haiku review - suspiria ‘18
Tilda Swinton plays
Like five characters in this
The movie still sucks
What's so bad about it? I love the original and I know this is going for something completely different so I'm not asking for a comparison, especially since story was not really the first films aim anyway, but I'd like to know your thoughts in general.
C&Ping my thoughts from FB because I’m not typing out desu shitto agen:
I really didn't like it at all. I felt like laying everything out up front was probably a big mistake because the movie had no tension, momentum, or intrigue. If you're going to remake a Dario Argento movie, it can't be boring. Amazing, OK, or terrible, he never did boring in his prime.
[removed spoilery paragraph about how one particular side plot involving Tilda playing a dude sucks and takes up far too much of the movie. It’s probably upwards of a half hour or more that could have been near completely sheared without altering the narrative much]
I also don't think the movie is good looking. After Call Me By Your Name, someone I saw it with said how beautifully shot it was. I countered, saying that the only reason it looks good was because it was shot in beautiful locations--there are only like two actual memorable shots that can be attributed to good composition in it. In Suspiria, there were some shots, in particular two that were meant to make their subjects look imposing, that were like, cartoonish. One particular shot focused upward, gazing at Tilda Swinton's face starting from her chin, generated a laugh from the audience because it looked like an angle from a cheesy monster movie or a parody of an OMG spooky shot. The movie also suffers from some weird editing cuts--it might be the most poorly edited major movie I've seen since Rogue One (though it's not nearly as bad as that).
I have a boatload of other complaints, but SPOILERZ and also I'm far more respectful of your time than this overly long shitty movie is.
I won't get into the score. It's not bad, but it's barely present. I'm not sure how you make a Suspira remake without making sure it has a (good or bad) striking score.
For the record, I'm not a fan of the original. It's a beautiful movie. It sounds great. It has some classic scenes. It never comes together for me, though, like Argento's earlier crazy movies. I thought Suspiria was a good candidate for a remake, which is a feeling I'm not sure I ever had before. CMBYN is the only other Luca movie I've seen, and I didn't particularly like that.
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Tldr, it’s big problem is that it has no drive, momentum, or intrigue. There’s never anything interesting going on because the movie is pretty explicit about what exactly is going on. No mystery to the movie. No tension. No spookiness. No atmosphere. The side plots, namely the doctor and the radio news, come across as very conspicuous attempts to add depth. They stick out like a sore thumb, and they also don’t make the movie more compelling.
