Struggle Thread mk II - No one likes us, we don't care

[Himu]

I completely borked an interview at a major game developer that I was trying to get into for literally over a decade. 

[Mupepe]

My brothers name is Bobby. He is really opinionated and thinks he knows and is right about everything. I realized when I read a Bobby Roberts post its in my brothers voice in my head.

[Oblivion]

Shit, sorry to hear that.

What went wrong?

Was if just nervous jitters or did something happen that made you look incompetent? A good interviewer should be able to look past jitters.

Part of it was definitely nervousness, part of it was giving out some (imo) bad sounding answers. It was frustrating because there were questions that were typical of an interview (i.e. "Why do you feel you're a good fit for this position?"), and it's stuff I should have been totally prepared for, but I just found myself struggling to come up with words, and then when I did, I was kicking myself cause my answers sounded awful. Granted, it wasn't all my answers, but the ones I answered badly were probably the ones that were the most important.

Ironically, I think this all happened because I was (bizarrely enough) overconfident prior to the interview. There's a small chance that this may still work out, but I'm not that hopeful.  :'(

[Valkyrie]

Every failed interview is a good learning experience.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Damn Oblivion 

Rax: the bore likes you, if your life sucks just play wow 24/7 and get mad loot, there is always something fun to do in life

[bluemax]

Noticed my dog felt super bloated last night. Took him to the vet this morning and I still don't fully know what is wrong with him. He's at a specialist and they're doing bloodwork and probably another ultra sound. He's in stable condition but he's full of fluid and his liver and spleen were not looking good earlier. I almost passed out and threw up at the first vet's. I'm so fucking scared right now the Bore, this dog is my best friend and I'd be lost without him.

Every failed interview is a good learning experience.

Very true. I started taking notes after I learned there was a pattern to the questions being asked. It's one of the things that really helped me improve over time.

Also I once had an interview with a place that on the phone told me I was probably too junior for the role (I was) but the guy on the other end (who is and has been a tech director at several major game studios) gave me a lot of info and advice about the questions he was asking and why they were important.

[Madrun Badrun]

Hope your dog is Ok max. 

[bluemax]

He's not Although he seems 100% okay the doctor said he only has a few more days. I really just can't process this at all right now.

[Madrun Badrun]

Really sorry dude

[VomKriege]

It's never a pleasant experience and I went through a couple of them those last few years. Really sorry for you. 

[Valkyrie]

Sorry to hear that bluemax. It sounds like you really love your dog, and I bet he couldn't have had a better owner. Sending you and your dog some warm hugs.

[skullstorm]

Man I'm really sorry. Losing my dog many years ago totally wrecked me and it took years to get over it. I still can't handle the thought of getting another pet, she was my best friend.

You'll be going through a lot of shit and it'll be so hard but try to hang in there. Also try to give your dog the very best last days and just hold him a lot and try to act normal around him. He won't want to see his human upset, you're his world. I hope you get to take him home with you for this time that you still have.

[bluemax]

He's been home for a few hours now. They gave me a pain killer and an herbal supplement to help with the bleeding. They said it didn't seem like he was still bleeding and he's very stable but I guess he's past the point where they can do surgery. We just got done with a long walk and he seems the same as ever. This dog is my best friend, we've only been apart two nights in the past like 7 or 8 years since I got him back from my ex and he went to work with me every day for pretty much the past 4 years. Some of the darkest days of my post college life I only made it through because I had him. I've lost a dog before, but for some reason this is just so much harder.

[Phoenix Dark]

sorry to hear that man

[CatsCatsCats]

I'm really sorry for the pain you're feeling

[bluemax]

Thanks guys. He's chilling next me on the couch like normal right now. I got a tad worried earlier when he had a dream, but it was just a dream and something worse.

[zomgee]

Noooooo....

I'm so sorry. There is nothing on this earth like the love of, and for, your dog.

[chronovore]

Shit, sorry to hear that.

What went wrong?

Was if just nervous jitters or did something happen that made you look incompetent? A good interviewer should be able to look past jitters.

Part of it was definitely nervousness, part of it was giving out some (imo) bad sounding answers. It was frustrating because there were questions that were typical of an interview (i.e. "Why do you feel you're a good fit for this position?"), and it's stuff I should have been totally prepared for, but I just found myself struggling to come up with words, and then when I did, I was kicking myself cause my answers sounded awful. Granted, it wasn't all my answers, but the ones I answered badly were probably the ones that were the most important.

Ironically, I think this all happened because I was (bizarrely enough) overconfident prior to the interview. There's a small chance that this may still work out, but I'm not that hopeful.  :'(

As Valkyrie said, no interview is a waste. If you can, do some practice interviews before your next real one. They can really help with visualization, as well as get some good feedback if your interview partner is on-point.

[chronovore]

He's not Although he seems 100% okay the doctor said he only has a few more days. I really just can't process this at all right now.

I'm sad for your dog and you both. I'm happy that it sounds like your dog is in no pain. Dogs' love is so pure, it is just hard to lose them. I don't if you're religious, but remember that all dogs go to heaven, because a god that doesn't let dogs in isn't a worthwhile god.

[Oblivion]

Yeah, really sorry to hear that bluemax.

[Oblivion]

Also, too. Got a response on the game developer gig, which was unfortunately not a good one.  :'(

Shit, sorry to hear that.

What went wrong?

Was if just nervous jitters or did something happen that made you look incompetent? A good interviewer should be able to look past jitters.

Part of it was definitely nervousness, part of it was giving out some (imo) bad sounding answers. It was frustrating because there were questions that were typical of an interview (i.e. "Why do you feel you're a good fit for this position?"), and it's stuff I should have been totally prepared for, but I just found myself struggling to come up with words, and then when I did, I was kicking myself cause my answers sounded awful. Granted, it wasn't all my answers, but the ones I answered badly were probably the ones that were the most important.

Ironically, I think this all happened because I was (bizarrely enough) overconfident prior to the interview. There's a small chance that this may still work out, but I'm not that hopeful.  :'(

As Valkyrie said, no interview is a waste. If you can, do some practice interviews before your next real one. They can really help with visualization, as well as get some good feedback if your interview partner is on-point.

Yeah, lesson learned. Man, you have no idea how much I'm kicking myself right now.

[Phoenix Dark]

I'm working on a project with a few people, we're in a conference room and this chick is listening to this AWKWARD self confidence mantra thing on Spotify for overweight people. It's basically a guy speaking over a break beat, giving reaffirming compliments ("you are NOT fat") and advice. This chick is definitely fat BTW.

Everyone is kinda just staring around and she's acting like she's listening to Bruno Mars or something.

[Mupepe]

[thisismyusername]

Man, I'm sick of applying for jobs to get out of my situation. I just want to lay down and sleep. :'(

[zomgee]

Man, I'm sick of applying for jobs to get out of my situation. I just want to lay down and sleep. :'(

You and me both.

[Freyj]

I was in that boat, took the first offer to come my way and this new position has kicked my anxiety into overdrive. I don't know how people work in open office settings, but I'm about to do the most millennial thing I've ever done and take another job just a few months in.

[Rahxephon91]

I've  been looking into exit bags recently. Seems to be a clean way and painless way so I think with my next few paychecks I'm gonna order the parts.

My relationship with my mother has gotten really bad. It's to the point where she's scared to say pretty much anything in fear of how I'll react. It's depressing to be around.

My friendship with my Mexican friend has detoried. I don't even know what the problem is, and I don't care anymore. Women are crazy and I'm tired of being used and abused by them. I'll never find what I want so it doesn't matter. I knew we couldnt be friends and well I was right,

I have a nice refund check from school coming. I'm going to use it to complete the den room for my nieces so they can have a room in the house to play Minecraft or whatever. Thats my current goal, after that I'm going to continue to look into my suicide options. I read a thread on GAF I think that basically said that death is like a everlasting sleep which sounds nice. I'm really tired of ling and having to deal with being the loser that is me so that sounds well pleasurable.

It's odd, my recent suicide experince while traumatic took a lot of fear out about the whole thing. So this time I won't be afraid, I know it's something that has to be done.  So I'm looking forward to it. There's just a few things I need to wrap up before I pull the trigger.

[toku]

i hope things start looking brighter for you really soon

[Madrun Badrun]

I'm really sorry man that you have to go through this.  Mental health issues are terrible.  Have you thought about moving and starting a new life?  Moving did me a ton of good as it forced me out of rutts I had dug for myself for years.

[Rahxephon91]

My mother has talked about sending time to Japan for a trip. Not moving there but still something.

My grandmother has connections in Taiwan and has talked about sending me there to live for a bit. It could be neat and would force me to well do something.

In the mean time on off days I've gotten back into doing plumbing with my high school friend's dad. Keeps me occupied and doing something.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Go on the trip man, go travel

[Madrun Badrun]

Also one of the best things I ever did for myself was cut contact on a girl I was into without getting any feels in return.  Once the feelings are out there and lopsided, the friendship doesnt work. 

[zomgee]

hugs to the reaper mostly because:

Sometimes I feel the same.

[Madrun Badrun]

I've been in a state of constantly being pissed too for 4 months.  Shit sucks, especially cause I know its no ones fault. 

[samfish]

My mother has talked about sending time to Japan for a trip. Not moving there but still something.

My grandmother has connections in Taiwan and has talked about sending me there to live for a bit. It could be neat and would force me to well do something.

In the mean time on off days I've gotten back into doing plumbing with my high school friend's dad. Keeps me occupied and doing something.

You should travel if you're being given the opportunity. Asia is a great place to travel in general because you can see lots of other countries for comparably cheap. Traveling around and having a chance to see how other people lived really changed my perspective on life in general. Go to Japan and Taiwan if you are able to do so but they're both pretty modernized societies, so make it a point to go to places like Thailand, Laos, the Philippines, Vietnam, etc. sometimes a big change of perspective is what's needed to snap yourself out of a downward spiral.

[zomgee]

I've been in a state of constantly being pissed too for 4 months.  Shit sucks, especially cause I know its no ones fault.

I can't grow out of it. Everybody sucks apparently.

[El Babua]

Somehow severely cracked my laptop screen from the other side due to me laying my humongous body over it.

Thankfully, I have Geek Squad Protection™

[Valkyrie]

Oh fuck, you just reminded me that I'm gonna be treated again like the family's Geek Squad Hotline when I move back to my hometown.

[TVC15]

Went to a Green Day concert as a sort of favor to a friend and it was easily the worst concert I've ever been to, and I've been to a lot. Fuck this shitty band and fuck anyone here who likes them. I feel fucking guilty and ashamed for what I've done. Is anyone here near Oakland and willing to put me out of my misery?

[Madrun Badrun]

Misery you say?

[Madrun Badrun]

Got an email from my mom this morning that my Grandpa is dying.

[I'm a Puppy!]

that sucks Arvie. I'm sorry.

[Valkyrie]

That's awful, really sorry to hear that. Are you able to meet him asap?

[I'm a Puppy!]

Work stress is through the roof which is starting to lead to a mental breakdown for me. Even started having some suicidal thoughts, which is not normal for me. I went to the doc who prescribed me some prozac and told me to calm down. Boss saw me and said "You need to take a few days to recharge" so I'm taking Monday/Tuesday next week off, but honestly, I'm not so sure how well this will go for me. I'm constantly in a state of dread/anxiety. Thankfully my wife's been very supportive, I helped her through her post partum depression so in a sense its good in that she knows what I did that worked.

[Madrun Badrun]

That's awful, really sorry to hear that. Are you able to meet him asap?

No he's half way across the country.  He was 96 and had a low quality of life and I've been expecting for years and I'm OK with it.  I'm upset for my mom and grandma though.  This is going to be really hard for them. 

[Madrun Badrun]

And something that has been weighing on me for a long time.  My grandpa had dementia - which is why he had low quality of life and my grandma was recently diagnosed with the same thing.  And multiple times when I have talked to her she has said that she'd rather take a bottle of pills than get to where he was - and I think she's serious - not like it will be soon but I think she would do that rather than go to a care home if it comes to that - and I don't know how to talk to her or the rest of the family about it.     

[bork]

Had a pretty shitty week last week -was on call at work and bombarded with long and awful phone calls almost every night at all hours, so I didn't sleep well or got no sleep, was stressed about my wife possibly having cancer (she doesn't!!), and then when I thought everything was better, I got a call Sunday that my great aunt passed away.  Was already off yesterday, but took another PTO day today for the funeral...

...which I missed.  Fucking alarm didn't go off and I woke up late.  Scrambled to get ready, but then found that my suit was missing (I think it's at my parents' house).  Threw on some slacks and a nice button-up and got ready to leave, but the dog needed to go out.  By the time that was over, the funeral was starting and after talking to my dad, we decided it would be better if I didn't show up 20+ minutes late.  Feels bad. 

[Valkyrie]

Work stress is through the roof which is starting to lead to a mental breakdown for me. Even started having some suicidal thoughts, which is not normal for me. I went to the doc who prescribed me some prozac and told me to calm down. Boss saw me and said "You need to take a few days to recharge" so I'm taking Monday/Tuesday next week off, but honestly, I'm not so sure how well this will go for me. I'm constantly in a state of dread/anxiety. Thankfully my wife's been very supportive, I helped her through her post partum depression so in a sense its good in that she knows what I did that worked.

Your wife is awesome and you will be fine, I'm sure of it. Going to the doctor is pretty tough for some people, and it helps when others mention they went, to show people it's not as scary as it might seem. Take care of yourself though, and call your doctor if you get worse. At least you've got some time off to relax, that should help you a lot.

That's awful, really sorry to hear that. Are you able to meet him asap?

No he's half way across the country.  He was 96 and had a low quality of life and I've been expecting for years and I'm OK with it.  I'm upset for my mom and grandma though.  This is going to be really hard for them.

Dunno what to tell ya, dementia sounds tough to deal with for everyone involved. But you should definitely mention the pill thing to those who take care of her/spend the most time with her.

[TVC15]

I'm sorry, Dandy. Dealing with folks with dementia is sad, exhausting, unique, and impossible to prepare for. You and your family have my sympathy.

[Madrun Badrun]

He passed this morning. 

When I was digging around my old photobucket to fix my avatar I found this picture of him and I from a decade ago. 



Going to miss him. 

[CatsCatsCats]

❤️ Sorry, Arv

[Valkyrie]

With dementia, he's definitely in a better place now. Lovely photo - wishing you and your family all the best.

[zomgee]

Great photo. Very sorry arv.

Dementia and Alz are so cruel. It feels like they die multiple times over a period of years. Like they were robbed of their life before they passed away.

[Brehvolution]

Sorry for your loss.  :'(

[I'm a Puppy!]

I'm sorry Dandy.

[Bebpo]

Sorry for your loss Arvie

[bork]

Sorry for your loss, Arvie.    

Dementia can get really bad.  I will never forget the image of seeing my grandmother laying on a bed with a ton of tubes in her, unresponsive to anything, but my grandfather kept desperately trying to get her to respond.  She passed soon after.

My other grandmother recently got some form of dementia and is getting worse.  My great aunt died on Sunday and the family wasn't sure when to tell her because her birthday is this weekend.  They ended up telling her yesterday and my aunt said that my grandmother didn't even recognize her and asked her if she was a friend of my other aunt's.  She then started crying, but promptly forgot about it 10 minutes later. 

[bluemax]

I understand that feeling Arvie, my great grandmother on my Dad's side suffered through alzheimers as did my maternal grandmother.

In personal news, I made the decision Friday night to put my dog down. I came home from work and he didn't want to go outside, and when I did take him I could barely get him to move. I took him to the vet and they said his condition had gotten significantly worse and while he was stable there wasn't much time before it started getting even worse and causing him pain. I am grateful that I got 3.5 extra weeks with him but it has definitely been a difficult weekend, I keep having moments where I expect him to be there and he isn't. I wake up and don't know what to do because my whole routine is just completely out of sorts.

Dogs are so good brehs.

[bork]

Fuck, bluemax, I'm so sorry man. 

[Madrun Badrun]

Sorry dude