Devo, I thought you were pretty tough on that article (
http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-men-must-be-needed-because-we-cant-be-wanted/)
I don't really think that guy's perspective would make sense to you though unless you've ever found yourself trying to prove yourself 'useful' to a woman, or if you've taken a breakup/rejection as a personal knock to your confidence and self worth... Some of the try-hard alpha-wannabes on GAF are either in denial or simply haven't found themselves in that place yet, but I imagine those feelings are probably quite common.
For those who've not read it yet, it basically says that some men (obviously not all) suffer crises of confidence, and do not believe they are 'wantable' or desirable - largely owing to stereotypes and patriarchal gender roles. Instead, they err towards trying to feel needed and useful. Of course, society now eschews greater virtue in personal independence than it used to, and is moving away from co-dependency.. So such men feel useless when they AREN'T needed by anyone, and it leaves them sceptical of the idea they they could be liked and wanted for who they are.
I think it's true: a lot of people evaluate their worthiness by looking at a snapshot of their job, their finances, their physical attractiveness, and what they think they have to 'offer' others - and really? Life is no snapshot, its changing all the time, and human interaction isn't coldly transactional like that. What you perceive as important in order for others to like you is probably not why people DO like you. And maybe to be truly liberated, it shouldn't matter to you so much if they like you at all!
I don't think ambition, personal scrutiny and self improvement are bad, but I read the article as a reminder to men in a self-loathing rut, that life has to be about more than just trying to be 'worth' something to other people. I don't think its any coincidence that the happiest people I know always seem to find ways to be socially care-free and have fun, even those not necessarily living by the mantra 'do what you love and love what you do'. Life's about enjoying life innit...
...and sex. I just thought it was a shame to see people shitting on the message of the article, as its probably what some men need to hear. Unhappy men, dwelling on their worth and needing validation, are not gonna be welcoming to women or actually having much fun.
