Gross Confessions and Backdoor Blues

[bagofeyes]

Let's do them!

I've got heaps, but first I'll go with: I wear the same pair of pants to work every day, and I haven't cleaned them in about 4 months lol

[Madrun Badrun]

   thats awesome. 

[Van Cruncheon]

i once sharted so bad in a target that it soaked my underwear with poo-water. i had to get all solid snake to sneak out of the building without anyone seeing my moistened stankass, and then i had to drive six miles home sitting on it on leather recaro seats.

this led into the Worst Diarrhea Ever (tm), so i was in freakin' PAIN the whole time. oh man, it fuckin' SCOURED my ass when it came out. i never ate at that las margaritas again!

[Madrun Badrun]

Not so awesome.   

[Van Cruncheon]

after that, i fucked my grandmother's corpse in the eye socket, and jizzed into her maggot-ridden brain juice.

[Mupepe]

i once ate a girls butthole out... numerous times

[Van Cruncheon]

 

man, despite my jokes, i don't get the anal fixation so many folks have. wtf!

[bagofeyes]

Me neither. Poo comes out of there 

[Cyanista]

Gross, that's where the poo comes.

Once a guy I was sort of dating showed up for a surprise visit and when he went into my bathroom...my roommate's dog had gotten into my trashcan and torn a bloody tampon into nasty red bits.

YAY.

[Saint Cornelius]

Sort of keeping with the theme Cyanista presented, my old dawg Rusty snuck one of my, um.... spunked up kleenexes from my bedroom and decided to tear it up in front of my family chilling in the living room.

I don't know why dogs LOVE fouled up jizzrags but goddamn. Cats don't do that shit.

[Mr. Gundam]

i once ate a girls butthole out... numerous times

As long as they've showered, I don't have a problem with it.

[Saint Cornelius]

As long as they've showered, I don't have a problem with it.

Me neither and I'm surprised at the "ew" responses.

[Mupepe]

man, despite my jokes, i don't get the anal fixation so many folks have. wtf!

dunno.  i like tossing a girls salad and fingering her butthole and doing them in the butt.  maybe i really am gay... or bi.  I'm an ass-man for sure.  I'll take a nice ass over a nice rack any day.  And I just love to lick stuff.  I love tongue action.  Mmmmmm.  the best thing is when you're having sex, just grabbing a nice handful of ass and going harder.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  And is it weird that after all of this, I find farts (male or female) to be utterly disgusting.  I don't mind if a girl accidentally lets one squeak.  Hey, that's natural.  But if a girl is like "hehe  *fart*" I would deck her in the face and then throw up.

[Saint Cornelius]

I'll take a nice ass over a nice rack any day.

This is not a statement I cannot agree with. Asses are cool but to me, they're an afterthought.

[CajoleJuice]

I'd do pretty much anything sex related at this point.

And titties > ass.

[Beezy]

But if a girl is like "hehe  *fart*" I would deck her in the face and then throw up.

[Mupepe]

I think it's my hispanic side coming out.  But a nice pear shaped ass is godly.  chicken tastes like girl butts

[Mr. Gundam]

man, despite my jokes, i don't get the anal fixation so many folks have. wtf!

dunno.  i like tossing a girls salad and fingering her butthole and doing them in the butt.

You're not gay, nor are you bi, you're just awesome in bed, like me.

I'd never force this on a girl who didn't enjoy it, though. Fortunately, the wife likes it.

[Saint Cornelius]

It might be the hispanic thing. I watch Univision with the sound off sometimes and it's all these bitches looking like Latina Naomis, pre-tweek

I'd never force this on a girl who didn't enjoy it, though. Fortunately, the wife likes it.

she likes it AFTER you married her? nice one!

[Mupepe]

man, despite my jokes, i don't get the anal fixation so many folks have. wtf!

dunno.  i like tossing a girls salad and fingering her butthole and doing them in the butt.

You're not gay, nor are you bi, you're just awesome in bed, like me.

I'd never force this on a girl who didn't enjoy it, though. Fortunately, the wife likes it.

that's a keeper for sure.  I always try to get a girl to at least try it, if it's not her thing, then whatever, but she needs to at least try!

[Mr. Gundam]

It might be the hispanic thing. I watch Univision with the sound off sometimes and it's all these bitches looking like Latina Naomis, pre-tweek

I'd never force this on a girl who didn't enjoy it, though. Fortunately, the wife likes it.

she likes it AFTER you married her? nice one!

She liked it before we got married, and still likes it a year after getting married.

We don't do it very often, though. It's not a regular occurrence in the bedroom.

[Van Cruncheon]

 

i cannot imagine getting excited about poking the dooky tunnel. the fuck!

[Mupepe]

God it feels so good.

[Mupepe]

I once had a girl blow me 20 minutes after I gave it to her in the pooper

[Saint Cornelius]

We don't do it very often, though. It's not a regular occurrence in the bedroom.

that's cool, a little spice is groovy; no matter what pr0n tries to tell us, you really CAN'T just ram it in a chicks butt and expect them to find the experience wonderful.

but like our bald-headed techno vegan Moby once said, "anal sex is a beautiful thing to ease into" and word. five hours later you're all like AHHH BLISS and it's worth it.

i cannot imagine getting excited about poking the dooky tunnel. the fuck!

we're not talking post-shit, Drinky, we're talking just out of the shower on some salad-tossing technique

[Van Cruncheon]

y'all must have little dicks! looks painful for both the dude and the girl, plus WHY IS THE VAG SO BORING

i srsly just don't see the appeal. what *is* the point? some creepy domination/submission urge? scat fetishism?

[Saint Cornelius]

y'all must have little dicks!

oh that's a sly dis

looks painful for both the dude and the girl, plus WHY IS THE VAG SO BORING

it's not! but guess what? more nerve endings there.

as a dude, you probably ain't hearing the appeal of the prostate being manipulated, are you? no ruzghey.

i srsly just don't see the appeal. what *is* the point? some creepy domination/submission urge? scat fetishism?

god it's like Nintendo with you - if you don't enjoy it, why should anyone else?

[Van Cruncheon]

likewise, chicks don't have prostates -- are you the one getting pegged, my mellow? why do you wanna stick it in the girl's poopenschaft?

but i don't care that you enjoy it, i'm just curious why. REAL TALK. i think it's a psychosexual thing; a sublimated domination urge to make the woman do something degraded and uncomfortable. besides, no matter how clean, it's still the POOPHOLE. i really, really, REALLY dislike shit. it's an OCD swede thang!

just sayin'! poop is gross!     

[Phoenix Dark]

I'm more concerned about the smell, not to mention the possible issue of fecal matter being on your condom/penis

[Saint Cornelius]

but i don't care that you enjoy it, i'm just curious why. REAL TALK.

more nerve endings there.

"anal sex is a beautiful thing to ease into"

..you're all like AHHH BLISS and it's worth it.

I don't give a shit about making women feel pain or doing shit that they don't enjoy, so it's not that - and I've not trying to give EVERY chick I fuck an ass rodgering.

But Doug, you've never put your pinkie into your wifes' ass when you're giving it to her doggie? Do you guys DO IT doggie? You're always on top, aren't you.

[Van Cruncheon]

no sir, we tend to mix up the positions in a pretty even distribution. i'll spare the forum the details since rl friends post here, but if i ever felt the urge to put a pinky in her winky stinky, i'd be signing divorce papers. we're of a like mind on that issue: the ass is a no fly zone.

besides, again, why do you need to hit the ass when doing it doggie style? is it cuz little corny can't, uh, y'know, reach....WHAT COME ON THAT DIS IS A GIMME

[Saint Cornelius]

no sir, we tend to mix up the positions in a pretty even distribution. i'll spare the forum the details since rl friends post here, but if i ever felt the urge to put a pinky in her winky stinky, i'd be signing divorce papers. we're of a like mind on that issue: the ass is a no fly zone.

aw that's cute, spare yr real life friends any details of your bootknocking adventures

but ok, if wifey has already explicitly confirmed that she does not want anything breeching her asshole, then that's cool and yeah. i hope you DO mix up the positions because i get the feeling you make fun of her if she suggests anything too... Nintendo-y and whatever, the DS is my favorite position

besides, again, why do you need to hit the ass when doing it doggie style? is it cuz little corny can't, uh, y'know, reach....WHAT COME ON THAT DIS IS A GIMME

i don't NEED to. i haven't put my dick in anyones' ass in like, what, seven, eight years?

and wait WHAT

[Van Cruncheon]

hey, both maf and tvc have met my wife, and i'm sure she wouldn't appreciate the, er, intimate details of our relationship shared on TEH INTARWEBS. besides, do YOU really want the image of your friends and coworkers slappin' dat ay-ss or ridin' cowgirl? no THANK YOU.

and i'm just sayin', if you move yer dick down an inch or two from the brown balloon knot when poundin' the mound, there's a vag open and waiting. it's not much more of a reach UNLESS

well

[Saint Cornelius]

hey, both maf and tvc have met my wife, and i'm sure she wouldn't appreciate the, er, intimate details of our relationship shared on TEH INTARWEBS. besides, do YOU really want the image of your friends and coworkers slappin' dat ay-ss or ridin' cowgirl? no THANK YOU.

you're right.

but does she ride you cowgirl? reverse cowgirl??

and i'm just sayin', if you move yer dick down an inch or two from the brown balloon knot when poundin' the mound, there's a vag open and waiting. it's not much more of a reach UNLESS

well

unless what? don't be coy, Drinky - it infuriates me.

[Van Cruncheon]

unless it is too small to adequately penetrate from that angle! :'( jesus, you ruined the dis. i'm gonna go play psp.

[Saint Cornelius]

unless it is too small to adequately penetrate from that angle!

a couple of things:

• bragging about ones' dick is unseemly
• how do you "adequately penetrate" a vagina? the clit is the main focal point of enjoyment in the female species and unless you enjoy having your cervix banged - which some women do, and some women don't - it really doesn't matter HOW big your dick is
• my cack is a good fit for most, thankyouverymuch

[Van Cruncheon]

a couple of things

a) it was a joke

b) doggy style presents the g-spot more effectively than some other positions, so while we aren't talkin' a need for ten inches of monster dickin', it DOES help to pack more than oh, say, a ruzbeh-grade three-incher (or not have a g-style jelly belly)

y'know, i'll bet it's KILLING g not to post in this thread

[Madrun Badrun]

isn't drinky's wife german? 

[Van Cruncheon]

she's half kraut, yeah

[Saint Cornelius]

she's half kraut, yeah

and she's not into anal? you better get her lineage checked, duder

[tiesto]

My friend won't shut up about eating 2-hole, saying its the greatest thing in the world, but that doesn't appeal to me in the slightest... I would definitely do anal, but the girl has to be really clean up there... and even if she is clean, there's no way I'm eating 2-hole.

[Mupepe]

I've got a really tiny dick which is why it's probably easier for me to convince girls to try it.  and yeah, this is all after they take a nice shower and are clean.  i can see why it's not some peoples thing.  but meh.

and it just feels different.  i love vag, but i also love me some ass.  just something different.

[Mupepe]

btw, nothing is better than fucking a girl in the ass while she's on her tummy and pulling her hair while saying "you like that, don't you fucking little slut?"

[Madrun Badrun]

she's half kraut, yeah

and she's not into anal? you better get her lineage checked, duder

Drinky probably just doesn't want his rl friends to know they throw German poo parties bimonthly. 

[Cyanista]

Wow!  You guys know a lot about what women like. 

[Van Cruncheon]

i don't think we're discussing what WOMEN like here, hun

[Cyanista]

b) doggy style presents the g-spot more effectively than some other positions, so while we aren't talkin' a need for ten inches of monster dickin', it DOES help to pack more than oh, say, a ruzbeh-grade three-incher (or not have a g-style jelly belly)

a couple of things:


    * how do you "adequately penetrate" a vagina? the clit is the main focal point of enjoyment in the female species and unless you enjoy having your cervix banged - which some women do, and some women don't - it really doesn't matter HOW big your dick is

Oh, you weren't?   

You don't really think I was replying to Mupepe's side of this discussion, did you?  I ignore the overly gross.

[Mupepe]

i didn't discuss what women like.  i'm cool because i don't try to cover up my selfishness by saying "she likes it more!"

[Van Cruncheon]

bottom quote weren't mine! as for the top quote, experience and partner input -- pun intended -- bears it out!

[Cyanista]

You said "we" weren't talking about what women want, I was just pointing out that wasn't accurate.

I wasn't arguing with your actual statements.  I have no idea what your personal freak likes, but more power to the both of you.

[Van Cruncheon]

the general THRUST of this discussion has very little to do with what women want, then!

[Cyanista]

This is a horrible thread.

IGNORE ME

[Phoenix Dark]

Seems rather...odd to "not care" whether she's experiencing pain. Seems like pain would turn lots of chicks off, especially if the smelly dude on top didn't give a shit.

[Saint Cornelius]

Wow!  You guys know a lot about what women like. 

I want to answer this but

This is a horrible thread.

IGNORE ME

What the fuck, this is your new retort for everything? Do we have to go to the new improved OA to talk frankly with you or what?

[bagofeyes]

Let's all ignore her

[Van Cruncheon]

it's a venture bros reference, corny. KAY

[Saint Cornelius]

it's a venture bros reference, corny. KAY

what is? further down the nerd hierarchy I go

[Van Cruncheon]

nothing a crotchless fursuit and the last ten years of x-men comics can't fix

[Saint Cornelius]

tell me motherfucker or i'll forever regret i asked

[Cyanista]

Ok, so like...there's this 10-foot tall alien with an incredibly strident voice that comes to earth to observe and judge our species.  It ends up with the venture family, following them around and butting into their conversations.  Then when they respond it yells IGNORE ME!

Someone linked the youtube of it not long ago, blah blah.


GO TEAM VENTURE