There's something I need to get off my chest

[BobFromPikeCreek]

Tinder dude, Tinder. If you lower your standards enough it's damn near effortless.

[Atramental]

Its not a big deal. But thats IMO of course, expect lots of ridicule and shaming.

Ridicule and shame are rocket fuel for my soul.

I'm sure once you inevitably relapse back into your faith, your future wife will appreciate your 30-40 years of abstinence, no need to bring up the fact it wasn't a choice.

I would have to have a Terrisus style brain aneurysm for that to happen.

  معاذ الله‏

[chronovore]

i've had a lot of luck getting attention from women by walking around with my son on my shoulders. give it a try. you're gonna have to find your own kid tho no stealthfan.

By the way, though I jumped on this bandwagon -- and /do/ feel my attractiveness-to-women increase an order of magnitude when I have my son with me -- I have my suspicions that women are checking out nudemacusers whenever he goes out, whether or not he has a child on his shoulders. 

[Van Cruncheon]

kid + motorcycle is about the only reliable way to overcome the phalanx of my face :-(

back in the day, i had to rely entirely on my conversational skillz and, of course, statistics

[Van Cruncheon]

aw, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever passive-aggressively said to me all YEAR

tsundere boner alert

[nudemacusers]

i've had a lot of luck getting attention from women by walking around with my son on my shoulders. give it a try. you're gonna have to find your own kid tho no stealthfan.

By the way, though I jumped on this bandwagon -- and /do/ feel my attractiveness-to-women increase an order of magnitude when I have my son with me -- I have my suspicions that women are checking out nudemacusers whenever he goes out, whether or not he has a child on his shoulders. 

no i think a child just makes chicas go 'oh he isn't gay'.

granted this is far less consistent now that gays can be out and married or whatever

[Rahxephon91]

You don't want to have sex for the first time with someone who dosen't really want it from you. That's a terrible idea, you could end up a broken person like me.

I had sex with someone that was bascily aranged for me. A slut who was drunk maybe, but was at my frirends house and wanted dick no matter who it came from. Now she was a very hot Vietnamese chick. A thick Asian, it sounded perfect. My friend called me up and told me I needed to do it. Of course virgin me would dive into it, but she wasn't in to it. She just needed someone to fill her hole. This was the worst first time for someone like me who already lacked any actual confidence in himself.

Now Art, I doubt you are completely like me but I'm sure we share a complete lack of confidence in ourselfs for whatever reason. Filling some chicks hole did not help. It may have gotten the virgin thing out of the way, sure I can say I've seen a vagina. Big whoop. But it's unlocked a whole lot of other insucruites.

"Oh I can't get a girl on my own"

"am I good at sex?"

"can I even be worthy of sex"

and so on. Simply paying for it or having it handed to you sure did me no favors. it did'nt make me more comfortable with it. it made the concepet of sex even worse for me. Even more intimidating. I can't see having sex with someone who you payed for making it better. I'm sorry, I'm a cynical bastard and I take any compliment with a grain of salt, espciialy from women who are after money. Who the fuck would I belive anything a stripper says? Why would I belive anything a escort says? I would'nt and it just further confuses my relationship with the oppisaite sex. I don't think it's a good idea to have your first time with someone who dosen't desire you. I think that equal desire in itself is a huge accomplishment. Being wanted, actually desired by the oppaisite sex is the real goal in sex. At least to me and maybe even for you. Not simply getting your dick wet. I've had sex, dosen't change the fact that till this day i've never had sexual satifisifcation. i've never felt the feeling of actually being wanted by a woman. Do you really want that? No that's terrible. I could have sex will all the hot ass escorts possible. I could have sex with dream women, but in the end it would always leave me unhappy if they did'nt actually want me, because that's how my life already is.

So no, don't get an escort. At least not for your first time anyway.

[Rahxephon91]

Maybe because I'm drunk I can't tell if that like is a "you're an idiot" like or a "you  actually said something" or maybe it's in a mix of both. Whatever, even if I'm hazed I think I said something worthwhile You're 25 like me and it has'nt happen yet Art, I don't think getting something out like this in such a cathartic way is going to help you in the end. Least you end up like me. You need to solve this in a way that solves the big picture issues, which is more then "lets get my dick wet" because that's hardly the complete issue.

[Rahxephon91]

[Mr Gilhaney]

kid + motorcycle is about the only reliable way to overcome the phalanx of my face :-(

i think you have a nice face, i mean i wouldn't bust a load on it but you certainly aren't an uggo.

pause

I feel like, if someone is so ugly, that my cum would improve their face, it's also a turn on looking forward to doing that.

But that's off topic sorry.

I wish you luck in all you virgins adventures.

[Madrun Badrun]

I guess while we are doing confessions.  I can't get off while having any kind of sex.  I've death gripped myself into no sensation at all. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Outside of the initial kissing and getting the clothes off, sex just isn't very fun

[close]

[studyguy]

I guess while we are doing confessions.  I can't get off while having any kind of sex.  I've death gripped myself into no sensation at all. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Outside of the initial kissing and getting the clothes off, sex just isn't very fun

[close]

Have you considered possibly...

spoiler (click to show/hide)

taking it in the ass

[close]

Also I believe in all of yall, every one of you has the ability to go out to a club, get completely shit faced and make the kind of terrible decisions that lead to a regret fuck in the morning. You can do it brehs. I have faith in you.

[Madrun Badrun]

I guess while we are doing confessions.  I can't get off while having any kind of sex.  I've death gripped myself into no sensation at all. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Outside of the initial kissing and getting the clothes off, sex just isn't very fun

[close]

is it the death grips or the porn?

Why not both. 

[Madrun Badrun]

Have you considered possibly...

spoiler (click to show/hide)

taking it in the ass

[close]

Ya but your mom charges 40$ for that and I feel like its the rip off for her to double her price just for that.

[Phoenix Dark]

You don't want to have sex for the first time with someone who dosen't really want it from you. That's a terrible idea, you could end up a broken person like me.

I had sex with someone that was bascily aranged for me. A slut who was drunk maybe, but was at my frirends house and wanted dick no matter who it came from. Now she was a very hot Vietnamese chick. A thick Asian, it sounded perfect. My friend called me up and told me I needed to do it. Of course virgin me would dive into it, but she wasn't in to it. She just needed someone to fill her hole. This was the worst first time for someone like me who already lacked any actual confidence in himself.

Now Art, I doubt you are completely like me but I'm sure we share a complete lack of confidence in ourselfs for whatever reason. Filling some chicks hole did not help. It may have gotten the virgin thing out of the way, sure I can say I've seen a vagina. Big whoop. But it's unlocked a whole lot of other insucruites.

"Oh I can't get a girl on my own"

"am I good at sex?"

"can I even be worthy of sex"

and so on. Simply paying for it or having it handed to you sure did me no favors. it did'nt make me more comfortable with it. it made the concepet of sex even worse for me. Even more intimidating. I can't see having sex with someone who you payed for making it better. I'm sorry, I'm a cynical bastard and I take any compliment with a grain of salt, espciialy from women who are after money. Who the fuck would I belive anything a stripper says? Why would I belive anything a escort says? I would'nt and it just further confuses my relationship with the oppisaite sex. I don't think it's a good idea to have your first time with someone who dosen't desire you. I think that equal desire in itself is a huge accomplishment. Being wanted, actually desired by the oppaisite sex is the real goal in sex. At least to me and maybe even for you. Not simply getting your dick wet. I've had sex, dosen't change the fact that till this day i've never had sexual satifisifcation. i've never felt the feeling of actually being wanted by a woman. Do you really want that? No that's terrible. I could have sex will all the hot ass escorts possible. I could have sex with dream women, but in the end it would always leave me unhappy if they did'nt actually want me, because that's how my life already is.

So no, don't get an escort. At least not for your first time anyway.

these typos probably raised karakand's blood pressure by a large margin.

We pay people to lie to us all the time bro, why should escorts be singled out. A few days ago I picked up some Burger King and the guy said "enjoy your meal." We all know he should have said "good luck man, you should have gone to Taco Bell" but I let it slide. It's that type of self control that prevents complete social anarchy. What's the difference between that and an escort saying she thinks you're attractive.

[Rahxephon91]

Because I'm doing something far more personal and mentally involved then buying a hamburger?

Seems kind of like a shitty comparison, comparing sex to fast food.

And besides you want your first hamburger to be from McDonald's?

[Madrun Badrun]

PD is a hungry man, Rah

[Kara]

To add to PD's post, I find stripper lies off-putting because it's part of a hustle. An escort provides the lies after the deal has been closed and if you really hate that you can just ask that they stop.

Plus non-hobbyists overestimate how easy it is to get on the circuit, especially when you don't have references. At some level you aren't repellent if you close a deal and that's some sort of confidence builder I guess.

[Rahxephon91]

Well that's a terrible view of sex. I guess it really is pointless and I should just use and abuse anyone for it. He'll just get a flashlight sine really the person isn't important. I was trying to take advice from you people why?

[Rahxephon91]

Plus non-hobbyists overestimate how easy it is to get on the circuit, especially when you don't have references. At some level you aren't repellent if you close a deal and that's some sort of confidence builder I guess.

its extremely easy. Hit up usasexguide.com or other  similar websites, find some reviews of backpage girls, call, and get in. There's reallly nothing to getting an escort. You just have to have money.

[demi]

Some people just have preferences on how they want to approach sex. Dont make a big deal out of it, Rahx. Your opinion isnt any less wrong.

[Phoenix Dark]

Well that's a terrible view of sex. I guess it really is pointless and I should just use and abuse anyone for it. He'll just get a flashlight sine really the person isn't important. I was trying to take advice from you people why?

Who said anything about abuse? The most passionate sessions are enjoyable for both parties involved. Mayhaps you'd be better off paying someone to teach you how to please a woman.

[Rahxephon91]

Getting an escort isn't about pleasing a woman. It's about pleasing me. I don't actually care about how she would feel. I'm not paying her to have fun. Even if you're bad at it, not like a good service women is going to let you know. She wouldn't be a good service person if she didn't treat you like gods gift to women.

 I don't get Taco Bell or McDonald's for an actual real satisfying meal. I get them to to just satisfy being hungry at that excactly moment. Not like I'm really going to care about it later and it sure won't lead to any actual appreciation of anything. In the end I don't give a fuck about it and it was a pretty meaningless meal.

[Huff]

I'm just looking for someone to choke. Is that so much to ask

[Tasty]

And besides you want your first hamburger to be from McDonald's?

Hey, at least then your future burgers would all seem pretty amazing.

Though I do enjoy a Double Quarter Pounder () every other week.

For me, McD's is all about the nuggest and frieds anyways.

[Phoenix Dark]

I'm not paying her to have fun.

You're paying her to leave.

[CatsCatsCats]

Rah you've got some complex warpings in your worldview that I don't understand but make me sad for you

[Kara]

Plus non-hobbyists overestimate how easy it is to get on the circuit, especially when you don't have references. At some level you aren't repellent if you close a deal and that's some sort of confidence builder I guess.

its extremely easy. Hit up usasexguide.com or other  similar websites, find some reviews of backpage girls, call, and get in. There's reallly nothing to getting an escort. You just have to have money.

Backpage is little more than SW.

[Rahxephon91]

I'm not paying her to have fun.

You're paying her to leave.

Have you been to an escort? I have(I was also ridiculed here for it, so the turn is pretty surprising). They're ready to drop and be nice to you at the drop of a dollar. There's nothing mystifying or romantic about it. They don't actually give a shit about you. They only give a shit about you as long as your paying.

[Rahxephon91]

Rah you've got some complex warpings in your worldview that I don't understand but make me sad for you

Im not sure how wanting to have sex with people who actually like you and not meaningless sex is a complex or sad worldview....

[Tasty]

Don't put pussy on a pedestal

[Rahxephon91]

.........um yeah that's not what's being said andrex.

[StealthFan]

[king of the internet]

Didn't you tell us that you lost it to a chubby chick a few years ago?

You were lying?

IIRC he had a bet going with a handful of NeoGAF members when he first told that story. Cash was involved. He was gonna pay out if he couldn't turn in the v-card by the end of the year. 

[Mr. Nobody]

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself online and just go out there and talk to people already.

This whole social life/sex shit really isnt that hard people.

"B-b-but  " But nothing 

These folks out here aren't gonna bite you, unless you want them to.


Getting OT vibes in here   

[king of the internet]

Didn't you tell us that you lost it to a chubby chick a few years ago?

You were lying?

IIRC he had a bet going with a handful of NeoGAF members when he first told that story. Cash was involved. He was gonna pay out if he couldn't turn in the v-card by the end of the year. 

dry snitching



(Image removed from quote.)

Whose to say there aren't members of this very forum who in light of this news, are now entitled to a cash payment?

[She/Her pronouns only]

whatever you do i'd suggest doing it quickly, in 5 yrs u won't be able to look at a woman much less talk to one without getting notarized consent in triplicate first

[StealthFan]

whatever you do i'd suggest doing it quickly, in 5 yrs u won't be able to look at a woman much less talk to one without getting notarized consent in triplicate first

this niccas name

[Rufus]

whatever you do i'd suggest doing it quickly, in 5 yrs u won't be able to look at a woman much less talk to one without getting notarized consent in triplicate first

this niccas name

Did "female pronouns only" not work, or what?

[BrokenVerses]

I was a little apprehensive clicking on this after the revelation the last thread that had this title contained.

[studyguy]

whatever you do i'd suggest doing it quickly, in 5 yrs u won't be able to look at a woman much less talk to one without getting notarized consent in triplicate first

Don't worry baby this paperwork is legit

[Shaka Khan]

yea so all the shit you wrote in the past about losing your virginity was a lie?  That's so much sadder than actually being a virgin breh. 

Agreed. Can someone post the links so I can unlike the posts?

[nachobro]

Damn nicca it isn't hard to get laid, shit. Do they not sell roofies in your part of the country or something?

[Shaka Khan]

Real answer:

Step 1: Download Tinder
Step 2: Swipe everything right. Left doesn't exist for the likes of you
Step 3: In case of match(es), follow these examples to seal the deal

[studyguy]

I mean it is true that it's easy to get laid and find love assuming your standards aren't astronomical.
Catching feelings over fucking an escort is a bad look tho.

[Atramental]

Didn't you tell us that you lost it to a chubby chick a few years ago?

You were lying?

But yes, I was lying.

Real answer:

Step 1: Download Tinder
Step 2: Swipe everything right. Left doesn't exist for the likes of you
Step 3: In case of match(es), follow these examples to seal the deal

I guess before I plunge head long into the Backpage route I'm going to at least give Tinder a true go instead of fucking around with it for a weekend and deleting it because I get too self conscious or I run into nothing but cam show scammers.

I need to get myself one of these:


Or I just won't look at my phone while I swipe right. 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

ROFL Rahxephon91, you are one bitter asshole.  You have intentionally created a no-win situation for you.  You refuse to unfuck your personality, making it nigh impossible for any woman, escort or not, to enjoy your company.  Tell me this, what is the endgame for being an angry prick at the age of 24?  Has being a raging douche actually helped you out in any positive way?  Has your "I wouldn't like any girl who would like me" mentality made a positive difference in any way?  Do you think that your "cynicism" is going to filter out all of the chaff women from your life?  Of course not so why keep doing it?  Explain to us why your current mindset is better than the rest of the masses.

I guess before I plunge head long into the Backpage route I'm going to at least give Tinder a true go instead of fucking around with it for a weekend and deleting it because I get too self conscious or I run into nothing but cam show scammers.

I've had good success with Tinder overall.  In the end, it's just a numbers game: the more chances you take, the better off you are.  You will have to develop thick enough skin, you probably will have girls who will flake on you without saying "sry cant make it", and some dates aren't going to go anywhere.  Just have fun with it and not take it too seriously.

I still believe you should get a backpage girl for your 25th.  Go to a nice hotel (not 5 star or anything but something halfway decent like a Ramada or a Radisson) to meet her at.  Put your valuables (anything except cash for her time) in the safe.  Pay for two hours.  Always wear a condom, even for a blow job.  Take your time (hence the two hours).  Yeah, she likes you because you handed her $500 (or whatever) but fuck it, you no longer have to worry about losing your v-card, premature ejaculation, or fumbling around trying to get your dick in her pussy with a girlfriend.  I have not went the backpage route but if it was around and I was 18, I definitely would have went this route.

[Shaka Khan]

Pick non-creepy photos. Avoid pics of you in your mancave. Avoid pics of you in front of a computer. Avoid pics with forced/tryhard expressions. One could be a decent selfie, maybe with non creepy friend. One could be outdoorsy. One could be a cute candid photo taken by a friend (wedding, party, etc).

Basically don't look too desperate. Everyone senses that.

I'm not sure how straights respond to bios. But I usually go with a couple of lines, 50% serious, 50% humorous. No memes. No inside jokes. No psychotic "Here looking for the love of my life."

Be normal.

Relax your face.

Don't appear desperate.

Swipe everything right.

Respond/chat with every match, simultaneously.

NOT RIGHT AWAY.

If one line works with someone, you may use a variation of it with another. If a line fails, never use with anyone again.

If you strike out, MOVE ON. Don't linger. No matter much your penis wants to.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

That's everything I can think of for now.

[Tasty]

How to get laid, based on my own experiences:

1. Go to a bar

2. Within 10 minutes someone will buy you a drink

3. Later in the night, fuck that person

I should write a book or something.

[Shaka Khan]

How to get laid, based on my own experiences:

1. Go to a bar

2. Within 10 minutes someone will buy you a drink

3. Later in the night, fuck that person

I should write a book or something.

Not everyone is a cool young dude who frequents bear bars.
Tho you could be the creeper, sitting in the corner, sending free drinks to kids like Andy until they're drunk enough, and it's late enough, that they're left without any options.

[thisismyusername]

I need to get myself one of these:
http://i.imgur.com/pNDWvys.gif

What, a vibrator?

[Madrun Badrun]

But maybe he's into having quaaludes dropped in his wine other ways.  For example, overhand from the three-point line.

[Rahxephon91]

ROFL Rahxephon91, you are one bitter asshole.  You have intentionally created a no-win situation for you.  You refuse to unfuck your personality, making it nigh impossible for any woman, escort or not, to enjoy your company.

I don't know what this has to do what I said. My point was that getting an escort dosen't seem to be the best confidence booster for someone trying to do it thier first time. Since it sounds like an admission of defeat. I did'nt say really anything else about escorts. That they're bad or whatever, but it's not like it's really going to help with anything other then having sex. Why I'm getting bashed for this I have no idea. Especially when I've mentioned paying escorts and been called pathetic by you very people. Oh but I guess PD likes them so it's ok, even though they sure won't help a person who apparently was so insecure they had to lie about having sex on an internet forum. Yep, what an accomplishment! I had to pay someone to fuck me. That's gonna help your confidence. Oh wait no one would high five you for that.

Tell me this, what is the endgame for being an angry prick at the age of 24?  Has being a raging douche actually helped you out in any positive way?

Well this has nothing to do with what I said. But I'm not an angry prick or a douche. Just someone who dosen't care about this stuff.

Has your "I wouldn't like any girl who would like me" mentality made a positive difference in any way?

Saved me some money.

Explain to us why your current mindset is better than the rest of the masses.

What is my current mindset?

The only mindset I've posted here is "hey do these other things that involve you actually getting sex on your own and not paying an escort".

I'm pretty sure that's the mindset of the massess or is everyone's first time someone they paid for? I doubt that and I doubt that it was for anyone here as well. Getting an escort here would be the definition of desperate and somehow thats the best choice? I don't think so. If he wants to partake in escorts after they've succesffuly bedded women on thier own, cool but why would you want that for your first time beyond some supposed "oh it will take the awkwardness away". No it won't. It wont help the dude actually getting women without paying them. It probably won't even help with understanding actual sex with women who don't make thier money selling sex.

I have not went the backpage route but if it was around and I was 18, I definitely would have went this route.

Oh so you haven't actually done this? Wow, what a great person to take advice from.

Am I the only person who's actually done this? Yeah, escorts are fun sure, but it's not better then the free alternative.

[Barry Egan]

blah bleah blah we re allll gonna die someday.

[brawndolicious]

I'm not sure what you're even hung up about, you're not ugly or anything thats actually holding you back. If you decide to just not be angry or ashamed then it would work out. No one wants to date you because they would get hurt being in a relationship with someone like that (being in a needy relationship you hate happens to everybody eventually).

Rahx, when you've unfucked your logic you can try again. Atra, you're ready to rumble. But no escorts, a lot of girls actually love the virgin dick since it's impressionable (but like I said, shame is the biggest cock-blocker). I was a late starter and I've been actually rejected solely on the basis of physical appearance so I know when something really is an issue or just a problem in your head. I even gave fistful the advice of being honest and forthcoming and now he's balls deep in his dream woman (who was not the first girl he could land mind you). I'm kind of like a virgin prophet.

[Kara]

I'm kind of like a virgin prophet.

[recursivelyenumerable]

How to get laid, based on my own experiences:

1. Go to a bar

2. Within 10 minutes someone will buy you a drink

3. Later in the night, fuck that person

I should write a book or something.

back when I was young and cute I admit to a few instances of leading gay dudes on a bit for the ego validation. I am a horrible person 

tho when I told one boi I was straight (which I finally felt obligated to do as he had started stroking my thigh) he told me "but ... that makes you like the only straight person I can stand" which was kind of sweet

[Purrp Skirrp]

Virgins, what were ya'll doing in high school? 4 years to make something happen.

I was 16 and felt like I waited too long. No slut shaming, this chick went Ivy League and makes me so proud to have played a pivotal role in her life


Hell, even heard about shit popping off in middle school, like this kid Danny getting a BJ on the Condor during our 8th grade field trip.

Not living those years like you're the star of a wacky teen comedy

[recursivelyenumerable]

I didn't go to high school (was a virgin until 25, and frankly I don't feel the handful of sexual experiences I've had since then have changed me or anything).

[Tasty]

How to get laid, based on my own experiences:

1. Go to a bar

2. Within 10 minutes someone will buy you a drink

3. Later in the night, fuck that person

I should write a book or something.

back when I was young and cute I admit to a few instances of leading gay dudes on a bit for the ego validation. I am a horrible person 

tho when I told one boi I was straight (which I finally felt obligated to do as he had started stroking my thigh) he told me "but ... that makes you like the only straight person I can stand" which was kind of sweet