Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[Kara]

Last night the spouse of an accountant I often contract with took me rich people bar hopping to cheer me up, but after a few drinks we just talked heavy shit about love, family, and pain.  

Apparently what happened with me is not entirely unique, and the accountant I often contract with is a lot like how I am but no longer want to be. (I guess that's why we work so well together). And as a result, the spouse who took me out feels similar things about the accountant I often contract for that my ex probably felt about me. It was therapeutic to try and explain to a civvie what the trade does to you wrt secrecy ("confidentiality" in professional terminology), how disciplined you have to be to not fall into unhealthy emotional behavior as a result of that, and just trying to be a tough guy who doesn't burden people, even when you really do need help. I know they're the kind of things a partner would disregard as excuse-making or bargaining if they heard it from their partner themselves in a spat, but maybe hearing that from a third party who only wants the best for everyone involved will be illuminating. It's probably greedy of me to go 2 for 2 on reaching people in a deep despair this week, but all I've got left in life now is my ambition. 

On a mildly humorous note, let me tell y'all something, when (if, preferably) you get the "I'm so heartbroken I can't bring myself to eat" blues, DO NOT break your emotional fasting with lobster enchiladas in chile de arbol sauce and sour cream. I've subjected my body to a lot in life, but that's a trip I'd rather take again. I think I'll go with a grilled cheese sandwich next time.

[Mupepe]

Last night the spouse of an accountant I often contract with took me rich people bar hopping to cheer me up, but after a few drinks we just talked heavy shit about love, family, and pain.  

Apparently what happened with me is not entirely unique, and the accountant I often contract with is a lot like how I am but no longer want to be. (I guess that's why we work so well together). And as a result, the spouse who took me out feels similar things about the accountant I often contract for that my ex probably felt about me. It was therapeutic to try and explain to a civvie what the trade does to you wrt secrecy ("confidentiality" in professional terminology), how disciplined you have to be to not fall into unhealthy emotional behavior as a result of that, and just trying to be a tough guy who doesn't burden people, even when you really do need help. I know they're the kind of things a partner would disregard as excuse-making or bargaining if they heard it from their partner themselves in a spat, but maybe hearing that from a third party who only wants the best for everyone involved will be illuminating. It's probably greedy of me to go 2 for 2 on reaching people in a deep despair this week, but all I've got left in life now is my ambition. 

On a mildly humorous note, let me tell y'all something, when (if, preferably) you get the "I'm so heartbroken I can't bring myself to eat" blues, DO NOT break your emotional fasting with lobster enchiladas in chile de arbol sauce and sour cream. I've subjected my body to a lot in life, but that's a trip I'd rather take again. I think I'll go with a grilled cheese sandwich next time.

I don't think the bolded is true in a healthy relationship.  Knowing your partner and being able to discern when they're actually struggling is definitely a required skill.  I would only write it off as excuses if my partner continuously deceived me regarding it.  Otherwise it sounds like a lack of trust.  If my partner says they're having a tough time with something I don't brush it off as nonsense, I try to help them fix it.

[Kara]

Change "a partner" to "that partner" in the bolded. I meant them specifically, not in general.

And of course it's unhealthy, we're talking about someone on their third marriage confiding things they can't say to their spouse to some schmuck who works for them after a few margaritas too many.

[Mupepe]

Ah okay. I thought you were making a general statement with that line. Nvm then

[CajoleJuice]

Wish I could have an experience like that.

[Kara]

One day you'll find that special shrink, son. One day.

[Atramental]

.

[Kara]

I don't usually remember dreams when I wake up, never really have unless I was ill the night before, but I did remember the dream I had last night after I did eventually fall asleep. (It was hard to fall asleep because Friday was our night every week, and the night we broke up, and I can't help but think about that when Friday night comes now. Thanks for sobbing about Zeon last stands in U.C. Gundams with me Himu, it helped me not have to face that last night, if only for a while. I'm no Bernie, except maybe when it comes to not speaking my feelings when I should have.)

Anyways, I dreamt that she found me at a hotel (they were a common fixture of our relationship, and the reason why is irrelevant to this post) and we talked over candle light, I think I had been eating alone and know I was definitely not expecting her. I dreamt that unlike the night we broke up, she was willing to listen to me. Unlike that night, I could mean a lot more of what I was saying because I'm in a different place now than I was then. Unlike the night we broke up, none of what I was saying was repelling her, she even seemed like she was considering what I was saying instead of just letting me say my say so that she could reject it flatly and it would make it easier for me to accept her decision. When I'd said all I had to say, she gave it a lot of thought and was about to say something in response when...

my alarm went off because I had irl responsibilities to deal with early on a Saturday, and I woke up alone knowing that I am alone instead of waking up knowing someone loves me, and it broke my heart in a way that I haven't felt in the last 2 weeks.

Then I saw that I had Twitter interactions on my phone and excitedly opened the app, maybe my dream had be some odd sort of subconscious clairvoyance, and that maybe there was a notification that I had DM from her. But no, it wasn't that, it wasn't anything I really care about, it was just more people laughing about an anarcho-capitalist rap song I'd posted on Twitter last night. Whoop-de-do. Hooray. The world is mine.

I know you know I saw your tweet last night son, and I'm sorry I didn't raise you right, but trust me no matter how hard it might seem now, it's even harder to deal with the aftermath of not dealing with it, and it fucking hurts a lot more.

[fistfulofmetal]

some advice plz

i want to talk to my gf about the notion of going moving together, to see where she stands on it in serious context. but she's under a lot of pressure because her thesis is due soon. i feel i should wait until thats out of the way because this might be too much drama. but i don't want to wait too long as the longer i wait the harder the decision is.

thoughts?

[Phoenix Dark]

I'd let her finish the thesis, and then bring it up. It'll be tricky because the longer you want, the more concrete her moving plans could become.

[Kara]

Oh god, that fucking kills.

About five years ago I had what was initially the best relationship of my life, by far. I said I've only ever loved two people: she was the first. Everything before her was a joke compared to that, and if I'm honest, everything afterwards was as well. She broke up with me due to huge mistakes I made that I won't get into here.

For a long time I would have dreams where she would want to get back together, and everything was wonderful. The feeling you get when you wake up and realize it wasn't real... absolutely crushing.

They got less frequent after awhile, but I still have them sometimes. The waking up part gets easier though.

Thank you for sharing that, I would be lying if I said it brought me any solace to know I'll have to face this again, but at least we have #solidarity. 

My initial post about this was kinda shitposty and I'm sorry about that, this is the only social media where I have something resembling community and confidence that my ex is completely unaware of its existence so I feel more liberal about posting my feelings. (In her last email to me she complimented me on taking all this much better than she ever could have imagined.) On my Twitter (which she follows) I have to do embarrassing shit like post Fairuz lyrics in Arabic when I just need to be blue.

[Mupepe]

Would you say she is your khaleesi?

[Kara]

I have to do embarrassing shit like post Fairuz lyrics in Arabic when I just need to be blue.

A non-arab on The Bore listens to Fairuz, now I've seen everything. 

Hey man dirastu al-'rabi hawal khams sanawaat, I'm practically ibn 'amak.    Wallahi.

Yaa'ni... I guess I'm still just 

[Kara]

 

 

[Kara]

Hard to find 'yns sexy after being the recipient of a few 'ayb 'alayaks in my day.

If we're gonna nuke this thread with an off-topic tangent, let's go full bore.

[Phoenix Dark]

but you do like cookie monster metal 

[lordmaji]

Hey brothers,

what's your thoughts on relationships that are 2 girls, 1 guy, and everyone is cool and has sexual terms with just each other? Basically 3 people dating each other gf/gf/bf.

I'm just curious what ya'll think.

[CatsCatsCats]

Likelihood of it eventually blowing up in a storm of drama is high, but have fun while it lasts?

[Phoenix Dark]

You're like the luckiest god damn dude ever. I won't give you any advice! 

[brawndolicious]

I don't feel like poly relationships make sense for most people, it's hard enough to find and keep just one stable relationship with good communication but I know some people who do it successfully.

Is the third wheel here a friend or are you/your current gf expecting something more serious?

[Mr. Gundam]

Hey brothers,

what's your thoughts on relationships that are 2 girls, 1 guy, and everyone is cool and has sexual terms with just each other? Basically 3 people dating each other gf/gf/bf.

I'm just curious what ya'll think.

There's a high likelihood of someone getting jealous and drama ensuing, but knock yourself out as long as you know what you're getting into.

[Human Snorenado]

Had one of the shittiest dates ever last week. Just moved back to Atlanta, figured I'd hit the ground running after negative experiences in most facets of my life the past year or so in NC, so I signed up for a couple dating sites, blah blah blah, traded messages with a few different women, and set up a date with one.

We get to the place at about 7, order drinks, then food, and we're talking and having generally a good time, nice rapport or so I think. Anyway, right at 8 she's like, "sooooo- did you want to stay for trivia?"

I figure this means we're going to play trivia. Sure, whatever. "Ok, my friends are over here at this other table, let's go!"

What. The. Fuck. This wasn't mentioned previously at all. Anyway, being a good sport I agree, and as soon as we get to the other table and after introductions are made all the way around, I basically become invisible to her. She goes off to smoke her e-cig with her friends a couple times and has the grace to apologize to me the 2nd time, but whatever. This is fucking lame.

I think I'm just going to give up on this shit for a while.

[Brehvolution]

  Stupid rules so blatantly written by men.

[Brehvolution]

All these e-cig shops popping up around here will become weed shops once it's legalized.

[Kara]

I can give a pass to Umm Kulthum and Fairuz. But Haifa Wehbe(aside from looks) and Nancy Ajram?

فك اوتى هير عربوس

  I don't listen to Nancy Ajram, I'm just (unfortunately) familiar with her.

Give me the soulful oldies where they pour out emotions I can never understand as a ghareeb.

On topic: really tired of people trying to tell me this will get better with stories about failed relationships. I ALREADY GOT THOSE IN SPADES, Y'ALL, DON'T NEED TO BE REMINDED THERE WILL BE MANY MORE.

[Phoenix Dark]

Had one of the shittiest dates ever last week. Just moved back to Atlanta, figured I'd hit the ground running after negative experiences in most facets of my life the past year or so in NC, so I signed up for a couple dating sites, blah blah blah, traded messages with a few different women, and set up a date with one.

We get to the place at about 7, order drinks, then food, and we're talking and having generally a good time, nice rapport or so I think. Anyway, right at 8 she's like, "sooooo- did you want to stay for trivia?"

I figure this means we're going to play trivia. Sure, whatever. "Ok, my friends are over here at this other table, let's go!"

What. The. Fuck. This wasn't mentioned previously at all. Anyway, being a good sport I agree, and as soon as we get to the other table and after introductions are made all the way around, I basically become invisible to her. She goes off to smoke her e-cig with her friends a couple times and has the grace to apologize to me the 2nd time, but whatever. This is fucking lame.

I think I'm just going to give up on this shit for a while.

Did you pay for her meal?

[tiesto]

Had one of the shittiest dates ever last week. Just moved back to Atlanta, figured I'd hit the ground running after negative experiences in most facets of my life the past year or so in NC, so I signed up for a couple dating sites, blah blah blah, traded messages with a few different women, and set up a date with one.

We get to the place at about 7, order drinks, then food, and we're talking and having generally a good time, nice rapport or so I think. Anyway, right at 8 she's like, "sooooo- did you want to stay for trivia?"

I figure this means we're going to play trivia. Sure, whatever. "Ok, my friends are over here at this other table, let's go!"

What. The. Fuck. This wasn't mentioned previously at all. Anyway, being a good sport I agree, and as soon as we get to the other table and after introductions are made all the way around, I basically become invisible to her. She goes off to smoke her e-cig with her friends a couple times and has the grace to apologize to me the 2nd time, but whatever. This is fucking lame.

I think I'm just going to give up on this shit for a while.

I remember having a date kinda similar - met up with this girl at a coffee house, and then her friends (2 girls and their bfs) tag along. The ironic part is I ended up getting along much better with the friends than with her.

[chronovore]

Yeah, COG, you just should'a switched to a new target!

[Kara]

lmao my ex just read Madame Bovary.

Not going to log into my Goodreads for the next few months / years / lifetime.

[brawndolicious]

I agree that smoking real tar sticks has some actual sexiness and that most vape shops look like douchey new-age head shops but vaping is like a wine cooler, it's a cheap imitation and easy to hate on but you'll still enjoy it.

[Phoenix Dark]

There's nothing sexy about bad breath, cancer, receding gums, and all the other shit that is associated with smoking.

[Phoenix Dark]

Stop being a square, PD.

I'm sorry Wrath, I'm afraid I can't do that.

[Mupepe]

Women who smoke or drink beer turn me off because when I smell their breath it just reminds me of my dad.     Not sexy

[chronovore]

Women who smoke or drink beer turn me off because when I smell their breath it just reminds me of my dad.     Not sexy

Incest connotations just got weirder.

[brawndolicious]

Oh peedee, I bet you fuck in a full-body dental dam.

[Kara]

I got drunk last night and almost tweeted Mayakovsky poetry (in Russian) relevant to all this.

Thankfully the bartender in my head said, "you ain't gotta go home but you can't stay here buddy," and cut me off.

[TakingBackSunday]

I feel like this is an appropriate place to put this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-brill/10-things-single-men-need-to-know_b_5233396.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Some girl I know posted this on Facebook.  Now, most of it is pretty simple and duh-worthy.

But, is number one really necessary?  I've had plenty of women take that same action of not calling or texting me after a date after I've texted them, but I don't particularly find it cowardly...I'm man enough and intelligent enough now (after years of shitty trial and error) to just realize she's not interested.  I wouldn't say that's cowardly.  I'm I wrong for drawing a comparison here, or is it different for guys in this situation?  Genuinely curious.

edit: I meant the body of that entry, not the entry's title itself

[Kara]

*reads list dejectedly*

Shit, I forgot how bad at interpersonal behavior the competition is. ez rares, ez life

[CatsCatsCats]

I would say at the very least, it's less of a big deal than the author is making it. Who cares what the girl you don't want to date thinks about that fact? Then again, doesn't hurt to provide that little piece of closure to her, I suppose. Just in case you want to date her friend.

[Huff]

stop reading facebook lists

[Shaka Khan]

So thanks to technology I haven't done the old school number-from-a-stranger in a while, let alone from a badass bartender (totally bragging). So what's the standard time I should wait before at least texting, if only for the sake of "hey this is my number"? I wanna look cool.

[Shadow Mod]

Most of these lists can just be summed with "be honest and open about shit" and "take a hint and go after someone who reciprocates attention instead of blowing you off."

[Shaka Khan]

Too late. Already text with "This is xx. Don't ever think of shaving your beard. Night."

[Shaka Khan]

Yeah, I always felt the rules are somewhat different. I also believe that if "texting early" would blow my chances, then my chances were pretty slim to begin with and not worth the trouble.

Plus, we already outlined when we'll be meeting next (i.e. certain night, different bar, right before the end of his shift there) so I'm not too worried.

[fistfulofmetal]

Sudden unforeseen circumstances lead to me having to broach the *moving* subject earlier than I wanted.

We discussed it for a bit earlier yesterday night. She's got a lot on her plate right now. A lot. And I really hate that I threw more on, makes me feel like shit. But it had to be done.

She's taking some time to think the situation over. She made it clear to me she thinks it's too soon to *move in together* which I agree with.

Due to short time-frames I likely wouldn't even be literally moving with her but maybe a month thereafter.

It's gonna be a weird June.

[brawndolicious]

Well at least you were clear fistful. Let her have the time and space to feel ready to talk about it.

Shaka, don't find weird shit to obsess over. That's the #1 rule of courtshipping.

[Kara]

Best of luck, FoM. You didn't flinch when the sitch came, nothing to be ashamed of no matter what happens, and you're pretty thoughtful for still feeling bad about dumping more on her even though you had to.

--------------

In one of the other threads I lied when I said I work with no one under 50, I do sort of work with someone my age (of the opposite gender)--it's complicated--and she was at the swanky dinner I was at last night. ANYWAYS, she invited me to go to Disneyland in a fortnight and then texted me later on asking if I got home OK (but no one else, I asked around) even though I only had a grappa and a vodka with a multihour meal while everyone else got trashed.

I really hope I'm just getting pity friendship. Don't shit where you eat, especially with someone who literally grew up in the home of the boss as a child. 

[Kara]

I married a girl woman whom not only did I work with, but was also my superior.

  maa shaa'allah

[Phoenix Dark]

Yea Kara I'd imagine she just wants to be nice. But if it's more I agree that you should avoid it for obvious reasons. If only to avoid "I bought you some Kobe beef, now you want to fuck my daughter?" awkwardness.

[hampster]

#8 is weird. What's wrong with cats?

I'm suspicious of people with only one cat or pet. Doesn't the cat deserve a friend

[Phoenix Dark]

Are you sure it's brisket?

[Shaka Khan]

If this was a pulp fiction novel, it'd be a rabbit stew.

[Kara]

Yea Kara I'd imagine she just wants to be nice. But if it's more I agree that you should avoid it for obvious reasons. If only to avoid "I bought you some Kobe beef, now you want to fuck my daughter?" awkwardness.

I'll never know unless I go, which I decided I am. #yolo 

e: I know everyone's been on the edge of their seat about this, but I did finally break down and tweet Mayakovsky poetry last night. "You" just hit me a little too close to home when I read it in my collection, in spite of the old translation I have using a slur for (American) Indian even though I'm pretty sure the actual Russian word used isn't one. 

Л

[fistfulofmetal]

I have bad feelings about things.

[Steve Contra]

I essentially moved in with my then girlfriend now wife after oh about a week of going out.  We had our own place in 4 months.

[Phoenix Dark]

Yea Kara I'd imagine she just wants to be nice. But if it's more I agree that you should avoid it for obvious reasons. If only to avoid "I bought you some Kobe beef, now you want to fuck my daughter?" awkwardness.

I'll never know unless I go, which I decided I am. #yolo 

e: I know everyone's been on the edge of their seat about this, but I did finally break down and tweet Mayakovsky poetry last night. "You" just hit me a little too close to home when I read it in my collection, in spite of the old translation I have using a slur for (American) Indian even though I'm pretty sure the actual Russian word used isn't one. 

Л

I don't know what part of the game this is, but if it was standardized test I'd fail it due to cultural bias.

[Kara]

I can't always be a wreck here, y'all'll ostracize me for being pathetic, but everywhere else online she also occupies with me (your lives kind of co-mingle a lot in 5 years) so I have to be a wreck in indirect ways to save face. (She's not going to give enough of a fuck about me right now to Google translate some Russian, and even if she did, his Russian doesn't really translate easily.)

[fistfulofmetal]

I need to stop overthinking things. We planned to go see a movie tonight and I asked yesterday if she still wanted to go and she said yes. But she bailed on me today.

I just really hope this isn't a sign she's trying to push me away. It probably isn't. But right now I'm not fully with it in mind and body so it's easy to think things.

[Shadow Mod]

What was the excuse given.

[Steve Contra]

What was the excuse given.

"Why would I want to see Maleficent?  I'm not a teen age...oh wait.  Don't call me again."