 06:46:49 AM »

Not sure why, my excuse I guess is that I was in 8th grade and was a huge dumbass. The smell would never completely go away if I washed up afterwards so I reeked of aftershave until I finally dislodged my head from my ass and stopped using it entirely. There were so many girls at my school who had big tits that I couldn't help but jack off constantly once I got home.

Brehvolution · « **Reply #9 on:** January 15, 2013, 09:22:17 AM »

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #10 on:** January 15, 2013, 09:38:24 AM »

vaseline i guess. I grew up always hearing vaseline jokes, so i thought that was the best to use...and it was good, but a complete goddamn mess that's hard to clean up. Not to mention the telltale oil stains on the playboys...

bud · « **Reply #11 on:** January 15, 2013, 09:39:44 AM »

everything i've used as far as i can remember:

lotion
cream
vaseline
oil (olive, vegetable)
soap
conditioner
condom
blanket
my thigh
mattress
sock
shirt

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #12 on:** January 15, 2013, 09:42:12 AM »

Quote from: Eschaton on January 15, 2013, 09:40:38 AM

all the jewish kids at camp used to use gold bond

what? like more than once?

that was a prank at my camp. Everyone in on it would agree goldbond is the best to jerk off with, while the mark listens and is convinced to try it.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #13 on:** January 15, 2013, 09:52:43 AM »

You guys are some disgusting perverts.

king of the internet · « **Reply #14 on:** January 15, 2013, 09:58:11 AM »

I've been jerkin it raw for years now but when I was younger I required lubrication. Long story short, I was in a dire situation and the only lubricant available was hand sanitizer. My dick skin practically melted off afterwards, it was not pretty.

Mupepe · « **Reply #15 on:** January 15, 2013, 10:24:13 AM »

a tub of margarine. I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done. So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house. When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it. She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #16 on:** January 15, 2013, 12:34:19 PM »

Quote from: Mupepe on January 15, 2013, 10:24:13 AM

a tub of margarine. I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done. So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house. When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it. She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

She was even more perplexed by the hole in the margarine that resembled the width and length of a AA battery

Himu · « **Reply #17 on:** January 15, 2013, 12:37:27 PM »

Quote from: Mupepe on January 15, 2013, 10:24:13 AM

a tub of margarine. I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done. So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house. When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it. She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

nudemacusers · « **Reply #18 on:** January 15, 2013, 12:54:44 PM »

Quote from: Mupepe on January 15, 2013, 10:24:13 AM

a tub of margarine. I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done. So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house. When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it. She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

Man I jerked to sears catalogs but I never stooped to fucking tubs of fake butter.

Olivia Wilde Homo · « **Reply #19 on:** January 15, 2013, 12:58:29 PM »

Margarine is pretty stiff too. You must have really been going at it with the tub.

MyNameIsMethodis · « **Reply #20 on:** January 15, 2013, 01:14:17 PM »

banana peel

nudemacusers · « **Reply #21 on:** January 15, 2013, 01:54:59 PM »

Quote from: The Experiment on January 15, 2013, 12:58:29 PM

Margarine is pretty stiff too. You must have really been going at it with the tub.

Country Crock is pretty smooth IME

Mupepe · « **Reply #22 on:** January 15, 2013, 02:12:02 PM »

Quote from: Phoenix Dark on January 15, 2013, 12:34:19 PM

Quote from: Mupepe on January 15, 2013, 10:24:13 AM
a tub of margarine. I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done. So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house. When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it. She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

She was even more perplexed by the hole in the margarine that resembled the width and length of a AA battery

It was like a year later and had been sitting out in the hot texas sun. It was all liquid by then

spoiler (click to show/hide)

and fuck you! :p

[close]

Quote from: The Experiment on January 15, 2013, 12:58:29 PM

Margarine is pretty stiff too. You must have really been going at it with the tub.

To be fair I had to get it going with my finger a bit before I could really get in there. But yeah, I tore it the fuck up.

Even worse than the actual act was the fact that there was really no excuse for it. I was getting laid on a regular basis. It was just a boring summer day in Texas

Positive Touch · « **Reply #23 on:** January 15, 2013, 04:59:46 PM »

i knew an old dude who used to tell me about microwaved cantaloupe

chronovore · « **Reply #24 on:** January 16, 2013, 04:05:35 AM »

Quote from: Mupepe on January 15, 2013, 02:12:02 PM

Even worse than the actual act was the fact that there was really no excuse for it. I was getting laid on a regular basis. It was just a boring summer day in Texas

One of my friends is a nurse in Cambodia; she says when the locals get TV, the birthrate goes down. People fuck just because they're bored. I wish they'd just wank; less crotchfruit that way.

brawndolicious · « **Reply #25 on:** January 16, 2013, 11:20:22 AM »

Quote from: Mupepe on January 15, 2013, 10:24:13 AM

a tub of margarine. I didn't know what to do with the destroyed mess after I was done. So while the feeling of shame was still creeping hot I threw out into the field behind our house. When we moved a year later my mom decided to walk around the property and make sure there was no trash and she found it. She was perplexed about why a tub of margarine was out there

Did it make farting sounds or did it go PLOP-PLOP-PLOP?

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Author Topic: craziest thing you've ever used for fapping (Read 1948 times)

Eschaton