There's something I need to get off my chest

[Atramental]

But I'm too sober to talk about it. 

edit: okay, fuck it. I'm on the fast track to becoming a wizard, brehs. 

[StealthFan]

I already knew you were a virgin. I suggest the online dating thing, breh. That's how I touched my first pussy. I was 21.

[Mupepe]

I fly RC helicopters. A good portion of my time is spent using tiny wrenches and screw drivers. It feels good to confess things.

[Kara]

Boj outchea

[team filler]

just go buy some pussy, breh. nothing wrong with it 

[Atramental]

I think I'm going to be sick...

I've been suppressing this shit for too long.

[StealthFan]

It's not that big of a deal breh. You're like 25/26 right?

[Atramental]

I'm turning 25 in ten days. That's probably what set me off.

I was keeping it together up until this point.

[StealthFan]

wtf I was lowballing and thought you were almost 30, breh.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

For your 25th birthday, meet up with a backpage girl at a hotel.  You'll be at square one again when she leaves but without the (I presume additional) anxiety and stress of having your v-card.

My half assed answer is that the more I get out and do something, the more likely I'll find a girl and hit it off with.  Go join some clubs, intramural sports, or walking your dog.  Also take some chances, it's a numbers game.

[Positive Touch]

might as well confess my latest sin as well:

I bought Kingdom Hearts HD and played the fuck out of it today and don't regret it at all god damn I'm having so much fun

[Human Snorenado]

The good news is that your quarter life crisis bleeds over into your third life crisis, then you realize that all of the drinking and drugs you did means you're probably mostly dead anyway, so fuck it.

[Mr. Nobody]

Fuck a couple fat girls



(Image removed from quote.)

 

[Yulwei]

Let me solve this real quick for you breh; lower your standards.

[Mupepe]

How did everyone know he was a virgin from that post? He said he is on the fast track to being a wizard. This is all so confusing. I thought this thread was just about dumb confessions

[thisismyusername]

edit: okay, fuck it. I'm on the fast track to becoming a wizard, brehs. 

Do online hookups. Craigslist probably is bad now a days (I used it in the early 00's when it was starting up/less scuzzy) and it worked. OKcupid will work as well, hell even Facebook depending on who you're talking to.

[Your Stalker]

i thought you already smashed a fat girl or two

[Atramental]

i thought you already smashed a fat girl or two (Image removed from quote.)

I lied about that. 

[Positive Touch]

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

How did everyone know he was a virgin from that post? He said he is on the fast track to being a wizard. This is all so confusing. I thought this thread was just about dumb confessions

[StealthFan]

I used OkCupid back in the dizzay and it worked well. You got five years, breh. Don't sweat this.

[thisismyusername]

I used OkCupid back in the dizzay and it worked well. You got five years, breh. Don't sweat this.

It's still fine so long as people are upfront that's what they want and not a long-term relationship or a friendship.

I dunno if there's a Grindr for straights (maybe Tinder?) but go with that maybe?

[recursivelyenumerable]

Or you could just stop caring, worked for me

[Huff]

Fatties on tinder are hungry for attention and dick

[FatalT]

It's really not that big of a deal.

[El Babua]

Damn. Well, now that you've come clean, you've realized it's not that big of a deal on how people view you in terms of whether or not you're a virgin. If you really just wanna pound puss without resorting to escorts, they've already been bought up ITT. Go online, do all that shit. Or just browse M4M if things don't go your way by 29.

Honestly though, at this point it doesn't matter anymore. 30, 40, 50. Truth is, you're past the point of normal sexual development for most people. Just be comfortable with it, try and better your life in general, and things will fall in place eventually.

You might be bald and mentally ill, but you're still tall and white. That's like playing the Witcher 3 on normal.

Newsfeed pls.

[Phoenix Dark]

Go the backpage route if you must. Just to get it out the way. As EXP said you'll be back at square one afterwards, but at least the mental hurdle will be gone.

[tiesto]

How did everyone know he was a virgin from that post? He said he is on the fast track to being a wizard. This is all so confusing. I thought this thread was just about dumb confessions

I thought it was some LARP thing or something...

Anyways, I will echo what others here have said... don't be afraid to lower your standards, try CL / Tindr (this was a bit past my time), go for cougars at bars, etc. Just going out and having fun and not giving a shit works wonders, if my unattractive ass can pick up girls while wearing t-shirts you surely can.

[brawndolicious]

I thought you mentioned (multiple times) losing your virginity or doing something with a cute girl who was a bit chubby in your last year at school? Reading that makes it sound like it could be made up but I've done that before when I was self-conscious about lack of experience and I'm sure everyone has. Its easier to give advice if I know what your level of experience is at, assuming you're totally comfortable just sharing that with everyone.

[Barry Egan]

yea so all the shit you wrote in the past about losing your virginity was a lie?  That's so much sadder than actually being a virgin breh. 

[Purrp Skirrp]

Use SwingLifestyle and become a bull. Are you OK with a husband watching, jerking it in the corner?


Virgin on virgin sex is some awful shit


In that regard, you didn't miss out on much but I view losing your virginity during the formative years as a significant social milestone.

You're not a freak though, just get proactive about getting that dungus wet (but don't exude desperation or be overly pushy either).

[VomKriege]

There's really no big secret to this : meet more women and talk to them. You'll probably fuck it up a couple of times too, but really it is the only way things are gonna go forward.

[king of the internet]

If it hasn't happened by now, it's never going to happen.

[Kara]

Get a fucking TER scrip.

[Rahxephon91]

Welcome to my club brother. Plenty of moe to go around.

[ToxicAdam]

Here's your five year plan.

Get a vasectomy
Date women between the ages of 28-32.
Pretend you are a reliable man looking to start a family.


Women with baby fever are like small car lots. They just want a decent credit rating and proof of employment,

[brawndolicious]

yea so all the shit you wrote in the past about losing your virginity was a lie?  That's so much sadder than actually being a virgin breh. 

It could be even sadder though.

I think he was just raised in a way that doesn't fit what he wants what with being an atheist whose parents sent him to Bob Jones University and as a result, he never really got a chance learn and fit in with those of a lifestyle he would respect. I am projecting.

But that's a lot better than if he was an egotistical dweeb who thinks of women as trophies and has high standards as a result. My bet is on atra having it good enough physically and personality wise but he just has no self confidence for reasons.

[chronovore]

So what you just got to do is just get you a bunch of these hood rats run through them, just knock them out. Boom, boom, boom. And once you've done slayed like of them hood rats now you ready to go up to the upper enchelon type ho. You know what I mean?

(Image removed from quote.)

This sounds like the opening quest from a weird MMO.

Or you could just stop caring, worked for me

This works for everyone. Women will run clear from any guy who actually wants her to like him. Not-caring is the purest bait there is, but it has to be real; if you're just pretending, it can be picked up by lots of subconscious tells.

[recursivelyenumerable]

The other nice thing about genuinely not caring is that even if it doesn't "work" in your sense ... you don't care.

[Tasty]

Give buggery a try.

[nudemacusers]

i've had a lot of luck getting attention from women by walking around with my son on my shoulders. give it a try. you're gonna have to find your own kid tho no stealthfan.

[chronovore]

Oh, man. That's so true.  Women are always checking out me when I'm in Dad mode. Seriously, what the hell? TAKEN. So, so taken.

[recursivelyenumerable]

Also as yet another option if the sex thing doesn't work out for you, have you thought about getting into psychoanalytic recombination? I just posted a thread about it not too long ago, might want to check it out.

[VomKriege]

I'd rather be a wizard than lose virginity just for the sake of it.

 

[Cerveza mas fina]

Oh, man. That's so true.  Women are always checking out me when I'm in Dad mode. Seriously, what the hell? TAKEN. So, so taken.

Dude this is my life now.

When I'm in the mall with my booboo I get so many looks its crazy.

It's cruel really.

 :'(

[Cerveza mas fina]

On a serious note though Atra, here are some words of wisdom from a few guys that gave me a lot of advice growing up

Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt,
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up,
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters,
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture,

[Madrun Badrun]

Oh, man. That's so true.  Women are always checking out me when I'm in Dad mode. Seriously, what the hell? TAKEN. So, so taken.

Dude this is my life now.

When I'm in the mall with my booboo I get so many looks its crazy.

It's cruel really.

 :'(

I can't wait till I'm married so I can get a girl.

[ToxicAdam]

The simpleton that's attracted to you because you have a baby (or a dog) is the same person you'll want to gnaw your arm off to get away from once you bust a nut.

[fistfulofmetal]

i've lied about relationships in the past. shrug

[Rufus]

On here though? Say it ain't so, we were all rooting for you.

[Kara]

The simpleton that's attracted to you because you have a baby (or a dog) is the same person you'll want to gnaw your arm off to get away from once you bust a nut.

But I could play 100 card singleton with a simpleton, the novelty of that could sustain me for at least 90 days, especially if they were an 80/100 looker.

[fistfulofmetal]

On here though? Say it ain't so, we were all rooting for you.

  this was ages ago

[Human Snorenado]

The simpleton that's attracted to you because you have a baby (or a dog) is the same person you'll want to gnaw your arm off to get away from once you bust a nut.

But I could play 100 card singleton with a simpleton, the novelty of that could sustain me for at least 90 days, especially if they were an 80/100 looker.

Thinking an 80/100 looker is gonna play mtg with you

[Kara]

There were many ridiculous things in that post.

-me playing casual Magic
-me playing casual Magic in an asinine rules variant
-me being satisfied with a novelty for a measurable amount of time
-me being in a relationship
-me categorizing the attractiveness of someone numerically and on a mere hundred point scale at that

I won't even touch your blatant disregard for the numerology. (1 + 100 + 90 + 80 = 271, 27 * 1 = 27, 27 = 9 * 3, 9 = 3 ^ 2, 3 + 2 = 2 + 3 = 5)

[Rufus]

-me categorizing the attractiveness of someone numerically and on a mere hundred point scale at that

And I thought the hundred point scale was conspicuously granular already.

[Kara]

That's the joke.

[demi]

Its not a big deal. But thats IMO of course, expect lots of ridicule and shaming.

[king of the internet]

I'm sure once you inevitably relapse back into your faith, your future wife will appreciate your 30-40 years of abstinence, no need to bring up the fact it wasn't a choice.

[Rufus]

That's the joke.

Didn't expect the well of self-deprication to be quite that deep, won't happen again.

I'm sure once you inevitably relapse back into your faith, your future wife will appreciate your 30-40 years of abstinence, no need to bring up the fact it wasn't a choice.

Read up on anal though, just in case.

[Junpei the Tracer!]

Atramental, we're the same age I'm just like 5-6 months younger than you. I really don't have anywhere to go with this, just keep on trucking and trying new things.