Other Forums Containment Thread

[Averon]

These people think being shallow as hell is somehow progressive. The Callisto Protocol protag being black or gay would not have changed the game in anyway.

[HaughtyFrank]

Another grave dance

https://www.resetera.com/threads/kirstie-alley-has-passed-away.661393/

[benita]

I would rather a bullet to the brain than become as bitter as those hateful cunts

[FUME5]

I wake up extra early to be a hater though.

[blame space]

demi your board's busted

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/do-you-sleep-at-night-with-a-stuffed-animal-plush.661576/

The day is hard out there, we come home weary and tired and unsure of the decisions we made during the previous 10 hours. You get ready for bed, jump under the covers, is there a stuffed friend waiting there for you to cuddle against, to take all your worries away, to help you fall asleep?

https://www.resetera.com/threads/had-this-lowkey-fear-of-getting-rejected-for-my-height-didn%E2%80%99t-expect-it-to-end-up-actually-happening.661426/

So met this girl and we’ve been talking from time to time, almost a year actually, and I kinda ended up finding them interesting and developing some emotions for them, and tonight I found out by a common friend of ours that the only reason they wouldn’t try something with me is because I’m not tall. I’m 167cm/5’6” I think that’s pretty average right? Anyways, the fact that i got rejected not because of my looks, not because of my personality, or anything else cause according to them im good looking and pretty down to earth (no pun intended) but instead because of my height… it kinda took me by surprise, never thought I’d be on that end of the stick. Feels bad man, not gonna lie.

[Taco Bell Tower]

Another grave dance

https://www.resetera.com/threads/kirstie-alley-has-passed-away.661393/

Surprised they're letting the grave dancing run

[HardcoreRetro]

What would a gay character even do in Protocol? Makeover the uniforms. Criticise the decor?

In Dead Space, Isaac Clarke could do the same animation for the baby necromorph. But just have him whisper in the baby's ear: "I love sucking cocks." before he punts it into a wall. It'd greatly increase my enjoyment of the game.

[KillRideMedley]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/are-the-red-letter-media-guys-borderline-alt-right-men%E2%80%99s-rights-activists-mra-or-is-youtube-showing-me-their-worst-content.661783/

 

[Crumb]

What a low effort thread, even the folks over on the RLM OT know to stay away and let it burn out.

[Boredfrom]

Their Clash in the College video kind of disproves this notion:

Yeah, this is pretty much it. Also one of the reasons I've really outgrown their videos over time. I used to love them, but as I got older and more mature, I look at some of their content and just cringe.

Dude, you are a Resetera janitor…

[Averon]

That thread is surprisingly level-headed for a RLM thread. Usually a RLM thread outside the RLM OT quickly devolve into calling everyone even mildly interested in RLM alt-right. That thread had that, too, but there was actually, sustained push back this time. Only Vonocourt is still in that thread trying to push the "RLM are right-wingers" narrative.

[Straight Edge]

Where can I donate to keep the Bore operational and are hog pics accepted currency?

[Taco Bell Tower]

Vonocunt and her deranged ass kisser TheGummyBear in that thread lol

[Taco Bell Tower]

I do like how it's acceptable for James Gunn to apologize for the pedo jokes yet RLM, nah fuck them what they said 10 years ago or so.  B-Dumbs got a pass and he said racist and misogynistic crap.

[Boredfrom]

That thread is surprisingly level-headed for a RLM thread. Usually a RLM thread outside the RLM OT quickly devolve into calling everyone even mildly interested in RLM alt-right. That thread had that, too, but there was actually, sustained push back this time. Only Vonocourt is still in that thread trying to push the "RLM are right-wingers" narrative.

Elegant Weapon is already in the case.

The whole Woke squad seem to come to play.

[Taco Bell Tower]

They're really bent over the Captain Marvel take

[HaughtyFrank]

Vonocunt and her deranged ass kisser TheGummyBear in that thread lol

When Red Letter Media gets attacked by someone who screams about how Zack Snyder is rapist because some of his movies featured rape and a person who had mental breakdown over a Doctor Who doctor returning, it really only speaks in favor of RLM

[GreatSageEqualOfHeaven]

I'm getting whiplash from how much they're jumping back and forth between saying that they don't want to see white characters in games and then go back to claiming they never said that

Nepenthe has a dream.
A dream that someday in the future we will not judge a game by the quality of their main character, but by the colour of their skin.

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/are-the-red-letter-media-guys-borderline-alt-right-men%E2%80%99s-rights-activists-mra-or-is-youtube-showing-me-their-worst-content.661783/page-7#post-97711318

Thread vibe:

More like site vibe 

[benjipwns]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/are-the-red-letter-media-guys-borderline-alt-right-men%E2%80%99s-rights-activists-mra-or-is-youtube-showing-me-their-worst-content.661783/

 

Indefensible, but you still watch them?

You can't just ignore the content that Rich is in, the whole company is complicit.

Imagine thinking NYT is on our side, even the open revolt they had inside the office relatively recently didn't change shit.

What is the point of the analogy if both of them want us erased?

Like NYT doesn't actively say I'm a molestor and advocate for child mutilation.

It's not, Rich doing that happened 7 years ago and it hasn't happened again? It doens't help that Rich did two prior pranks calls that bombed that were not racist and wanted to stop so he made one so bad it would stop and Mike being an asshole used that one cause making fun of Rich Evans is a past time. Jay also looked like he wanted to die.

The fuck are you even defending doing racially targeting hate crimes for.

Angry Joe Content is banned, is RLM?

My girl Vonocourt be right here.

We ban content and subjects of discussion, but RLM has offended many and that's okay?

As a fellow trans person, I also don't find the South Park comparison redeeming.

I reiterate, we've had people banned(both members and content creators) for less. To see people vehemently defending these assholes is very disappointing.

cops gonna fucking cop

[BisMarckie]

Can you not got something out of it yourself? Ask to watch her take a BBC. Saw a video on xhamster and everyone looked and sounded like they were having fun.

filler handling the Bire outage well

[Nintex]

He's living the progressive dream and ending the patriarchy. Soon he will have more kids to take care of. 

Sounds like it's time for a vascetomy to remove these conservative thoughts of jealousy, family values and ownership.

[benjipwns]

Can you not got something out of it yourself? Ask to watch her take a BBC. Saw a video on xhamster and everyone looked and sounded like they were having fun.

filler handling the Bire outage well

Lots to learn in this thread:

I originally posted this in Iorek's thread, bit I didn't want to unintentionally take any attention away from his current ongoing situation:


Honestly, I kind of wish my wife had just cheated on me. I don't think I'd be as down on myself as I currently am if that were what happened.

Short rundown of my situation:

Back in October, my sister found out her husband had been cheating on her almost the entire time. I mean, he's a huge prick, so that wasn't really a big surprise to any of us. She immediately filed for divorce and he's been acting out since, which is really only helping her case.

Anyway, after we found out about that, my wife started conversing with me about what it would be like to be with somebody else. I totally get that even considering this after what had literally just happened with my sister is a flashing red flag. Me, being the accommodating idiot that I am, actively encouraged her to find out. She jumped right in and found somebody to sleep with a day or two later. She didn't have a great experience, but she kept trying with different people. Now she has a twice divorced boyfriend who is 11 years older than her and is living with a few roommates in an even more rundown area than we live in. She is also still trying to meet more people. She just had an experience with a guy who was unfortunately too physical right from the start and then made light of some health issues she is having, so she is starting to sour on things a bit

I honestly have no idea how I feel about any of this. I think I'm just kind of in shock, to be honest.

We have three young kids, the oldest in kindergarten and the middle in half day preschool. She'll start kindergarten next July/August and or youngest will enter preschool.

She's been a stay at home mom/wife for the last six years, although I basically handle everything once I get off work from dinner to baths to bedtime routine. We don't get a lot of babysitting support from family because my sister is kind of using up those resources on my family's side and her family kind of sucks. She was adopted and had always been sort of an outcast in her family.

She says she would rather be going out and doing things with me, but the babysitting help just isn't really there. I'm literally at home with the kids while she goes out on dates with her boyfriend/various other people. Not that I don't like being with my kids. It also doesn't help that like, outside of watching the kids while I'm at work, she really doesn't do anything to contribute to the household. I do literally all of the weekly chores like cooking, laundry (I wash, dry, and put away, she folds), trash, dishes, kid care, and the like. I mean, she does do the fun stuff with the kids that I probably wouldn't very often. Advent calendar, museum/zoo trips, elf on the shelf, crafts, painting/drawing projects, and what have you.


I don't know. I'm just completely lost at the moment. I'm not sure my situation would really improve at all with a divorce, but it's not super great right now either. Maybe things will get better once she goes back to work in August? Nah, that's probably just a lie I'm telling myself.

I don't know why I let her explore this whole dating thing in the first place. I don't like it, but I don't control her life. Of course, that's just the thought that immediately comes to mind. When I sit and consider it more, I don't have as big of an issue with it. I've never wanted to be a controlling spouse, but now I'm not even sure what being a spouse means anymore.

I just don't know where I actually stand on the issue. If other people make her happy, then so be it. I'm not even sure if I want a divorce myself. Do I like what she's doing? Not really, but I'm not actually sure how much I actually care about the whole situation. I told her we could get divorced, but she really didn't want that. I suppose there's not a huge difference between being divorced and my current situation already.

I think my biggest problem lies in the fact that I'm not sure how attached I really am in the first place. I think that troubles me more than the other people. I'm not particularly attached to much in general though. I'm also kind of taken aback at how quickly she dived in. I mean, she always rushes head first into things in general, whereas I'm slow as shit to do anything most of the time.

Maybe I wouldn't be thinking about it so much if we had talked about it more beforehand. I don't know. It's not like she has done anything behind my back or hidden anything from me.


It's not like she's the only one going at this point though. I started the apps a couple weeks after her. I've been talking to a few poly/ENM people, but haven't put a ton of effort into it.


Sorry, this is pretty disjointed, but it's a couple responses stitched together with my initial post in the other thread.

I promise I didn't abandon this thread after posting. Just had our son's first school concert and a family dinner after.

So, there actually is a lot of communication between her and I. I mean, I know literally everything she does when she goes out. We also spend a majority of our time together. I work at a high school, so I get out at 2:20 every day that I work and I'm at home four months a year basically. We do nine weeks on, two weeks off and then a two month summer.

As I mentioned before, the kids are young. They're honestly in bed no later than 6:30 to 7 most nights. I don't mind being home with them while she's out.

Our sex life isn't bad or anything. It's improved if anything over the last month and a half (first partner was only on 10/22/22). We've always had a lot of sex, but a problem I know that we have is that I really don't initiate our encounters most of the time. I'm also not a dominant partner. I don't like taking charge of well, most things in life. Like, she wants me, if I'm in the mood, to wake her up in the middle of the night and use her body. She kind of wants to be dragged across the bed and whatnot. Just not things I'm totally comfortable with.

If anything, she doesn't seem entirely satisfied with the partners she's had so far, which is disappointing to me, in a weird way. Like, I actually do want someone to pick up the slack there.

The thing I don't like most is that she can't really articulate what she wants most out of the whole thing. I know she likes the attention of somebody always texting her and telling her how pretty she is, but like, I could look at her phone and she is having the exact conversation with like four different people at once. There's very little variation.

I also know that she is looking for companionship or friendship of a sort. She doesn't really have any friends at all. She's tried multiple mom's groups and the like, but always ends up leaving them behind because she just can't connect with anyone in them.

Also, as far as the job thing, she could literally replace me and I'd have no problem with it. We have the same basic qualifications. I don't mind being the at home parent.

Also, I don't believe she would have any problem with me going out. I'm just not as interested in it, I suppose. I'm not even lacking in opportunities. Hell, just having a connected dating profile has people messaging me through her.
____

Honestly, my biggest struggle is that I'm not really sure what role I play in her life. Like, what makes our relationship any different from any other relationship she makes? Obviously, there's our children, but she knows I'd never take the children away from her. Do I need to feel special? I don't even know.

So, we're both relatively young still. She's 29 (30 next month) and I'm 31. We've been married 7 years, on and off dating for 9-10 years.

So, despite how a lot of you acted towards them, I actually think MigraineRelief was sort of on the money. It's not necessarily the relationship itself that is troubling me, it's the appearance of it to the outside world. I know this isn't really a "common" thing. It's the irregularness of it that troubles a part of my mind. Striving to appear "normal" without actually caring to be so.

Some background-

I actually spent most of my life up until 18 alone in a cold, dark room with nothing but the sound of the fan going due to, interestingly enough due to the above username, intense migraines with vomiting. I would miss two to three days of school on average per week. I missed an entire semester of each my freshman and sophomore years and my entire junior year. I also had a severe bout with E. Coli that had me close to death's door as a younger child. This definitely altered my perspective on a lot of things and the type of stuff I generally value in life.

I've just always been in a position where I have limited contact with people in general, I guess. Even now, in my job where I'm around like 200+ high school students each day in my room, I barely communicate. I've probably spoken less than three hours total in the last six years at work. It's study hall, I don't really need to speak. I have one ten minute face to face with my boss per year and that's about the extent of time spent speaking to other adults at work.

I'm weird, but not socially inept. I can hold long conversations. I can get people to open up and talk for hours. My desire for interaction is just very minimal.
_______


Also, I'm kind of incredulous at how hard some of you seem to think hooking up with someone is. Like, the second it starts to get cold in the Midwest you can practically just point at someone and be good to go. I'm turning down offers (for initial meets). I don't mind what my wife does, but I don't think I want to do it myself. She also knows about this. I also know she feels kind of awkward about me not seeing other people as well. I've tried to explain that it's more her thing and not mine. Also, it's not like she's spending any of our money to go out. I don't think I ever said she was.

_____

As far as the sex things go, it's not like I don't do those things for her. I'm just not a take charge person. I'd rather her get that experience elsewhere. My wife wants to be viewed as an object for somebody's pleasure. "Make me do things even if you know I don't like them." I kind of get it, but I also don't.


_____


I also don't totally get where the idea that we don't communicate comes from. Do we not use forums for trying to gather perspectives outside of our own?

Yes, you also get that with therapy. I'm not against therapy. I guess I don't see what's wrong with putting things out there in general either?

I think I make things sound worse than they are.

Like, she's not out often and only after the kids are asleep.

Do I love my wife? Yes. Do I care if my wife were to leave me? No. Is that a contradiction? I'm not sure.

It's like I feel things in the moment, but, after taking a step back, I can't put a reason to having the feeling in the first place. Like, I'm not saying I don't get jealous, but I can't put an actual reason to what I'm jealous about.

We spend most of our time together. She does not go out most nights. I thought I had said that.

And me, I don't actually like going out very often in general.

Also, my wife isn't an absent mother. She does most of the fun stuff/appointments since those are usually during the day. I just handle most of the house stuff and after school routine.

She doesn't just disappear every night the second everybody is home.


As to why I even bothered posting in the first place, I guess it just gets me gather my own thoughts in a way a journal never would.

I mean, I helped her set up her profile and watched it immediately get flooded with messages. Like, when you're looking for a quick hookup as an average woman and not intending to move beyond that, it's not hard to immediately find somebody. There was no months of searching behind my back. I don't really get where y'all get that from.

_____

Also, like I mentioned before, I literally sit in a room watching teenagers either do their homework or watch movies on their phones. I'm not out busting my ass or anything.

My man running up against millions of years of evolution and The Progressive Manual doesn't have a section on this. Happens to the best of us.

Fat guy chiming in:

I think you should table the extramarital sex and dating that your wife is engaging in right now, OP. Because, judging by how you're waffling on it, at the end of all this you might genuinely find that you're ok with an ethically non-monogamous relationship with your wife. You wouldn't be alone here. Plenty of mature and healthy relationships thrive under similar arrangements.

The problem is I wouldn't describe your current arrangement with your wife as ethically non-monogamous at all. At least, not in a way that your wife might be aware of, because so much of what is being discarded here is your feelings and your well-being.

All relationships -- monogamous, polyamorous, open, or some combination of all these things -- need to be ethical. Communication needs to be honest and free-flowing, and boundaries (or the lack of boundaries) need to be clearly expressed. "I don't care that you're dating, but we are still partners in parenting," is a conversation that I think is sorely missing here, based on how much of this dominates your post. You've said that you might not have a problem with your wife dating other people, but you do have a problem with how absent she's been as a spouse and co-parent. That is completely valid and necessary for you to express. And the burden on your wife, since this is the type of arrangement she seems to want, is how to balance these various aspects of her life.

But I want you to separate this from the non-monogamy because, honestly, being an absent parent is its own issue. Plenty of reasons why people pull away from their kids. I think you two need to isolate why she's doing that.

How old are the kids?

And how are you planning on explaining about their mother dating other guys if they ask about it, assuming they're old enough to be curious about it?

Have a modern conversation about dating and sex with them?

Caveat, EYE don’t have kids, so not speaking from personal experience.

But I know plenty of parents who have done exactly this. My mother did exactly this.

'm gonna try and step away from the vastly mononormative perspective from most posters in this thread, and try to help you figure out what would make an ENM/poly relationship work for you.

First off, you have to want it. Most everyone is raised to be monogamous, and changing that perspective involves breaking your old worldview. If you can't - if you try and try and try and you cannot resonate with nonmonogamy in whatever form it takes, it's not going to work.

Secondly, every ENM relationship looks different. I honestly think you've got a step up on a LOT of couples trying out poly for the first time because not only do you realize there are sexual traits that your wife needs but you can't provide, you also don't seem to have a huge problem with her getting those needs fulfilled elsewhere. At the same time, you've tried dating other people and it's just not for you. So what do you guys do from here? Do you separate because it's "unfair" that she's getting more sex from other people, even though you don't necessarily want more sex and certainly not from other people?

ENM is about equity, not equality. You two have different sexual needs, and thus fulfill them differently. What's good for your wife is not necessarily good for you, but the pressure to make your open marriage equal by pushing you to sleep with new people is probably confusing. So lemme tell you this: if you want to be functionally monogamous, and you want your wife to be able to get her needs fulfilled by others so that she can finally stop bugging you about it, that is a valid and ethical nonmonogamous arrangement.

Thirdly. Whether your wife realizes it or not, the nature of your marriage means that she is operating within a hierarchical poly structure. You guys have kids together. You own a house together. You are presumably legally and financially tied together in a number of ways. You are the primary partner; the nesting partner; the anchor partner. You come first before any of her other partners.

Power is defined differently in every single ENM arrangement, but you are owed the most power in your wife's life than any of her other partners. Perhaps she tells you about a new fella who's behaviour really bugs you. Do you want the ability to tell her not to see that person anymore? Ask her to agree to giving you veto power. Perhaps one partner wants her to co-sign a lease, which makes you uncomfortable. Ask her not to make any kind of legal or financial commitments to anyone else. Perhaps a partner wants to have unprotected sex with her, which puts your health potentially at risk. Tell her she can't have unprotected sex with any other partners.

Be reasonable about it, be empathetic and understanding of her wants and needs, but set limits on what your wife can do with other people. Again, you are the primary partner. Right now, the playing field is wide open. If I had to guess, some or most of your discomfort comes from the unpredictability of strangers. What if her partner pressures her into something, that she agrees to, but you're not okay with it? That's not her right. Her freedom should never come at the expense of your relational safety.

Lastly, find some way to benefit from this. ENM should work for both of you. Your wife should be looking to fulfill needs that you either can't or won't fulfill, but she absolutely should not be seeking to replace you. A lot of ENM relationships flounder because the more successful partner loses themselves in the excitement of seeing new people, and their partner feels forgotten and/or left behind. Because of the scale of investment you've put into this marriage and the scale of your sacrifice by permitting this new arrangement, if your wife wants the freedom of ENM, she is obligated to also give you what you want from her.

You've mentioned only a moderate interest in sex, and no interest in dating. But what do you like about your wife? What's something your wife does in your marriage that you really appreciate? What are things your wife does for/to you that are extremely meaningful to you? Ask for more of it. You're okay with watching the kids while she's on dates, but what's something you're not okay with? Ask her to take care of it from now on. The purpose of opening up your marriage is for your wife to feel good and energized by her new experiences and relationships - that renewed energy needs to be invested back into your marriage. If she's going out and having fun, and then comes home too drained to be good to you, that's not ethical nonmonogamy, that's exploitation.

This is a really fantastic post. Really.

I would implore a lot of participators in this thread to read this post, and maybe challenge why they refuse to take the OP at his word. OP has stated, multiple times in this thread, that his wife having sexual relationships outside of their marriage is not the problem or, at least, not the thing he's most hung up on. And yet so many people in here are trying to force a mononormative viewpoint, to the extent that they're actively ignoring what the OP themselves are saying.

I'm not in a non-monogamous relationship. But it doesn't take much to empathize, or at least try to.

[Potato]

Oh man, the members of that site are something else.

[DJ Bedroom]

Goddammit I need into that discord you nerds are always going on about

[FUME5]

known hate site the bire is back baby

[Taco Bell Tower]

Can you not got something out of it yourself? Ask to watch her take a BBC. Saw a video on xhamster and everyone looked and sounded like they were having fun.

filler handling the Bire outage well

Lots to learn in this thread:

I originally posted this in Iorek's thread, bit I didn't want to unintentionally take any attention away from his current ongoing situation:


Honestly, I kind of wish my wife had just cheated on me. I don't think I'd be as down on myself as I currently am if that were what happened.

Short rundown of my situation:

Back in October, my sister found out her husband had been cheating on her almost the entire time. I mean, he's a huge prick, so that wasn't really a big surprise to any of us. She immediately filed for divorce and he's been acting out since, which is really only helping her case.

Anyway, after we found out about that, my wife started conversing with me about what it would be like to be with somebody else. I totally get that even considering this after what had literally just happened with my sister is a flashing red flag. Me, being the accommodating idiot that I am, actively encouraged her to find out. She jumped right in and found somebody to sleep with a day or two later. She didn't have a great experience, but she kept trying with different people. Now she has a twice divorced boyfriend who is 11 years older than her and is living with a few roommates in an even more rundown area than we live in. She is also still trying to meet more people. She just had an experience with a guy who was unfortunately too physical right from the start and then made light of some health issues she is having, so she is starting to sour on things a bit

I honestly have no idea how I feel about any of this. I think I'm just kind of in shock, to be honest.

We have three young kids, the oldest in kindergarten and the middle in half day preschool. She'll start kindergarten next July/August and or youngest will enter preschool.

She's been a stay at home mom/wife for the last six years, although I basically handle everything once I get off work from dinner to baths to bedtime routine. We don't get a lot of babysitting support from family because my sister is kind of using up those resources on my family's side and her family kind of sucks. She was adopted and had always been sort of an outcast in her family.

She says she would rather be going out and doing things with me, but the babysitting help just isn't really there. I'm literally at home with the kids while she goes out on dates with her boyfriend/various other people. Not that I don't like being with my kids. It also doesn't help that like, outside of watching the kids while I'm at work, she really doesn't do anything to contribute to the household. I do literally all of the weekly chores like cooking, laundry (I wash, dry, and put away, she folds), trash, dishes, kid care, and the like. I mean, she does do the fun stuff with the kids that I probably wouldn't very often. Advent calendar, museum/zoo trips, elf on the shelf, crafts, painting/drawing projects, and what have you.


I don't know. I'm just completely lost at the moment. I'm not sure my situation would really improve at all with a divorce, but it's not super great right now either. Maybe things will get better once she goes back to work in August? Nah, that's probably just a lie I'm telling myself.

I don't know why I let her explore this whole dating thing in the first place. I don't like it, but I don't control her life. Of course, that's just the thought that immediately comes to mind. When I sit and consider it more, I don't have as big of an issue with it. I've never wanted to be a controlling spouse, but now I'm not even sure what being a spouse means anymore.

I just don't know where I actually stand on the issue. If other people make her happy, then so be it. I'm not even sure if I want a divorce myself. Do I like what she's doing? Not really, but I'm not actually sure how much I actually care about the whole situation. I told her we could get divorced, but she really didn't want that. I suppose there's not a huge difference between being divorced and my current situation already.

I think my biggest problem lies in the fact that I'm not sure how attached I really am in the first place. I think that troubles me more than the other people. I'm not particularly attached to much in general though. I'm also kind of taken aback at how quickly she dived in. I mean, she always rushes head first into things in general, whereas I'm slow as shit to do anything most of the time.

Maybe I wouldn't be thinking about it so much if we had talked about it more beforehand. I don't know. It's not like she has done anything behind my back or hidden anything from me.


It's not like she's the only one going at this point though. I started the apps a couple weeks after her. I've been talking to a few poly/ENM people, but haven't put a ton of effort into it.


Sorry, this is pretty disjointed, but it's a couple responses stitched together with my initial post in the other thread.

I promise I didn't abandon this thread after posting. Just had our son's first school concert and a family dinner after.

So, there actually is a lot of communication between her and I. I mean, I know literally everything she does when she goes out. We also spend a majority of our time together. I work at a high school, so I get out at 2:20 every day that I work and I'm at home four months a year basically. We do nine weeks on, two weeks off and then a two month summer.

As I mentioned before, the kids are young. They're honestly in bed no later than 6:30 to 7 most nights. I don't mind being home with them while she's out.

Our sex life isn't bad or anything. It's improved if anything over the last month and a half (first partner was only on 10/22/22). We've always had a lot of sex, but a problem I know that we have is that I really don't initiate our encounters most of the time. I'm also not a dominant partner. I don't like taking charge of well, most things in life. Like, she wants me, if I'm in the mood, to wake her up in the middle of the night and use her body. She kind of wants to be dragged across the bed and whatnot. Just not things I'm totally comfortable with.

If anything, she doesn't seem entirely satisfied with the partners she's had so far, which is disappointing to me, in a weird way. Like, I actually do want someone to pick up the slack there.

The thing I don't like most is that she can't really articulate what she wants most out of the whole thing. I know she likes the attention of somebody always texting her and telling her how pretty she is, but like, I could look at her phone and she is having the exact conversation with like four different people at once. There's very little variation.

I also know that she is looking for companionship or friendship of a sort. She doesn't really have any friends at all. She's tried multiple mom's groups and the like, but always ends up leaving them behind because she just can't connect with anyone in them.

Also, as far as the job thing, she could literally replace me and I'd have no problem with it. We have the same basic qualifications. I don't mind being the at home parent.

Also, I don't believe she would have any problem with me going out. I'm just not as interested in it, I suppose. I'm not even lacking in opportunities. Hell, just having a connected dating profile has people messaging me through her.
____

Honestly, my biggest struggle is that I'm not really sure what role I play in her life. Like, what makes our relationship any different from any other relationship she makes? Obviously, there's our children, but she knows I'd never take the children away from her. Do I need to feel special? I don't even know.

So, we're both relatively young still. She's 29 (30 next month) and I'm 31. We've been married 7 years, on and off dating for 9-10 years.

So, despite how a lot of you acted towards them, I actually think MigraineRelief was sort of on the money. It's not necessarily the relationship itself that is troubling me, it's the appearance of it to the outside world. I know this isn't really a "common" thing. It's the irregularness of it that troubles a part of my mind. Striving to appear "normal" without actually caring to be so.

Some background-

I actually spent most of my life up until 18 alone in a cold, dark room with nothing but the sound of the fan going due to, interestingly enough due to the above username, intense migraines with vomiting. I would miss two to three days of school on average per week. I missed an entire semester of each my freshman and sophomore years and my entire junior year. I also had a severe bout with E. Coli that had me close to death's door as a younger child. This definitely altered my perspective on a lot of things and the type of stuff I generally value in life.

I've just always been in a position where I have limited contact with people in general, I guess. Even now, in my job where I'm around like 200+ high school students each day in my room, I barely communicate. I've probably spoken less than three hours total in the last six years at work. It's study hall, I don't really need to speak. I have one ten minute face to face with my boss per year and that's about the extent of time spent speaking to other adults at work.

I'm weird, but not socially inept. I can hold long conversations. I can get people to open up and talk for hours. My desire for interaction is just very minimal.
_______


Also, I'm kind of incredulous at how hard some of you seem to think hooking up with someone is. Like, the second it starts to get cold in the Midwest you can practically just point at someone and be good to go. I'm turning down offers (for initial meets). I don't mind what my wife does, but I don't think I want to do it myself. She also knows about this. I also know she feels kind of awkward about me not seeing other people as well. I've tried to explain that it's more her thing and not mine. Also, it's not like she's spending any of our money to go out. I don't think I ever said she was.

_____

As far as the sex things go, it's not like I don't do those things for her. I'm just not a take charge person. I'd rather her get that experience elsewhere. My wife wants to be viewed as an object for somebody's pleasure. "Make me do things even if you know I don't like them." I kind of get it, but I also don't.


_____


I also don't totally get where the idea that we don't communicate comes from. Do we not use forums for trying to gather perspectives outside of our own?

Yes, you also get that with therapy. I'm not against therapy. I guess I don't see what's wrong with putting things out there in general either?

I think I make things sound worse than they are.

Like, she's not out often and only after the kids are asleep.

Do I love my wife? Yes. Do I care if my wife were to leave me? No. Is that a contradiction? I'm not sure.

It's like I feel things in the moment, but, after taking a step back, I can't put a reason to having the feeling in the first place. Like, I'm not saying I don't get jealous, but I can't put an actual reason to what I'm jealous about.

We spend most of our time together. She does not go out most nights. I thought I had said that.

And me, I don't actually like going out very often in general.

Also, my wife isn't an absent mother. She does most of the fun stuff/appointments since those are usually during the day. I just handle most of the house stuff and after school routine.

She doesn't just disappear every night the second everybody is home.


As to why I even bothered posting in the first place, I guess it just gets me gather my own thoughts in a way a journal never would.

I mean, I helped her set up her profile and watched it immediately get flooded with messages. Like, when you're looking for a quick hookup as an average woman and not intending to move beyond that, it's not hard to immediately find somebody. There was no months of searching behind my back. I don't really get where y'all get that from.

_____

Also, like I mentioned before, I literally sit in a room watching teenagers either do their homework or watch movies on their phones. I'm not out busting my ass or anything.

My man running up against millions of years of evolution and The Progressive Manual doesn't have a section on this. Happens to the best of us.

Fat guy chiming in:

I think you should table the extramarital sex and dating that your wife is engaging in right now, OP. Because, judging by how you're waffling on it, at the end of all this you might genuinely find that you're ok with an ethically non-monogamous relationship with your wife. You wouldn't be alone here. Plenty of mature and healthy relationships thrive under similar arrangements.

The problem is I wouldn't describe your current arrangement with your wife as ethically non-monogamous at all. At least, not in a way that your wife might be aware of, because so much of what is being discarded here is your feelings and your well-being.

All relationships -- monogamous, polyamorous, open, or some combination of all these things -- need to be ethical. Communication needs to be honest and free-flowing, and boundaries (or the lack of boundaries) need to be clearly expressed. "I don't care that you're dating, but we are still partners in parenting," is a conversation that I think is sorely missing here, based on how much of this dominates your post. You've said that you might not have a problem with your wife dating other people, but you do have a problem with how absent she's been as a spouse and co-parent. That is completely valid and necessary for you to express. And the burden on your wife, since this is the type of arrangement she seems to want, is how to balance these various aspects of her life.

But I want you to separate this from the non-monogamy because, honestly, being an absent parent is its own issue. Plenty of reasons why people pull away from their kids. I think you two need to isolate why she's doing that.

How old are the kids?

And how are you planning on explaining about their mother dating other guys if they ask about it, assuming they're old enough to be curious about it?

Have a modern conversation about dating and sex with them?

Caveat, EYE don’t have kids, so not speaking from personal experience.

But I know plenty of parents who have done exactly this. My mother did exactly this.

'm gonna try and step away from the vastly mononormative perspective from most posters in this thread, and try to help you figure out what would make an ENM/poly relationship work for you.

First off, you have to want it. Most everyone is raised to be monogamous, and changing that perspective involves breaking your old worldview. If you can't - if you try and try and try and you cannot resonate with nonmonogamy in whatever form it takes, it's not going to work.

Secondly, every ENM relationship looks different. I honestly think you've got a step up on a LOT of couples trying out poly for the first time because not only do you realize there are sexual traits that your wife needs but you can't provide, you also don't seem to have a huge problem with her getting those needs fulfilled elsewhere. At the same time, you've tried dating other people and it's just not for you. So what do you guys do from here? Do you separate because it's "unfair" that she's getting more sex from other people, even though you don't necessarily want more sex and certainly not from other people?

ENM is about equity, not equality. You two have different sexual needs, and thus fulfill them differently. What's good for your wife is not necessarily good for you, but the pressure to make your open marriage equal by pushing you to sleep with new people is probably confusing. So lemme tell you this: if you want to be functionally monogamous, and you want your wife to be able to get her needs fulfilled by others so that she can finally stop bugging you about it, that is a valid and ethical nonmonogamous arrangement.

Thirdly. Whether your wife realizes it or not, the nature of your marriage means that she is operating within a hierarchical poly structure. You guys have kids together. You own a house together. You are presumably legally and financially tied together in a number of ways. You are the primary partner; the nesting partner; the anchor partner. You come first before any of her other partners.

Power is defined differently in every single ENM arrangement, but you are owed the most power in your wife's life than any of her other partners. Perhaps she tells you about a new fella who's behaviour really bugs you. Do you want the ability to tell her not to see that person anymore? Ask her to agree to giving you veto power. Perhaps one partner wants her to co-sign a lease, which makes you uncomfortable. Ask her not to make any kind of legal or financial commitments to anyone else. Perhaps a partner wants to have unprotected sex with her, which puts your health potentially at risk. Tell her she can't have unprotected sex with any other partners.

Be reasonable about it, be empathetic and understanding of her wants and needs, but set limits on what your wife can do with other people. Again, you are the primary partner. Right now, the playing field is wide open. If I had to guess, some or most of your discomfort comes from the unpredictability of strangers. What if her partner pressures her into something, that she agrees to, but you're not okay with it? That's not her right. Her freedom should never come at the expense of your relational safety.

Lastly, find some way to benefit from this. ENM should work for both of you. Your wife should be looking to fulfill needs that you either can't or won't fulfill, but she absolutely should not be seeking to replace you. A lot of ENM relationships flounder because the more successful partner loses themselves in the excitement of seeing new people, and their partner feels forgotten and/or left behind. Because of the scale of investment you've put into this marriage and the scale of your sacrifice by permitting this new arrangement, if your wife wants the freedom of ENM, she is obligated to also give you what you want from her.

You've mentioned only a moderate interest in sex, and no interest in dating. But what do you like about your wife? What's something your wife does in your marriage that you really appreciate? What are things your wife does for/to you that are extremely meaningful to you? Ask for more of it. You're okay with watching the kids while she's on dates, but what's something you're not okay with? Ask her to take care of it from now on. The purpose of opening up your marriage is for your wife to feel good and energized by her new experiences and relationships - that renewed energy needs to be invested back into your marriage. If she's going out and having fun, and then comes home too drained to be good to you, that's not ethical nonmonogamy, that's exploitation.

This is a really fantastic post. Really.

I would implore a lot of participators in this thread to read this post, and maybe challenge why they refuse to take the OP at his word. OP has stated, multiple times in this thread, that his wife having sexual relationships outside of their marriage is not the problem or, at least, not the thing he's most hung up on. And yet so many people in here are trying to force a mononormative viewpoint, to the extent that they're actively ignoring what the OP themselves are saying.

I'm not in a non-monogamous relationship. But it doesn't take much to empathize, or at least try to.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-wife-has-a-boyfriend.662581/page-9#post-97886971

User Banned (2 Weeks): Inflammatory, sexist accusations

I am sorry but you are still a mess of contradictions. "That poster was right it is about how the world sees it" but then you go on about how you don't actually want to do it. It also contradicts a lot of things you have posted in this thread. You literally called yourself an idiot for letting this happen, mentioned she is not home as much with the kids, nevermind created this thread saying your wife has a boyfriend.

You have ignored most responses but chose the couple that has aligned with your apparently already chosen viewpoint.

I am dipping out of this thread because it is giving me a headache and I feel like you are doing some serious coping to make yourself feel better about a situation you do not like.

Time to figure shit out. You have kids.

Welcome to 99% of these topics. People post shit to vent and find the few people who post something that they fully agree to remain in denial. I remember maybe only 1 time someone on here completely changed their POV after making the topic, the rest just followed what they wanted to hear. First thing this guy should have done is gotten a paternity test for all 3 kids.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-wife-has-a-boyfriend.662581/page-2#post-97784668
Messofanego

I'm not getting a sense of what your marriage is like before this all happened. Do you two love each other? Are you both affectionate? Intimate? This doesn't happen out of nowhere.

Why are you not so attached to your partner? What are you getting out of the marriage?

All we've gotten is you do most of the practical aspects of married life, taking care of the house, and it's not equal parenting.

[Nintex]

He should get his kinky wife an OnlyFans and earn some money on the side

[Snoopycat_]

"I think I make things sound worse than they are."

The classic line when someone realises they've revealed too much and need to run some serious damage control.

[joeboy101]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/geoff-keighley-confirms-kid-who-interrupted-game-of-the-year-section-was-arrested.662836/

Missed not having the Bire during ERA losing its fucking mind about this kid who crashed From Software's speech.

I mean, it was cringe, but chuckable. Gotta respect the kid's gravitas and play to get up there and stand with them while they gave the speech. And that thread, despite sperging from the usual suspects, chuckles it off or comments on it being cringe. ERA though...

https://www.resetera.com/threads/bill-clinton-is-an-orthodox-rabbi-is-an-antisemitic-dog-whistle.662914/

So before you make another post defending his actions know that you're defending antisemitism.

people were defending that in the first place? even if you take out the antisemitic context (don’t actually do that), he still did a shitty thing

Well highlighted. Cringe, pointless and racist all at once.

Racist now. Incorrect. NepNep tells me you can't be racist to white people.

I hope no one is defending or cheering this. Besides being an alt-right dogwhistle, this could've gone so much worse if the kid had a weapon and decided to attack the people on stage.

Unless you're Dave Chapelle, then its all cool.

I saw it as a dog whistle the moment it happened.
I get the memes. It was a totally unexpected moment (literally as it wasn't planned at all), and unexpected moments are prime for mockery. But also understand that what he said was horrific.

Need a fainting couch, stat!

The whole thing is about linking (former) world leaders to Judiasm / the whole “the Jews secretly run everything!” (While the nazis also claim theyre being “inferior” to the cucked white race lmao)

Its not super overt like the nazis yelling “theyll not replace us” while carrying tiki torches their mommas bought them at wallmart but its still the same message

 

[joeboy101]

Also, ERA's thread and content policies now oppressing black people as well...

https://www.resetera.com/threads/idris-elba-joins-cyberpunk-2077-phantom-liberty.662902/

Cyberpunk news goes in the OT.

Hope they make posts about Idris Elba propogating the transphobia in the game (which in reality, is zero of course).

[Daffy Duck]

The forum has been more than a few hours, is this a Christmas miracle?

[Borealis]

The forum has been more than a few hours, is this a Christmas miracle?

Careful, one more mass embed and it could be all over again.

[BIONIC]

Missed this ZeroVagine gem while this shithole was down

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-way-in-which-the-extreme-segment-of-snyder-fans-are-going-after-james-gunn-is-actually-becoming-very-scary.663520/

[BIONIC]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/datingera-this-isnt-like-one-of-your-animes.666/page-510#post-97747483

Got my first like on Bumble and it's a woman who lists Mitch McConnell as her employer and has a picture of her with Lindsey Graham. I uhh... I think dating is overrated. I'm gonna go back to my anime and video games.

Let's look at the facts from what you've shared here:

- Midwest/South USA
- Lots of conservatives in your area
- Vegetarian, cycling, anime, videogames
- You've been on dating apps for 5 years
- You've had 10 matches
- You've workshopped your dating profile bio here and put effort into it
- You got catfished from a hookup reddit group
- Some people in your youth told you you're not good enough

One thing about you being a virgin. You're on a videogame messageboard. There will be plenty of people here that are not experienced sexually or even don't want to be. Society puts a lot of stock on virginity. But that's because of the history of Christianity and valuing women only worthy when they're virgins before marriage. When women were viewed as property and would literally do virgin tests before the marriage (hence the whole hymen thing). The flip side of that has been toxic masculinity and gendered expectations. Men are expected to lose their virginity otherwise there's a moral judgment on them. Which is bullshit. If you lose your virginity, all you'll get is some sexual experience. But it won't satisfy your intimacy or romantic needs if it's just a hookup or paid sex.

You've done this bit of wanting to quit dating before, but you come back. Clearly there is some hope there, no matter how small. You have awareness that taking care of yourself, and spending time with friends and family might help. You need some things in your life outside of romantic pursuits. And you clearly do, you've got plenty of interesting interests! Well done on putting real effort in seeking help about your profile bio! Those are your strengths. Keep at them. I get a sense of generalising from some encounters like the hookup attempt to that being your likely experience with all of dating. And you turn those external encounters inwards to self-hate. I wonder if your therapists have worked on challenging your beliefs or trying any behavioural experiments to test your assumptions. However, you made a great point and hopeful statement before, that you want to stop avoiding any opportunity to get hurt and you want to reach a point where getting hurt is part of the process but it doesn't bother you as much. That will come with practice. When you've got enough practice, then you'll be desensitised to the hurt or rejection. Imo your main goal at the moment is getting some chats and working towards a date. Having some realistic expectations around this process. Going to therapy alongside to check-in about the process might be helpful, to keep you on track.

 

[Taco Bell Tower]

Missed this ZeroVagine gem while this shithole was down

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-way-in-which-the-extreme-segment-of-snyder-fans-are-going-after-james-gunn-is-actually-becoming-very-scary.663520/

I'll reiterate: Twitter suggested this tweet to me. Now, there's obviously a conversation to have about how much Elon's Twitter is now pushing garbage like this to users and the fact that Elon himself has a history of lying about this exact topic. But I'll just focus on the fandom angle of it.

[Taco Bell Tower]

JFC messofanego is having dossiers on Ree members?

[Tuckers Law]

When you are partaking in the inviting bonfire of discussion, it’s important to make sure there no secret nazis in the group, or else you also become a nazi via the sitting-at-a-table-transitive rule.

[Snoopycat_]

Visawife thinking everyone on ree will just magically forget his parents had to buy him a wife is never going to stop being funny. Total mental case.

[NekoFever]

Him blaming Christianity is just 

[Averon]

It's always funny seeing Messeo giving authoritative advice in relationship threads as if he didn't need his parents to find him a wife. I'm sure more than one person in those relationship threads would love to call him out on it, but they know that's an instant perm ban

[HaughtyFrank]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/geoff-keighley-confirms-kid-who-interrupted-game-of-the-year-section-was-arrested.662836/

Missed not having the Bire during ERA losing its fucking mind about this kid who crashed From Software's speech.

I mean, it was cringe, but chuckable. Gotta respect the kid's gravitas and play to get up there and stand with them while they gave the speech. And that thread, despite sperging from the usual suspects, chuckles it off or comments on it being cringe. ERA though...

https://www.resetera.com/threads/bill-clinton-is-an-orthodox-rabbi-is-an-antisemitic-dog-whistle.662914/

I like how quickly they declared this an obvious and classic dog whistle while it's really not. Maybe it's connected to claiming that Jews secretly rule the world but then it would be the weirdest and most random way to go about it,.not obvious at all. Even everyone's favorite crybaby Jason Schreier said the kid is just a troll

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-wife-has-a-boyfriend.662581/page-2#post-97785283

User Banned (Permanent): Racist rhetoric, trolling, numerous prior bans for trolling sensitive threads. Post reverted for context

Can you not got something out of it yourself? Ask to watch her take a BBC. Saw a video on xhamster and everyone looked and sounded like they were having fun.

Edit - This wasn’t meant to sound funny or crazy as it did. Sorry if it came across badly. What I kinda meant was more, can you not get involved yourself with her and someone else maybe? That way you won’t feel like she’s off doing her own thing and it’s more something you can both enjoy etc.

 

[GreatSageEqualOfHeaven]

Missed this ZeroVagine gem while this shithole was down

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-way-in-which-the-extreme-segment-of-snyder-fans-are-going-after-james-gunn-is-actually-becoming-very-scary.663520/

This is the same dude who was angry tweeting the exec at sony in charge of the spiderman licence for not just giving up and handing it to papa disney and who is in every mcu thread damage controlling how the only reason you wouldn't think she hulk is best show evar is because of the youtube alt right pipeline 

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-wife-has-a-boyfriend.662581/page-2#post-97785283

User Banned (Permanent): Racist rhetoric, trolling, numerous prior bans for trolling sensitive threads. Post reverted for context

Can you not got something out of it yourself? Ask to watch her take a BBC. Saw a video on xhamster and everyone looked and sounded like they were having fun.

Edit - This wasn’t meant to sound funny or crazy as it did. Sorry if it came across badly. What I kinda meant was more, can you not get involved yourself with her and someone else maybe? That way you won’t feel like she’s off doing her own thing and it’s more something you can both enjoy etc.

 

B-Dumbs literally quoted that user

What the fuck dude?

To the person that edited that horribly racist comment they made in here earlier.

I want you to know you're an asshole.

B-Dumbs

Please report them in case I missed them.

You responded to it, actually. It was the BBC post.

B-Dumbs

Yeah, meant to get that one when I got home. Shoutouts to whoever got it for me.

TIL 'BBC' is actually racist. I had no idea. I thought it was just a porn category and thought nothing of it. Googled it afterwards and learned about its origins. And yes, I had to look up the actual phrase as the results would just take me to the other well-known BBC.

Royalan lore?

How old are the kids?

And how are you planning on explaining about their mother dating other guys if they ask about it, assuming they're old enough to be curious about it?

Have a modern conversation about dating and sex with them?

Caveat, EYE don’t have kids, so not speaking from personal experience.

But I know plenty of parents who have done exactly this. My mother did exactly this.

B-Dumbs seems really defensive in that thread.  Dude likely got cucked.

[Nintex]

TIL 'BBC' is actually racist. I had no idea. I thought it was just a porn category and thought nothing of it. Googled it afterwards and learned about its origins.

 

[HaughtyFrank]

"Sorry kids your mom just loves getting DP'd every night and your dad is too much of a wet blanket to do anything, so say hi to Mike and Fernando, they'll be living here from now on"

[Nintex]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-kids-have-new-play-mates

"As you may remember from my previous thread a month ago my wife has 'boyfriends'. As you know I don't mind this but as of late I've been busy with work and now I have two guys living in my house playing video games with my kids all day as I do the laundry and dishes I can hear them laughing in the living room playing Mario Kart on my Switch. They've also taken up all the save slots in Pokemon and my wife doesn't think it's necessary that we buy another copy. I want to confront my wife how I feel about all this but..."

[GreatSageEqualOfHeaven]

[Averon]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-kids-have-new-play-mates

"As you may remember from my previous thread a month ago my wife has 'boyfriends'. As you know I don't mind this but as of late I've been busy with work and now I have two guys living in my house playing video games with my kids all day as I do the laundry and dishes I can hear them laughing in the living room playing Mario Kart on my Switch. They've also taken up all the save slots in Pokemon and my wife doesn't think it's necessary that we buy another copy. I want to confront my wife how I feel about all this but..."

Thread was deleted

[Taco Bell Tower]

Oh, lol.  I logged on and thought it was the private section

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/kirstie-alley-has-passed-away.661393/page-2#post-97617460

User Banned (1 Week): Concern trolling across multiple posts

RIP scientologist January 6 supporter

Can we do not this? It’s not funny or cool. Good lord some of you guys can be awful. Just say RIP or NOTHING AT ALL.

Rest in power.

[D3RANG3D]

 

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/mcdonald%E2%80%99s-is-testing-a-conveyor-belt-drive-thru.663742/#post-98004574

every opportunity taken to fuck over labor.

Good. The more and sooner labor is fucked over the earlier we have UBI. I hate work.

[Potato]

I find all these 30+year old virgins extremely funny and I find the advice dished out by Visa wife even more hilarious.

If he had any idea what he was talking about, he'd just tell them to put "35-year-old virgin" in their dating profile. I guarantee you there are at least a handful of women out there that would be all over those guys like some sort of rash.

Fetishising virgins isn't just "boys club rhetoric", but a chauvinist like messy wouldn't understand that at all being that his parents probably insisted that the wife they bought for their son had to come with a medical inspection proving her virginity.

[benjipwns]

Missed this ZeroVagine gem while this shithole was down

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-way-in-which-the-extreme-segment-of-snyder-fans-are-going-after-james-gunn-is-actually-becoming-very-scary.663520/

They are linking to a years-old Deadline article from when Gunn was fired from Marvel Studios and falsely claiming that the article states he is a pedophile.

This is insane. And it is actually something I've seen pop up a number of times when scrolling through DC/Gunn-related trends today. These are fans who are so unhinged over their fictional superhero universe potentially not continuing, that they are literally trying to ruin a person's life over it.

This is the kind of shit that leads to people truly getting hurt. I mean, Gunn himself already almost had his entire career destroyed because he once criticized a white supremacist and the alt-right went after him for it.

And what makes it even more frustrating is that Twitter is doing nothing about it. Both because they have lost the manpower to handle reports (which they were already very bad at before Elon, often letting harassment and bigotry go unmoderated) and because the new guy in charge thinks this is okay.

[benjipwns]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/datingera-this-isnt-like-one-of-your-animes.666/page-510#post-97747483

Got my first like on Bumble and it's a woman who lists Mitch McConnell as her employer and has a picture of her with Lindsey Graham. I uhh... I think dating is overrated. I'm gonna go back to my anime and video games.

Let's look at the facts from what you've shared here:

- Midwest/South USA
- Lots of conservatives in your area
- Vegetarian, cycling, anime, videogames
- You've been on dating apps for 5 years
- You've had 10 matches
- You've workshopped your dating profile bio here and put effort into it
- You got catfished from a hookup reddit group
- Some people in your youth told you you're not good enough

One thing about you being a virgin. You're on a videogame messageboard. There will be plenty of people here that are not experienced sexually or even don't want to be. Society puts a lot of stock on virginity. But that's because of the history of Christianity and valuing women only worthy when they're virgins before marriage. When women were viewed as property and would literally do virgin tests before the marriage (hence the whole hymen thing). The flip side of that has been toxic masculinity and gendered expectations. Men are expected to lose their virginity otherwise there's a moral judgment on them. Which is bullshit. If you lose your virginity, all you'll get is some sexual experience. But it won't satisfy your intimacy or romantic needs if it's just a hookup or paid sex.

You've done this bit of wanting to quit dating before, but you come back. Clearly there is some hope there, no matter how small. You have awareness that taking care of yourself, and spending time with friends and family might help. You need some things in your life outside of romantic pursuits. And you clearly do, you've got plenty of interesting interests! Well done on putting real effort in seeking help about your profile bio! Those are your strengths. Keep at them. I get a sense of generalising from some encounters like the hookup attempt to that being your likely experience with all of dating. And you turn those external encounters inwards to self-hate. I wonder if your therapists have worked on challenging your beliefs or trying any behavioural experiments to test your assumptions. However, you made a great point and hopeful statement before, that you want to stop avoiding any opportunity to get hurt and you want to reach a point where getting hurt is part of the process but it doesn't bother you as much. That will come with practice. When you've got enough practice, then you'll be desensitised to the hurt or rejection. Imo your main goal at the moment is getting some chats and working towards a date. Having some realistic expectations around this process. Going to therapy alongside to check-in about the process might be helpful, to keep you on track.

You forgot that he posted his penis on reddit. Make sure that's in the dossier.

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/sf6s-box-art-backlash.663517/#post-97975006

It doesn’t say “street fighter” but still looks good.

Of course, as always, wish it wasn’t another white person.

Luke is new so of course it makes sense to have him on the front cover.  It's like they don't want newcomers to play SF.

[Taco Bell Tower]

Luke fucking sucks. I cannot believe Capcom is hanging their hat on this chud. Pick literally anyone else in 6. Hell, you have Kimberly right there.