Struggle Thread mk II - No one likes us, we don't care

[Freyj]

My wife and I are at 4 blessed years without a family vacation. Sometimes they're okay, but inevitable we're playing babysitter for someone's kids or someone wants to change plans last minute or argue about what we're doing every 5 minutes.

Fuck it, see you all at Thanksgiving.

[brawndolicious]

There's a new person on my team that I'm handing a school lead testing side project off to. He's an old timer in the industry and wants all the data tables to be reviewable "at a glance" without using a single drop down arrow.

Me: but you really shouldn't alphabetize all columns in 50x800 sheet so you can read it every time you need to look up something. It just won't be readable scanning line by line.

Him: That's how I prefer to do it. If Marty (CEO) asks me how everything is going, I want to be able to instantly point to it and say.

Me:...he won't ask. Sometimes upper management asks me for an update on how everything is going which is why its better to keep the data structured so functions can tell you...

Him: but it they do...

Me: um.....um.....okay look, your way of trying to find stuff will introduce a lot of time and human error to the processes that you're going to be doing everyday with telling individuals what their deadlines are every week. And it won't help if the Director or CEO does wanna know something because they only care if a single deadline is missed. Come on let's go back to making a pivot table and I can show you how to do this stuff instantly.



This went for 15 minutes. I'm gonna start taking on other projects so I don't become an excel babysitter. This is what happens when you just hire the person with the most seniority.

[Mupepe]

hehehehe  Sounds like a normal day at my job.  "Mupepe, can you build me this report?"  "Sure!  Here you go."  "Great.  Now can you get rid of your useful summaries and destroy my eyes with data?"   

[Huff]

Told my manager I could stay on PRN after residency ends this month to help out since we're short a position. Was thinking I could chill and work like 1-2 shifts a week

Now someone else is leaving, so I got scheduled for more hours than a full time employee.

So much for chilling

[chronovore]

I'm awake at 2AM because a mosquito managed to bite each fucking hand three fucking times, and typing right now feels like it's engaging ALL THE FUCKING NERVES in them. The reason this is a struggle and not an inconvenience is it's not even summer here yet, the rainy season has barely begun, and these fucking things are already finding their way in my home with regularity.

I've got a 9AM meeting to go over a mess of technical details on my current project, followed by a bunch of finnicky editing, and I just want to fucking sleep, is that so much to fucking ask?

[Madrun Badrun]

I've got a 9AM meeting to go over a mess of technical details on my current project, followed by a bunch of finnicky editing, and I just want to fucking sleep, is that so much to fucking ask?

You're complaining about a mild inconvenience in your ability to go to sleep in your comfortable bed in your home just cause a few homeless mosquito needed to get food to survive another day.  I mean, I don't know what time it is over in Japan, but think its time to check your privilege. 

[Mupepe]

Angry Chrono is best Chrono.

[Madrun Badrun]

Like the angry father that never beat me. 

[chronovore]

I've got a 9AM meeting to go over a mess of technical details on my current project, followed by a bunch of finnicky editing, and I just want to fucking sleep, is that so much to fucking ask?

You're complaining about a mild inconvenience in your ability to go to sleep in your comfortable bed in your home just cause a few homeless mosquito needed to get food to survive another day.  I mean, I don't know what time it is over in Japan, but think its time to check your privilege.

Like the angry father that never beat me.

I'm going to come over there and make you eat cold poutine while I drink your whisky.

[Steve Contra]

One of my best friends died yesterday. It wasn't unexpected because he had all kinds of problems resulting from a genetic vein malformation that paralyzed him 10 years ago, but man it still hurts. At least he isn't in pain anymore.

[Madrun Badrun]

sorry dude

[Brehvolution]

Sorry for your loss, Steve.

[Valkyrie]

Sorry for your loss - I hope he's in peace now. What a terrible thing. :'(

[I'm a Puppy!]

I'm sorry Steve, that sucks!

[chronovore]

That's super rough, Steve. I'm sad for your loss.

[Mupepe]

Sorry, Steve

[zomgee]

Yikes Mupepe that sounds terrible.

One thing I can't tolerate is people being dicks to workers in the service industry, especially food/restaurant. Throwing a fit over $5 (not to mention having your math be wrong) is pathetic. That driver probably barely makes any money as is.

That's how I felt.  $5 is nothing.  It's not even worth getting worked up over on vacation.  My relaxation is worth more than that.  And then being wrong on top of that.  Great.  It was shameful.

Yelling over five bucks yet willing to let $1000 disappear for the boat reservations. Good on you for stepping up but shame on them for turning the boat around.

One of my best friends died yesterday. It wasn't unexpected because he had all kinds of problems resulting from a genetic vein malformation that paralyzed him 10 years ago, but man it still hurts. At least he isn't in pain anymore.

A friend of mine I loved so much that I always called my uncle was paralyzed after a drunken dive into a three foot pool. He died maybe 15 years ago but he was my best friend. He helped me through some difficult times and really dragged me out of some terrible personal situations. We had very candid conversations about the state of his life and he was ultimately happy because he had time to read, meditate, and contemplate, but mostly he was appreciative of his friends. You're a good guy for being his friend in the face of his adversity. I am very sorry you lost your friend.

[Bebpo]

Procedure today went well, in recovery. In so much pain. This is the second most pain I've been in, in decades. Tylenol is just kicking in so I can move, hopefully I'll be able to sleep and tomorrow the pain will be gone, but boys & girls if someone wants to inflate balloons in your little gut and throw a knife party DO NOT DO THIS  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Went to Mcdonalds across the street earlier and got a strawberry banana smoothie I'm sipping and if you've seen wolf of wall street where Leo's slumping try to get to his car, that was sorta me but less extreme since I could drive, but getting there and back was like a hike.

[brawndolicious]

 :'(

Does ice and videogames help?

[CatsCatsCats]

Feel better, Bebpo

[Valkyrie]

Get well soon! Eat all the ice cream you can.

[Bebpo]

Thanks everyone! Feeling a lot better today, pain is like 1/4th from last night so it just feels like someone threw a bowling ball at hit me in the gut. At this rate the pain should be gone by tomorrow. Napping a lot today 

[Mupepe]

If youd like me to call and sing to you just give me the word, good buddy.

[VomKriege]

That fucking heatwave.

[Rufus]

Not helped by people who don't know to keep the fucking windows closed during the day. It's as if they think cold air spontaneously forms around an open window.

[Madrun Badrun]

Air conditioning etiquette should be a formal class taught in highschool 

[chronovore]

Air conditioning etiquette should be a formal class taught in highschool

 I'd say go for it being added to Home Economics, along with an addition of the evils of credit cards, and the need to maintain zero debt on them.

[Madrun Badrun]

This band is from my home province



lyrics are on point

[Rufus]

That is my nightmare. Hope they turn up.

[Madrun Badrun]

I got your keys

[TVC15]

Had an eye appointment earlier today. I was in the waiting room with two other people: a cute college aged girl and a disheveled neckbeard. I'm pretty sure he was a wizard. The young chick was reading something on her kindle...

Wizard: Hi, I'm Will. What are you reading?
Girl: Oh hi. Harry Potter & The Cursed Child
Wizard: Oh, I heard it was shite [not shit, he literally said "shite"]
Girl: *nervous giggle* I kinda like it. But not as much as the other books
Wizard: Yea. Have you read Game Of Thrones?
Girl: No but my brother watches the show. I haven't seen it
Wizard: Have you read The Hunger Games?
Girl: I saw the movies but haven't read the books
Wizard: Cool. Yea. Have you read Outlander?
Girl: I don't know what that is *laughs*

I shit you not, he asked her about 4-5 more books before she was called into the back for her appointment. At that point he looked at me and said "I tried." I was pulling a MAF at the time, ie pretending to do shit on my phone, but I looked up and
 


(Image removed from quote.)
I suppose he deserves some credit for actually talking to a girl, but still..

He clearly sensed the Grand Wizard.

[Madrun Badrun]

I've been doing my PhD full time and working 2 days a week at a start up.  I'm exhausted. 

[Raist]

Ha, the blessed years of the PhD. How I miss thee.

[Boogie]

This band is from my home province



lyrics are on point

I just discovered these guys a month or so ago.  I don't usually go for "country" sounding bands, but i dig them.

[Madrun Badrun]

 Same, well I just discovered the Americana genera as a whole and really like it

[Huff]

Drive-by Truckers was/is a group I've always been a big fan of in Americana, although I don't listen to the genre all that much

[Madrun Badrun]

Anxiety is killing me right now.  Just chickened out of going to a meeting I should be going to.  Fuck. 

[Valkyrie]

Anxiety is a real bitch, especially in social situations.

[TakingBackSunday]

Anxiety is killing me right now.  Just chickened out of going to a meeting I should be going to.  Fuck.

I do this far too often

---

Girlfriend still having a rough time finding work and is massively depressed.  Which in turn makes me depressed.   :'(

[Huff]

I on the otherhand went to a meeting at the hospital on an off day, where no one had reviewed the material/plan, argued over unimportant issues, decided on nothing, and re-scheduled the meeting in two weeks in a day I'll be on vacation (and I'm the lead person on this issue)

Duck it, going to get drunk at a pool

[Atramental]

I'm going to a meeting at 3pm but I don't know what it's about yet. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

Dude that's a struggle? Over half my meetings I show up and say, "OK, what's this meeting about?"

[Rahxephon91]

Little update for me since I'm drunk now.

Nothing much has changed in my life. Nothing has really improved.

I had a long and hard conversation with my mother. Basically my mother thinks I'm going to end up killing myself. I also at this point think it's inevitable.  I kind of think suicide is a forgone conclusion, it's kind of just a matter of when. It's just next time I probably won't be so public about it.

I stopped going to my therapist, I just felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it and I was wasting my money. I would talk, I guess she would listen. Is that all they do? I guess, I don't know what I wanted. It's like I wanted Prof X to read my mind and give me a run down on what my psychological problems were and what to do. Instead, because of the way I handle people I'm not super comfortable with I feel like I put my best fake genuine mask up. Telling people what they want to hear, but never telling them the super truth. I'm really good at that, so good I don't know how to not do it. Point being I felt like I could never say excactly what would help and I felt like I got nothing out of it.

At this point I don't know I don't know when I'm going to do it, but I know at some point I'm going to do it.  It was nice to feel the support of everyone, but in the end it just made me feel guilty. Did I do it for attention? No, but sometimes I feel like I did. I know some feel like I did. In the end I see how everyone has connections. Their own personal family, sexual and romantic partners, or whatever. People outside of thier mother who validate them. I don't and I don't see me ever achieving that because I myself dont like me. A real chicken and egg syndrome honestly.

In my arguments with my mother it comes down to, killing yourself will ruin people who love you. Yes, I know it will forever effect people especially my mother. But I feel thats a guilt trip. I'm not living for myself then, just so I don't hurt others. It sound bad when you type it out, but it's the truth. I love my nieces, but my life isn't about them.

[Raist]

Dude that's a struggle? Over half my meetings I show up and say, "OK, what's this meeting about?"

I'll add the bosses' "hey so can we meet in like 2h?" type of deals.

[Raist]

Little update for me since I'm drunk now.

Nothing much has changed in my life. Nothing has really improved.

I had a long and hard conversation with my mother. Basically my mother thinks I'm going to end up killing myself. I also at this point think it's inevitable.  I kind of think suicide is a forgone conclusion, it's kind of just a matter of when. It's just next time I probably won't be so public about it.

I stopped going to my therapist, I just felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it and I was wasting my money. I would talk, I guess she would listen. Is that all they do? I guess, I don't know what I wanted. It's like I wanted Prof X to read my mind and give me a run down on what my psychological problems were and what to do. Instead, because of the way I handle people I'm not super comfortable with I feel like I put my best fake genuine mask up. Telling people what they want to hear, but never telling them the super truth. I'm really good at that, so good I don't know how to not do it. Point being I felt like I could never say excactly what would help and I felt like I got nothing out of it.

At this point I don't know I don't know when I'm going to do it, but I know at some point I'm going to do it.  It was nice to feel the support of everyone, but in the end it just made me feel guilty. Did I do it for attention? No, but sometimes I feel like I did. I know some feel like I did. In the end I see how everyone has connections. Their own personal family, sexual and romantic partners, or whatever. People outside of thier mother who validate them. I don't and I don't see me ever achieving that because I myself dont like me. A real chicken and egg syndrome honestly.

In my arguments with my mother it comes down to, killing yourself will ruin people who love you. Yes, I know it will forever effect people especially my mother. But I feel thats a guilt trip. I'm not living for myself then, just so I don't hurt others. It sound bad when you type it out, but it's the truth. I love my nieces, but my life isn't about them.

I've bolded the contradictions - not in a "gotcha" manner mind you, just pointing out stuff you might be oblivious to because of your current mindset.
You also seem to have at least one very good friend (with a difficult type of relation, but still).

As for therapists, yes, that's not really something you'll get out of them, even though it would seem to make sense. Been there done that. All that means is that it's just not for you, not that you're a helpless, lost cause.
Presumably CBT is a little bit more targeted, from what I've heard, because they identify the main issues in your thinking process and/or behaviour, and help you work on that. Maybe look into it. At the end of the day, you'll have people be there on the way, but it will mostly come down to you. And that doesn't mean that it's impossible and "too late" or whatever. Often things just click into place, for whatever reason and out of nowhere.

I don't know if you've been drinking on your own, but seriously try hard to avoid that. Causes more harm than good.

[chronovore]

+1 for "don't self medicate"

Also agreed that you've got connections to other humans, and you're always free to make whatever choice you want. Take everything one day at a time.

Maybe you don't trust that therapist; no reason you can't try another.

Hang in there, Rahx.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Dude that's a struggle? Over half my meetings I show up and say, "OK, what's this meeting about?"

What's worse are the meetings that have no real purpose or direction.  So recently I've been rejecting those invitations, which causes some of them to get flustered.

I feel that these days most of the meetings I attend are "I'm too scared to make a decision so I need a dozen people on the call so that way if my decision is a bad one, the blame can be shared."

Fuck that, grow some balls and take a chance.

[Reb]

Dude that's a struggle? Over half my meetings I show up and say, "OK, what's this meeting about?"

I even do this when the meeting is clearly labeled, just to make sure everybody is mentally checked in.

[Atramental]

I was just continuing the post combo about meetings. Not a real struggle. 

Dude that's a struggle? Over half my meetings I show up and say, "OK, what's this meeting about?"

What's worse are the meetings that have no real purpose or direction.  So recently I've been rejecting those invitations, which causes some of them to get flustered.

I feel that these days most of the meetings I attend are "I'm too scared to make a decision so I need a dozen people on the call so that way if my decision is a bad one, the blame can be shared."

Fuck that, grow some balls and take a chance.

Those are the fucking worst. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

Dude that's a struggle? Over half my meetings I show up and say, "OK, what's this meeting about?"

What's worse are the meetings that have no real purpose or direction.  So recently I've been rejecting those invitations, which causes some of them to get flustered.

I feel that these days most of the meetings I attend are "I'm too scared to make a decision so I need a dozen people on the call so that way if my decision is a bad one, the blame can be shared."

Fuck that, grow some balls and take a chance.

Oh I was once like that. But I've accepted it's just never gong to stop. So I just take my laptop and I'll work on the tedious stuff or surf during the meetings and all that.  If someone asks me a question I tune back in, ask them to please repeat the question, give them an answer then check back out.

[CatsCatsCats]

My mother in law came to visit -- and drove her car into a ditch and somehow up over a boulder. Just spent the last couple hours jacking it up, taking off her tire, digging out the boulder (200lbs easy) and putting it all back together to get her out of my hair just dripping in sweat and mud right now. Time to get high in the shower and hope she leaves by the time I'm out

[Freyj]

I've yet to find a dev job that wasn't awful at onboarding and this new one isn't any exception to that rule.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Father in law got diagnosed with cancer.

[VomKriege]

Father in law got diagnosed with cancer.

Fuck. Best of luck with the treatment.

[Cerveza mas fina]

thx

[chronovore]

Father in law got diagnosed with cancer.

Sad to hear that. Cancer is a fucker.

[Oblivion]

I completely borked an interview at a major game developer that I was trying to get into for literally over a decade. 

[Madrun Badrun]

sucks dude

[chronovore]

Shit, sorry to hear that.

What went wrong?

[Mupepe]

Was if just nervous jitters or did something happen that made you look incompetent? A good interviewer should be able to look past jitters.