We talked it out about this situation (which got diffused, I went out to a group thing and the guy was there and could tell it was way more uncomfortable for him, so I realized I was stupid for getting so worried about it) and things are better (we hadn't had a good chance to talk about our problems for a few weeks). I'm still not committing for years and will see how this goes. I'm with her because I care about her, have fun together with her, enjoy living together, enjoy conversations together, doing things together, eating meals together, I'm really close with the cats that are both technically hers (she got the younger one after were together). She's got a great sense of humor, she's pretty, she tries to do nice things for me a lot and is very kind towards me and her friends, gives me space and let's me chill in my tv/computer room when I want. She chips in for the mortgage which is helping both of us out financially. I like her a lot, love her even though over time all the negative stuff is taking that feeling away and making it more like "like" than "love".
On the negatives she's messy and I spend the first 15 mins of waking up each day cleaning the mess up from the previous night (clothes on the floor, trash on the floor, plates and utensils still out), she's flaky and terrible at planning, she likes doing things that are a little dangerous because they're exciting (I do not like danger; for example her and a friend trailed cars picking up prostitutes just because it was something different and exciting; she prank called a KKK hotline from a fake number because it was "fun"; these things make me uncomfortable), she's a bit ditzy and doesn't think about how actions would affect me sometimes (she's working on it), we don't have a lot of hobbies in common (her hobby is reddit, science and gaming on her phone, I like movies [she does not like movies at all], game industry news and physical activity) but we do have some we like to do together (exploring/traveling, eating).
There's also logistics of her having just moved a ridiculous amount of stuff over, bought $1,000 worth of Ikea furniture which we built together and if she moved having to find a place, get movers to move it all out again, what to do about the cats, myself helping her out with her lawsuit which if I gave to another attorney there's a good chance she would flake and blow the lawsuit and not get her medical bills paid back and have to file bankruptcy.
We're sort of at a point where we both say "hey this isn't working that great and we aren't super compatible in living together [things really got exponentially worse when she moved in], but we care a lot about each other and love each other and we want to make this relationship work and last for good, so let's communicate, identify problems and openly discuss how to minimize them and make each other enjoy our company together and let's find more hobbies we can do together and enjoy spending time together". There's no negativity or anger between us. She's open to breaking up, I'm open to breaking up, but we'd both would prefer to stay together and try to make this work. I think we could probably stay as friends (not close) if we break up, and there's always the idea of taking a break for a few weeks to get some fresh air for both of us, but with some work on both sides, I think we could also have a better relationship and be happier. We'll see.
