Guys.
GUYS.
OH MY GOD.
THIS GAME.
SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY.
I DON'T EVEN
JAMES HONG IS A REALLY EVIL CHINESE BUSINESSMAN AND HE KILLS YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO AWESOME
BUT YOU'RE REALLY AN AZTEC WARRIOR OR SOMETHING
THEN I FOUGHT A GIANT INDUSTRIAL DIGGING MACHINE
I LAUNCHED A HELIPAD INTO THE SKY WITH A HUGE EXPLOSION AND THEN FOUGHT GUYS ON IT
I HAD TO DODGE OBSTACLES WHILE HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM A HELICOPTER
THERE WAS A MATRIX-LIKE SHOT OF ME RIPPING A DUDE OUT OF THAT CONSTRUCTION MACHINE
THAT WAS THE FIRST 30 MINUTES

MARLOW BRIGGS

