I got upset because I gave him ample opportunity to talk to me, not just last week but since we became friends a year ago, and instead of either saying something *to* me, or staying silent, he instead chooses to talk *about* me without me knowing. So I ended the friendship, if that's what it was.
On the surface, I look like the crazy ex because "all he did was be worried about you," (and of course, his complaints about my intake aren't off the mark) but if you know our whole deal I think it makes sense. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable here?
I don't know the whole deal so I'm perfect to give suggestions as I am unbiased by any facts, but I'm going to suggest he didn't (or did but now doesn't) actually mean "friends" but more like "no hostilities" but most people can't articulate this to where they even call people "acquaintances" properly. No, they aren't your friends just because you sometimes do stuff outside work/class/etc. You're defining down "friend" like Facebook. But I'm ranting now.
I say this because of the talking
about but not to you thing. Friends will talk about you to other friends, but they also talk
to you. To use an example: like random coworkers or classmates or Bore members or whatever, you talk
about all the time probably, but rarely do you talk
to them. You've abstracted a mental layer between your "world" and them. But it's all subconscious and not intentional.
The reason it's painted as the "crazy ex" thing to do is because we've advanced the person in the social standing hierarchy to others, this is separate from our personal emotional attachment or detachment from them, lowering them back to friend or acquaintance or guy behind the Wendy's changes it for everyone else visibly, when had there never been a romantic or whatever relationship no one else would have found it strange for someone to interact with or talk about that person had their status not been elevated. The "behind the back" aspect that gets added to this is generally because it's often assumed that the emotional connection was not evenly severed or perhaps never severed for one side. If that wasn't part of it and the person is generally afraid of the person finding out what they're saying about them, then it's good evidence there's no friendship there but they're trying to avoid a confrontation, but this
seems normal with all the other people in the world. When the person was elevated in standing, it's a "crazy ex" thing because of the built-in assumptions about emotions. (Arguably in this case, from what you say in the post about his using the topic of you for mainly expressing judgements he's the "crazy ex" being petty about things rather than an actual friend "who cares.")
I mean, assuming you're not actually doing "crazy ex" things like mailing your hair or whatever. Again. (I did keep some though.)
Please don't read into this advice anything it may or may not say about me and relationships I may or may not have had in the past or currently. They are TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
Also, like ignore my advice because it's terrible and Assi is probably screaming through his tears "BOY GENIUS AUSTY" at the screen right now since what kind of nut job tears down and evaluates the premises of relationships like that? I mean seriously holy shit amirite.
