Author Topic: Random Gaming Talk Thread  (Read 3996090 times)

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magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11760 on: June 20, 2013, 12:34:06 PM »
that trailer gave me cancer, but eh, have fun magus!

don't you have any banana to collect in your ass or gate to open or something? >:(
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Himu

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11761 on: June 20, 2013, 12:35:37 PM »
The Animal Crossing thread has more posts in it than any game you will pimp, Magoose. :smug
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mjemirzian

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11762 on: June 20, 2013, 06:51:21 PM »
There's a replay of what I believe is the first ever Inbachi clear on the Saidaioujou leaderboards (by lionmanggg):
Congrats.. must have spent a lot of time in training mode getting those patterns down.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2013, 06:56:47 PM by mjemirzian »

Bebpo

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11763 on: June 21, 2013, 01:55:39 AM »
Sup Valkyrie Profile wannabe.

Yeah, but this world could use a few more VP inspired games for sure.

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11764 on: June 21, 2013, 08:25:06 AM »
Sup Valkyrie Profile wannabe.

Yeah, but this world could use a few more VP inspired games for sure.

where the heck are you guys seeing VP? if this game rips off anything it's this one



and yes we surely could use more 2D sidescrollers like this

The Animal Crossing thread has more posts in it than any game you will pimp, Magoose. :smug

i wouldn't have it any other way,in fact let me pimp another one :smug

http://www.danganronpa.com/reload/

basicaly it's a collection of 2 previous PSP VN for PSVITA,12 guys get sealed into a school by a psychotic teddie bear and the only way for them to escape is to carry a murder without getting discovered,of course shit happen and then it's your job to investigate and find the culprit,basicaly it's battle royale meeting phoenix wright

there is an amazing LP of this game on SA and one still going on of it's sequel,you guys should really give it a look if you are into mystery novel and/or like stuff like phoenix wright
« Last Edit: June 21, 2013, 08:37:13 AM by magus »
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Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11765 on: June 21, 2013, 10:22:47 AM »
Princess Crown?

Um. Magus this game is a side scroller RPG like Valkyrie Profile. That has a jumping ability and in game enemy encounters that go to a separate screen like VP. Where your have 3-4 characters lined in a horizontal party view against monsters....like VP. This game is VP, not PC. Have you played PC?
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demi

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11766 on: June 21, 2013, 10:24:50 AM »
Ya, it's definitely VP from those screens.
fat

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11767 on: June 21, 2013, 10:37:54 AM »
Princess Crown?

Um. Magus this game is a side scroller RPG like Valkyrie Profile. That has a jumping ability and in game enemy encounters that go to a separate screen like VP. Where your have 3-4 characters lined in a horizontal party view against monsters....like VP. This game is VP, not PC. Have you played PC?

you sure about that? i tought it was supposed to be an action game a-la prinny or princess crown

http://www.siliconera.com/2013/06/19/battle-princess-of-arcadia-is-about-a-girl-taking-on-a-world-full-of-monsters/

Quote
Plume’s weapon of choice is the single-handed sword. She excels at close-ranged combat and can land multiple slashes on her enemies thanks to her speedy movements. In addition, she can also do melee attacks such as aerial kicks and more.

that doesn't sound like the description of a turn-based game like VP,nor do i see any battle screen suggesting something like that



i guess there is this so maybe it uses a different battle system when it comes to boss battle?

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Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11768 on: June 21, 2013, 10:39:46 AM »
PC and VP look really similar but that's only because they're side scroller rpgs. The distinguishing of VP from other side scroller rpgs like Faxanadu and Wonder Boy and Princess Crown, encounters can be altered by platforming and hitting the enemy with your sword, thus going to a separate screen. Other side scroller rpgs don't feature multiple party members. They're usually solo affairs.

I'm glad there's a game with sense to rip off one of the best games of all time tho. The more the merrier.

Also VP isn't a standard turn based game. It is a turn based action RPG. I don't know how that game plays but I see like 3-4 party members lined up against a boss so I think VP.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2013, 10:41:59 AM by Formerly Known As Himuro »
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magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11769 on: June 21, 2013, 10:46:07 AM »
Also VP isn't a standard turn based game. It is a turn based action RPG. I don't know how that game plays but I see like 3-4 party members lined up against a boss so I think VP.




see? action rpg!
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Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11770 on: June 21, 2013, 10:52:28 AM »
"I don't see why you guys think that looks like Valkyrie Profile!"

> only posts three screens
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magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11771 on: June 21, 2013, 10:56:29 AM »
"I don't see why you guys think that looks like Valkyrie Profile!"

> only posts three screens

ehy it's my first time seeing the two screen above too :lol

but it was already said it was supposed to be an action rpg
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Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11772 on: June 21, 2013, 11:06:53 AM »
Speaking of Valkyrie Profile, I need to play Resonance of Fate. Still have lots of games to play this generation! I've had it for ps3 for years but still haven't played it. Guess I'll add it to the list of games to play while my ps4 waits for FFXV.

Bebpo how similar is RoF to VP2? VP2 was I think, the best jrpg of last generation. Even better than FFXII. It's not my favorite (Persona 3) but in terms of mechanical depth you just can't beat it.
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archnemesis

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11773 on: June 21, 2013, 11:07:48 AM »
I'm not Bebpo, but the games aren't very similar at all.

Himu

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11774 on: June 21, 2013, 11:08:24 AM »
NOoooooooooooooooooo. :(
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archnemesis

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11775 on: June 21, 2013, 11:11:51 AM »
Well, they're both good/great RPGs with real-time elements to the combat. Being different isn't a bad thing.

Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11776 on: June 21, 2013, 11:50:37 AM »
That looks like a low-budget Flash-based Princess Crown knockoff.

And yeah, Resonance of Fate is awesome, but nothing like Valkyrie Profile.
野球

iconoclast

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11777 on: June 21, 2013, 11:57:41 AM »
Congrats.. must have spent a lot of time in training mode getting those patterns down.

Somebody made a TAS no miss/no bomb of Inbachi that showed some interesting paths through her attacks, but I am sure he spent a lot of time in training mode trying to get it all down legitimately. Being able to practice the fight repeatedly with the port definitely sped up the clear by many months, if not years. I'm expecting some more clears in the next Arcadia as well, considering the guys who hold the world records are the best of the best.

His replay was uploaded to youtube, if you don't have the port and want to check it out:

Inbachi's at 25:30
BiSH

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11778 on: June 21, 2013, 12:03:38 PM »
NOoooooooooooooooooo. :(

the battle system work like this,your guys are equipped with guns and machine guns,machine guns hit deal "scratch damage" which is basicaly imaginary damage,and gun hit turns the imaginary damage into real damage so the idea is that you first weaken the enemy with machine gun attack and then finish them off with gun attack,at the bottom of the screen you have crystals,you can use a crystal to dash into a straight line and as long as you are running you can attack infinitely thus being able to hit an enemy 3-4 times,it also enable you to get behind an enemy as some enemy have shield (which of course can be destroyed with enough scratch damage) and other thing that protect them,if you get your party to surround an enemy you can also waste 3 crystal all at once to have all of them circle and gunning the enemy

if you take too much damage or one of your party member dies your crystal shatter and the other party member go into a panic and stop attacking

the best thing about the game is customizing your gun,you can add muzzler and cartridge and the like until you create very OP and dumb looking guns



so yeah it's nothing like VP
« Last Edit: June 21, 2013, 12:18:22 PM by magus »
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mjemirzian

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11779 on: June 21, 2013, 12:21:50 PM »
Somebody made a TAS no miss/no bomb of Inbachi that showed some interesting paths through her attacks, but I am sure he spent a lot of time in training mode trying to get it all down legitimately. Being able to practice the fight repeatedly with the port definitely sped up the clear by many months, if not years.
Yeah I saw the TAS on nicovideo, seems it was taken down. Replay mode probably helps a lot with practicing as well. Inbachi's patterns might be literally impossible if you reach her at too high of a rank.

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11780 on: June 22, 2013, 04:29:57 PM »
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1067367405/pinball-arcade-terminator-2-judgment-day

they should stop making new table considering i've been playing this forever and i still only have 70% of the trophies! :maf

spoiler (click to show/hide)
in all seriousness shouldn't they worry about bringing the pc version and/or cactus canyon/white water on ps3 before doing this?

EDIT: oh? cactus canyon has now a ps3 release? interessing
[close]
« Last Edit: June 22, 2013, 04:43:31 PM by magus »
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Positive Touch

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11781 on: June 22, 2013, 04:49:21 PM »
terminator 2 cabinet :homerdrool
pcp

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11782 on: June 22, 2013, 07:22:49 PM »
Certain versions lag on releases at a particular rate behind the (main) mobile releases, magoose.  They've also said they "can't" fix bugs on the PS3 version because of something on Sony's end, but they're generally a bunch of buck-passing liars, so I don't believe it.

Love the T2 machine and I'm not surprised they're headed back to the Kickstarter well again, but I'll be surprised if this gets funded considering how fucking poorly they handled the two.  At the very least, the 360 players who kicked in on the last one probably aren't going to buy the sweet lies again. I see they're playing dirty by mentioning Addams Family as a possible stretch/next KS, when they know that table is 100% not possible to license.

well it just seems kinda scummy to go back asking for money when they still haven't fixed all the previous shit they should have fixed,i understand that they aren't the pinball fairy or something but they should have at least waited for the pc release

also what would make the addams family different from the other licensed table if i can ask?
« Last Edit: June 22, 2013, 07:27:22 PM by magus »
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thisismyusername

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11783 on: June 22, 2013, 08:34:26 PM »
So, they can't remove him and his voice from the table? I know that wouldn't be "digitally accurate" but the table and effects otherwise would be the same, yeah?

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11784 on: June 23, 2013, 06:56:26 AM »
dangan ronpa translation patch is completed

http://danganronpa.wordpress.com/2013/06/23/release-danganronpa-english-translation-v1-0/

i don't think i'll play this myself since i know the plot already and as such i see no reason to do it but maybe someone else here on the bore with an hacked psp and a penchant for wordy game... do we even have a guy like that here on thebore? ???
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thisismyusername

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11785 on: June 23, 2013, 08:06:14 PM »
They could, but they are unwilling to.  If they can't recreate it perfectly, they don't want to do it, and I understand that given their mission statement.

Well, that seems to be the only way they could reach that "stretch goal" to do it. Otherwise maybe his estate relented?

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11786 on: June 23, 2013, 08:08:12 PM »
Actually, in Japanese culture, bodybuilders don't carry the same bully connotation that they do in Western culture.  Instead, they carry an air of homoeroticism.  So magoose is either reveling in gay-bashing or titillated by their glistening, muscular bodies.

did i mention the guy attack you by making shockwave by flexing his muscle's? :mouf

#t=5m25s

but the truth is that you guys just lack a funny bone :xbone
« Last Edit: June 23, 2013, 08:15:12 PM by magus »
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Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11787 on: June 23, 2013, 09:06:22 PM »
So I finally understand that bodybuilder thing at the Honeybee Inn now. Wow. :lol

Also

« Last Edit: June 23, 2013, 09:08:06 PM by Formerly Known As Himuro »
IYKYK

Great Rumbler

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11788 on: June 23, 2013, 09:08:42 PM »
So I finally understand that bodybuilder thing at the Honeybee Inn now. Wow. :lol

:wtf
dog

Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11789 on: June 23, 2013, 09:12:55 PM »
So I finally understand that bodybuilder thing at the Honeybee Inn now. Wow. :lol

:wtf

It's pretty obvious that the bodybuilders are gay, but given that to me bodybuilders are seen as super masculine and just alpha dudes, I didn't understand the Japanese mindset that bodybuilding equates to homoeroticism since I'm not a part of that culture. After Oscar explains the general consensus of bodybuilders in Japan, the entire segment makes sense. Before, it's just a bunch of random and funny stuff like "why do these guys have wigs and panties"

This also sheds light on the Takumi tweet where he responds with really muscular dudes in regards to the guy complaining about Dragon's Crown female character designs. :lol

I mean sure, it's funny they are body builders, but now I know WHY they're specifically body builders. :lol
« Last Edit: June 23, 2013, 09:16:45 PM by Formerly Known As Himuro »
IYKYK

Positive Touch

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11790 on: June 23, 2013, 09:44:40 PM »
yeah i mean its like the first thing people say to trash wrestling or mma
pcp

Himu

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11791 on: June 23, 2013, 09:45:11 PM »
not all wrestlers are bodybuilders

also mma and werestling != bodybuilding
« Last Edit: June 23, 2013, 09:47:53 PM by Formerly Known As Himuro »
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brob

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11792 on: June 23, 2013, 09:49:03 PM »
dudes eating protein and spotting their bros are gay as fuck. this is a global truth. pls himu.

Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11793 on: June 23, 2013, 09:50:26 PM »
what kind of protein :shaq
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Trent Dole

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11794 on: June 23, 2013, 10:35:39 PM »
So I finally understand that bodybuilder thing at the Honeybee Inn now. Wow. :lol
Look up Cho Aniki if you're unaware. 8)
Hi

thisismyusername

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11795 on: June 23, 2013, 11:17:43 PM »
what kind of protein :shaq

Someone said protein?

spoiler (click to show/hide)

So I finally understand that bodybuilder thing at the Honeybee Inn now. Wow. :lol
Look up Cho Aniki if you're unaware. 8)

Optionally, he could buy the PSX version of that off the "import" section of the PSN store. Too bad that one isn't really that great. :(

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11796 on: June 24, 2013, 06:34:48 AM »
any of you guys getting that deadpool game? it looks like a pretty lame action game but i like deadpool so i'm curious to hear what people think about it
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magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11797 on: June 24, 2013, 07:01:51 PM »
another gaming kickstarter,steampunk wizard of oz :rock :rock :rock

www.kickstarter.com/projects/spicyhorse/ozombie

in other news

http://rpgamer.com/games/timeeternity/timeeternity/reviews/timeeternitystrev1.html

yikes :kobeyuck
i know i'm usualy the guy that say stuff like "ehy maybe it is actualy good!" but i don't think i've ever played a good imageepoch game
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demi

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11798 on: June 24, 2013, 07:08:39 PM »
You're going to play it anyway... lmao
fat

Joe Molotov

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11799 on: June 24, 2013, 07:35:56 PM »
another gaming kickstarter,steampunk wizard of oz :rock :rock :rock

www.kickstarter.com/projects/spicyhorse/ozombie

in other news

http://rpgamer.com/games/timeeternity/timeeternity/reviews/timeeternitystrev1.html

yikes :kobeyuck
i know i'm usualy the guy that say stuff like "ehy maybe it is actualy good!" but i don't think i've ever played a good imageepoch game

Which part of this did you think was "maybe actually good"?

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magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11800 on: June 24, 2013, 07:36:48 PM »
You're going to play it anyway... lmao

it's true

you know when i said i would like to see a kickstarter for japanese game it's exactly because shit like this keep happening,we could have this

http://www.tehvidya.com/2013/02/ore-no-shikabane-wo-koete-yuke-screenshots/

but nope! here's more imageepoch and idea factory games,you are welcome 'merica! i'm not even sure why this keep happening because the only logical reason are that

A) someone keeps buying these game and has no clue
B) nobody buys them but NIS bring them anyway and has no clue

both scenario are sad and horrible and make me want to cry weeaboo tears

another gaming kickstarter,steampunk wizard of oz :rock :rock :rock

www.kickstarter.com/projects/spicyhorse/ozombie

in other news

http://rpgamer.com/games/timeeternity/timeeternity/reviews/timeeternitystrev1.html

yikes :kobeyuck
i know i'm usualy the guy that say stuff like "ehy maybe it is actualy good!" but i don't think i've ever played a good imageepoch game

Which part of this did you think was "maybe actually good"?



it was more of a general statement but truth to be told you automaticaly get my attention as soon as you say "RPG" and "2D Sprites" :lol
« Last Edit: June 24, 2013, 08:03:25 PM by magus »
<----

Great Rumbler

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11801 on: June 24, 2013, 09:18:05 PM »
Which part of this did you think was "maybe actually good"?



Haha, that review is right, that really does look like it came from the late-90's. :lol
dog

tiesto

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11802 on: June 24, 2013, 10:36:31 PM »
It reminds me of Tengai Makyou IV for Saturn, which had anime stills with low (3-4) frames of animation for the enemies you fight.
^_^

demi

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11803 on: June 24, 2013, 10:41:56 PM »
Yeah, I'm glad I get Saturn level animation on my PS3.
fat

Trent Dole

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11804 on: June 25, 2013, 02:03:59 PM »
Eh I'll just put this Mechagamezilla thing here, whatever.
Hi

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11805 on: June 25, 2013, 02:20:44 PM »
another gaming kickstarter appear

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1002143342/undertale

Quote
Although UNDERTALE is an original game, the demo has already received many favorable comparisons to the MOTHER (Earthbound) series, specifically MOTHER 3. Other have compared it to Cave Story, the Shin Megami Tensei series, Touhou, and Homestuck.

demo in question

http://undertale.com/

game is an rpg about a guy getting lost in a cave,the gimmick is that you don't need to fight your way out but instead you can resolve encounter by talking to enemies and picking the right option (the frog for example blush and walk away when complimented) when you get attacked you also play a small bullet hell like section,if you dodge all the bullets you take no damage

the plot hook is that...

spoiler (click to show/hide)
when you start you quickly get betrayed by the first character you encounter (the sunflower) you then get to encounter a second character (the cow girl) who just doesn't stop acting all kind toward you,this is hammered to the extreme to the point you can see the game being desperate to make a point and of course... (end of the demo spoiler)
spoiler (click to show/hide)
the point is that she dies at the end and boohoo that is sad,but if you go trough the whole game without killing anyone she get spared and then the game breaks the fourth wall and actualy recognize the fact that you went trough multiple ending which is pretty awesome :lol
[close]
[close]
 

i kinda appreciate what the guy is trying to do (i mean look at him! he made an rpg like game without rpgmaker and/or remembering me that final fantasy/dragon quest/zelda are things! it's a miracle!) but i fear the horde of moron this game has the potential to bring,i mean just look at the comment above :larry

by the way i tought great rumbler was the kickstarter guy? why i'm the one making this post? what a lazy bum! :maf
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Great Rumbler

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11806 on: June 25, 2013, 02:45:58 PM »
We've got a Kickstarter thread, magus. Two, actually.
dog

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11807 on: June 25, 2013, 05:27:49 PM »
We've got a Kickstarter thread, magus. Two, actually.

i know but it's more fun this way :heh
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BobFromPikeCreek

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11808 on: June 25, 2013, 11:42:11 PM »


I can't believe this is a 50 dollar game.
zzzzz

Trent Dole

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11809 on: June 26, 2013, 12:01:08 AM »
Not for long I'd wager.
Hi

Joe Molotov

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11810 on: June 26, 2013, 12:02:09 AM »
Looks like perfect Steam Sale fodder.
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Big Barry Jazz

  • Junior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11811 on: June 26, 2013, 09:48:07 AM »
Activision, guys. This isn't seeing a decent discount for a while.

demi

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11812 on: June 26, 2013, 09:55:35 AM »
It will go down in price, they normally throw aside the ones that don't sell.
fat

Big Barry Jazz

  • Junior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11813 on: June 26, 2013, 10:00:50 AM »
Is that console prices? Their pc prices don't seem to shift much. Find it hard to believe Fall of Cybertron is doing that well.

Just had a look on steamprices and it looks like US and EU are getting reamed by Activision on some of their games.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2013, 10:12:47 AM by Big Barry Jazz »

mjemirzian

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11814 on: June 26, 2013, 12:57:59 PM »
It's $40 on Steam now, prob. $15 by this fall/xmas sale.

magus

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11815 on: June 26, 2013, 01:06:06 PM »
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Joe Molotov

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11816 on: June 26, 2013, 01:32:33 PM »
Caligula of Duty
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Great Rumbler

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Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11817 on: June 26, 2013, 08:23:52 PM »
http://www.destructoid.com/review-ride-to-hell-retribution-257053.phtml

Quote from: Jim Sterling
In my five years of reviewing games for Destructoid, only twice have I ever been flat-out informed by a publisher that review copies of a game were not being made available. Some companies may dance around the issue, others may delay sending until the day of launch.

It never speaks well of the game in question that a publisher is outright unwilling to hand it to critics.

Ride to Hell: Retribution is one of only two games I've known of that reviewers have had to purchase themselves, and it's evident within seconds why.

This is one absolutely despicable game.

I died within seconds. The game jumped straight into a stereotypical turret gun sequence, but before it was even done displaying the basic controls onscreen, my tattooed protagonist was flung violently from his gun, and I'd been informed I'd failed the mission. What mission? What failure? I hadn't even been given the chance to fire off more than three shots and I'd died. There was no context for my failure, nor for even the "mission" it spoke of.

It happened again on the second try.

The third try, I managed to avoid dying without reason, and I don't know why. I was then suddenly transported from the turret to a brawl in the desert, with as much context as I'd been given for the gun sequence. This brawl consisted of hammering some remedial quick-time-event button prompts. Then the game began.

I had no idea what on Earth was going on.

After this confusingly disjointed opening, the game settled into a lengthy cutscene to explain the basic story. It's the "roaring Sixties," and you play a cross between Kurt Russel and Stretch Armstrong, whose brother is unceremoniously killed by the Devil's Hand motorcycle gang. Cue a rampage of revenge in what I think is a game trying to be Kill Bill, but so obviously isn't Kill Bill.

To say the game feels unfinished is to prove inadequate at portraying exactly how clunky, ugly, and downright broken Ride to Hell is. Rather than unfinished, I'd suggest the game feels barely started. Each cutscene shimmers with multiple screen tears that flicker in unison. Textures don't so much pop in as consistently phase between existence and oblivion. For a game that places a heavy emphasis on riding a motorcycle, there are no real motorcycle physics to speak of, the slightest nudge sending your bike flying into the air or through solid concrete floors. Combat predates the original Max Payne. Over-saturated QTEs move at such a pace you'd think you were learning shapes on Sesame Street.

Imagine the classic PS2 game Total Overdose, but stripped of its charm, openness, and ambition. Imagine it interspersed with pitiful attempts to look like Road Rash, only the thrilling bike combat has been replaced by prompted button mashing. Imagine the cheeky Grindhouse style of The House of the Dead: Overkill, only drained of all its joy.

Joylessness, in fact, is a word that lends itself so well to describing the Retribution experience. It is joyless in its dour story, joyless in its overwhelmingly brown color scheme, joyless in its drab, flat, downright depressing presentation.

Oh, and we haven't even gotten to the casual misogyny yet!

At regular intervals, our cop-killing, drug-running hero will meet various women in various states of undress, whose only purpose is to have sex. If they're not already prostitutes (most of them are), they'll still willingly give up a quick shag for the tiniest of favors, resulting in a silent, fully-clothed (because rendering undressed characters would be just too much work), shoddily animated few seconds of what a child might believe sex looks like. This, by the way, is the total contribution of all female characters to the plot of Ride to Hell. Walking fuckboxes, who exist to get kidnapped, rescued, and screwed.

One wonders whether the fine people at Eutechnyx actively hates women, or merely views them as subhuman toys. I'd love to find out. The developers certainly cannot hide behind the idea that it's a parody of the era, considering the rest of the story tries so desperately to make us take it seriously, and there's absolutely nothing provided to let us believe any attempt at humor is ever made during the course of the game.

Now, if all this sounds like one of those "so bad its good" experiences, where you just have to play it for yourself, I sincerely warn against it. At its very worst, Ride to Hell is offensive on philosophical and intellectual levels, but for the most part, it's mind-numbingly tedious. Slow shootouts against cookie-cutter enemies, brainless button-mashing brawls, and long bike rides across stretches of brown road make up the majority of the experience. Over and over, the game repeats these miserable sequences, with all the nuance and evolution of a game released ten years ago. One can't even enjoy this game ironically, because it's so fucking boring.

And, of course, it barely works properly. From punches that regularly fail to connect with enemies, to a consistently confused camera and a player character who regularly gets stuck on pieces of flat floor, everything you'd expect to find in a rushed, half-baked, amateur hour production can be found here. My copy also regularly crashed out into the PS3's XMB, so there's that to look forward to as well.

I spent six hours with the game, eventually deciding I'd had my fill with a boss that relied on me using the woefully inadequate dodge controls to survive. I'd ask for my money back, but that's nothing compared to the six hours of precious finite life I've wasted on this puerile insult to the medium of videogames. This is the kind of game that does damage to the credibility of companies, consoles, and the entire industry. The kind of game that typifies exactly why the used game market is so damn popular, if not necessary. The kind of game that makes the case for more policies in favor of refunding digitally purchased goods on the grounds that they're witless, opprobrious trash.

One should never make assumptions about people, and one shouldn't judge an entire group of people by the games they make. I won't do that. I will, however, say what Ride to Hell: Retribution appears to be, and it appears to be a sad little game made by sad little men. Sad little men who think it's clever and grown up to shoehorn contextless drug collection and sex scenes into a game, because that's what "mature" games do. Sad little men who haven't met real human beings, if they think human beings talk, move, or even look like they do in this masterpiece of artistic indignity. Again, I'm not saying this is what the developers are. It is simply what their "work" says of them. I'd be shocked if anybody was proud of this game.

To Deep Silver, I can say only this: how dare you? How dare you charge $29.99 for a game that would be theft at a third of that price? How dare you resurrect a game that should have stayed canceled in 2009? How dare you? Any goodwill you may have earned from customers in your years of existence will be absolutely ruined by the release of this squalid little mutant of a game.

No word exists for the level of disgust I have for everybody involved in its blasphemous making. 1/10

Dang. :lol
dog

brob

  • 8 diagram pole rider
  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11818 on: June 26, 2013, 08:44:36 PM »



The first of many red flags in these ninety seconds: bleeding cowboy typeface.

:pacspit

chronovore

  • relapsed dev
  • Senior Member
Re: Random Gaming Talk Thread
« Reply #11819 on: June 26, 2013, 08:49:51 PM »
Honestly, if Deep Silver's OK with putting something like this out, hopefully they'll not rush QA and such on Saints Row 4.