"Hah, comparing someone acting like a jerk to you for no reason in real life to someone acting like a jerk to you for no reason on the internet," grinned Amir0x as he squinted at the monitor. What did Crushed know about pain. He remembered when his lupus-afflicted mother hit him with a purse when he yelled at her; it was, in his own words, "the modern equivalent of Xerxes burning down your village."
"I bet your life is just c-rrrrrrrrrrumb-b-b-b-b-ling," he said to himself, his lips quivering over the "b" fueled by joy and lubricated by saliva. "Your life is just so pathetic," Amir0x declared in triumph as he injected heroin into his right arm, using his left to turn up the TV and drown out the screaming of his hated mother.
The disrespect had been too much for him to handle. He remembered the last time someone disrespected him like that. Those goddamned Pocono cops. Why the hell did they want to kill his buzz, why did they have it in for him. They had driven all the way to his house just because his mom called the police. Then they acted so pissed off when he called them pigs and told them it was probably the highlight of their ticket-giving day. This is why he hated authority, why he hated cops, why he hated the rules and all who enforced them. Those goddamn pieces of shit, answering 911 calls and enforcing laws. Hungry with power and using it for jollies, the sons o-
"ARGH!" His brain pounded. His natural dopamine supply had atrophied long ago. He needed a fix of his most powerful drug. Quickly, he opened up Google and pounded away at each key. "Amir0x." He browsed the results, needing to find a new link he hadn't already read. Finding one on the fifth page, his fingers were beginning to twitch as he waited for the forum to load. He spotted the post about him, and read the banned Gaffer's words.
"Amir0x is such a jerk. Banning me was probably the highlight of his thread-locking day, that Pocono mod."
His eyes rolled back in relief as his face turned red and his veins and arteries bulged and pulsed. As each of his lipo-ensheathed muscles clenched in pure seething outrage, the feeling of anger calmed him down. It was an okay hit, but beggars can't be choosers. Good anger was hard to get these days; if he made one person criticize him, others followed. He could OD, even with his body mass.
Still, he WAS angry. The sheer disrespect... how DARE that person disrespect HIM and his authority and rules. Just like those cops. That disgusting... no, don't lose control on such a small dose, he warned himself. He searched out the user's account on NeoGAF, his entire body covered in sweat from the foreplay of his mouse tracing lines over the button that would permaban the miscreant.
He slowly put his knees on his chair, as he pulled out his member and aimed it at the screen. He would shower that little shit with his authority. Just looking at the screen he felt like his manhood had gained three inches. If only he could have this five-inch pornstar cock all the time, he thought to himself. As he clicked the mouse, pure anger and joy swept through his body, washed along by a river of opiates.
"ARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH" he bellowed, like an angry seal or vomiting dog. He opened his eyes. The screen was drier than his shower. What had-?
"Oh no," he thought to himself as he looked down at the white dribble on his ruined pants. And J.C. Penney had just stopped carrying his size.
