Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[I'm a Puppy!]

Come on guys. We're going to pretend that bad sex is bad? I mean, even when it's bad, it's still pretty damn good.

[seagrams hotsauce]

Yo, I didn't get laid for like two years and I was beginning to doubt I would ever get my dick wet again, and then last year a girl I knew moved back in town and hit me up and we started a casual thing. I was really apprehensive to get into a relationship again, but eventually we were like "aaight lets do this thing" and I gotta say, it's been fucking great. Our tastes in pop culture align very well, she's super hot, and when she calls me out on shit she offers solutions. It's been a while since I've allowed myself to have something good and I will do my best to continue not fucking this up. Being loved feels really good.   

[king of the internet]

I decided to revisit tinder today after drunkenly downloading the app one night last summer then immediately deleting it the next morning. No hits.
I go to browse people in my area and they're all old ladies. Totally forgot I selected the maximum age on facebook and tinder had me set as 111 years old.

[Raist]

edit: I just don't have the mental stamina to be conversing/persuading total strangers that I'm a suitable partner for a full week with zero payoff at the end.

You think women will see a handful of messages on tinder as a measure of you being a suitable partner?

Oh you sweet summer child.

[toku]

Yo, I didn't get laid for like two years and I was beginning to doubt I would ever get my dick wet again, and then last year a girl I knew moved back in town and hit me up and we started a casual thing. I was really apprehensive to get into a relationship again, but eventually we were like "aaight lets do this thing" and I gotta say, it's been fucking great. Our tastes in pop culture align very well, she's super hot, and when she calls me out on shit she offers solutions. It's been a while since I've allowed myself to have something good and I will do my best to continue not fucking this up. Being loved feels really good.

bless up

[seagrams hotsauce]

mhm your boy got the toku bless up. anointed
 suck my dick haters

[Atramental]

edit: I just don't have the mental stamina to be conversing/persuading total strangers that I'm a suitable partner for a full week with zero payoff at the end.

You think women will see a handful of messages on tinder as a measure of you being a suitable partner?

Oh you sweet summer child.

I misspoke. I should've said suitable to meet in person.

[thisismyusername]

I misspoke. I should've said suitable to meet in person.

*shakes you like a baby* Tinder is meant to fuck not Philosoraptor things. If they're ghosting on you, I feel you're too worried about texts or conversations BEFORE the bonking.

You're gonna take a break (if you do, lord knows you'll probably hop back on it), but if you don't: Swipe left/right/whatever on a girl you like. Be direct and forward and ask her out to dinner. If she accepts GO. When at dinner, be charming and not creepy/a basketcase. DO NOT OVERTHINK THINGS. Just make her laugh and be a huge dork and embarrass yourself. Invite her to head to a park or movies or somewhere else. Enjoy another hour or two. Then invite her back to your place if it's around 10PM.

If she comes back, make her laugh some more. Lead into bonking. Bonk. Done.

Then the next day, unmatch her and forget her. Your job is done. Unless you really like her, your main job right now (what you want) is to bonk. Not find a "life partner."

[Atramental]

As soon as I ask these girls out they say "Oh, I don't meet up with anyone until we've chatted for a week at least."

I guess I should just say "later" at that point because all 3 or 4 times that has happened it's led to nothing.

[zomgee]

If tinder had a "pay for unswipe" service they'd make millions.

[thisismyusername]

As soon as I ask these girls out they say "Oh, I don't meet up with anyone until we've chatted for a week at least."

I guess I should just say "later" at that point because all 3 or 4 times that has happened it's led to nothing.

Yes, if your goal is to bonk: You need to get out there and tell them (not flatout) what you want, you want to meet up and see where things are going to go. I can understand their fear of you being a creep serial murder (and let's be honest: You probably could be.  ) but that's why you ask them out to a coffee shop or someplace public where people will see you both.

It feels like a lot of your matches are looking for the same thing you want (long-term relationships) while your goal is more immediate (wanting to fuck), which is hindering both of you.

[I'm a Puppy!]

If tinder had a "pay for unswipe" service they'd make millions.

I run in business and venture capitalist circles so please believe me when I say, this could be the best business idea I have ever heard.

[Huff]

What's hindering you is not going after fat desperate chicks you toser

Trust me your dick can't tell the difference

[brawndolicious]

As soon as I ask these girls out they say "Oh, I don't meet up with anyone until we've chatted for a week at least."

I guess I should just say "later" at that point because all 3 or 4 times that has happened it's led to nothing.

Tell them that you don't know how to play hard-to-get (truth) but you never really chat that long before meeting (lie) because that's not ultimately the point of the app. Sometimes, you have to know when to stop being charming and be up-front.

Anyways, I had some real relationship drama:

GF: I think I do get anxious with shopping for big things because I tend to look very closely at every option for a long time while you choose something in 10 minutes. It might be a girl thing....

Me: Well I just bought a pink iPhone so that's like the girliest thing you can do.

GF: Uhhhhhh

Me:

[Atramental]

Well, just as I was about to call it quits three new attractive women started messaging me tonight. Fuck. 

We've got:

Hot Latina, Fitness Girl - 27 y/o (already asked her if she could whip me into shape and she seems fairly open to that.)
Cute Single Mom - 26 y/o
Hot Semi-goth, Non-Religious Girl - 21 y/o

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

haha, ohhh no, I was co-captain of Virgin-GAF until like 2006.

I've, uhh, I've come a long way since then.        

Did demon ever get laid?  It seemed like he wasn't going to make it.

[Atramental]

I'm fairly certain that demon is a legit wizard now.

[thisismyusername]

I'm fairly certain that demon is a legit wizard now.

And you're next.

As soon as I ask these girls out they say "Oh, I don't meet up with anyone until we've chatted for a week at least."

I guess I should just say "later" at that point because all 3 or 4 times that has happened it's led to nothing.

Tell them that you don't know how to play hard-to-get (truth) but you never really chat that long before meeting (lie) because that's not ultimately the point of the app. Sometimes, you have to know when to stop being charming and be up-front.

Listen to this, seriously. Do this to the single-mom.

[Samson Manhug]

It feels like a lot of your matches are looking for the same thing you want (long-term relationships) while your goal is more immediate (wanting to fuck), which is hindering both of you.

Not only is this not a thing, but it's not even accurate. Pallando is desperate for human companionship and once women get a whiff of that they're out.

[Phoenix Dark]

As soon as I ask these girls out they say "Oh, I don't meet up with anyone until we've chatted for a week at least."

I guess I should just say "later" at that point because all 3 or 4 times that has happened it's led to nothing.

YES. This is what you should do. These girls clearly meet with people quickly, just not you. If they can't commit to meeting after initial introductions and chit chat you need to move on. Just stop carrying on the conversation. If she wants to carry it on with something interesting let her, but you've already mentally moved on so it doesn't really matter unless she says "we can still meet if you want."

[thisismyusername]

Pallando is desperate for human companionship and once women get a whiff of that they're out.

That's true. To be fair: I don't use Tinder, so I got no clue what beyond it being a hook-up app for most would the population split on "I'm using this to try to find someone for a relationship" versus "I am looking for a NSA" is.

But yeah, PD is right in that you need to mentally check-out right after they do. It's clear they have no interest in you.

[king of the internet]

Had another romantic experience with a girl who I wasn't trying to get with due to her being my friend's ex and my ex's friend but things happened again. This might be for real. Sometimes you just have a gravitational pull towards certain people. How could you deny your true feelings in this type of situation? Sucks when people gotta get their feelings hurt but I'm selfish and I can't resist her.

[chronovore]

Had another romantic experience with a girl who I wasn't trying to get with due to her being my friend's ex and my ex's friend but things happened again. This might be for real. Sometimes you just have a gravitational pull towards certain people. How could you deny your true feelings in this type of situation? Sucks when people gotta get their feelings hurt but I'm selfish and I can't resist her.

I went through a similarly careless and wanton time when I was 19-20, but my friends set me straight. Are you really young, or are you inherently destructive?

[Phoenix Dark]

Pallando you have to be able to adapt. If something isn't working you can't just do it 5 more times (at once) and expect something to happen. No more letting women use you as a chaser. It's like when a chubby chick messages you and you're aimlessly talking to her while trying to find someone you actually want to meet. You're that chubby girl right now bro. We've all been her before. But you don't gotta be her forever.

[Raist]

"I don't meet up before at least a week's worth of chatting" is a shitty ass excuse.

Or the beginning of the end of mankind. I mean, what happened to going for a drink or coffee or dinner to have said chats. Fuck millenials.

[VomKriege]

Long story short, we boned for 5 hours. We'd go at it for 10-20 minutes and then take a break and chat. At one point, I went into the bathroom (to ask TheBore for advice obviously) and noticed that I had a dozen hickeys on my neck and shoulders. We continued another few hours and I didn't finish until around 6 am, a far cry from the 30 or so orgasms she had. I didn't even know it was possible to get off that much but she wouldn't stop shaking. We chatted some more until the morning and I went home.

[zomgee]

Grocery store girls are the best.

[thisismyusername]

Had another romantic experience with a girl who I wasn't trying to get with due to her being my friend's ex and my ex's friend but things happened again. This might be for real. Sometimes you just have a gravitational pull towards certain people. How could you deny your true feelings in this type of situation? Sucks when people gotta get their feelings hurt but I'm selfish and I can't resist her.

You're gonna potentially poison a friendship over a girl that said friend dated? I don't know the situation, but if their break-up was messy and he still has feelings for her (or the other way around), I wouldn't do it. I mean think about it this way: They broke up for a reason. What's to say you wouldn't do the same in a few months once the infatuation wears off? (Unless you've been lusting for her form afar for years while they were together, in which case... uh... still don't, definitely don't)

Oh, I just missed your ex's friend. Yeah, I wouldn't do that unless you really want to poison the well on your friend and ex.

[ToxicAdam]

Had another romantic experience with a girl who I wasn't trying to get with due to her being my friend's ex and my ex's friend but things happened again. This might be for real. Sometimes you just have a gravitational pull towards certain people. How could you deny your true feelings in this type of situation? Sucks when people gotta get their feelings hurt but I'm selfish and I can't resist her.

If the friend hasn't gotten over her yet, it's a shitty thing to do. If he has moved on (or should have moved on), you shouldn't feel any guilt about it.

[king of the internet]

Had another romantic experience with a girl who I wasn't trying to get with due to her being my friend's ex and my ex's friend but things happened again. This might be for real. Sometimes you just have a gravitational pull towards certain people. How could you deny your true feelings in this type of situation? Sucks when people gotta get their feelings hurt but I'm selfish and I can't resist her.

I went through a similarly careless and wanton time when I was 19-20, but my friends set me straight. Are you really young, or are you inherently destructive?

Probably the latter. I already pretty much destroyed my friendship with this dude over her. He found out about the first time things happened. To be fair he did attempt to court my most recent ex gf. He just happened to fail at it.

[Mupepe]

hos before bros.  dicks ain't got nothing on chicks.

[CatsCatsCats]

Yeah, fuck it, man, unless this is a friendship you seriously expect to maintain for your whole life, do your thing, who cares?

[Mupepe]

real opinion: If you communicated your intent to him just as a "so you don't hear it elsewhere" I think that's all that's required.  Did he piss on her and claim her or something?  There's no ownership there.  Fuck passing up a possible relationship if you really feel something because a friend has some imaginary dominion over her.  A real bro would understand I think.

[king of the internet]

real opinion: If you communicated your intent to him just as a "so you don't hear it elsewhere" I think that's all that's required.  Did he piss on her and claim her or something?  There's no ownership there.  Fuck passing up a possible relationship if you really feel something because a friend has some imaginary dominion over her.  A real bro would understand I think.

I fucked that first part up, he found out months after the fact. I felt like if he was better off not knowing.

We're all adults here imo. I have no control over who my ex-girlfriends fuck, and I don't care at all with most of them. If he successfully fucked my last ex, I wouldn't feel good about it, but his and her sex lives are none of my business . I would be doing myself a disservice by hung up on it. I don't expect everyone to share this perspective but the fact is that in this world no one cares how you feel. There are no rules. People are gonna do what they want to do. Gotta adapt or die.

[chronovore]

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Earlier tonight I made out with my ex-girlfriend who threw the shitfit in Spain.  She put on a little weight but it went in all the right places

[chronovore]

Earlier tonight I made out with my ex-girlfriend who threw the shitfit in Spain.  She put on a little weight but it went in all the right places

[Raist]

Earlier tonight I made out with my ex-girlfriend who threw the shitfit in Spain.  She put on a little weight but it went in all the right places

Was that before or after she got her ass grabbed by EviLore?

[I'm a Puppy!]

Wife woke me up a 5 this morning. Fucked my brains out. Then we both passed out. Best early morning wake up ever.

[Madrun Badrun]

I was probably mulling it over as a possibility then.

But after having 4 different women (correction: 5) ghost on me in one week... yeah, it's time to take a break.

edit: I just don't have the mental stamina to be conversing/persuading total strangers that I'm a suitable partner for a full week with zero payoff at the end.

This happened to me a few months ago and I stopped tindering.  It sucks.   Might get back into it in the new year when I'm less busy.

[Phoenix Dark]

Earlier tonight I made out with my ex-girlfriend who threw the shitfit in Spain.  She put on a little weight but it went in all the right places

How did you get to this point? She apologized? I hope you didn't appease her with "yea I'm sorry too, I should have xyz" fuckery.
 

don't take her back 

[I'm a Puppy!]

Man. Pallo ghosted us.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I guess we now know how he feels 

[close]

[nudemacusers]

maybe he's too busy running a nut streak on a girl to post updates.














































 

[thisismyusername]

Had another romantic experience with a girl who I wasn't trying to get with due to her being my friend's ex and my ex's friend but things happened again. This might be for real. Sometimes you just have a gravitational pull towards certain people. How could you deny your true feelings in this type of situation? Sucks when people gotta get their feelings hurt but I'm selfish and I can't resist her.

I went through a similarly careless and wanton time when I was 19-20, but my friends set me straight. Are you really young, or are you inherently destructive?

Probably the latter. I already pretty much destroyed my friendship with this dude over her. He found out about the first time things happened. To be fair he did attempt to court my most recent ex gf. He just happened to fail at it.

You fucked up by not telling him first, TBH. But in this case, it's clear you don't care about him. So uh... poison that well I guess. Just prepare for blowback with your ex if she cares?

Man. Pallo ghosted us.

If he's taking a break for real, that's probably for the best.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Earlier tonight I made out with my ex-girlfriend who threw the shitfit in Spain.  She put on a little weight but it went in all the right places

How did you get to this point? She apologized? I hope you didn't appease her with "yea I'm sorry too, I should have xyz" fuckery.
 

don't take her back 

I actually bumped into her when getting groceries

She was the one who was apologizing.  At first I was just being friendly because I don't believe in burning bridges in general so in hindsight I didn't like how everything went down.  Then I saw that her ass got bigger (or she was wearing the right jeans) and just decided to go for it.

I haven't seen her since.  We texted a few times and she wanted to stop over again but I thought better of it.  If I see her again in public, I will just be polite but distant.

Honestly I hate dating or seeing girls in the winter since I hate cold weather and snow so I will probably just hang back and do my own thing for a while.

[Atramental]

Man. Pallo ghosted us.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I guess we now know how he feels 

[close]

I'd rather not jinx myself by going into too much detail but let's just say I still have some irons in the fire.

[Huff]

Are you branding something on yourself?

[Phoenix Dark]

Earlier tonight I made out with my ex-girlfriend who threw the shitfit in Spain.  She put on a little weight but it went in all the right places

How did you get to this point? She apologized? I hope you didn't appease her with "yea I'm sorry too, I should have xyz" fuckery.
 

don't take her back 

I actually bumped into her when getting groceries

She was the one who was apologizing.  At first I was just being friendly because I don't believe in burning bridges in general so in hindsight I didn't like how everything went down.  Then I saw that her ass got bigger (or she was wearing the right jeans) and just decided to go for it.

I haven't seen her since.  We texted a few times and she wanted to stop over again but I thought better of it.  If I see her again in public, I will just be polite but distant.

Honestly I hate dating or seeing girls in the winter since I hate cold weather and snow so I will probably just hang back and do my own thing for a while.

Good to hear.

You don't like having a chick over during a snowy winter day/night to chill and do whatever? Even the most "let's go out" tier chicks are cool with that due to the weather, at least in Michigan.

[Samson Manhug]

Yeah bro, it's cuffing season.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Had another romantic experience with a girl who I wasn't trying to get with due to her being my friend's ex and my ex's friend but things happened again. This might be for real. Sometimes you just have a gravitational pull towards certain people. How could you deny your true feelings in this type of situation? Sucks when people gotta get their feelings hurt but I'm selfish and I can't resist her.

I went through a similarly careless and wanton time when I was 19-20, but my friends set me straight. Are you really young, or are you inherently destructive?

Probably the latter. I already pretty much destroyed my friendship with this dude over her. He found out about the first time things happened. To be fair he did attempt to court my most recent ex gf. He just happened to fail at it.

You fucked up by not telling him first, TBH. But in this case, it's clear you don't care about him. So uh... poison that well I guess. Just prepare for blowback with your ex if she cares?

Man. Pallo ghosted us.

If he's taking a break for real, that's probably for the best.

Oh, most assuredly so. But what about my schadenfreude?!

[Atramental]

If things go well with this girl I've been chatting with as of late...

You'll be getting some heavy doses of schadenfreude fairly soon. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

She's even more socially inept than I am but she's pretty so I don't really care. 

[close]

[Phoenix Dark]

I BELIEVE IN YOU PETER PALLANDO

[Atramental]

Like for real bruhs...

I'm 75% sure this girl is a virgin because of how sheltered she is. 

[Phoenix Dark]

PM me 

Remember your past mistake was talking to chicks too long, and then they ghost you when they match someone else on Tinder. Is she open with meeting soon? This weekend perhaps...

[Atramental]

PM me 

Remember your past mistake was talking to chicks too long, and then they ghost you when they match someone else on Tinder. Is she open with meeting soon? This weekend perhaps...

Some deets...

• She's 21
• Lives with her parents (who homeschooled her from 4th to 12th grade)
• Doesn't know how to drive out of fear
• She's not religious but her parents are
• She's lived in the same small town for 11 years but didn't get out much due to social anxiety and not having any friends to hang out with
• She is the oldest out of 8 siblings
• She is currently going to a community college in her town but she doesn't really hang out or talk to anyone from her classes

[Tasty]

hos before bros.  dicks ain't got nothing on chicks.

[Raist]

PM me 

Remember your past mistake was talking to chicks too long, and then they ghost you when they match someone else on Tinder. Is she open with meeting soon? This weekend perhaps...

Some deets...

• She's 21
• Lives with her parents (who homeschooled her from 4th to 12th grade)
• Doesn't know how to drive out of fear
• She's not religious but her parents are
• She's lived in the same small town for 11 years but didn't get out much due to social anxiety and not having any friends to hang out with
• She is the oldest out of 8 siblings
• She is currently going to a community college in her town but she doesn't really hang out or talk to anyone from her classes

Sounds like a keeper!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

[Atramental]

This whole thing is not ideal but I'll take what I can get at this point. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

Finally! Someone Pallo's speed.
Don't fuck this up for me Pallo!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

fuck it up for me

[close]

[Phoenix Dark]

So you'd have to pick her up from her parents house to go on a date?