whats the worst lie you've ever told?

[Eschaton]

Can't think of that many off the top of my head. In junior high i pretended to be an Israel supporter for a year to get invited to all the Mitzvahs i could

[Positive Touch]

now that is gold

[ToxicAdam]

Lied that I slept with a girl when I didn't (I feel like a lot of guys have done this).

But my worst was when I told a girlfriend (of 1 1/2 years) I had cheated on her so she would break up with me. That seemed like an easier way out then trying to explain to her that I didn't love her and saw no future with her.

 

[Positive Touch]

plz explain esch so I don't have to Google

[CatsCatsCats]

Easier to tell someone you betrayed them than communicating your feelings

[Eel O'Brian]

it's like this never happened!

[Momo]

Told some fuckers I have a disease that makes it so I dont want to talk to them   

[Positive Touch]

no u should google it

(Image removed from quote.)


it is an educational film afterall

(Image removed from quote.)

thx to urban dictionary for both saving my day and ruining it

[Momo]

I've lied and said I did not sleep with women when I in fact have.

Less trouble that way.


Acted like a huge cock to an ex GF of mine for like 2 weeks till she dumped me.


Less trouble that way.

[Kara]

I unintentionally cheated in a high level Magic: the Gathering tournament and didn't immediately inform the judge who was personally observing my match of the situation and take the automatic loss. (My dumbshit opponent was wearing a shirt advocating cheating so in a field of hundreds we were being personally supervised by a judge.)

spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Dude this is great, you've found someone who loves you for who you are and can handle all your bullshit. And they want to spend the rest of their life (presumably) with you. Bet the farm on this one, she's a keeper."

/Eel O'Brian

[close]

[CatsCatsCats]

Unintentionally cheating 

Last year for a fantasy football group we pulled cards to determine draft order, I saw where the ace was when they guy holding the cards walked over to me. Oops

[Kara]

I was playing a complicated deck that took a long time to win and interacted with cards outside the game, it was just the result of fatigue (this was round 4 or 5 of an event).

I won the match and then got destroyed in the next round so all my principles were sacrificed for naught.

The person I cheated against won some raffle to participate in a stupidly valuable side event where you drafted Antiquities packs or something, so really in the end everyone got what they deserved.

Confirmation bias karma.

[Momo]

vagina sure does bring out the inner liar

[Human Snorenado]

I was playing a complicated deck that took a long time to win and interacted with cards outside the game, it was just the result of fatigue (this was round 4 or 5 of an event).

I won the match and then got destroyed in the next round so all my principles were sacrificed for naught.

The person I cheated against won some raffle to participate in a stupidly valuable side event where you drafted Antiquities packs or something, so really in the end everyone got what they deserved.

Confirmation bias karma.

Were you playing high tide?

My worst lie is telling my ex that her cat which I had to keep was adopted by a family that moved across the country instead of telling her it got out one night when I was having a one night stand and left the door open like an idiot.

[Steve Contra]

 

[Human Snorenado]

The good news is that 2 years later I moved into a new place in the same neighborhood and my new neighbors had the cat! So, it didn't wander into traffic or get eaten or whatever. Still a dick move on my part.

[Reb]

Love you too.

[Brehvolution]

That I accepted the 'Terms' to install any software ever.

[jakefromstatefarm]

The Meth cameo in Garden State was fun-ish

[T234]

"I've never smoked weed, honest."

[jakefromstatefarm]

When I answer "I'm fine" whenever someone asks me how I've been 

This would be it for me too. I remember sitting in pediatrics during my sophomore (junior?) year of high school, staring blankly into my doctor's face as she's talking at me. This is the first visit since I've stopped taking antidepressants, my view of medication in general has been skeptical at best, disillusioned at worst, I've decided that I'm more comfortable being subject to mood swings and intermittent bouts of depression than making a concerted effort to get better. I remember my attention snapping back into the conversation:

"I'm so glad you're in a better place."

(beat)

"Yeah."

[looking down onto her chart] "Oh, it looks here like you've lost some weight."

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm positive that I've said some actually hurtful lies that I've conveniently forgotten about, and if we expanded the conversation to the general vile shit I've said

[close]

[Kara]

Were you playing high tide?

I would sacrifice every principle and everything I've ever loved for High Tide.

(Story in spoiler tag because it's long, nerdy as fuck, and probs most peeps don't want to read it.)

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was playing Cunning Wake before the release of Scourge (i.e. instead of having an actual good win condition in Decree of Justice I had the fucking hooptie of win conditions--Elephant Ambush) in a Type 2 grinder for the U.S. National Championship. I had brought in a Ray of Revelation from my sideboard with my Cunning Wish during the game immediately preceding the rubber match but as I had never flashed it back during the course of events it was in my graveyard at the end of the festivities and I absentmindedly shuffled it up into my library instead of putting it back into my sideboard.

(Since the rule has changed, back then however many cards you registered your deck as having was the number of cards you had to have at the start of every game. i.e. I registered my deck as being 60 cards with a 15 card sideboard and at the start of every game my deck could only be 60 cards. Since I had left the Ray in my deck, my deck was 61 cards (at least) at the beginning of the rubber match and in violation of this rule. Given the level of the event I would have taken a game loss for this violation had they done a deck check or I hadn't been a cheating piece of shit.)

My opponent was playing this obnoxious monoblack metagame deck that relied on an enchantment to win and as I got further and further on the ropes in the rubber match he eventually drew it and played it smugly. (He was an openly arrogant opponent.) During my next draw step I fatalistically drew my card because even if I mised a Wish, I didn't have the mana available to cast both it and the Ray of Revelation I'd Wish for. (Cunning Wake sucks without a Mirari's Wake in play, protip/fyi/etc.)

But then I looked at the card I'd drawn and it was Ray of Revelation. At first I was ecstatic to have mised such a mise as this, but then I realized that I could only have mised it because I had broke the rules. Then, with a judge standing right over me, I had to decide if I would take the L and snitch on myself or break my "cheating in a game is fucking shitty and you're an asshole if you do it" principle and try and play the Ray while hoping no one would call shenanigans on my bullshit. (Cunning Wake only ever really ran 1 Ray of Revelation so mathematically it would make no sense whatsoever to sideboard it into your maindeck when you have 4 Cunning Wishes there already.)

Eventually I opted for the latter option, timidly tapped my lands, and played the Ray targeting the enchantment.

Besides the judge, maybe 4 to 6 people were spectating our tie because my opponent was very loud and also because the nature of my deck made our tie run long so people were done with their shit and had nothing to do. As soon as I played the card everyone went deathly silent because I had mised but it was the most insane mise anyone could ever mise. My opponent looked at me like I'd fucked his soulmate while killing his beloved childhood pet and swindling his family out of everything. My opponent had no way of preventing the Ray's resolution but the judge wouldn't let play advance while pondering the situation for a few minutes THAT FELT LIKE INDESCRIBABLY EXCRUCIATING AGONY TO MY CHEATING ASS but eventually said that this wasn't the droid he was looking for and that I could move along.

After I cheated I went on to get off the ropes and subject my opponent to an excruciating Cunning Wake loss (Weren't they all excruciating? -ed.) and win the tie.

[close]

[Human Snorenado]

Equally long, nerdy story inside

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was playing High Tide in like the 6th round of a legacy event a couple of years ago, and I basically made a nice little spread sheet whenever I started comboing off that kept track of number of active High Tides, mana in my mana pool, and spells cast this turn in case I decided to just Brain Freeze someone to death.

My opponent was playing Counter-Top and was a real douche, and we were about to go to time, which is fine by me since I'll get another couple of turns and on one of them I'll win. So, proceed to time, I'm about to win on my 2nd turn of extra turns and he all snidely says, "I bet you can't combo off without your little sheet," to which I say I most certainly can, but will only do so with a judge present in case of any disagreements. He gets all bitchy, "Oh now you're calling me a cheater, huh?" which I was waiting for- I knew this fucker, and he'd been banned for six months a year ago for, you guessed it, cheating. So I calmly told him "No, but the DCI did."

 

He continued pitching a fit, a judge had wandered over by now anyway, and I proceeded to combo off without the sheet to the delight of everyone watching. Apparently no one liked this fucker. He conceded when I asked him if he preferred to be Zenith'ed or Brain Freeze'd to death.

[close]

[Kara]

Triumph plays High Tide in Type 1.5, omg. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

(I haven't played it since its 1.X days because Candelabras are like $400 a pop. )

[close]

@ that ethering you gave.

@Shinobi - I typed up a version of that story that someone who doesn't know the game could passably follow and posted it on another forum months ago but I know there's a lot of card flippers here so I went slangy as hell. Do the kids even use mise anymore?

[Human Snorenado]

Played, I sold all of my cards last year.

Giving up my Candelabras was

[Kara]

TRIUMPHWHY

I'm kind of considering selling my collection too, but it'll be too much of a hassle to get what it's worth and I'm too much of an international banker / not desperate enough to go fire sale on the lot. See also: my video game collection.

[Human Snorenado]

Needed that cash, sadly



Plus I hadn't played in like a year

[chronovore]

I sold my MtG cards before moving to Japan in 2001; I just needed to be rid of them, but I didn't know they'd be worth money in Japan, where CCGs were just beginning to take off.  :'( I started with Revised, Fourth, and Ice Age, and had a couple of Alphas mixed in. I had Expansions from Fallen Empires through Homelands. I probably had bought $2000 worth of cards, and I think I got $1100 or so for them.  :'( :'( :'(

Still, happy to have the monkey off my back.

I am REALLY BAD at lying, so I don't generally bother. I am historically inept at it, which has meant I've never practiced, which means I've never improved. I suspect my worst lies are those of omission. To wit:

To this day, my mother is completely proud of my bravery at standing up alone to a neighborhood jerk, when I was 12 or so. This right-wing racist dickhead said he wanted to talk to me about something; he was clearly irate. I told my parents that I'd deal with it on my own, though they wanted to come over with me to keep this jackass from tearing me a new one. "No, no, I'm going over alone."

My mother still talks about this as a landmark event in my life about bravery and responsibility. Little did they know, the redneck's daughter and I had been fooling around, and I was convinced that was what the redneck was angry about. I didn't want my parents to hear about that, so I determined to go over alone. I was terrified. This guy was a horrible bully to everyone on the block, his family included.

It turned out, the redneck didn't know about his daughter either, and was mad about something else entirely. I let the guy yell at me, relieved as hell that it wasn't what I thought.

When I went home, my parents wanted to know what it was about, I told them everything the redneck had said, and that was that.

[Himu]

To my ex that I loved her.

[Human Snorenado]

I've learned the hard way that you don't drop the "L" bomb unless you're damn sure you mean it. I have that conversation pretty early on with any lady I'm involved with, too.

[Eel O'Brian]

"If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd do things much differently."

- to myself, many times, overestimating my own intelligence

[Rufus]

I've learned the hard way that you don't drop the "L" bomb unless you're damn sure you mean it. I have that conversation pretty early on with any lady I'm involved with, too.

Sucks when one side readily throws it out there like it's nothing.

[Kara]

As someone who lies about anything and everything irl as a matter of course, ironically I've never told a romantic partner I loved them if I didn't mean it.

Back in the day when I could tell one was working up the courage to drop an L bomb on me when I didn't have reciprocal feelings I'd find a reason to end the relationship before they could finally muster the courage to drop it, too.

It's not exactly like I'm an upstanding guy so the causation of this narrow spectrum of humanity is unknown to me.

BTW this is my real worst lie I've ever told, I've also told a lot of the lies itt too:

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Sorry, only registered users can see this content. Please Login or Register.

[close]

[Phoenix Dark]

When I was a kid I'd spend a couple weeks each summer at my grandma's house. Each time she would have me attend a bible camp at her church. At the time I was kind of ashamed of my name, so the first time I had to introduce myself to the class I said my name was Jason, and threw in "like the Green Ranger." I kept it up for three consecutive summers.

[Eel O'Brian]

i love you pd

 as much as a 45 year old white man can possibly love a much younger black man he's never met

[chronovore]

The Green Ranger was Tommy. Jason was the Red Ranger, pleb.

I'll take your word for it; you're the expert on green shinobi. 

[Kara]

The Green Ranger was Tommy. Jason was the Red Ranger, pleb.

I think PD read the "worst" in "whats the worst lie you've ever told?" as in of poor quality, not most repugnant.

Good job exposing yourself doe.



Tommy gave his Green Ranger powers to Jason before he lost them for good after face turning, by the way. So PD's worst lie is actually the post itself, not the lie he told at church camp.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

[Phoenix Dark]

The Green Ranger was Tommy. Jason was the Red Ranger, pleb.

You're right, I meant Tommy. Everyone thought the Green Ranger was cool back in the day.

[Kara]

RE a book: In order to write it I'd either have to change enough material facts that I wouldn't find it cathartic anymore to avoid folks recognizing themselves and being enough to own me with my own past history that I'd conspicuously left out OR I'd have to write about things that should die with me without ever being told to anyone to preemptively cut the folks off at the pass and end up creating something that was more Sade (in its odiousness, not content) than Proust.

Or maybe I'm just being paranoid, after all I'd write it under the fake name I use on Twitter solely so I could occupy the very last spot in every library's alphabetical listing of authors. ( Ulrich?)

If The Biz promised to read it and say, "Neat," after the finishing the last page and closing the book I might consider it, even if I don't need another outlet for #thedualities of vanity and self-loathing.

In the meantime I have my awful poetry that I hide under my bed and will hopefully burn someday.

[Phoenix Dark]

i love you pd

 as much as a 45 year old white man can possibly love a much younger black man he's never met

One day we're going to meet at a CVS and get some snacks bro.

[Reb]

It'll be ok.

[bud]

i still have my blue power ranger figurine somewhere which i got almost twenty years ago.

the green ones were sold out.

[benjipwns]

That I'd kill you last.

i still have my blue power ranger figurine somewhere which i got almost twenty years ago.

the green ones were sold out.

I have an original Megazord in a rubbermaid thing in my parents basement. I always thought they sucked in terms of being the main weapon of the series but I liked how they could come together functionally. Always thought the show underplayed their value individually, they would always just skip right to the Megazords, it's like why not just build one of those instead of trying to make all these animal-like ones that then come together.

Someday I'll auction that off for my to-possibly-exist-children and be able to buy three or four Steam games on sale.

[Van Cruncheon]

not the worst, but the one i kept up the longest: in college, i told everyone my birthday was in july so they wouldn't throw me a party. girlfriend eventually caught me out junior year

[Joe Molotov]

not the worst, but the one i kept up the longest: in college, i told everyone my birthday was in july so they wouldn't throw me a party. girlfriend eventually caught me out junior year

Would be funny if everyone secretly knew, but they didn't say anything because they didn't want to throw you a party either.

[lennedsay]

"just kidding!!!"

[Van Cruncheon]

not the worst, but the one i kept up the longest: in college, i told everyone my birthday was in july so they wouldn't throw me a party. girlfriend eventually caught me out junior year

Would be funny if everyone secretly knew, but they didn't say anything because they didn't want to throw you a party either.

my second L today

[Phoenix Dark]

i'd pretend to be a conservative sometimes to holler at girls in tennessee

learning the talking points of the enemy

"Are you Ben Carson, the Indian guy who made the film about Obama's dad?"
"....yes"

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

- I hide my video gaming habits.  During college, I'd hide all of my video games (I kept the consoles hooked up) when a girl came over.  Keep in mind I was really into loli SRPGs and JRPGs in my college and first couple post college years.  I figured that if a girl found out that I played Uguu Pantsuu~kun 3 on PSP that she wouldn't let me in her pants.  Probably the right call.  With my coworkers, I denied ever playing video games.  Most of my coworkers are in their 50s and 60s and would definitely think less of me for playing video games.

- I was a shitty liar when I was a kid.  I was poor and made lies about going to exotic (for flyover country) destinations during breaks because since we were poor, we never really went on vacation ever.  Except my luck was always shit and I'd never get away with it.  The worst one was in 5th grade I told a bunch of people that I was going to France for a Christmas vacation.  Sure as shit, I damn near encountered every kid I talked to about this during the winter break while I was with my parents running errands.  It was hard to explain why I wasn't thousands of miles away.  I never saw those motherfuckers when I was with my parents while they were running errands any other time of the year but sure as shit, I pretty much saw them all then.  My sister is a real trooper: she is a compulsive liar and despite being caught in many, many lies, she keeps going with it.

[Phoenix Dark]

Reminds me of Cheebs hiding his Wii and Star Trek Blu Rays in the closet whenever a girl came over. 

[Joe Molotov]

One time I impressed a girl with my classy hardcover collection of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit.

She didn't offer to sleep with me, tho.

[Positive Touch]

saying " yeah I'm cool with going out" when you really just wanna schlub out always sucks balls

[Positive Touch]

One time I impressed a girl with my classy hardcover collection of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit.

She didn't offer to sleep with me, tho.

the lotr in the red casing and the hobbit in the green?

[Joe Molotov]

One time I impressed a girl with my classy hardcover collection of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit.

She didn't offer to sleep with me, tho.

the lotr in the red casing and the hobbit in the green?

Damn straight.

[Phoenix Dark]

I have laughed alongside my white friends at black people ordering well done burgers and steaks while keeping my own views in the closet.


nothing is worse than eating out with my white friends and being too shook to reach for the A1 sauce

[Joe Molotov]

My family is all about well-done burgers/steaks and A1 sauce, I should introduce you. 

[demi]

One time I impressed a girl with my classy hardcover collection of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit.

She didn't offer to sleep with me, tho.

I dont think this could be any more of a lie.

[Joe Molotov]

One time I impressed a girl with my classy hardcover collection of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit.

She didn't offer to sleep with me, tho.

I dont think this could be any more of a lie.

Which part? 

[Phoenix Dark]

I have laughed alongside my white friends at black people ordering well done burgers and steaks while keeping my own views in the closet.
(Image removed from quote.)

nothing is worse than eating out with my white friends and being too shook to reach for the A1 sauce

this is like lying about liking mayonnaise

Gonna have to plead the fifth.

[Positive Touch]

One time I impressed a girl with my classy hardcover collection of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit.

She didn't offer to sleep with me, tho.

the lotr in the red casing and the hobbit in the green?

Damn straight.

*removes panties*