Last night I performed at some whiskey bar for $50, before the show I was in the hall psyching myself up, some waitress asked if I was crying, one of the bartenders came out and gave me a shot "to calm my nerves". I do my regular set and then halfway through I started doing crowdwork, take the mic offstage and go up to the bar and order a pint, they forget to charge me, start talking to people, asked some girls whether they'd fucked a comedian before and flashed them my nips, skulled one of their beers, showed some guy in a beanie how to smoke weed from my vape, I bit some guy on the ear and explained that according to the movie "Snow Dogs", he now had to obey my commands. Skulled his beer. Go back up to the stage and tell them I have a story to tell but first I need more beers. Grab a cocktail off the front table and neck it. She tells me it's non-alcoholic. I say thanks and drink her boyfriend's beer.
It was a pretty weird night. Had like 8 beers and paid for 1.
