spoiler (click to show/hide)
keep this a secret till I post it today or tomorow when its done. so Ichi has been trying incredibly hard to troll me for the last bit and he he has just been crazy ever since his ban -- he actually threatened to beat up mupepe, lol. Anyways i find it rather funny so I decided to fuel so I'm righting this, based on Faust. I call it Faustirou. It's still in really rough shape still too.
So this starts in the middle, but basically before this ichi, age 12, gets banned from a site and then wishes to become old so people will listen to him.
Meeting -
[Shakes enters in a flash of smoke]
What is this a flicker and poof
Of smoke, but who is there!?
Alas, I cower in fear!
Shake: Yes, but that is nothing new.
I Have come to fulfil your wish.
Ichi: Is what Antonio must have meant by “later”?
Shake: No I come from one much greater.
Enough, let us get on with this.
You wish to fight Nature, normally slow?
To whip him to your desired speed?
Here, this burger I give will do the deed,
and all you have to do is taste my baked dough!
Ichi: But strangers can not to be trusted!
Again and again that’s what my mother said.
Still greater than Zoro is quite a feat,
Hand me your meat, I eat, I eat!
[ The deed is done, Shakes leaves in smoke.]
My God, my God, alas, alas
I ate this burger and have been made fat!
I wanted to grow up, to be old and tall,
But the direction I took was just horizontal.
I still feel myself, that same old ‘tard
Only coved in flaming, burning, molten lard,
The pain sealed by me by this new skin.
O God, O God, I sinned, I sinned!
I have been tricked by that foul imp.
Gone, no doubt, to worsen the blow,
To post my picture on the internet!
I take it back, Stranger, O Stranger, I will develop slow!?
[A creaking sound is made]
Shhh, I must me quit, but with mouth so loud,
being mute is extremely hard to do.
There! I hear it again, on the stairs it’s sound!
It’s my mom! I must hide, I must move!
[Mother comes down, Ichi hides]
Mom: Ichi is that you, I heard noises so strange,
I told you before, your bed is the place for that fluid exchange!
But my God, what is that?
In my house is that an elephant?
No it’s something deferent
Not beast nor man,
Maybe some mix, left in abandonment?
I must be carful and aprotch with a battle plan.
It’s strange, this foul monster is so near,
yet all I feel is pity, no sign of fear.
It must be, that the blanket meant to hid all, only covers half,
this stupid sight can bring me to do nothing but laugh.
Stupid this creature must be indeed.
Ichi: Mother! How could you! this creature is me!
Mom: I denie that claim, I have but a small weak boy,
Ichi: But I am your child, made in some traveler's joy.
Mom: Now now, I think the time has come for your tongue to cease
Because stretched as I am, I couldn’t give birth to that in one piece!
But in case you spread your slander, and men should stop seeing me,
I shall but you in a create and ship you over seas!
Don’t worry World I will be sure to lock him in,
And don’t worry “son”, I’ll include amply supply
Of food and water stored in giant bins,
Least you brake free, let loose and drink the ocean dry!
Now get in the create you moral sin,
Or I will get the broom!
This box shall be your ship and your inn,
Or if humanity is lucky your tomb!
[Ichi who fears the broom, mournfully goes into the create.]
There, the beast is in it’s cage!
Now you thing, I must confess,
Though you look old I could never mistake that mental age,
That’s right I knew you to be my son, our plan is a success!
Emerge Shakes now from out of the dark,
Come with me lets go for a lark.
But first, for this trick what do I owe?
No cash is needed, only ichi’s bed and your maiden show.
[scene opens with Ichi’s create broken open on a beach].
end -
...
God: There will be no redemption for you --
Ichi: But clack, clack, clack –
God: Shut your Mexican trap;
And let me tell you a thing or two.
Now as I was saying,
You will get no defense!
Now you may commence,
Some more of your idiotic word-spraying,
[All leave but Ichi]
