Anybody else going through major changes in their life?

[Cormacaroni]

There are a few other issues...most of my friends are English-speakers, and the pool regularly gets drained as folks return to their home countries. I've lost more friends that way than most people have, I bet. So you have to be constantly making new friends, and that's tough at 40. I don't have to tell you how social I am so this is hard for me to deal with.

My wife doesn't speak English (and thus is basically disinterested in hanging out with my friends) and is an insane workaholic, meaning I babysit at least 6 days a week til 9 at night. Sitters don't exist here. I can go out in theory any time I want, but there is a lot of pressure not to from both wife and kid.

[Mr. Gundam]

There are a few other issues...most of my friends are English-speakers, and the pool regularly gets drained as folks return to their home countries. I've lost more friends that way than most people have, I bet. So you have to be constantly making new friends, and that's tough at 40. I don't have to tell you how social I am so this is hard for me to deal with.

My wife doesn't speak English (and thus is basically disinterested in hanging out with my friends) and is an insane workaholic, meaning I babysit at least 6 days a week til 9 at night. Sitters don't exist here. I can go out in theory any time I want, but there is a lot of pressure not to from both wife and kid.

Yeah, I got nothing. Sorry, man.   

[MrAngryFace]

Haha, you guys only have to deal with that fucker "from time to time," he should be paying rent for living in my goddamn head 24/7.  I am a human avatar of self-doubt.

alcohol shuts him up. I booze up between Work episodes- my brain is either too busy to be horrible or too out of it to be horrible. It'll work until I kick it or something changes.

[chronovore]

I left my job last November; this is the first time I've had more than a week off in over 18 years in games. It's been strange. I've recently figured out that I'm stressed because I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm starting a comic project with a friend in California, working up a design document for a friend's startup, and a company logo for another friend's startup. Should tide me over for a bit.

[T234]

Haha, you guys only have to deal with that fucker "from time to time," he should be paying rent for living in my goddamn head 24/7.  I am a human avatar of self-doubt.

alcohol shuts him up. I booze up between Work episodes- my brain is either too busy to be horrible or too out of it to be horrible. It'll work until I kick it or something changes.

Greenery is better for you and is L-E-G-A-L there MAF. Booze does a number on the liver.

[Human Snorenado]

Thor, let's move to WA.  You can fix iphones and I can open a murder for hire business.

[Don Flamenco]

I kinda feel like i've been in transition for 4 years now and I'm getting super tired of it...

Sounds like being an adult.

could be true!   

[TakingBackSunday]

When did MAF turn into an alcoholic? 

Things are a little weird for me right now...since November, I've been fully self-supporting.  Rent, insurance, bills, food, everything,  Cut ties with my parents (mutually and healthily) financially, so basically that means I've had very little spending money/fun money.  That's okay though, I don't mind.

Getting a promotion at work this may.  Head Project Manager for a mobile application company that handles pretty much every single music festival in America (soon the world!).  Gonna be traveling a LOT: Vegas, Dallas, NYC, LA, everywhere.  Can't wait for that.

I've gained weight then lost some of it, which is weird considering I was a 6'1, 127lb high schooler.  Now I'm a 6'1, 173lb young adult.  It's weird getting used to...no clothes fit me anymore.

Still single, but dating frequently.  It's fun.  I don't really think I need a steady girl at this point in my life, I feel like I wouldn't be able to feel assed to make time for her, as bad as that sounds.  Work and this last class for school take up all my time.  Does that make me a shitty guy?  Eh.

[Mr. Gundam]

I think my love of beer rubbed off on MAF. 

[Don Flamenco]

Just quit my 12 hour a day job in Saudi to prepare for my US return roughly a month from now. It was stressing me the fuck out for a long time and now I paid off my dad's medical bills, the debt we owed for the house, the holds I had on my schooling account and books and other past debts and stuff. So I'm officially debt free and my family is officially debt free, I also have enough money in savings to get a car in the US and start paying rent for houses, not shitty apartments. I think I've managed something I never thought I could, I paid my parents back for everything short of them conceiving me, which I try not to think about.

Found a girl I really like who likes me back. I communicate with her almost all the time and when we aren;t speaking its mostly due to priorities. Too bad I can't fly her out to the US with me but that's OK, I'm not doing long distance but I'm sure me and her will keep in touch. I won't be dating anyone seriously in my return, I don't think I'd want to focus on someone so much when I'm still young and should be having fun.

I started cooking for myself more and more, I think I can make some good stuff now. I've been actively working out daily as well and have went from weighing 120 KG to 82 KG since September.

Its been good, I would like to thank the bore for keeping me sane and occupied during my most stressful and nerve racking moments of the past 7 months. Thank you guys for everything!

Just don't be surprised when you get here to find that everybody takes everything completely for granted

[Dickie Dee]

Wraith had to share a Pakistani with his brother

:saudicry

[Phoenix Dark]

Saudis have no concept of socio-economic classes.

Someone sounds butthurt. Although I suppose our foreign policy would have been better if we responded to 911 (majority of the hijackers were Saudi) by trolling Saudis online instead of invading Iraq.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I'm pretty sure Wrath said his dad draws over a million dollar salary at Aramco but something about having to give a bunch of money to mooching relatives means they don't have shit...or something.

[Shadow Mod]

One of my friend's dads in middle school earned a decent salary but he basically had alimony to pay and supported the rest of his family, including his parents and siblings who also lived in the house.

[MrAngryFace]

I think my love of beer rubbed off on MAF. 

Pff, you shoulda seen me when I was drinking hard liquor. Beer is definitely a lesser of the two evils kinda thing. Gotta deal with stress somehow.

[MrAngryFace]

That's the nice thing about beer, you can get PRETTY close to full on drunk and TOTALLY miss the boat. Whiskey, Vodka, Scotch, you can totally miss a chance to get off the ride before it starts. I mean if youre a person that drinks to deal with stress,  an appreciation for craft beer is the way to go IMO. The price keeps you from walking out with a 24 pack, and the proof keeps you happy.

[Van Cruncheon]

what is an existental crisis

[MrAngryFace]

Imagine a world without cool motorcycles or trolling people and you are there

[Van Cruncheon]

what a bad place, why do you visit it

[Phoenix Dark]

Imagine a world without cool motorcycles or trolling people and you are there

And no computers, too

[MrAngryFace]

If I didn't have my job id totally be up in existential crisis-ville. Thankfully a crushing sensation of guilt and obligation keeps me going.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

These days, more beer I drink, the more I hate it.  10 years ago, I pounded down Miller High Life - The Champagne of Beers like it was nothing.

30 cans of beer for $15

[MrAngryFace]

ugh wtf man- drink something good

[Human Snorenado]

what is an existental crisis

days that end in y

[Human Snorenado]

I will say that I smoked some really good weed Saturday night and it felt GREAT.  Too bad I can't develop a habit of smoking on the regular.

[MrAngryFace]

what is an existental crisis

days that end in y

fuckin WORD. I know there's this big crusade against single people complaining, but GOD DAMN is it hard to believe you have a place in the universe when its just you. It takes an EGO of massive proportions

[etiolate]

I have actually been too stressed to drink lately.

That's probably more pathetic than I realize.

HOWS EVAH

I do agree that a high quality ale of the 32 oz variety will get you a relaxing buzz.

[MrAngryFace]

fuckin rite. Classic craft beer is the only way to be depressed

[Positive Touch]

These days, more beer I drink, the more I hate it.  10 years ago, I pounded down Miller High Life - The Champagne of Beers like it was nothing.

30 cans of beer for $15

used to end each day with a beautiful can of STAG. so delicious

[Cormacaroni]

the major life changes sure petered out

[Cormacaroni]

i'm terrible at guitar. But I can shred. Those statements are not mutually exclusive.

[MrAngryFace]

nothins forever

[Human Snorenado]

what is an existental crisis

days that end in y

fuckin WORD. I know there's this big crusade against single people complaining, but GOD DAMN is it hard to believe you have a place in the universe when its just you. It takes an EGO of massive proportions

Yeah, I'm going through something along those lines these days... there's an awesome lady friend who feels the same way about me, but she's in Atlanta, I'm up here in NC for the next year+ finishing school and she's not leaving town when all of her work/friends and shit are down there.  So we're in this awkward limbo thing where we see each other once a month if we're lucky and it's just weird.

Plus, up here I don't really have any friends or anything like that- I live about 20 minutes outside of Asheville in a small town and the only people I regularly see outside of school are my mother, sister and nephew, all of whom are either annoying or terrible people, or in the case of my sister both.  It's been gradually wearing me down to the point where I think I might actually need to talk to a shrink or something, feeling very isolated and bleak lately.

Oscar- being a shut in's not so bad.  Look at me!

[MrAngryFace]

all my friends re wayyyy married and im antisocial due to an arguably healthy lack of trust in human nature - I hear ya

[Van Cruncheon]

what is an existental crisis

days that end in y

fuckin WORD. I know there's this big crusade against single people complaining, but GOD DAMN is it hard to believe you have a place in the universe when its just you. It takes an EGO of massive proportions

i don't believe i have a place in the universe as that would make no sense

good god i love asperger's some times

wait, what is this crusade against single people complaining? i'm starting to think maybe "single people" are developing a paranoid egocentrism. (i don't care if people complain. if projecting one's misery into the ether has a net positive effect on one's life, DO IT! i do crusade against homework, though.)

[Shadow Mod]

People believe in having a place in the universe post high school?

[Van Cruncheon]

the universe is pretty big and remorseless! what folks mean by "existential crisis" i assume is "i don't wake up in the morning and have my existence confirmed in the eyes of another human being" which is an understandably maudlin condition but doesn't really change the facts that NOBODY MATTERS, SELF-WORTH IS A CULTURAL ILLUSION, and WE ALL DIE BADLY. i dunno, i've been cool with those factoids for awhile, and i can't imagine doubting one's own existence. well, i suppose i can, but the ability to alter my own physical nature would mean that i can potentially parameterize reality and if that's the case WATCH OUT MOTHERFUCKERS

now let's all go make spreadsheets and help opiate on gaf create new foundational protocols for humanlike interactions

[Rufus]

I get what he means. Just substitute universe for society. I'm not useful to anybody besides maybe my mother, but we don't have much of a relationship past being related. So I'm really rather redundant, which usually doesn't bother me, because I have other shit to think about. When I don't, I get hung up on that and fall into a bit of a hole.

[Shadow Mod]

the universe is pretty big and remorseless! what folks mean by "existential crisis" i assume is "i don't wake up in the morning and have my existence confirmed in the eyes of another human being" which is an understandably maudlin condition but doesn't really change the facts that NOBODY MATTERS, SELF-WORTH IS A CULTURAL ILLUSION, and WE ALL DIE BADLY. i dunno, i've been cool with those factoids for awhile, and i can't imagine doubting one's own existence. well, i suppose i can, but the ability to alter my own physical nature would mean that i can potentially parameterize reality and if that's the case WATCH OUT MOTHERFUCKERS

now let's all go make spreadsheets and help opiate on gaf create new foundational protocols for humanlike interactions

The only thing I doubt sometimes is how we're basically worker drones and if we're lucky we get a retirement and then that's it. So I don't get too down on folks who feel disillusioned by that.

[Van Cruncheon]

I get what he means. Just substitute universe for society. I'm not useful to anybody besides maybe my mother, but we don't have much of a relationship past being related. So I'm really rather redundant, which usually doesn't bother me, because I have other shit to think about. When I don't, I get hung up on that and fall into a bit of a hole.

we're ALL redundant. the world doesn't give a shit. society may, but society is relativistic, hypocritical, and -- most importantly -- wholly arbitrary.  "usefulness" and "relevance" are matters of luck, or at least of factors almost entirely outside your influence. might as well claim you aren't useful or relevant to an ocean. if you prefer the egocentrism that is a life lived where your perception and that of others dictates your reality, well, that's human nature, but it doesn't actually CHANGE a thing.

personally, i'm content to exist. i did when i was single, i do while i am married, and i will up until my scrotum gets lit on fire by an angry single person tired of me appearing smug and self-assured. (that doesn't mean i don't get depressed, or manic, or enraged, or disillusioned, or utterly fucking appalled at the general senselessness of it all of an occasion; it just means i don't do so in some HOLISTIC capacity. i don't revisit wounds, self-inflicted or otherwise, as though the familiar pains will give me meaning.)

[benjipwns]

now let's all go make spreadsheets and help opiate on gaf create new foundational protocols for humanlike interactions

Were we not supposed to already be doing this?

[MrAngryFace]

what is an existental crisis

days that end in y

fuckin WORD. I know there's this big crusade against single people complaining, but GOD DAMN is it hard to believe you have a place in the universe when its just you. It takes an EGO of massive proportions

i don't believe i have a place in the universe as that would make no sense

good god i love asperger's some times

wait, what is this crusade against single people complaining? i'm starting to think maybe "single people" are developing a paranoid egocentrism. (i don't care if people complain. if projecting one's misery into the ether has a net positive effect on one's life, DO IT! i do crusade against homework, though.)

Im personally tired of the idea that single life is fucking awesome past 25. think of it what you will but it pisses me off. Label it how you want but that just pisses ME off. Something you probably don't care about but GOD FORBID a person who lives alone thinks about themselves.

[Rufus]

I get what he means. Just substitute universe for society. I'm not useful to anybody besides maybe my mother, but we don't have much of a relationship past being related. So I'm really rather redundant, which usually doesn't bother me, because I have other shit to think about. When I don't, I get hung up on that and fall into a bit of a hole.

we're ALL redundant. the world doesn't give a shit. society may, but society is relativistic, hypocritical, and -- most importantly -- wholly arbitrary.  "usefulness" and "relevance" are matters of luck, or at least of factors almost entirely outside your influence. might as well claim you aren't useful or relevant to an ocean. if you prefer the egocentrism that is a life lived where your perception and that of others dictates your reality, well, that's human nature, but it doesn't actually CHANGE a thing.

personally, i'm content to exist. i did when i was single, i do while i am married, and i will up until my scrotum gets lit on fire by an angry single person tired of me appearing smug and self-assured. (that doesn't mean i don't get depressed, or manic, or enraged, or disillusioned, or utterly fucking appalled at the general senselessness of it all of an occasion; it just means i don't do so in some HOLISTIC capacity. i don't revisit wounds, self-inflicted or otherwise, as though the familiar pains will give me meaning.)

I feel the same for the most part, only when I get depressed that thinking turns on me and that's obviously not good. It's not something you can reason away. Well, I can't, anyway.

Concerning the bolded: I do and it's not something I have a whole lot of control over. Obsessive tendencies don't go well with morose thoughts, I guess.

[Shadow Mod]

I get what he means. Just substitute universe for society. I'm not useful to anybody besides maybe my mother, but we don't have much of a relationship past being related. So I'm really rather redundant, which usually doesn't bother me, because I have other shit to think about. When I don't, I get hung up on that and fall into a bit of a hole.

we're ALL redundant. the world doesn't give a shit. society may, but society is relativistic, hypocritical, and -- most importantly -- wholly arbitrary.  "usefulness" and "relevance" are matters of luck, or at least of factors almost entirely outside your influence. might as well claim you aren't useful or relevant to an ocean. if you prefer the egocentrism that is a life lived where your perception and that of others dictates your reality, well, that's human nature, but it doesn't actually CHANGE a thing.

personally, i'm content to exist. i did when i was single, i do while i am married, and i will up until my scrotum gets lit on fire by an angry single person tired of me appearing smug and self-assured. (that doesn't mean i don't get depressed, or manic, or enraged, or disillusioned, or utterly fucking appalled at the general senselessness of it all of an occasion; it just means i don't do so in some HOLISTIC capacity. i don't revisit wounds, self-inflicted or otherwise, as though the familiar pains will give me meaning.)

I need to get in a zone where I think this but also think "who the fuck cares though" and get more interested in my major as a result instead of getting kind of "what's the point of anything?"

[MrAngryFace]

If you cant get in the who fucking cares zone naturally you never will. You are who you are. Who fuckin cares people will act like its some goddamned skill but its not. You need to naturally have an ability to not care about what most people think. That's not a bad thing- its a different thing.

Asking a person who is socially awkward to stop caring about what people think of them - what the fuck- ask them to fly next. Its like asking the person who doesn't care what people think to suddenly care. Not gonna happen.

[Rufus]

Just don't go all in on the "who cares" or you might loop around to "what's the point".

[Shadow Mod]

If you cant get in the who fucking cares zone naturally you never will. You are who you are. Who fuckin cares people will act like its some goddamned skill but its not. You need to naturally have an ability to not care about what most people think. That's not a bad thing- its a different thing.

Asking a person who is socially awkward to stop caring about what people think of them - what the fuck- as them to fly next. Its like asking the person who doesn't care what people think to suddenly care. Not gonna happen.

I don't care what some think and I'm good when I'm not busy procrastinating but something in me just thinks "all of this won't matter in x years."

[MrAngryFace]

Im just fucking TIRED of the don't worry be happy attitude of people who don't wanna bother. HEY MAYBE STOP BEING U FOR A MINUTE ITS PRETTY COOL.

FUCK OFF

[Van Cruncheon]

who thinks single life is awesome past 25? there's the glib "oh, but you're single, you should have fun!" from loutish passive-aggressive peers but that's just the usual meaningless buddy-buddy pep talk.

thinking life is awesome is a choice independent of age or relationship status. you can't control reality, but you can control your expectations of it. you aren't even owed the air you breathe, much less every item of baggage your culture has saddled you with. i mean, i enjoy validation, but i don't anticipate it -- or worse, disacknowledge it because i didn't get EVERYTHING i wanted.

i'm not saying you shouldn't feel depressed or anxious or whatever; i'm just saying that EXISTENTIAL CRISIS is some pretty dramatic language for "man, i am carrying a motherfucker's worth of expectations i ain't prepared to shed."

[Shadow Mod]

who thinks single life is awesome past 25? there's the glib "oh, but you're single, you should have fun!" from loutish passive-aggressive peers but that's just the usual meaningless buddy-buddy pep talk.

thinking life is awesome is a choice independent of age or relationship status. you can't control reality, but you can control your expectations of it. you aren't even owed the air you breathe, much less every item of baggage your culture has saddled you with. i mean, i enjoy validation, but i don't anticipate it -- or worse, disacknowledge it because i didn't get EVERYTHING i wanted.

i'm not saying you shouldn't feel depressed or anxious or whatever; i'm just saying that EXISTENTIAL CRISIS is some pretty dramatic language for "man, i am carrying a motherfucker's worth of expectations i ain't prepared to shed."

Well yes but we gotta eat.

[MrAngryFace]

I get the whole there's no point- and that's why I work hard at the things I do. I realize I've got some of my own issues around accepting positive feedback but goddamn if my life isn't filled with 24/7 goddamned JOKEZ N TROLLS and bullshit 24/7. The only person who takes me at face value to my face is ME- fuckin sad.

[Van Cruncheon]

i'm not saying "don't care what people think," i'm saying that "caring" is largely a function of social expectations. i care what people think as i'd be in a shitload of trouble if i didn't, but to think that those expectations are ultimately predictable and meaningful is garbage. i'd never tell you to not FRET, and i never have, but fretting over expectations -- yours or others -- isn't exactly doubting one's existence.

[Van Cruncheon]

who thinks single life is awesome past 25? there's the glib "oh, but you're single, you should have fun!" from loutish passive-aggressive peers but that's just the usual meaningless buddy-buddy pep talk.

thinking life is awesome is a choice independent of age or relationship status. you can't control reality, but you can control your expectations of it. you aren't even owed the air you breathe, much less every item of baggage your culture has saddled you with. i mean, i enjoy validation, but i don't anticipate it -- or worse, disacknowledge it because i didn't get EVERYTHING i wanted.

i'm not saying you shouldn't feel depressed or anxious or whatever; i'm just saying that EXISTENTIAL CRISIS is some pretty dramatic language for "man, i am carrying a motherfucker's worth of expectations i ain't prepared to shed."

Well yes but we gotta eat.

there's also the option of dying! BLAME YOURSELF OR GOD.

[Rufus]

I'm even more of a stranger than anyone else here because I'm new, so pardon me if I'm overstepping any lines or anything, but while what you say rings true, if he's in more of a depressive rut (which I assume) those words will go in one ear and out the other.

[Van Cruncheon]

oh, maf's a longtime good friend of mine. he's used to the occasional criticism from me. if what i say doesn't work for him and he ignores it, he'll still continue to succeed in his own internet emotive way -- he's far more mature and self-reliant than he likes to give himself credit for. i was more pokin' at triumph because i enjoy baiting the bear in its den of self-loathing, but what the hey.

also, as a tangent , the culture of the workplace is absolutely absurd. even i catch myself dropping into full-on serf mode -- gotta please the little lords in their castles lest they DEVALUE ME. i try very hard not to sell out my peers, or misrepresent my abilities, but THE LORDS LOVE PAGEANTRY SO.

[benjipwns]

also, as a tangent , the culture of the workplace is absolutely absurd. even i catch myself dropping into full-on serf mode -- gotta please the little lords in their castles lest they DEVALUE ME. i try very hard not to sell out my peers, or misrepresent my abilities, but THE LORDS LOVE PAGEANTRY SO.

Maybe if you weren't bringing the carts in one at a time and instead doing what we showed you we wouldn't have to hide you behind the bottle return for the rest of your shift.

Plus making all those faces at the customers.

[Rufus]

I hear you on the work stuff. It's no wonder we seem to be moving back to something that looks like feudalism, the shit is innate. The alms will trickle down.

[Van Cruncheon]

you're fulfilling a basic need that people dont recognize: human contact, be it physical or whatever.

well, therein lies the introvert's paradox. the introvert knows they have this need, but cannot believe that they can meaningfully contribute in a social engagement -- because they don't (or possibly CAN'T) understand that everyone wants them there because THEY ALSO NEED PEOPLE. particularly self-negative introverts spend a lot of time in their heads calculating some scalar component of self-worth relative to those around them, and if the headmath doesn't add up ("i can't do small talk so people will not like me," "i don't really drink so people will think i am uncool," "i don't have any special qualities that people would care about"), they continue to hover on the fringes, caught in a twilight between loneliness and social engagement. the only way to break out is through cognitive therapy (well, or heroin), but most introverts know themselves so well they already have plans to fight therapy, since on some level they enjoy the strong self-parameterization that comes with holding one's self at painful remove from the rest of us, like it has an innate nobility or a meaningful ache.

and for some, therapy is almost impossible: they have been damaged beyond the point of real repair. :-( lord knows i dated a couple!

there's also plenty of other reasons for antisocial tendencies, such as sensory disorders or even general fatigue, but those are simply unfortunate. many of them ride sidecar with introversion, though! i'm not SUPER extroverted or introverted either way, myself. when i feel the urge to hang out, i try to do so; and when i want to fuck off quietly in a corner and get away from everyone, i do likewise. i just roll with it, because why drape weird interpretations atop chemical responses? (note: i am not opiate and therefore not 100% successful in this attitude.)

but yeah, there's two types of introversion: self-realized, and self-inflicted. we all need people, just not all the time, and some need them with greater frequency than others. it's good to be in touch with when we as individuals do need to be with others, and when we don't, and when we tell ourselves lies of convenience. (nothing worse than an extrovert who needs to TIME THE FUCK OUT, btw.)

[MCD]

So old man

How can I get laid?

[Van Cruncheon]

man, i have broken my "no more than three sentences in an internet post" rule. such are the idylls of the procrastinator!