Author Topic: Random talk thread: It just keeps happening (Read 4020131 times)

TVC15 · « **Reply #32220 on:** October 01, 2018, 08:31:16 PM »

So I was at the urinals at work taking a piss this morning. It was like 7:30. It was like my third piss of the day, not counting the piss from my 6:30 dump. Anyway, as I was at the urinal, a young asian guy came in and went to one of the urinals down from me. He was young, a little too skinny, looked to probably be in his 20s. I don't normally pay attention to such things, but when he started pissing, it sounded like a fucking fire hose hitting the urinal. I couldn't help but imagine being on the receiving end of that, taking a nice long drink. I'm not sure I'd be able to swallow fast enough to get it all down without wasting some of that delicious piss. For serious, his meatus must've been big enough to accept an index finger without much stretching.

I went back to my desk a little disappointed that I couldn't play with that thing. I consoled myself by thinking about all the fucked up things asians eat and that his piss was probably not as good as corn-fed American piss. And he probably wasn't packing downtown.

TVC15 · « **Reply #32221 on:** October 01, 2018, 10:25:59 PM »

There are those little wall dividers between the individual urinals, and he was also respecting the urinal spacing rule, so he wasn’t using the one right next to me.

I'm a Puppy! · « **Reply #32222 on:** October 01, 2018, 11:12:18 PM »

On a related note I went to the bathroom today and was in the stall when someone gets in the stall next to me and let's out a fart so loud it reverberated followed by a huge turd splash then a heavy Indian accent came from that stall saying "oh yes, that felt goooooood!"

skullstorm · « **Reply #32223 on:** October 02, 2018, 02:29:26 PM »

A new lady started working at the place I'm a trainee at and already I can tell that she's going to be a huge c-word. Her second day there and she already said something really bitchy at me and made some passive aggressive comments at everyone so yay looking forward to getting annoyed by that bitter old cow every day. Plus she just won't. Stop. Talking.

But on a positive note I found a chocolate that had been discontinued almost 20 years ago and used to be my favorite and I can't believe it's back, the nostalgia!

TVC15 · « **Reply #32224 on:** October 02, 2018, 06:20:54 PM »

Nothing sexy has happened to me today

I went to the bathroom frequently and there was an asian at the urinals once but his piss stream sounded normal. What’s worse is that after, he brushed his teeth, and all four stalls were occupied. I was a little grossed out by the thought of the shit particles going into his mouth. The bathroom air was heavy with stank, too. I just stood at the urinal and pissed, paying close attention to the sound my piss made when it hit the porcelain. There was nary a sound

chronovore · « **Reply #32225 on:** October 02, 2018, 06:46:02 PM »

Quote from: I'm a Puppy! on October 01, 2018, 11:12:18 PM

On a related note I went to the bathroom today and was in the stall when someone gets in the stall next to me and let's out a fart so loud it reverberated followed by a huge turd splash then a heavy Indian accent came from that stall saying "oh yes, that felt goooooood!"

Next time that happens, bang on the door and say, "Hey, bud, shitting's not a sport that requires a running commentary."

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32226 on:** October 02, 2018, 09:08:45 PM »

Reading a paper on machine translation:

Quote

Both fail by attempting to translate when they should copy over, but the BPE system’s errors are harder to understand as they involve semantic translation, rendering Britta Hermann as Sir Leon, and Esme Nussbaum as smiling walnut

Kara · « **Reply #32227 on:** October 03, 2018, 04:44:42 PM »

Saw a bona fide Betty Ford invoice today.

agrajag · « **Reply #32228 on:** October 03, 2018, 05:30:31 PM »

Quote from: chronovore on October 02, 2018, 06:46:02 PM

Quote from: I'm a Puppy! on October 01, 2018, 11:12:18 PM
On a related note I went to the bathroom today and was in the stall when someone gets in the stall next to me and let's out a fart so loud it reverberated followed by a huge turd splash then a heavy Indian accent came from that stall saying "oh yes, that felt goooooood!"

Next time that happens, bang on the door and say, "Hey, bud, shitting's not a sport that requires a running commentary."

brawndolicious · « **Reply #32229 on:** October 03, 2018, 06:50:36 PM »

Quote from: Kara on October 03, 2018, 04:44:42 PM

Saw a bona fide Betty Ford invoice today.

I wonder if accountants keep juicy client receipts like photo developers do of nudes.

Kara · « **Reply #32230 on:** October 03, 2018, 08:09:32 PM »

I don't work particularly high on the food chain but at my level I am regarded as unusual for researching unrelated information about the client. (For example, indicating that ownership has previously been indicted for crimes when someone says they have a hunch that the client is dirty.)

Kara · « **Reply #32231 on:** October 04, 2018, 01:41:21 AM »

I'm not too keen on helping the U.S. investigate a certain subset of drug dealers, a certain subset of Islamist violent non-state actors, and European corporations that have the temerity to do business with the Islamic Republic of Iran, but yes I have.

Momo · « **Reply #32232 on:** October 04, 2018, 02:00:52 AM »

busy ass day today, but taking tomorrow and monday off work

Maiden Voyage · « **Reply #32233 on:** October 04, 2018, 06:56:01 AM »

I've got 2 days left, excluding my xmas time off. No fucking clue what to do with them.

tiesto · « **Reply #32234 on:** October 04, 2018, 07:05:59 AM »

Went to cash in yen from my trip at a local TD Bank. And the guy working there was clueless as to what yen was... "Is that a foreign currency?" "What country is it from?"

WTF, how could you work at a bank and not know what yen is?

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #32235 on:** October 04, 2018, 09:10:18 AM »

Quote from: tiesto on October 04, 2018, 07:05:59 AM

Went to cash in yen from my trip at a local TD Bank. And the guy working there was clueless as to what yen was... "Is that a foreign currency?" "What country is it from?"

WTF, how could you work at a bank and not know what yen is?

You, foolish: “Nani is this??”

Me, wise: “Gomenasorry, but I’ll just keikaku to take my business elsewhere.”

I'm a Puppy! · « **Reply #32236 on:** October 04, 2018, 08:43:04 PM »

overheard today: "If I had a dollar for every time I've been accused of something sexually inappropriate I'd be republican."

Kara · « **Reply #32237 on:** October 04, 2018, 09:20:30 PM »

Quote from: Shostakovich on October 04, 2018, 10:58:36 AM

Quote from: Kara on October 04, 2018, 01:41:21 AM
I'm not too keen on helping the U.S. investigate a certain subset of drug dealers, a certain subset of Islamist violent non-state actors, and European corporations that have the temerity to do business with the Islamic Republic of Iran, but yes I have.
What about going into financial crimes, then? As part of some terrorist cell or something.

A few days ago there was a quiz on the New York Times website titled "Are you a Democratic Socialist?" and I took it out of morbid curiosity. The last question was "Ideally, how should major social or political changes be achieved?" and the last possible response was "By any means necessary, including violence and/or revolution." To this I said out loud, "Hello, officer!" and clicked on "Through the traditional democratic process: elections, legislation and popular lobbying."

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32238 on:** October 04, 2018, 11:42:31 PM »

Working on a new carving

needs some clean up

Crash Dummy · « **Reply #32239 on:** October 05, 2018, 08:08:42 AM »

Quote from: Kara on October 04, 2018, 09:20:30 PM

Quote from: Shostakovich on October 04, 2018, 10:58:36 AM
Quote from: Kara on October 04, 2018, 01:41:21 AM
I'm not too keen on helping the U.S. investigate a certain subset of drug dealers, a certain subset of Islamist violent non-state actors, and European corporations that have the temerity to do business with the Islamic Republic of Iran, but yes I have.
What about going into financial crimes, then? As part of some terrorist cell or something.

A few days ago there was a quiz on the New York Times website titled "Are you a Democratic Socialist?" and I took it out of morbid curiosity. The last question was "Ideally, how should major social or political changes be achieved?" and the last possible response was "By any means necessary, including violence and/or revolution." To this I said out loud, "Hello, officer!" and clicked on "Through the traditional democratic process: elections, legislation and popular lobbying."

so internal audit/compliance?

TVC15 · « **Reply #32240 on:** October 05, 2018, 09:44:59 AM »

I doordashed Applebees on a whim last night (Five Guys was closed

) and it was so fucking gross.

But the bright side is that I had a dream that gets me over a story hurdle in the Death of Cindi.

Great Rumbler · « **Reply #32241 on:** October 05, 2018, 09:51:12 AM »

Applebees? Geez, man, at least get food from Chilis or something.

TVC15 · « **Reply #32242 on:** October 05, 2018, 10:04:41 AM »

Ugh, confession: I searched for Chilis before accepting Applebees as a compromise. No Chilis near me. My ass is thankful. It would’ve been a crispers-induced mudslide in my ass this morning.

Atramental · « **Reply #32243 on:** October 05, 2018, 12:37:44 PM »

It's funny how in one moment I feel in control & on-top of things and then life bitch slaps me from multiple directions thus causing my emotional state to spiral out of control.

Kara · « **Reply #32244 on:** October 05, 2018, 01:00:22 PM »

You're gonna be alright. Bless up.

TVC15 · « **Reply #32245 on:** October 05, 2018, 03:43:27 PM »

Quote from: Atramental on October 05, 2018, 12:37:44 PM

It's funny how in one moment I feel in control & on-top of things and then life bitch slaps me from multiple directions thus causing my emotional state to spiral out of control.

Thats why I do lines of depakote, babe.

I'm a Puppy! · « **Reply #32246 on:** October 05, 2018, 07:24:22 PM »

So I was walking with a coworker after a meeting that could've been very confrontational. I started the meeting, they came in all serious and structured. I replied with something non-sensical and then took over the conversation. My co-worker asked me how I avoided the land mines and changed the meeting from being a potential mess to being rather pleasant, and I told him that it comes down to understanding that people prepare tough conversations in their head and the way they frame their opening sentence tells you how they view it. So, if you want to gain the upper hand and control the conversation derail them right away. If they come at you all serious, say something nonsensical, appeal to their humor and then while they're caught off guard lead the conversation where you want it. If they're coming at you with humor or conciliatory language, reply toughly and take them off guard. This disarms them right away and puts you in control, you're in essence saying "I'll talk to you on my terms, not yours." And by defacto you're in charge of the conversation.

My coworker just looked at me and said, "Puppy, you're one scary asshole."

I don't find it scary. Just basic conversation skills. I'll admit to being an asshole, but scary? I'm not scary am I?

toku · « **Reply #32247 on:** October 05, 2018, 07:43:13 PM »

chess not checkers, the puppy way

team filler · « **Reply #32248 on:** October 05, 2018, 08:35:51 PM »

Justin Parks
2 years ago
I love this song so much I want to take it to a Taco Bell bathroom and get it pregnant.

kingv · « **Reply #32249 on:** October 06, 2018, 04:21:34 AM »

Quote from: I'm a Puppy! on October 01, 2018, 11:12:18 PM

On a related note I went to the bathroom today and was in the stall when someone gets in the stall next to me and let's out a fart so loud it reverberated followed by a huge turd splash then a heavy Indian accent came from that stall saying "oh yes, that felt goooooood!"

Indian people have no chill in the shitter.

There’s a guy at my work that blasts Bollywood music through the external speaker on his phone while shutting.

I never hear that tunac tunac tun tho.

TVC15 · « **Reply #32250 on:** October 06, 2018, 05:21:30 AM »

bork · « **Reply #32251 on:** October 07, 2018, 07:33:41 PM »

At the supermarket early this morning:

Some woman: Excuse me, sir? Excuse me? Excuse me sir!
Me: ?
Woman: Hi, blah blah blah I've had hard times blah blah blah
Me: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Woman: Oh no, I don't want your money blah blah blah church blah blah my church--
Me: No thanks, I'm not interested. I start walking away
Woman: I WAS JUST TRYING TO PAY FOR YOUR GROCERIES!!!!

Me:

If she didn't suddenly lose her shit when I politely declined and turned around, and was actually genuine, I would have told her that I was good and to go pay for someone's groceries who could really stand to benefit from it, but whatever. Saw her at the checkout line later standing behind some wealthy-looking lady, apparently about to pay for her groceries. Either that or just trying to do the same church spiel. Dunno, don't care.

team filler · « **Reply #32252 on:** October 07, 2018, 07:37:44 PM »

they don't want to actually help, they just want to feel like they are helping. go feed some starving homeless people, you dumbass biiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch

bork · « **Reply #32253 on:** October 07, 2018, 07:40:16 PM »

Quote from: filler on October 07, 2018, 07:37:44 PM

they don't want to actually help, they just want to feel like they are helping. go feed some starving homeless people, you dumbass biiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch

Same thing came to mind.

She was just waving around a gift card to the store and I figured she was trying to get me to buy it from her or something.

agrajag · « **Reply #32254 on:** October 07, 2018, 09:31:44 PM »

One of my ex coworkers that was a manager at a hotel popped up as a suggestion on instagram. I already had her a friend on FB, but she is a now a stripper and aspiring seduction/sex-author/coach and this instagram page is kind of racy.

agrajag · « **Reply #32255 on:** October 07, 2018, 09:38:37 PM »

I look like Benji to you?!?

team filler · « **Reply #32256 on:** October 07, 2018, 09:58:17 PM »

Raynard Williams Martinez

I encourage more white Americans to exercise their rights for the people as Val Venis did. We, the minorities, do not have this luxury --not up for debate. Val Venis is aware his pigmentation affords him to be assertive in dialogue. Kudos to one of my favorite wrestlers in the WWF/E Attitude era!

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #32257 on:** October 07, 2018, 11:06:27 PM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on October 06, 2018, 05:21:30 AM

You should crank this in the bathroom while blasting ass after a nice curry dinner.

Kara · « **Reply #32258 on:** October 07, 2018, 11:10:51 PM »

Quote from: agrajag on October 07, 2018, 09:38:37 PM

I look like Benji to you?!?

Benji would have typed her Insta into Google to see if she's narcissistic enough to use the same #brand across multiple social media platforms and, if she did, pasted it into the shite thread where the baying mob laps up such displays.

agrajag · « **Reply #32259 on:** October 07, 2018, 11:24:55 PM »

If by brand you mean she uses the same name, yeah.

team filler · « **Reply #32260 on:** October 07, 2018, 11:30:11 PM »

is (((doxxed))) the non-binary version of docked?

Kara · « **Reply #32261 on:** October 07, 2018, 11:33:52 PM »

Just a lunch pail doxxer sick of all these flashy hip-hop doxxers getting the aplomb.

Kara · « **Reply #32262 on:** October 10, 2018, 12:43:03 PM »

https://twitter.com/juliarubin/status/1049828078279684096

Great Rumbler · « **Reply #32263 on:** October 10, 2018, 01:11:14 PM »

Atra, post if you're okay.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32264 on:** October 10, 2018, 01:13:35 PM »

He generally posts when he isn't OK

bork · « **Reply #32265 on:** October 10, 2018, 03:31:38 PM »

Last call of the day. Note- this lady is not any kind of bigwig and works in word processing or something.

Her: WELL? DID YOU GET MY REQUEST??!??!

Me: I'm sorry?
Her: DID YOU SEE MY EMAIL??!??!? I NEED IT NOW!!!!!!!!

Me: Uh...what time did you send it? I don't see anything.
Her: AT 2:58 PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I'm sorry, there's nothing from you. What did you need help with?
Her: I NEED HIGH-RESOLUTION PHOTOS OF [two people]!!! NOW!!!

Me:

Me: We don't have photos available (at the IT Service Desk.)
Her: WELL I NEED PICTURES NOW. THIS IS A RUSH JOB. RUSH.
Me: You should probably check with HR or Marketing. I can contact them for you if you'd l--
Her: DO IT BECAUSE THIS IS A HUGE RUSH. HUGE!!!

Marketing responds back that they don't have any photos.
Her [In response to them]: ♪♪ "OK, I'll just work around it then~" ♪♪

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32266 on:** October 10, 2018, 03:36:02 PM »

Wow, that's weird, unless she knows about your special folder of photos.

bork · « **Reply #32267 on:** October 10, 2018, 03:38:45 PM »

Quote from: TheInfelicitousDandy on October 10, 2018, 03:36:02 PM

Wow, that's weird, unless she knows about your special folder of photos.

If she wanted Bowsette pictures all she had to do was ask!

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32268 on:** October 10, 2018, 03:41:16 PM »

Sometimes non-tech people don't know what to ask for. I remember trying to figure out what my grandma wanted for like 20 minutes before realizing she just wanted to find pictures of goatse.

bork · « **Reply #32269 on:** October 10, 2018, 03:48:01 PM »

Quote from: TheInfelicitousDandy on October 10, 2018, 03:41:16 PM

Sometimes non-tech people don't know what to ask for. I remember trying to figure out what my grandma wanted for like 20 minutes before realizing she just wanted to find pictures of goatse.

This is someone who should know better. The reason her email didn't get to us is because she sent it to our equivalent of the "no-reply" address that our ticketing system uses.

People pretty much just seem to think that "Help Desk" means everything and not just IT stuff. Need a light bulb changed? CALL THE HELP DESK! Problems with the AC? CALL THE HELP DESK! Because, you know...don't bother checking the nicely organized and easy to navigate directory that has all the various departments and maintenance numbers and email addresses listed or anything.

I also like the people who ask for help with personal stuff. "Hey can you work on my PC for me??" NOPE! "Hey what's the best brand of laptop I should buy??" Sorry, can't tell you because if you don't like it, you're going to blame me or ask me to fix your shit.

At the previous job, someone once called and asked us to help go take care of an insect infestation in their building.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #32270 on:** October 10, 2018, 03:49:51 PM »

Quote from: TheInfelicitousDandy on October 10, 2018, 03:41:16 PM

Sometimes non-tech people don't know what to ask for. I remember trying to figure out what my grandma wanted for like 20 minutes before realizing she just wanted to find pictures of goatse.

Imagine her disappointment when she found out there's just the one.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32271 on:** October 10, 2018, 03:54:22 PM »

You imagine, I was there.

Kara · « **Reply #32272 on:** October 10, 2018, 04:38:54 PM »

The Sorrows of Young Bork; or, Failures in Branding

Atramental · « **Reply #32273 on:** October 10, 2018, 04:42:32 PM »

Quote from: Great Rumbler on October 10, 2018, 01:11:14 PM

Atra, post if you're okay.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #32274 on:** October 10, 2018, 04:56:41 PM »

Wow, look at this guy, humble-bragging about how okay he is. Bork is dealing with a lot right now, so this is really insensitive, Atra.

I'm a Puppy! · « **Reply #32275 on:** October 10, 2018, 10:13:25 PM »

Quote from: bork on October 10, 2018, 03:31:38 PM

Last call of the day. Note- this lady is not any kind of bigwig and works in word processing or something.

Her: WELL? DID YOU GET MY REQUEST??!??!
Me: I'm sorry?
Her: DID YOU SEE MY EMAIL??!??!? I NEED IT NOW!!!!!!!!
Me: Uh...what time did you send it? I don't see anything.
Her: AT 2:58 PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I'm sorry, there's nothing from you. What did you need help with?
Her: I NEED HIGH-RESOLUTION PHOTOS OF [two people]!!! NOW!!!
Me:
Me: We don't have photos available (at the IT Service Desk.)
Her: WELL I NEED PICTURES NOW. THIS IS A RUSH JOB. RUSH.
Me: You should probably check with HR or Marketing. I can contact them for you if you'd l--
Her: DO IT BECAUSE THIS IS A HUGE RUSH. HUGE!!!
Marketing responds back that they don't have any photos.
Her [In response to them]: ♪♪ "OK, I'll just work around it then~" ♪♪

Yeah. I had something similar happen to me two weeks ago.

After being crucified because we're 30 cents off on a report from a reporting system we're replacing it turns out that the reporting system we're replacing missed thousands of records in essence invalidating all of August reports to an unknown amount of money.

I sat there feverishly waiting for the ensuing yelling/crucifixion because if they strung us up for 30 cents this would be a million times worse.
So the user comes back and says "What's the root cause of your discrepancy?" To the other system they reply with "I don't have a root cause, I don't have an ETA on a root cause and we'll likely never get one."
I was like "Ohhhh boy here it comes! Decapitation time!"
And the user was just like "OK."

TVC15 · « **Reply #32276 on:** October 10, 2018, 10:34:49 PM »

I wish I was dead

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32277 on:** October 11, 2018, 02:03:03 AM »

Being annoying isn't a crime

Momo · « **Reply #32278 on:** October 11, 2018, 04:04:50 AM »

Quote from: Shostakovich on October 11, 2018, 01:52:29 AM

Is someone going to fill me in on what filler did

there's a cover up, we could be next :'(

Great Rumbler · « **Reply #32279 on:** October 11, 2018, 08:49:33 AM »

He posted a thread that was just a six-letter slur for gay people repeated three times in all caps.

News:

Author Topic: Random talk thread: It just keeps happening (Read 4020131 times)