A modest proposal

[Human Snorenado]

New idea: every year, I will have a basic cognitive function test done, with a baseline set to some arbitrary distinction. The first year I fail to meet that baseline, it will be up to my beneficiaries to kill me, and the first one to do so gets ALL of my money at that point. Each day that passes after I fail to meet the baseline will decrease the payout by let's say... 3%.

Who wants in? Who loves me enough to do me the favor of offing me before my brain turns to pudding and I'm watering my toaster?

[fistfulofmetal]

will one of the baselines be quality forum posting because then you're already a deadman brother


BOOM

[Mandark]

How about I just murder you in the digital realm and get the cash?

[Madrun Badrun]

Are we free to choose the means in which to end you?  I'm thinking something penguin themed.

[Human Snorenado]

If we did that you would have been dead forever ago

No

and yes, that's fine

in that order

[benjipwns]

What an coincidence I just happen to be an expert in designing cognitive function tests with standardized baselines. Weird how things work out sometimes, huh.

[recursivelyenumerable]

falsely modest proposal, since it implicitly aggrandizes your younger self

[Atramental]

I don't think there's a modern medical solution for most of our... issues.

[Phoenix Dark]

Is this a subliminal confession that you got a job on Wall Street?

[Human Snorenado]

Is this a subliminal confession that you got a job on Wall Street?

Man, I wish. If that were the case, I wouldn't be making mopey ass threads on the bore. I'd be looking into having people I hate murdered.

[tehjaybo]

I VOLUNTEER

ily, but money.

[nudemacusers]

You all need medication

medication cannot cure yacub's demonic poison which has taken root in this forum

[Human Snorenado]

I'm prone to fits of melancholy and disconnection from the human race, though. Which is why I should just always have hard liquor on hand.

[Human Snorenado]

Can I do it so you can be eternalized as an american hero?

Let's stay in the realm of things that are possible in this reality.

[Momo]

I will kill you, but you're going to have to make the effort to come here where the weather is nice and the laws allow me to get away with shit

[Human Snorenado]

I just need to get away from my family, man. Shit is fucking toxic to me at this point. Someone can say something totally innocuous like "where are the cough drops?" and I lose my shit. I was in Atlanta for four days last week and I was fiiiiiine.

[chronovore]

I don't like this thought, because I'd have to off myself, seeing as I'm both more forgetful and less mentally elastic. On the other hand, I feel that I'm still emotionally growing, slowly gaining self-esteem, and experiencing what feels like a more emotionally rich life.

[Great Rumbler]

On the other hand, I feel that I'm still emotionally growing, slowly gaining self-esteem, and experiencing what feels like a more emotionally rich life.

Nah, that's just early on-set Alzheimers.

[chronovore]

[TVC15]

I just need to get away from my family, man. Shit is fucking toxic to me at this point. Someone can say something totally innocuous like "where are the cough drops?" and I lose my shit. I was in Atlanta for four days last week and I was fiiiiiine.

If you visit me, I'm totally up for a suicide pact. They really need to start selling cyanide capsules.