It's 20XX and people are mad online about Star War!

[Cerveza mas fina]

Lets see, but I think the whole trilogy will beat the avatar trilogy.

[Cerveza mas fina]

I want to start by stating I truly have enjoyed all Star Wars movies prior to this one. Even the prequels (which are obviously not as good) demolish this movie in plot, character building and EVEN action sequences. (there is only two lightsaber battles and they last seconds)

Anyone with a brain and knowledge of the original trilogy can see that Star Wars: Episode VII was a regurgitation of the first three film's plot condensed into two hours. Everything was the same with slight twists down to the famous "Luke, I am your father" scene except it's with Han Solo and his apparent Sith son who stabs and throws off of the new Death Star.

They added a bigger and badder Death Star, tossed Anakin's lightsaber around to whoever felt like using it to fight and did a terrible job of carrying on Star Wars essence. It was flooded with humor and half a**ed acting. There was no training or build up of power Rey is literally able to defeat the most powerful Sith Lord as a teenage girl who days before didn't even know she was a Jedi. Finn was able to wield and use a lightsaber although as far as I am concerned he is not a Jedi.

Han Solo and Chewbacca just happen to come across the Millennium Falcon after 30 years which just happens to have Luke Skywalker's daughter, Finn, and a droid carrying the map to Luke Skywalker on it. The film was pretty much downhill for me from this point on I spent most of my time watching this with a "What???" face and hands up in confusion as to how they could have made the film suck so bad.

This film literally spanned out the introduction of old characters we know and love in order to keep our attention and keep us excited to see the next only to disappoint us with no further elaboration in story and literally no emotion. Leia hardly even reacted to losing the love of her life Han Solo. The dialogue between the two of them was rushed and obvious that they were trying to explain 30 years of story in small talk.

What I take as the mentality for this film: MAKE A BIGGER DEATHSTAR, OH BIGGER EMPEROR TOO (srsly what was up with that), GIRL JEDI MAIN CHARACTER, BLACK GUY WHO MIGHT BE A JEDI TOO MAIN CHARACTER (I am African American so don't take this as racism) people are going TO EAT THIS UP. And congratulations, you all did and now they will keep milking the franchise and making terribly thought out films with nothing more than CGI and humor to make up for it.

Throughout this film I found myself wanting to walk out of the theater and just be done but I couldn't resist waiting for the punchline of this joke of a film and boy did I get it. After all of the humor riddled torture we are brought to the final scene. Rey is going to see her long lost dad who I guess spent all of this time standing on a random mountain looking at the beach. And then it happens, what we had all been waiting for. Luke turns around and sees the daughter he was forced to abandon and she hold out Anakin's lightsaber as some odd tribute to him (I don't see the symbolism in this) at this point I just burst out laughing at how bad this journey has been and that's it it's over. The next thing I see is JJ Abrams. I proceeded to scream "BOO" at the screen multiple times with the only response to it being "cmon it wasn't that bad" after that I walked outside and contemplated throwing up as the movie was so bad it caused me to feel nauseous.

This film took advantage of Star Wars fans and played into a hand of re-doing famous scenes with different characters and telling the same story over again. It's sad that people actually think this movie was good or acceptable because now they are going to once again shame the Star Wars name.

BOYCOTT EPISODE 8. THIS RENDITION NEEDS TO BE SCRAPPED AND REBOOTED THEY ARE JUST MILKING THIS FRANCHISE.

IMDB review 

[team filler]

Rey is going to see her long lost dad who I guess spent all of this time standing on a random mountain looking at the beach.

[Stoney Mason]

Lucas told us Han Solo was married to a Wookiee but that we couldn’t mention that because it would be controversial.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/72863/dark-side-oral-history-star-wars-holiday-special

[benjipwns]

star war annihilated

[Mods Help]

Rey is too young to be Obi Wan's child.

But not young enough to be his grand child.

That's my personal hope on it. I think having one magical savior family in the galaxy is boring.

There's four possibilities:

1. Rey is Luke's daughter
2. Rey is Han and Leia's daughter, making her and Kylo siblings
3. She's Obi Wan's granddaughter
4. She's related to no one we think she is (for example, Snoke)

[Cerveza mas fina]

Rey can also not be related to anyone, which would be the best

[helios]

(Image removed from quote.)
(Image removed from quote.)

star war annihilated

I love the useless labeling on these.

[benjipwns]

I love the useless labeling on these.

my favorite is the one on the Millennium Falcon

or maybe the C.E.O. button

[Human Snorenado]

The thirst is real, brehs

http://metro.co.uk/2010/12/14/carrie-fisher-i-had-sex-with-princess-leia-fans-612025/

[mormapope]

‘I certainly have, along the way, slept with a nerd. But I don’t think I ever got anything out of it except the sex. It was probably good. Nerds will surprise you. They’re way more enthusiastic. More bang with your buck,’ she told the New York Daily News.

Wonder how high she'd get.

Doing drugs with Carrie and then fucking her 

[brawndolicious]

Luke's a shitty dad if thats the case

If people know you're force sensitive, someone from the dark side will try to convert you so he could have thought that putting as much distance as possible was the only way to let her grow into her own person. Maybe he left her with a family that abandoned her when they saw she could use the force and thus would make them all potentially get deaded by Kylo.

[Joe Molotov]

Lucas told us Han Solo was married to a Wookiee but that we couldn’t mention that because it would be controversial.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/72863/dark-side-oral-history-star-wars-holiday-special

Herman: The interesting thing is, the day after the special aired was the day of the Jonestown Massacre. It was just a bad time for everyone.

[helios]

[Mods Help]

"It was probably good."



Carrie Fisher is like the old awesome aunt now. She rocks.

[Great Rumbler]

Man, if it could knock Avatar off... poor Glen Shinobi.

Some sites are already saying that a $1 billion domestic gross isn't outside the realm of possibility.

[Human Snorenado]

TFA has made more than 100 million on IMAX screens alone, six days faster than JW which had a same day/date release in China and TFA didn't

[chronovore]

‘I certainly have, along the way, slept with a nerd. But I don’t think I ever got anything out of it except the sex. It was probably good. Nerds will surprise you. They’re way more enthusiastic. More bang with your buck,’ she told the New York Daily News.

Wonder how high she'd get.

Doing drugs with Carrie and then fucking her 

http://imgur.com/gallery/005s3

[Mods Help]

[Human Snorenado]

‘I certainly have, along the way, slept with a nerd. But I don’t think I ever got anything out of it except the sex. It was probably good. Nerds will surprise you. They’re way more enthusiastic. More bang with your buck,’ she told the New York Daily News.

Wonder how high she'd get.

Doing drugs with Carrie and then fucking her 

http://imgur.com/gallery/005s3

So much cocaine fueled those pics tbh

[chronovore]

Sure. It was the '80s. Look at Dan Ackroyd; the man was a rail.

[Trent Dole]

It's almost as if this is a sci fi movie for small children!

[Mandark]

I think Triumph pointed out that several pages ago.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

nobody tell Walrus about laser and explosion noises in space

[close]

[Tasty]

Someone on GAF showed a galaxy map and the planets destroyed were pretty far away from Maz's planet. It was done for effect. Star Wars is not smart.

[Rahxephon91]

Well I for one would hope kids wouldn't think a movie about light swords and magic is actual science fiction.

Anytime people bring actual science talk to the same table of a series that loves to talk about a literal force of evil all I can do is laugh.

[Tasty]

Maybe since it takes place "a long long time ago," the universe hadn't expanded as much and thus the planets were close enough together to see their destruction.

[Mods Help]

Maybe it's a movie with space wizards?

All we need now is to revive those planets with the dragon balls!

[Rahxephon91]

This stretches the boundaries of suspended disbelief a hell of a lot more than a laser sword or hyperspace.

It was a cool-looking shot, but it should have been cut.

It really doesn't.  I'm not really thinking about hardcore scientific fact while watching Star Wars.

Are you going to be the guy during Independence Day 2 yelling about how it's physically impossible, that the huge alien ships would destroy Earth's gravitational pull merely by existing in the same space?

Because no one wants that guy around.

[Mandark]

Han Solo times a deceleration from lightspeed so as to bypass a force field by saying "...now!" and doing it manually.

[recursivelyenumerable]

If light just travels faster in star wars land do they even need ftl? An elegant solution perhaps.

[Rahxephon91]

Han Solo times a deceleration from lightspeed so as to bypass a force field by saying "...now!" and doing it manually.

Now that did strike me as kind of dumb, but the movie moves at such a quick pace that I just let it go.

But I mean, I like to look at each story individually and look at how it uses it's own logic in the story/universe it creates. Something like Interstellar where its clear they are trying to be realistic, getting facts wrong is a lot more damning then Star Wars. Star Wars has never played by an real world science fact. Its been rule of cool and rule of drama from the beginning.

[Mandark]

If light just travels faster in star wars land do they even need ftl? An elegant solution perhaps.

I was gonna say, they only ever refer to travelling "at lightspeed" and seem to get to places faster than that would imply.

[Joe Molotov]

Han Solo times a deceleration from lightspeed so as to bypass a force field by saying "...now!" and doing it manually.

Why didn't they just warp the whole fleet in there? X-Wings have FTL.

Alternate question: Why didn't the First Order have Interdictors?

[brawndolicious]

Maybe it's a visualization of the disturbance in the force caused by blowing up the Hosnian system? The midichlorians did it.

[helios]

It was just a shot that Abrams wanted because it looked cool. Some people are able to roll with it, some aren't. I'm in the latter. Even in fantasy, some rules of reality still apply. And it's not like it's difficult for kids to understand. They know that stuff far away is harder to see. It can still be realistic and still be understandable. Besides, Alderaan wasn't a huge spectacle to the rest of the galaxy when it got blown up.

What they should've done is have Rey react to it. She could be like "I think something bad has happened," or something and then everyone starts to get reports about Hosnian being blown up.

[Steve Youngblood]

Anyone who has taken even 1st grade science knows that light travels at about 300,000 meters per second, and that light from the star closest to Earth takes over 4 years to reach us.

Ahaha. What? I mean, maybe this fact is covered in a first grade textbook somewhere, but I have a pretty strong suspicion that most 6 to 7 year olds don't really have a strong concept of scale as to what this really means.

And yes, I am aware that I'm replying to Shinobi here.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Anyone who has taken even 1st grade science knows that light travels at about 300,000 meters per second, and that light from the star closest to Earth takes over 4 years to reach us.

Ahaha. What? I mean, maybe this fact is covered in a first grade textbook somewhere, but I have a pretty strong suspicion that most 6 to 7 year olds don't really have a strong concept of scale as to what this really means.

And yes, I am aware that I'm replying to Shinobi here.

What you didn't determine the time dilation if you traveled to Alpha Centauri after struggling to keep your crayons between the lines in art class? Heathen

[fistfulofmetal]

One thing that bothered me was that they had some rando Stormtrooper attack Finn on the pirate planet. It was a cool scene but it would have made more sense to me if it had been Captain Phasma.

Have Phasma confront Finn for being a traitor, attack him with a melee weapon, win the confrontation like the rando Stormtrooper did and only have Finn escape when she gets incapacitated by a blaster shot or something. Give her some battle damage to take with her through the trilogy.

Then it would have added more weight to Finn going after her on Starkiller base.

Would also give her something to do and setup their rivalry throughout the films which I assume is what they are going to be doing.

[Mupepe]

I can only come to the conclusion that The Walrus is trolling all of you.... yet again.

[Human Snorenado]

It would be great if they made a big deal out of Phasma but she's only in every movie for like 3 minutes, does nothing, and always ends up getting thrown into a trash compactor to mysteriously show up again in the next one.

[team filler]

was captain phagma supposed to be a big deal? who cares about that bish

[team filler]

I read all the spoilers and thought she was gonna be doing some badass shiz throughout the movie. in the end my boy han found the perfect place for that ass

[Am_I_Anonymous]

So Kyle did a stint in the marines? No wonder he's a bit messed up...

[brawndolicious]

Um yeah. He joined the Marines and was getting ready to ship out to Iraq but had some sort of rib injury that made him have to leave. He wasn't deployed with the other guys he trained with and mentioned he regretted that but I don't think there's any PTSD...

He's funny and awkward as hell in interviews though.

[Mods Help]

He also plays for the Corps overseas when he can.

[team filler]

movie was good, I actually feel like watching it again. any good torrents out yet?

[Am_I_Anonymous]

movie was good, I actually feel like watching it again. any good torrents out yet?

Not yet. Hand cameras only

[team filler]

theaters are too damn expensive, or I might just go pay to see it a second time. I caught a regular matinee showing(no 3D or imax bullshit) and it was still about $10. I hate my life

[Human Snorenado]

There's a theater in Atlanta that has first showing of the day for $4.25.

[Mupepe]

theaters are too damn expensive, or I might just go pay to see it a second time. I caught a regular matinee showing(no 3D or imax bullshit) and it was still about $10. I hate my life

Wow. A matinee here in Houston at a theater with reserved, reclining seats is $5.80.

[team filler]

fuck y'all. I live down in columbus, ga. I should drive up to atlanta and rape that ass, then go watch the star war again for cheap.

[Tasty]

Georgia

Texas

[chronovore]

theaters are too damn expensive, or I might just go pay to see it a second time. I caught a regular matinee showing(no 3D or imax bullshit) and it was still about $10. I hate my life

Wow. A matinee here in Houston at a theater with reserved, reclining seats is $5.80.

It's about $20 per seat in Japan. 

[Mods Help]

I saw the movie for matinee for 6 bucks a piece

[team filler]

theaters are too damn expensive, or I might just go pay to see it a second time. I caught a regular matinee showing(no 3D or imax bullshit) and it was still about $10. I hate my life

Wow. A matinee here in Houston at a theater with reserved, reclining seats is $5.80.

It's about $20 per seat in Japan. 

does the price inlcude underage school girl?

[Cerveza mas fina]

theaters are too damn expensive, or I might just go pay to see it a second time. I caught a regular matinee showing(no 3D or imax bullshit) and it was still about $10. I hate my life

Wow. A matinee here in Houston at a theater with reserved, reclining seats is $5.80.

It's about $20 per seat in Japan. 

18 usd in Denmark

[Mods Help]

The backlash is here

http://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-mh-star-wars-the-force-awakens-stinks-20151226-column.html

Modern blockbusters are not enjoyable the way the original "Star Wars" was, because they come at you as artifacts of high finance. Sitting in the theater at "Avatar," I felt like I was being pounded into submission by a giant hedge fund. Watching "The Force Awakens," I felt as though I was being shown a trailer for the next four movies in the series. Except that trailers aren't normally two hours long and you don't have to pay $12.50 to see them.

A two hour trailer?

It was said of George Lucas that he originally envisioned "Star Wars" as the first of a trilogy, which became reimagined as a series of three trilogies, and ended with two. Now we're at seven films, and anyone who thinks "Star Wars" will end at nine features doesn't know their Disney. The company, you see, is not really a movie studio, but an entertainment conglomerate. For Disney, "Star Wars" will be the gift that keeps giving. You, the consumer, are the mark who keeps paying.

Why is more Star Wars a bad thing? Lucas after the original trilogy said flat out that there would be more Star Wars and you're surprised?

"Star Wars" sequels, prequels, and requels are destined to be part of moviemaking into the infinite future. One can envision Hollywood eventually turning out only two products: "Star Wars" movies and James Bond movies, each periodically "rebooted" for a new generation of customers by casting the latest new young stars in new costumes facing the same old perils and uttering the same old quips, with every other vestige of creative originality relegated to the void and forgotten.

[Human Snorenado]

BU BU BU BU WE'RE THE LA TIMES AND THIS MOVIE DIDN'T SHOOT IN LA SO WE'RE BUTTHURT

LET'S COMPLETELY IGNORE THE FACT THAT THIS SERIES HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT SELLING AS MANY TOYS AND WHATEVER AS POSSIBLE

OR THAT LUCAS HIMSELF CHANGED THE PLOT OF JEDI TO SELL FUCKING TEDDY BEARS TO CHILDREN

[bork]

There's a theater in Atlanta that has first showing of the day for $4.25.

Which theater?

[Mods Help]

Arguing with people on my facebook who agree with that article.

"This movie was completely dry! It had no humor!"

Did we watch the same movie?