BrandNew presents the Nintendo E3 carnival of stupid thread

[Tasty]

Well here's the secret: Metroid games don't sell as well as other Nintendo franchises. Prime brought all the boys to the yard but there was dropoff for 2 and 3, and Other M cratered. Let's not pretend we have no idea why Nintendo doesn't just up and make a new mainline Metroid.

F-Zero stans are almost as bad, but I suppose they at least have some consolation that the last game in the series let the series go out on a high note.

[Tasty]

and fucking pokefans would clearly be the worst of all if they were capable of interacting with others

Pokemon fans are barely a subset of Nintendo fans. They're in their own bubble. I've never seen a pissed-off ragepost from a Pokemon fan about the series.

I suppose it helps the series sells well enough to be made predictably and without major gameplay shake-ups each time.

[Supermanisdead]

I expected the bare minimum, and still Star Fox was some n64 looking mess, Animal Crossing is a fucking board game and Metroid has no Samus and it's just some garbage minigame.

[Tasty]

I expected the bare minimum, and still Star Fox was some n64 looking mess, Animal Crossing is a fucking board game and Metroid has no Samus and it's just some garbage minigame.

It's not a minigame, it's co-op and mission-focused. It includes a minigame-like mode (Blast Ball.)

And fuck Samus. After Other M showed some insight to what she actually thinks like she deserves death.

THE BABY

[Steve Youngblood]

I've said elsewhere that I wasn't expecting much, and as such I'm far from devastated with this showing. That said, I thought the Direct this year was mind-numbingly dull. And given the conversation on the last page about Smash DLC, you can assume that I like Nintendo more than most here.

[Tasty]

Shit on a cool character cause of one bad game, brehs.

Shit on a cool game cause it doesn't include a bad character, brehs.

[Tasty]

I've said elsewhere that I wasn't expecting much, and as such I'm far from devastated with this showing. That said, I thought the Direct this year was mind-numbingly dull. And given the conversation on the last page about Smash DLC, you can assume that I like Nintendo more than most here.

The Smash direct on Sunday was way better than today's thing, haha.

[Kara]

Guys, Metroid will come back. Think positive. It had a nearly 10 year absence in the past. Wait a few years.

  #positivity

[Supermanisdead]

Nobody fucken wants a co op chibi metroid hunter game is what I'm saying, u fucken apologist.

[Steve Youngblood]

Andy: I'm honestly not trying to be a salty Metroid fan here, but I do not understand what benefit Federation Force gets from using the Metroid name. Yes, Hunters was a game that existed once. But aside from that pseudo-tie in here, given the art style and the fact that this isn't really a traditional Metroid title, I think you kind of need to throw Metroid fans a bone here. Again, I'm not trying to be a stubborn purist who hates change, but given the demand for another Prime game from Retro or a 2D Metroid from Intelligent Systems, it just seems like a mistake to throw this out there. I think it would be received better if it was just an entirely new thing. Calling it Metroid does it no favors in my mind.

[Tasty]

Honestly, yeah, it could be a new IP. But it probably would have sold half as much, if that without the Metroid name. I think today's internet hyperbole is clouding some of your judgment about this. Despite all the rage, it'll still be a rat in a cage sell more with the Metroid name than otherwise.

Andrex, we know you hate Metroid and all. But do you really have to play damage control cause people are understandably disappointed in a shitty reveal for a game they've been waiting for for a long time now? I get that you're trolling, and it's working, but come on breh.

Lol I've never gotten this kind of response to trolling before. Kudos.

But what you have to realize is my reaction to Federation Force is "awesome!" Nothing against "real" Metroid fans, but I'm looking forward to it. So it doesn't make me feel great when the reaction is "I WISH THIS WASN'T GETTING MADE" "I WANT TO KILL MYSELF" "PLEASE JESUS MAKE THIS BOMB" "I'D RATHER HAVE NO METROID GAME THAN THIS!!!" "I HOPE THEY CANCEL THIS SHIT" <-- All opinions expressed in the GAF thread.

These guys want to take away a game I'm looking forward to, so fuck em. And that includes anyone here.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Nintards are going to have to realize that Nintendo is going to be putting in minimal effort on the Wii U from here on out.  It's market performance is sub-Dreamcast level (maybe it just passed it in sales very recently).  Ideally Nintendo would just flush this turd away and pretend it never existed.  Their future is the NX and whatever their next handheld is.  Not that they need to worry, Nintards came in their underoos when Earthbound Zero hit the Virtual Console.  Nintendo just needs to toss out a few small bones to their hardcore audience, keep releasing DLC for their existing games, and hang on until end of next year when they hope to capture lightning in a bottle again with the NX.  Which they won't because the Wii audience has moved to tablets/mobile and they ain't coming back.

[Purrp Skirrp]

WTF @ starting the conference on some Skeeter shit.

[Huff]

All the indie metroidvanias are probably better than an actual nintendo developed one anyway.

I'm still waiting on a wiiu for about 150. Can't believe people have paid over 200$ for one of these machines

[thisismyusername]

ANDREX TOOK A DAY OFF FOR THIS, GUYS

Like I said:








And supermanisdead defended him.

Why would you take a day off for Nintendo!? I mean, Sony and Microsoft I can see as as that is. But NINTENDO!?

At least Fire Emblem X SMT looks good.

That game looks like hot garbage to me. It was a concept that sounded interesting to me on paper when they teased it a couple of years ago, but the actual reveal and this trailer have demonstrated that no matter what gameplay it has to offer, it can not possibly be good enough to overcome just how much I hate the presentation.

All they had to do was make Devil Survivor in third person using the FE characters as the party members that summon demons to battle other demons (if in the Devil Summoner class). Instead, they make... this.

Fuck Nintendo (and a little of Atlus) forever for that screwing a pooch.

At least Fire Emblem X SMT looks good.

That game looks like hot garbage to me. It was a concept that sounded interesting to me on paper when they teased it a couple of years ago, but the actual reveal and this trailer have demonstrated that no matter what gameplay it has to offer, it can not possibly be good enough to overcome just how much I hate the presentation.

I'm a massive SMT fan.

SMT is a horror occult rpg.

So naturally I assumed going in with SMT in the title, it'd be darkish in tone. Nope. It has SMT in the title, but it's otaku bait.  It doesn't resemble FE either. It's just insulting.

Agreed.

[AdmiralViscen]

Here's what they need to do:

Keep making Smash and Mario Kart DLC until NX. Just keep doing that and I'll be happy.

Oh and release Zelda next year. That'd be nice. But it might be a launch NX game anyways.

3DS still going surprisingly strong all things considered. It'll have four mainline Zelda games (+1 well-received spinoff-port) by the end of its life. Maybe another gen of Pokemon too. Crazy considering how "doomed" it was because of mobile.

It's going to sell half or less of its predecessor and Nintendo stopped being profitable in its tenure

[qq more]

At least Fire Emblem X SMT looks good.

That game looks like hot garbage to me. It was a concept that sounded interesting to me on paper when they teased it a couple of years ago, but the actual reveal and this trailer have demonstrated that no matter what gameplay it has to offer, it can not possibly be good enough to overcome just how much I hate the presentation.

I'm a massive SMT fan.

SMT is a horror occult rpg.

So naturally I assumed going in with SMT in the title, it'd be darkish in tone. Nope. It has SMT in the title, but it's otaku bait.  It doesn't resemble FE either. It's just insulting.

I've never even played a SMT game (nor much of FE either) and even I seriously expected something interest and/or dark out of this as well. This otaku baiting bullshit needs to die, and I swear this game seems to be getting worse and worse each time now. 

And Fire Emblem If (or Fates) looks kind of stupid. If I ever get into the FE series, I'll mainly stick with the games pre-Awakening.

I'd much rather have a cross-version discount than an item bundle discount.

Those bundles comes with the cross-version stuff. :/

[Human Snorenado]

...and E3 had taken such a shitty turn yesterday. Thank you for failing so spectacularly and restoring my faith in the universe, Nintendo.

[Rahxephon91]

SMT x FE looks insane and stupid. Hilarious that it's casuing so much salt. Sad that people would doubt that Atlus' has something behimd it. Eh, the staff behind the game is great. I'm happy the Wii U has failed. It's meant that nintendo has funded this title and other strange crap like Devils third, more Xenoblade, more FF, bayonetta 2, and so on in some desperation to attract more core gamers. Worked for me. The Wii was super boring, the wii u will be a bit better when it's all over. Which will be this time next year.

[Tasty]

Why would you take a day off for Nintendo!? I mean, Sony and Microsoft I can see as as that is. But NINTENDO!?

Fully enjoyed my day off. Played some Smash DLC and watched more of Orange is the New Black s3. Chillaxed in my underwear all day.

Stay hating.

[Positive Touch]

this metroid spin-off is gonna sell worse than codename steam, mark my words. and I was talking about a 3ds side scroller, not a damn prime game.

[thisismyusername]

Stay hating.

You didn't even take another dick after the fucking Nintendo gave you and fans?

[tiesto]

Nintendo should just fund Tom Happ (Axiom Verge) to make a new 2D Metroid.

[benjipwns]

The IGN guys said they were slaughtering people in the Metroid-themed sports game because nobody else realized it had the Prime lock-on. 

[Tasty]

Stay hating.

You didn't even take another dick after the fucking Nintendo gave you and fans?

Nah I just jacked off four times.

[Oblivion]

Platinum. 

[Cerveza mas fina]

Isn't that a Lylat Wars remake?

[qq more]

Isn't that a Lylat Wars remake?

Looks more of a reboot. Which is what the franchise honestly needed. (Also I hope this means no Krystal ever again)


Also really interesting they brought back the walker transformation from the cancelled Star Fox 2 game.

[archie4208]

Stay hating.

You didn't even take another dick after the fucking Nintendo gave you and fans?

Nah I just jacked off four times.

[archie4208]

Calm down, Andy.

[a slime appears]

I asked my buddy, he's at NCL and came with the executive team as a translator, if they use E3 as a big NOA/NCL pow-wow since they're booked solid with meetings. He said they usually do but this year was pretty much NCL yelling at NOA for fucking up so much, loooooooool.

Still haven't seen the press conference yet. Reading this thread made it sound awful.

[Kara]

Calm down, Andy.

I KNOW WHAT ART IS. I MAKE IT.

[Take My Breh Away]

[Tasty]

Calm down, Andy.

Thought this was about Earthbound Zero lol.

PS- This guy's gay. I'd probably fuck him after a drink or two.

[studyguy]

Showing off that SMT:FE whatever game.
You could have told me this was Persona 6 not having known anything and I'd believe you.

Dudes in other threads having moral dilemmas over the fact that their weeb as fuck JRPG is weeb as fuck 

[Tasty]

Stolen from Oblivion but I don't curr

[bork]

So...Devil's Third.

Is this game not at E3 at all?   

[bork]

Literally no one cares about it. It's been too long and it looks like shit.

Did you miss that it's coming out in August in Japan and Europe?

[Human Snorenado]

No, but again who cares? It looks awful.

People who like unrealistic animu tits in their games, aka bork

[Huff]

Got around to watching the conference. Wow there was nothing. But they must be making a killing on amiibo as they are going all in

[thisismyusername]

Literally no one cares about it. It's been too long and it looks like shit.

Did you miss that it's coming out in August in Japan and Europe?

Itagaki "I don't care".gif

Call me when it's able to be emulated, Itagaki-san.

[AdmiralViscen]

Got around to watching the conference. Wow there was nothing. But they must be making a killing on amiibo as they are going all in

Someone should remind them that if people aren't buying new consoles or games the Amiibo market is going to hit a ceiling in a hurry

[bachikarn]

I asked my buddy, he's at NCL and came with the executive team as a translator, if they use E3 as a big NOA/NCL pow-wow since they're booked solid with meetings. He said they usually do but this year was pretty much NCL yelling at NOA for fucking up so much, loooooooool.

Still haven't seen the press conference yet. Reading this thread made it sound awful.

Didn't Iwata declare himself CEO of NoA? So it's his fault.

[thisismyusername]

PS- This guy's gay.

He's a Nintendo fan. That part is already implied.

[demi]

Nintendo had best setup at e3 and best free goodies

[Rahxephon91]

http://www.siliconera.com/2015/06/17/tons-of-shin-megami-tensei-x-fire-emblem-details-from-e3-2015/

Game sounds actually decent.

[Tasty]

PS- This guy's gay.

He's a Nintendo fan. That part is already implied.

We're not all gay

[TakingBackSunday]

speak for yourself 

[Huff]

So theres like no fire emblem to smtxfe?

[Take My Breh Away]

http://www.polygon.com/2015/6/18/8802789/reggie-fils-aime-iwata-didnt-apologize-for-nintendos-e3-we-make-great

Nintendo is blaming fan expectations for the direct backlash now.

The only time you can get more out of touch than that statement is a Hall and Oates concert. 

[Eel O'Brian]

They're gonna have a tough time with NXT

[archie4208]

They're gonna have a tough time with NXT

Maybe they'll make some Kevin Owens amiibos.

[Himu]

KO could advertise Nintendo's schlock better than themselves.

[Human Snorenado]

They're gonna have a tough time with NXT

Hard times, daddy

[Supermanisdead]

So theres like no fire emblem to smtxfe?

the fire emblem characters are personas

[Purrp Skirrp]

This show was foul, but I kind of want a Wii U.

The only Nintendo console I've ever owned was N64 (OK, had a Wii Sports machine for a minute but I sold it soon after), so a lot of these rehashed series might feel fresh to me.
Pikmin, DKC, Bayonetta, Zelda musou, Mario Maker (never had SNES or NES) are just a few I've never played.
Plus new IPs like Poonsplat, W101, Zombie U.
Then new iterations in series I've enjoyed like 3D Mario, MK, Smash, MARIO TENNIS
These refurbs are only $200.
Can't tell if Nintendo's still got it or I'm just being a nostalgic taco

This would compliment my PC. No bone or PS4.

And fuck amiibos.

Edit: Nah, this is a very bad idea.

[The Legend of Sunblade]

Miyamoto is also at the point where he should be put to pasture. The last few Mario and Luigi/Paper mario games have been utterly ruined by his distinguished mentally-challenged decree that they only use "established" characters from the series and not make up new ones, because he's deathly afraid of making games with stories now. The original Paper Mario and The Thousand Year Door literally wouldn't exist with current Miyamoto at the helm as a Producer.

Instead we get shit like this:

[qq more]

Miyamoto is also at the point where he should be put to pasture. The last few Mario and Luigi/Paper mario games have been utterly ruined by his distinguished mentally-challenged decree that they only use "established" characters from the series and not make up new ones, because he's deathly afraid of making games with stories now. The original Paper Mario and The Thousand Year Door literally wouldn't exist with current Miyamoto at the helm as a Producer.

Instead we get shit like this:

God, that looks boring and really tedious. I don't know if Miyamoto has any role behind this game, but he really needs to stay away from RPGs and stick to his platformers.

Stinker Star was such bullshit. Story aside, you can tell a lot of the game was hastily changed mid-development too.


With all that said, I do think Nintendo's software quality has improved on the Wii U compared to the Wii, for the most part anyways. 3DS is a really mixed bag though. Their hardware is a whole different story though.

[Take My Breh Away]

TTYD and Bowser's Inside Story were really good, so you have to wonder what the decision process in Nintendo is when they say "Stop doing super witty and clever RPG games. We have a brand to sell"

Also holy shit Mario Tennis Ultra Smash looked abysmal and an easy contender for worst game shown. I'm not even sure why Nintendo even thought that was ready for a trailer, let alone streaming. It looks worse than that Sega Superstars Tennis game and that was released over 7 years ago. 

[qq more]

TTYD and Bowser's Inside Story were really good, so you have to wonder what the decision process in Nintendo is when they say "Stop doing super witty and clever RPG games. We have a brand to sell"

Also holy shit Mario Tennis Ultra Smash looked abysmal and an easy contender for worst game shown. I'm not even sure why Nintendo even thought that was ready for a trailer, let alone streaming. It looks worse than that Sega Superstars Tennis game and that was released over 7 years ago.

Apparently the whole reason was that no one apparently mentioned liking the story in the Super Paper Mario's Club Nintendo surveys. Which is kinda weird considering the story was something I always see praise for in that otherwise tedious as fuck game.