Fuck her dude, fuck her. Stop being stuck in the high school mentality, she isn't worth it. She chose a douche over you and played with your emotions to boot. There is no point now, it sucks but write her off completely cause she wrote you down as a guy on her hook if she doesn't stick with the asshole or find something better. She decided that you aren't worth the effort for her, so she's certainly not worth your pining.
You're a goddamn lawyer in California, fuck random bitches at bars instead. Keep dating, too. You'll be fine and dandy before you know it.
Here's the thing. I know her better than you guys (no offense intended, it's just a fact), right now I'm actually pretty damn sure I know her better than herself. We're extremely close and we know each other's mental patters in and out. She's even TOLD me that she's confused right now and can't trust her feelings because she just got out of a 6 month relationship like 3 weeks ago. Now manipulative guy turned that around saying part of that is why she was confused about her feelings towards me and was confusing her deep friendship feelings for love/relationship feelings. But that's BS, she's liked me for 6-8 months straight, I know this because she's told me in the past and even tried to make out but I shut her down because she was in a relationship and that's goes against my values. She's confused, irrational (she gets irrational when she gets emotional and she's a highly emotional person), and the douche is taking advantage of that and manipulating her to his benefit. Basically she's choosing a post-breakup rebound super high crush over a long deep-rooted love she's built up over a year.
I'm not sure HOW to say that to her (at least that she's confused and I probably know her better than she knows herself right now) without coming off as a condescending asshole. And being that's she extremely sensitive it'll just push her away.
Eventually yeah, maybe she'll figure it out for herself. She's seen the facts that he's manipulative, she's seen him be controlling, she's seen him be a total asshole and act like a child emotionally when he's attacked on an emotional level, she knows that all of her friends disapprove of him. When she's not being led around by her emotions (which like I said, unfortunately is 99% of the time because she's highly emotional [like me lol, which is why we connect so much]) she's actually really intelligent. So yeah, one day I'd have to think she'll figure it all out. Assholes don't just become great guys forever and ever after they act like an asshole and fuck everyone around them over to get their girl.
I'm not sure if this was because I really liked her romantically or if I just really cared for her an incredible amount cause she's my best friend. It's hard to differentiate, I've always cared about her a ton and she's cared about me a ton.
I don't know, man. It sounds like she really put herself out there for you, the above being your initial response to it. If you're hurt because you got played around with by a friend, it sounds raw, and I'm sorry, but you have to move along from it all asap, and you'll recover quickly, I promise, no matter how you work it out. But if you're hurt because you really love her, then you need to really fight for this girl.
As to this...I think it's great advice. But I hate pussyfooting around this but I...don't know if I'm in love or just frustrated & upset that she's falling for this PUA who was my good friend (but cut me off 3 weeks ago, the minute this girl broke up with her bf and he saw me as an obstacle. His sole objective for the last 3 weeks as been getting me out of the picture after the bf was out of the picture and then getting her to fall for him; I was really fucking naive and did not realize this until it was too late).
This is the first time I've ever questioned what love is?
1. Do I care about her well-being and want her to be healthy and happy and have the best life she can? Yes
2. Do I enjoy every minute I spend with her? Yes
3. Do I always want to hang out with her? Yes & No. I like to hang out with her, but I don't want to spend every day, every minute with her. Even texting I don't want to be texting constantly all day, every day. I need my space and my life.
4. Do I want to kiss her? She's gorgeous for sure, and I like kissing girls, so I'd be up for it.
5. Do I want to sleep with her? This is where it's sort of interesting. The thought of "sex" with her is completely unappealing to me. She is not "sexy" to me even though she is a very attractive person. I just don't see her that way. But the thought of sharing a bed and holding each other closely and comforting each other is something that I would love.
[I'm pretty sure her answer to 1 & 2 would be the same, not sure about the rest]
Obviously I really like her a lot, but do I love her? I don't know. I want her to always be a part of my life and until this guy happened, I know she felt the same. She even said after she slept with him and had been dating him for a week or two on the night she confessed to me that we would always be best friends no matter what happened with us or any other relationship and she said sleeping with him was a mistake and she regrets it, but I didn't judge her for that cause she's an adult and it happens.
She's really confused and I think we both are because we both care immensely about each other and want to always be extremely close emotionally and physically (in a non-sexual way) but we both can't figure out if that means we're in love with each other or if that's just a deep close friendship.
I think after all this advice from everyone, which I appreciate. I can't back off if I care about her this much. Both for my sake and for her sake. For my feelings and so she won't be hurt and used by this guy. I'm not sure how I'm going to approach this, especially because she's at the honeymoon phase now where she's decided to really try to make a full relationship work with this guy, is totally infatuated, and like I said, becomes completely irrational and won't consider logic when her feelings are in control. Knowing all that I don't see anyway she'll change anything no matter what I say right now. So in the face of futility maybe it's best to leave her be for a while. But knowing how feelings driven I am and how things are right now I'll probably still talk to her about a lot of this stuff soon, even if it won't do anything and might just push her away :|