bebpo being crazy, talky, in denial and maybe at the end a better person

[Bebpo]

umm i appreciate your trying to learn from your mistakes and change but i think you seriously inferred the wrong lesson from your last cradle-robbing foray.  this new girl is only 4 weeks old?!?

I speak in codenames, though I wouldn't be surprised if she's found this place and at this point I don't care.

Stop chatting with girls on the internet. It's not a slam on you, but it's probably not helping you to develop realistic ways of interacting with them and getting out of the friend zone.

:\

I know what you're saying and I looked through the paper (I think OCWeekly is our closest equivalent) but I didn't find any "hey random people get together and socialize" group event type things.  All it led me to were BEST BARS FOR MEETING PEOPLE and I did find out that there's a freaking awesome animatronic monster exhibit pretty close by which I am totally going to check out soon.

When I talk to girls online it at least helps my confidence in that "hey I can talk to girls" aspect even though that's different than "hey I can talk to girls in real life", but it's still a little comforting? 

I'm kinda unsure about bars/clubs right now.  I feel like I could get good experience just learning to talk to women at them; yet I think a one night stand or any action would do more self-damage and regret afterwards since it's not like a real relationship.  I don't want to screw myself up anymore than I am and everyone I've met who does casual sex has felt bad about it later on and it messes up their self-image.

[demi]

you're such a unique snowflake, bebpo

But I'm not your type and that makes me sad  :'(
I shaved my chest last week; do I get any plus points with you for that? 

Totally, chest hair is so icky on twigs

[recursivelyenumerable]

I've never felt bad about casual sex, FWIW.

[Bebpo]

you're such a unique snowflake, bebpo

But I'm not your type and that makes me sad  :'(
I shaved my chest last week; do I get any plus points with you for that? 

Totally, chest hair is so icky on twigs

yayyy <3 demi

[BlueTsunami]

These words are from Leonard Cohen. I forgot about them till' now (its in regards to his success with women)...

We're always experiencing, joy or sadness. So there is no jackpot in the whole enterprise. Your'e ether going to have the courage, because after a certain amount of time the accumulation of defeats in this realm are going to be significant so I think the people that, in spite of the defeat, in spite of the impossability of esablishing reasonable contex with the other, the people that are fortunate enough to continue doing this are indeed fortunate.

[Mr. Gundam]

In some situations I'd say a good one night stand would do wonders, but I don't think it would help you. I think it would make things worse as you seem like the kind of guy who would get really attached immediately.

Sure, talking to girls on the internet might be a confidence booster, but it's completely different from real life and could give you unrealistic expectations of how things work out there in the offline world.

It sounds like you end up in lots of situations with regular girls, like that party you went to on Friday night. All is not lost, man! Calm down, don't worry so much about getting a girlfriend and have a good time. If you see someone who seems cool, ask her for her number or if she wants to get a drink sometime. If she says yes, good job! If she's no, at least you tried and you can move on. Your world doesn't end and giant robots still rule.

[Bebpo]

I've never felt bad about casual sex, FWIW.

I think it would be dangerous for me.  
If I'm in full emotion mode it would fuck me up since she'll be gone.
If I'm in robot mode I'd be fine but seriously the next day I'll be in the exact same position as today, so all it would get me is some good feeling satisfaction for a few hours?  Idk, I don't think I could do it.  

Basically what distantmantra said.

It sounds like you end up in lots of situations with regular girls, like that party you went to on Friday night. All is not lost, man! Calm down, don't worry so much about getting a girlfriend and have a good time. If you see someone who seems cool, ask her for her number or if she wants to get a drink sometime. If she says yes, good job! If she's no, at least you tried and you can move on. Your world doesn't end and giant robot still rule.

Yeah, this is the best way to do it.  But these parties happen very rarely in my circle of friends.  Maybe 2-3 times a year and that's all.  I had a party at my place the other night and there were like 20-30 people with full bands and djs and all and ALL MALE except 3 or so females who were gfs.  The groups I roll with tend to be all male all the time :x

[demi]

These words are from Leonard Cohen. I forgot about them till' now (its in regards to his success with women)...

We're always experiencing, joy or sadness. So there is no jackpot in the whole enterprise. Your'e ether going to have the courage, because after a certain amount of time the accumulation of defeats in this realm are going to be significant so I think the people that, in spite of the defeat, in spite of the impossability of esablishing reasonable contex with the other, the people that are fortunate enough to continue doing this are indeed fortunate.

it's just a girl man, no need to go socrates over it.

[BlueTsunami]

 

[Mr. Gundam]

You sound a lot like me in college, Bebpo, ie. your outlook on girls, etc. Just seriously calm down, don't stress over everything and stop falling into the friend zone. Things will work out. Hell, I've been married for three years (we starting dating in 2003). It can work out in the end.

[demi]

Bebpo you should use this time fretting over girls to do something more productive like helping romhackers translate games for me to play

[BlackMage]

I've never felt bad about casual sex, FWIW.

I think it would be dangerous for me.  
If I'm in full emotion mode it would fuck me up since she'll be gone.
If I'm in robot mode I'd be fine but seriously the next day I'll be in the exact same position as today, so all it would get me is some good feeling satisfaction for a few hours?  Idk, I don't think I could do it.  

I was always led to believe that this is what we lived for.

[Mr. Gundam]

I've never felt bad about casual sex, FWIW.

I think it would be dangerous for me.  
If I'm in full emotion mode it would fuck me up since she'll be gone.
If I'm in robot mode I'd be fine but seriously the next day I'll be in the exact same position as today, so all it would get me is some good feeling satisfaction for a few hours?  Idk, I don't think I could do it.  

I was always led to believe that this is what we lived for.

Not everyone can take a night of no-strings-attached sex for it what it is. Some people can't separate the pleasure from feelings of infatuation and what they perceive to be love.

[Bebpo]

You sound a lot like me in college, Bebpo, ie. your outlook on girls, etc. Just seriously calm down, don't stress over everything and stop falling into the friend zone. Things will work out. Hell, I've been married for three years (we starting dating in 2003). It can work out in the end.

yeah

I'm just so busy during school I really don't have time to think about women/dating and so during the summer I do.  It's like a little ticking time bomb  

I do need to learn how to avoid the friend zone.  That would be the best thing I could learn right now.

[Bebpo]

Bebpo you should use this time fretting over girls to do something more productive like helping romhackers translate games for me to play

Wait for my xseedish company in 2015; we'll get all your games translated and then you can bootleg them as thanks.

[BlackMage]

I've never felt bad about casual sex, FWIW.

I think it would be dangerous for me.  
If I'm in full emotion mode it would fuck me up since she'll be gone.
If I'm in robot mode I'd be fine but seriously the next day I'll be in the exact same position as today, so all it would get me is some good feeling satisfaction for a few hours?  Idk, I don't think I could do it.  

I was always led to believe that this is what we lived for.

Not everyone can take a night of no-strings-attached sex for it what it is. Some people can't separate the pleasure from feelings of infatuation and what they perceive to be love.

well at least my ice cream sammich was fuken delicious

[recursivelyenumerable]

I think it would be dangerous for me.  
If I'm in full emotion mode it would fuck me up since she'll be gone.
If I'm in robot mode I'd be fine but seriously the next day I'll be in the exact same position as today, so all it would get me is some good feeling satisfaction for a few hours?  Idk, I don't think I could do it.

I think you can make a real human connection with someone without it being possessive and all-consuming.  The robot mode thing is kind of a false dichotomy.  It's not just about pleasure, it's about human relations, just transitory ones and more "like" than "love".

[demi]

Bebpo you should use this time fretting over girls to do something more productive like helping romhackers translate games for me to play

Wait for my xseedish company in 2015; we'll get all your games translated and then you can bootleg them as thanks.

i don't appreciate this attitude and wish to only remain friends

[recursivelyenumerable]

Yeah, this is the best way to do it.  But these parties happen very rarely in my circle of friends.  Maybe 2-3 times a year and that's all.  I had a party at my place the other night and there were like 20-30 people with full bands and djs and all and ALL MALE except 3 or so females who were gfs.  The groups I roll with tend to be all male all the time :x

Get your friends to make their music more appealing to women?

[Barry Egan]

false dichotomy is right.  It shouldn't be all or nothing.  An adult can accept that there are shades of gray.

[recursivelyenumerable]

blackmage I think this is about you

[Bebpo]

false dichotomy is right.  It shouldn't be all or nothing.  An adult can accept that there are shades of gray.

So you can meet someone, like the, have sex with them, never see them again, and feel good about it the next day?
idk, for me sex is about emotions built behind them more than the act.

Anyhow I feeeel uncomfortable talking about this because me and 4 week girl had this same exact talk since she was all about the casual sex with lots of people and I.was.not.  She said the whole speech about how even though it's only 1 night there can still be feelings like Before Sunrise and maybe it's true but without having experienced that I can't really say on the matter; I just prefer the ideal of a deep great love behind the act of sleeping with someone.

[recursivelyenumerable]

Anyhow I feeeel uncomfortable talking about this because me and 4 week girl had this same exact talk since she was all about the casual sex with lots of people and I.was.not.  She said the whole speech about how even though it's only 1 night there can still be feelings like Before Sunrise and maybe it's true but without having experienced that I can't really say on the matter; I just prefer the ideal of a deep great love behind the act of sleeping with someone.

what she said is exactly right, at least for me.

[Mr. Gundam]

I had a tough time with the casual sex thing, too. I had once one-night stand back in the day, and it was really odd. I wanted to see the girl more, but she wasn't looking for a relationship, and it was a hard thing for me to accept. I learned from it, though, which is a good thing.

[Barry Egan]

ideals are for fascists.  Absolve yourself of them and join the world of men.

[Bebpo]

Anyhow I feeeel uncomfortable talking about this because me and 4 week girl had this same exact talk since she was all about the casual sex with lots of people and I.was.not.  She said the whole speech about how even though it's only 1 night there can still be feelings like Before Sunrise and maybe it's true but without having experienced that I can't really say on the matter; I just prefer the ideal of a deep great love behind the act of sleeping with someone.

what she said is exactly right, at least for me.

Everything she said was probably right; she was a lot more intelligent, well written, and well-learned of the world than I am; despite being 10 years my [insert opposite of senior].  Which was both inspiring and made me seem somewhat distinguished mentally-challenged. 

[recursivelyenumerable]

ideals are for fascists.  Absolve yourself of them and join the world of men.

 

[Van Cruncheon]

well, while i wouldn't say ideals are THAT bad, they ARE a bit cumbersome and often rather useless when setting one's expectations for human relationships

[Bebpo]

well, while i wouldn't say ideals are THAT bad, they ARE a bit cumbersome and often rather useless when setting one's expectation for human relationships

Also, if you haven't experienced certain things all you have is ideals to go by until reality hits you in the head and shows you otherwise.

I'm definitely lacking in life experience in certain areas. 

[demi]

so is the pity party over yet

[Bebpo]

I don't want your pity demi
I want your love

[etiolate]

Do you talk like this with girls?

[Bebpo]

Do you talk like this with girls?

Be more specific, I've used like a dozen different personalities of speaking with my posts in this thread.  In fact I'm sure if I re-read it a good amount would contradict other posts by me.

I already said I was crazy so I don't know what you are expectinggg

[demi]

I don't want your pity demi
I want your love

nope still not working

[etiolate]

Do you talk like this with girls?

Be more specific, I've used like a dozen different personalities of speaking with my posts in this thread.  In fact I'm sure if I re-read it a good amount would contradict other posts by me.

I already said I was crazy so I don't know what you are expectinggg

In this confessional sort of manner that you have been keeping up.

[Bebpo]

Do you talk like this with girls?

Be more specific, I've used like a dozen different personalities of speaking with my posts in this thread.  In fact I'm sure if I re-read it a good amount would contradict other posts by me.

I already said I was crazy so I don't know what you are expectinggg

In this confessional sort of manner that you have been keeping up.

Not usually.  It depends on the subject.  I have a crazy view in my head that to get good advice I need the person evaluating me to get as much info as possible so they can give the best possible advice.  Mainly because I want advice that I can follow and it'll work!  Like how I tell the doctor a million things to get the best evaluation, though I don't think they really are paying attention.

I do it here because there are a handful of people with different experiences under their belt who can give different opinions.  Also I like to hear recursive's stories.  They make me feel better usually.  He's very supportive.

[Bebpo]

The best part of this thread though was getting Prole's writing of how to set up a date and not a "hang out" as it's tough for me to distinguish between the two.

Like if you said, "hey do you want to go take photos of sea turtles at the beach?" is that a date or a hang out?  I'm guessing "hey do you want to spraypaint graffiti and run from the cops" would be a hangout?

[Mr. Gundam]

The best part of this thread though was getting Prole's writing of how to set up a date and not a "hang out" as it's tough for me to distinguish between the two.

Like if you said, "hey do you want to go take photos of sea turtles at the beach?" is that a date or a hang out?  I'm guessing "hey do you want to spraypaint graffiti and run from the cops" would be a hangout?

I think we should stick with "Hey do you want to get a cup of coffee sometime?" or "Hey do you want to go see a movie sometime?" for now.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I'm actually curious to what extent the "friend zone" thing is culturally/temporally specific.  It seems to be fairly recent, or at least the meme is.

[Mr. Gundam]

The whole "nice guys finish last" idea has been around forever, but I wouldn't be surprised if the Friend Zone came into dominance recently, what with it being socially acceptable for men to be more emotional and sensitive in the last 30 years.

[Bebpo]

The best part of this thread though was getting Prole's writing of how to set up a date and not a "hang out" as it's tough for me to distinguish between the two.

Like if you said, "hey do you want to go take photos of sea turtles at the beach?" is that a date or a hang out?  I'm guessing "hey do you want to spraypaint graffiti and run from the cops" would be a hangout?

I think we should stick with "Hey do you want to get a cup of coffee sometime?" or "Hey do you want to go see a movie sometime?" for now.

Well I was reading this article that said movies/coffee are now considered "boring" first dates and you need to do something more exciting to not bore the girl.  Which is fine because I've always been about doing more interesting things.  I like to be creative and I try to think up an activity the person may never have done before.

BUT I will admit that could be bad and scare off someone because it's way more commitment and uncomfortableness than something they are used to like coffee or a movie.

This girl I was talking to today told me her first date with her long time bf was going to a tattoo parlor and watching him get a Smashing Pumpkins tattoo on his back.  I thought that was pretty HARDCORE myself.

[etiolate]

Most of my good dates have included walking, since open spaces seem to relax girls and it gives you plenty of room to talk.

[Mr. Gundam]

Whatever. I was into SP during the real heyday and much more hardcore than Diablos could ever claim to be. He can take the leftovers that Corgan is trying to pass off as the real thing now.

[etiolate]

I keep my ZERO shirt in lieu of the day they have a 90s themed party.

[Bebpo]

I gave up my world is a vampire shirt when he made that EDITED BY BILLY CORGAN car commercial.  I think G.L.O.W. was actually the last straw for me.

I'll still play mayonaise on guitar sometimes though.  Nothing can take away Siamese Dream from being an amazing album to play or hear.

[recursivelyenumerable]

so when a girl friends you on facebook does that automatically put you in the friend zone?

[Mr. Gundam]

I gave up my world is a vampire shirt when he made that EDITED BY BILLY CORGAN car commercial.  I think G.L.O.W. was actually the last straw for me.

I'll still play mayonaise on guitar sometimes though.  Nothing can take away Siamese Dream from being an amazing album to play or hear.

Anything after 2001 was the last straw for me. I got into SP in 1990, saw my first show in 1993. Hell, even Machina was a little much for me with the black vinyl skirt thing Corgan wore during the tour.

[Himu]

Bebpo, go to a random girl at your law school and say,"Hey, your fly is open." and walk off without saying a word.

[Madrun Badrun]

Bebpo, go to a random girl at your law school and say,"Hey, your fly is open." and walk off without saying a word.

[tiesto]

Speaking as a single twenty-something... meeting girls is almost impossible outside of bars and online. Online tends to work a BIT better for me than the bars but it's much less than ideal - meeting someone at a mutual friend's party or in a non-meatmarket setting like a coffeehouse or beach would be VASTLY preferred. I just wish I had the knowledge and experience I did now when I was still in college.

Try match instead of OKC, I haven't had much luck at all on OKC but been on a few dates with this Polish chick from match lately. Anybody here have any experience with speed dating? Are you looking for a Jewish girl in particular? If so, you should move out by me.

And online isn't too bad if you agree to meet them within a few emails and have absolutely NO expectations at all for a first date, just something simple, basic, and not drawn out - i.e. meet for coffee or lunch, walk in the park, etc. I dig Prole and Eel's idea for a singles cafe (since I hate picking up girls at bars and clubs).

[Diunx]

I liked Malek's threads better.

[Fresh Prince]

This thread is gud. Shuddaupp

[Van Cruncheon]

[OptimoPeach]

Wow. That is alarmingly similar to some of the chatlogs recursive has posted

[recursivelyenumerable]

ok, here are two recent OKC chat logs.  the first one was a girl who I cold IM'd on account of I was drunk and up late.  she never acknowledged my messages in any way, which was good because it gave me more room to talk without any annoying interruptions.  the second was a quite acceptably attractive girl who cold IM'd me.  my story about having to move was a flat-out lie.

#1

(3:32:04 am)me:hmm, well I have seen all the Buffy episodes
(3:32:28 am)me:as for gender theory, I think about it and sometimes read about it but I'm not in a good position to talk about it
(3:32:43 am)me:which isn't just because I'm a man, btw
(3:35:34 am)me:how does blond hair distract from your complexion?
(3:35:42 am)me:i would think it would actually be the opposite
(3:37:24 am)me:i.e. having dark hair, by widening the overall range of color one sees looking at your face, would render smaller differences in color, e.g. between red spots left by acne and normal skin tone, less prominent
(3:41:53 am)me:i guess i've made an unsupported assumption that your natural hair color is dark thoug
(3:41:54 am)me:h
(3:42:00 am)me:it could be light brown etc.
(3:42:23 am)me:maybe you should dye it bright red
(3:42:50 am)me:under the theory i just outlined, that would certainly serve to overshadow any red spots from acne
(3:43:17 am)me:but is that a useful corollary of the theory, or a reductio ad absurdum of the theory
(3:43:20 am)me:hmm

(9:00:44 pm)she:hello.
(9:02:15 pm)me:hi
(9:02:37 pm)she:i find your profile very interesting
(9:02:41 pm)she:i am in the midst of reading it
(9:02:50 pm)she:started college at 13?
(9:02:51 pm)me:that's cool to hear
(9:03:36 pm)me:right now I'm only here to procrastinate a bit on getting my stuff packed to move, so I may not have much time to talk
(9:03:55 pm)me:thanks, though
(9:04:06 pm)me:I'll read your profile in a bit
(9:04:09 pm)she:i am falling asleep
(9:04:11 pm)she:so its fine
(9:04:14 pm)she:where you moving?
(9:04:19 pm)she:(ok let's talk later0

[demi]

you are a baller

[Bebpo]

That first conversation is amazing (in a good way). 

[Fresh Prince]

Yawn.

[recursivelyenumerable]

Yawn.

I seriously doubt you could do better.  It's harder than it looks.

[Fresh Prince]

IM is a valuable use of time and talent