look I know this is already the point but...seriously, how can someone be so blind to see that for ex. calling people "vagina-havers" is demeaning toward women, who have always had to quietly deal with such dehumanizing names imposed on them by men, once again being told to shut up and stay quiet because others know better
replace "vagina-havers" with anything, like being forced to invite non-natal women into traditionally women-only spaces, where people who haven't literally lived their entire lives as women will naturally have a different set of experiences and won't be able to engage on the same level
they need support and deserve a chance to be happy like anyone else, but as part of treating them like anyone else you would expect them to be smart enough to be able to read the room and not invite undue hostility
it's a hard road, but it's the road you're stuck with, and recognize that everybody else also has a hard road for different reasons, some more than others