Author Topic: A modest proposal  (Read 1829 times)

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Human Snorenado

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A modest proposal
« on: April 21, 2014, 12:24:02 AM »
New idea: every year, I will have a basic cognitive function test done, with a baseline set to some arbitrary distinction. The first year I fail to meet that baseline, it will be up to my beneficiaries to kill me, and the first one to do so gets ALL of my money at that point. Each day that passes after I fail to meet the baseline will decrease the payout by let's say... 3%.

Who wants in? Who loves me enough to do me the favor of offing me before my brain turns to pudding and I'm watering my toaster?
yar

fistfulofmetal

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2014, 12:26:28 AM »
will one of the baselines be quality forum posting because then you're already a deadman brother


BOOM
nat

Mandark

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2014, 12:28:32 AM »
How about I just murder you in the digital realm and get the cash?

Madrun Badrun

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2014, 12:30:35 AM »
Are we free to choose the means in which to end you?  I'm thinking something penguin themed.

Human Snorenado

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2014, 12:31:19 AM »
If we did that you would have been dead forever ago

No

and yes, that's fine

in that order
yar

benjipwns

  • your bright ideas always burn me
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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2014, 12:41:52 AM »
What an coincidence I just happen to be an expert in designing cognitive function tests with standardized baselines. Weird how things work out sometimes, huh.

recursivelyenumerable

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2014, 12:42:16 AM »
falsely modest proposal, since it implicitly aggrandizes your younger self
« Last Edit: April 21, 2014, 01:11:31 AM by recursivelyenumerable »
QED

Atramental

  • Senior Member
Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2014, 01:16:29 AM »
I don't think there's a modern medical solution for most of our... issues.

Phoenix Dark

  • I got no game it's just some bitches understand my story
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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2014, 01:22:11 AM »
Is this a subliminal confession that you got a job on Wall Street?
010

Human Snorenado

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2014, 02:02:52 AM »
Is this a subliminal confession that you got a job on Wall Street?

Man, I wish. If that were the case, I wouldn't be making mopey ass threads on the bore. I'd be looking into having people I hate murdered.
yar

tehjaybo

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2014, 12:13:41 PM »
I VOLUNTEER

ily, but money.
HURR

nudemacusers

  • Senior Member
Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2014, 12:21:50 PM »
You all need medication
medication cannot cure yacub's demonic poison which has taken root in this forum
﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽

Human Snorenado

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2014, 02:36:57 PM »
I'm prone to fits of melancholy and disconnection from the human race, though. Which is why I should just always have hard liquor on hand.
yar

Human Snorenado

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2014, 02:57:24 PM »
Can I do it so you can be eternalized as an american hero?

Let's stay in the realm of things that are possible in this reality.
yar

Momo

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2014, 02:57:50 PM »
I will kill you, but you're going to have to make the effort to come here where the weather is nice and the laws allow me to get away with shit

Human Snorenado

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2014, 03:06:42 PM »
I just need to get away from my family, man. Shit is fucking toxic to me at this point. Someone can say something totally innocuous like "where are the cough drops?" and I lose my shit. I was in Atlanta for four days last week and I was fiiiiiine.
yar

chronovore

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #16 on: April 22, 2014, 09:25:03 PM »
I don't like this thought, because I'd have to off myself, seeing as I'm both more forgetful and less mentally elastic. On the other hand, I feel that I'm still emotionally growing, slowly gaining self-esteem, and experiencing what feels like a more emotionally rich life.

Great Rumbler

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #17 on: April 22, 2014, 09:36:55 PM »
On the other hand, I feel that I'm still emotionally growing, slowly gaining self-esteem, and experiencing what feels like a more emotionally rich life.

Nah, that's just early on-set Alzheimers.
dog

chronovore

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #18 on: April 22, 2014, 09:46:39 PM »
:lol

TVC15

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Re: A modest proposal
« Reply #19 on: April 22, 2014, 10:00:35 PM »
I just need to get away from my family, man. Shit is fucking toxic to me at this point. Someone can say something totally innocuous like "where are the cough drops?" and I lose my shit. I was in Atlanta for four days last week and I was fiiiiiine.

If you visit me, I'm totally up for a suicide pact. They really need to start selling cyanide capsules.
serge