The other day when I was banned was the worst mental health day I've had in months. Through my therapy though, I've learned how to find good coping mechanisms and ways to recognize toxicity. I've been on The Bore since 2016 when it was first created so these are people I've been talking to since I was like 20. Because of that shared time I thought over the years that we were friends. When I first getting online message boards my parents warned me that people online aren't your friends. In my foolish adolescence I didn't believe them. Now, with wisdom, I realize they absolutely correct.
Putting the math together, I start to realize that one of the main triggering aspect is my use of message boards. The reality is, when analyzed, the people of The Bore are toxic. You're not good people. Being months away from a single Borean person taught me this fact. I've been doing really good and made so much progress. I realized the other day Facebook doesn't make me toxic. Even Reddit doesn't make me toxic. But what about The Bore and its people makes me devolve into a toxic person when I'm fine everywhere else?
One of the prompts my therapist has me do is writing down things I love about women, making female friends, and stuff like that.
The other day I wrote this about about what I love about women.
The other week I made this post on Reddit for a female friend struggling to find modest clothes:
https://np.reddit.com/r/ModestDress/comments/qympub/a_woman_i_care_about_has_trouble_finding_clothes/I'm posting these to show how much I'm trying on a daily basis to do good by women and improve as a man, something I've neglected for about 6 years.
The other day it really bothered me when Mr. Gundam talked about how I'm misogynistic because preferring women with modest clothing, or how that's a red flag in itself. I was bothered by the cruel judgement of others on here and elsewhere. But then it dawned on me: these people don't know me. You're ghosts in a machine. Like, real talk. Who are
you?
Something happened to me the past few months. You see, somehow through therapy and talking to men in a legitimate, healthy manner I began to see my worth again. The old Himuro they bullied and trolled and made fun of, I mean, he had little worth. Now I know why the other day was so triggering. Because it was a reminder of a time when I didn't know my value and let a bunch of nobody's online bother me and my mental health.
To be true, I've made a lot of mistakes. For one, I personally DM'd Shosta's girlfriend on Instagram and preceded to "flirt" with her with Red Pill catch phrases and tactics. It was awful and also embarrassing. I was really an asshole for doing it. I sent her a private message later apologizing for this. But I'm also brave enough to step forward and admit I did publicly if only to own up to my mistake and publicly say this simple fact: you have
nothing to shame me over.
But at the end of the day, despite my flaws, I'm
NOT a bad person. I'm always opening up to my issues and trying to improve. I don't like tooting my horn, but again, I don't know you people and you don't know me. You're not the person that gave away free turkey for Thanksgiving, took it on the subway for a 30 minute trip, just to make someone's Thanksgiving a little better. I did. You're not the person that, the other week, gave some of the last of their money to a homeless person and left the rest to God. I did. You're not the person taking time out of their day to help men de-radicalize from toxic online philosophies. I am.
You don't know me and there's absolutely no reason I should let the behavior of others dictate mine.
Take Gundam. He's a school counselor yet he thinks having a preference for women that dress more modestly and conservative is a "red flag". I pray he does not have Jewish or Muslim students for their sake so they don't feel judged. Gundam I highly suggest looking into sensitivity training for those who think differently than you as a counselor.
The other day I gifted the woman I care for a deep tissue massage. She works two jobs while taking care of her mother. It drives me crazy how hard she works so I gifted her with a massage to help her de-stress. She has a business selling feminine items such as pads for periods. I've been helping her get more customers by letting any female friends I know about them. I don't hate women. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever did. I was a hurting person dealing with decades of pain and trying to find a path forward and how to become a better man.
To Bork: nothing I wrote in that thread the other day was bannable in terms of offense. I would request you to explain your actions but the past is the past.
