Last night the girl and I ate a bunch of Buffalo Wild Wings. I hadnt been to bdubs in a while so I got the hotter flavors I used to enjoy. This morning I spent about 25 minutes taking an uncomfortable, super muddy poop. One of those poops I describe as "mud on the tires", since, when you go to wipe the first time you have no traction and your TP just glides across your buttcrack and barely accomplishes anything.
So I figured, "why wipe, I'm hopping in the shower immediately anyways"
I realized I was running late from the extended period of time spewing slimy, mucous poop, so I took a really fast shower. I didnt realize until later, but i never did get around to washing my butthole. Got to work, did a few tasks, sat down outside and felt a wetness. I brushed it off as me being in a rush and not drying off completely before I got dressed and hurried to work (I live 5 mins away) and lit up a smoke. When I went to get up after my smoke, I notice my boxers clinging to my buttcheek.
That's when I realized what was happening.
I hustled in to the bathroom, yanked my pants down and was greeted with a large (maybe the size of a brownie) poop stain on my boxers. "Not again" I sighed, as I fully removed my drawers and attempted to wipe off the peanut butter colored stain on my underwear. I managed to wipe off maybe 60% of the stain, then grabbed some damp paper towels and went to work removing the crusty stain on my left buttcheek, and even used them to dig deep into my ass to make sure it was sparkling clean. I started washing my underwear in the sink, and as I was standing there, completely nude from the waist down except my socks and shoes I had a weird feeling of vulnerability. It's strange to be pantsless while still wearing shoes. I didn't like it.
Anyways I finished rinsing my underwear, gave it a quick dry, and put them back on and went back to work. Everyone was looking at me (we only have one bathroom) as I walked out, and asked what happened. I explained and everyone said "why wouldn't you just throw your underwear away?" I didn't have a good answer, but asked my coworker to febreeze me so I wouldn't smell like a wet barn animal the rest of the day, then I febreezed inside my pants down my backside (I wasn't going to ask someone else to do that. Anyways I went back to work then realized I was still kind of smelly. Everyone else confirmed my suspicions, so I went back in the bathroom and tossed out my underwear and went commando the rest of the day.
So yea, I got mud on the tires, didn't wipe, and spent my morning smelling pretty bad.