Author Topic: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and  (Read 12225 times)

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Skullfuckers Anonymous

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New season of Curb looking pretty, pretty good.

https://mobile.twitter.com/TrueAnonPod/status/1428101741866668033

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https://www.denverpost.com/2021/07/29/love-has-won-mother-god-amy-carlson-death/


Quote
Carlson’s identity recently was confirmed through a DNA test, Coroner Tom Perrin said. However, he does not know when the autopsy report will be finished because he cannot find a laboratory to test her body for heavy metals.

The cult used electrolysis to break down metals into various solutions that its members sold online as health aids, he said. Authorities want to know if Carlson had been ingesting those substances.

had a fb buddy who joined up with them in colorado and even wrote some stuff for their website. he ended up leaving because there was abuse going on there. I tuned into one of their fb streams and asked them what was the deal with the moon  ??? I remember the answer sounding like the most basic bish new age chit  :)
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benjipwns

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https://variety.com/2021/music/news/nirvana-baby-nevermind-lawsuit-1235048465/
Quote
Spencer Elden, the man whose unusual baby portrait was used for one of the most recognizable album covers of all time, Nirvana’s “Nevermind,” filed a lawsuit Tuesday alleging that the nude image constituted child pornography.

The album cover depicts Elden underwater in a swimming pool as a then-infant with his genitalia exposed. The image has generally been understood as a statement on capitalism, as it includes the digital imposition of a dollar bill on a fishhook that the baby appears to be enthusiastically swimming toward. Non-sexualized nude photos of infants are generally not considered child pornography under law.

However, Robert Y. Lewis, Elden’s lawyer, offers an unusual interpretation of the image to argue that it crosses the line into child porn, writing that the inclusion of currency in the shot makes the baby appear “like a sex worker.”

“Defendants intentionally commercially marketed Spencer’s child pornography and leveraged the shocking nature of his image to promote themselves and their music at his expense,” reads the lawsuit, filed in the U.S. District Court’s central district of California and obtained by Variety. “Defendants used child pornography depicting Spencer as an essential element of a record promotion scheme commonly utilized in the music industry to get attention, wherein album covers posed children in a sexually provocative manner to gain notoriety, drive sales, and garner media attention, and critical reviews.”

chronovore

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What a fucking idiot. Within American society, the most common excepted definition of “pornography“ is that “we will know it when we see it.“ essentially, it’s down to what the society finds acceptable. Here’s a clue: if it was sold without censorship at a Kmart, it was not pornography.

benjipwns

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #125 on: September 30, 2021, 07:41:27 PM »
Inside the "Secret Meat Room" at Eleven Madison Park
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This May chef Daniel Humm had announced with much flowery fanfare that his Eleven Madison Park restaurant would reopen in June from its pandemic closure with a fully plant-based vegan menu. But not just any meager meatless menu: It’s 12 courses for $335.

Humm hammered his message home by telling the New York Times the restaurant would no longer serve meat or seafood, huffing, “The current food system is simply not sustainable, in so many ways.”

The eaterie would only use animal products by offering milk and honey for coffee and tea service, he insisted.

However, it seems those principles are off the plate in the restaurant’s private dining room — which insiders tell Page Six is targeted to corporate events and is a big money-maker for the establishment.

The private dining room at Eleven Madison Park comes complete with a meat-heavy menu that includes foie gras, beef tenderloin, roasted chicken and pork.

New York Times food critic Pete Wells just slaughtered the restaurant in his review, adding at the end, “It’s some kind of metaphor for Manhattan, where there’s always a higher level of luxury, a secret room where the rich eat roasted tenderloin while everybody else gets an eggplant canoe.”

Page Six has exclusively obtained the private dining room menu, which features dishes such as the highly controversial foie gras, beef carpaccio and butter-poached lobster with black truffle and celery root.

Plus, there is pork seared with red cabbage and cocoa beans, roasted chicken and beef, scallop, halibut, trout and sturgeon, which is listed as endangered in some areas. Not to mention a series of local cheeses.

Prices for a seven-course tasting menu at the meaty private dining room run up to $285 per person or $295 with a reserve wine pairing.

Joe Molotov

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #126 on: September 30, 2021, 08:29:27 PM »
I heard there’s a Secret Meat Room at Taco Bell too for the high rollers.
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benjipwns

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https://www.today.com/parents/there-s-national-mullet-championship-kids-finalist-photos-are-priceless-t233778
Quote
When small business owner Kevin Begole noticed an increase in mullet hairstyles at the start of the coronavirus pandemic, he decided the best thing to do was feature them in a local competition.

Now, Begole oversees a nationwide contest that garners hundreds of nominations and features some of the smallest, fiercest mullets in the country. The U.S.A. Mullet Championships expanded to include "a kid's contest, across the whole country, just to keep things going," after seeing the success of the adult version.

"That really blew up," Begole noted. "We actually had to cap (the number of entries) at 500 kids, because we were getting hundreds of entries a day, and I couldn't imagine going through a contest with thousands of kids."

To enter the contest, a child only has to submit a front and side view of their mullet, along with a $10 fee. Half of that fee is donated to a charity. For the adult competition, the charity of choice is an organization that works to help veterans. For the children's, the money is going to a local pediatric hospital.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2021, 07:33:43 PM by benjipwns »

benjipwns

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The official Wizard of New Zealand, perhaps the only state-appointed wizard in the world, has been cast from the public payroll, spelling the end to a 23-year legacy.

The Wizard, whose real name is Ian Brackenbury Channell, 88, had been contracted to Christchurch city council for the past two decades to promote the city through “acts of wizardry and other wizard-like services”, at a cost of $16,000 a year. He has been paid a total of $368,000.

...

The Wizard said the council had decided to stop paying him because he did not fit “the vibes” of the city. He said he was a provocateur.

“It implies that I am boring and old, but there is nobody else anything like me in Christchurch.”

“It’s just they don’t like me because they are boring old bureaucrats and everyone likes me and no one likes them,’’ he said.

The Wizard is a well-known face to Christchurch residents, but in recent years, his presence has diminished, and sightings have become rare. He says that is because the council has made him invisible and would not respond to his suggestions to improve tourism.

“But when they cancelled this honorarium, everyone got furious, they have awakened a hornet’s nest here, it’s hilarious. The next few months are going to be real fun.”

Great Rumbler

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Don't mess with Gandalf.
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Joe Molotov

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Quote
perhaps the only state-appointed wizard in the world

I feel like this is something we should know for sure.
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benjipwns

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #132 on: November 17, 2021, 05:27:17 PM »
Through all the challenges the world has faced over the last two years, one thing has remained constant – Texas Tech University’s Meat Judging Team remains the team to beat.

That was reaffirmed once again this past weekend when the team from the Department of Animal & Food Sciences in the College of Agricultural Sciences & Natural Resources showed its dominance at the 2021 American Meat Science Association International Meat Judging Contest in Dakota City, Nebraska, capturing its third straight national championship.
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Sunday’s victory not only marked the third straight national crown for the Texas Tech team, which won the crown in 2019 and 2020, but also further cemented its status as the premier meat judging team in the U.S., capturing the program’s 16th overall national championship. It also marks the third time in the history of meat judging a team has won three straight national championships, twice done by Texas Tech, which also accomplished the feat from 2011 to 2013. Texas Tech also won the national title in five of the last seven years.

"The national championship win completed a three-peat for the Texas Tech University Red Raiders – winning in 2019, 2020 and 2021,” said Mark Miller, coach of the Meat Judging Team and the San Antonio Stock Show and Rodeo Distinguished Chair in Meat Sciences. “God blessed this team by bringing them close together as a family. The trust, commitment and love between them made the difference. They worked very hard and had an unselfish spirit and love while pursuing honor and excellence to bring home the 16th meat judging national championship for Texas Tech."
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Texas Tech ran away with the competition, scoring 4,210 points, well ahead of second-place Kansas State University with 4,168 points and third-place West Texas A&M University with 4,142. Former Big 12 Conference foe Texas A&M University (4,075 points) and Angelo State University (4,055), part of the Texas Tech University System, round out the top five.

Texas Tech’s victory was driven by its dominance in the beef categories and by the fact it took first place in five of the eight categories overall. Texas Tech finished first in overall beef (2,154 points), beef judging (1,116), lamb judging (569), total placing (1,940) and reasons/questions (841) while taking second in beef grading, fourth in pork judging and fifth in specifications.
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“This year’s team has continued the legacy of excellence that decades of teams, students and faculty have built,” said Chance Brooks, interim department chair and professor of meat science in the Department of Animal & Food Sciences. “They have once again established Texas Tech as the national powerhouse in meat judging. I could not be prouder of each team member and coach who has dedicated countless hours to bring this national title back to Lubbock for the third consecutive year.”

I don't see Bobby Hill there though, maybe he's graduated by now.


chronovore

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #134 on: November 18, 2021, 12:26:32 AM »
https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/16/australia/megaspider-australia-venom-intl-hnk/index.html

Quote

Though not all of the 40 or so varieties of the species are dangerous, "several are renowned for their highly toxic and fast acting venom," with the male of the Sydney funnel-web spider linked to all 13 recorded human deaths, the museum said.
"This remarkable spider has become a part of Sydney's folklore and, although no deaths have been recorded since the introduction of an antivenom in 1981, it remains an icon of fear and fascination for Sydneysiders," the museum says.


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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #135 on: November 18, 2021, 07:41:13 AM »
https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/16/australia/megaspider-australia-venom-intl-hnk/index.html

Quote

Though not all of the 40 or so varieties of the species are dangerous, "several are renowned for their highly toxic and fast acting venom," with the male of the Sydney funnel-web spider linked to all 13 recorded human deaths, the museum said.
"This remarkable spider has become a part of Sydney's folklore and, although no deaths have been recorded since the introduction of an antivenom in 1981, it remains an icon of fear and fascination for Sydneysiders," the museum says.


Fuck that.


Joe Molotov

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #137 on: November 23, 2021, 09:37:10 PM »
I hope they're stoned to death for slandering Boji.
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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #139 on: November 28, 2021, 06:46:20 PM »

chronovore

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #140 on: November 29, 2021, 11:33:21 PM »
I'm not going to preface this except for "beauty consultant."

https://nypost.com/2021/11/18/beauty-consultant-arrested-for-butt-injection-that-killed-woman/

Caption has a very 'bore feel to it: Marja McClendon died after receiving two rounds of injections into her butt by Lisa Fernandez.


Joe Molotov

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #142 on: December 01, 2021, 09:27:10 AM »
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Joe Molotov

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #144 on: December 08, 2021, 01:15:55 PM »
that is pretty funny, ngl
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BIONIC

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #149 on: December 21, 2021, 08:51:34 PM »
I have a hog he can sniff  :smug
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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #150 on: December 22, 2021, 03:53:23 PM »
https://twitter.com/WSJ/status/1473171404199710720

I bet none of those people actually have  working sense of smell and are all complicit in randomly giving the thumbs up.

Uncle

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #151 on: December 22, 2021, 10:01:57 PM »
Spain ham sniffer retires, is training his replacement

loudly to the rest of the floor: "alright fellas, I'm gonna take him aside, trade secrets y'know"

low mumble: "one out of forty, act like you're not sure and take another sniff. one out of fifty, reject. collect your fucking paycheck, enjoy"
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Raist

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #152 on: December 23, 2021, 02:35:27 AM »
I have a hog he can sniff  :smug


He specializes in hams, not cocktail sausages.

benjipwns

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #153 on: December 29, 2021, 08:30:52 PM »
Rufus out of control:
It went completely nuts.

UK residents were left reeling after a crazed gray squirrel went on a wild Christmas rampage in Buckley, Wales, injuring a staggering 18 people in two days. Facebook posts detailing Rocky’s reign of terror are going viral.

“Warning, vicious squirrel that attacks,” wrote Nicola Crowther in the Buckley Residents Facebook Group on Dec. 26 along with a grainy photo of the furry culprit on a fencepost. “Has bitten me, attacked my friend … and multiple other people.”

“It’s also attacked my two Bengals, who fear nothing, and my neighbors’ Bengal cats,” she added. “Dare not go out of my house, as it’s lurking.

...

The nutty critter, which has since been dubbed “Stripe” after the evil character from “Gremlins,” reportedly didn’t discriminate in its attacks, lashing out at the elderly, children and pets alike, and biting them everywhere from heads to legs, SWNS reported.

Nowhere was safe, as the critter would launch at people in the gardens and even chase them down the road.

Many victims had to receive tetanus shots after getting savaged.

“After arriving at the hospital, I had to have a tetanus jab because the squirrel broke my skin,” said technician Scott Felton, 34, who was ambushed by the psychotic treehopper while smoking on his patio.

He added, “I know of someone else too who had to have a tetanus jab because theirs didn’t stop bleeding.”

During the course of its two-day biting spree, the bloodthirsty squirrel reportedly injured 18 people with a staggering 21 attacked since Dec. 23.

Rufus

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #154 on: December 30, 2021, 11:30:46 AM »
Racist.

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #155 on: December 30, 2021, 12:50:21 PM »
NtGay

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 :salute

chronovore

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…or the school administration in this case.

ENJOY BEING 74 AND UNEMPLOYED, DUMBASS.

Now that's predestination.

benjipwns

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Midland Public Schools Superintendent Michael Sharrow sent an email to parents on Jan. 20 to dispel a rumor the district had placed litter boxes in school restrooms for students who identified as animals.

“It is unconscionable that this afternoon I am sending this communication,” Sharrow wrote. “Let me be clear in this communication. There is no truth whatsoever to this false statement/accusation! There have never been litter boxes within MPS schools.”

The rumor circulated after a resident stated at the Dec. 20 board of education meeting that litter boxes were placed in student restrooms for children who identify themselves as “furries.”



Potato

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #162 on: February 04, 2022, 01:01:34 AM »
Price of ass skyrockets due to global demand

spoiler (click to show/hide)
A decline in the global donkey population and surge in their popularity amongst livestock owners has seen the price of asses skyrocket.

Donkeys have become a popular addition to mobs of sheep as guardians against predators, and to cattle as peacekeepers to prevent fighting.

West Australian livestock agent Phil Petricevich said prices for donkeys had soared.

"In the past 18 months we've seen a big jump in prices," he said.

"It started off at around about $600 to $700 a donkey, then a couple of sales ago I think it reached $2,500 for a good young jenny."

"It was just such a rapid rise in pricing that it caught a lot of us by surprise. Fingers crossed (prices) can be maintained."

Mr Petricevich said donkeys were worth about $60 a head as pet meat about three years ago.

The donkeys are mainly sourced from the pastoral region, where large numbers are regarded as vermin in the rangelands as they cause environmental damage and compete with native animals and livestock for feed.
[close]
« Last Edit: February 04, 2022, 01:18:19 AM by Potato »
Spud

chronovore

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #163 on: February 04, 2022, 01:02:52 AM »
I stridently protest! I have never paid for good young jenny's ass.


porkbun

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #165 on: February 08, 2022, 01:40:34 PM »
Typical asshole cat.

chronovore

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #166 on: February 08, 2022, 08:28:35 PM »
I'd go 1400 miles to avoid Florida.




Uncle

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https://twitter.com/JimmyKimmelLive/status/1499626051193896960

https://abc30.com/fart-license-plate-nc-karly-sindy/11619556/

Quote
ASHEVILLE, N.C. -- FART -- That's the license plate one North Carolina woman paid extra money to have on the back of her vehicle.

Karly Sindy of Asheville said the DMV approved her personalized license plate back in October. She was a bit surprised but excited when she received the plate in the mail.

She put it on her truck and went on her merry way, driving around town with "FART" on the back of her pickup.

But then on February 25, she received a letter in the mail from the DMV. The letter stated that the DMV had received some complaints about the plate.

The DMV asked Sindy to respond explaining what the plate meant to her and why it was important.

She and some friends online put their heads together and came up with an attempt to save the FART. They decided to tell the DMV that it was an acronym for their (completely made up) group: Friends of Asheville Recreational Trails.

Well we say "completely made up," but that's not exactly accurate now. Now the group does exist. Sindy even said she had 15 people show up at the group's first meeting. The group now has a mailing list, a website, promotional stickers and t-shirts!

As for the license plate, it's yet to be seen if the DMV will allow Sindy to keep using FART. There are more than 9,000 personalized plates already banned in North Carolina. Time will tell if FART joins the list.
Uncle

benjipwns

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Firefighters were called to rescue a teenager who got stuck in a tree while trying to save a cat at an Indianapolis park on Saturday.

A 17-year-old boy named Owen wanted to "do a good deed" and rescue the animal after noticing him 35 feet above in a tree at Holliday Park, according to a Facebook post from the Indianapolis Fire Department.

But after climbing the tree, Owen became stuck, and firefighters were forced to do a rope rescue to save the teen, they said.

"While Owen had no trouble climbing up the tree," the fire department said, "his positioning did not allow the same ease for getting down."
Quote
Meanwhile, the feline remained in the tree despite the firefighters' rescue efforts.

"The cat seemed to enjoy the commotion but literally made no effort to climb down the tree," the post stated.

BisMarckie

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You could have hurt yourself stro :wag

benjipwns

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BREAKING:
https://twitter.com/Newsweek/status/1503510441133326340
On Saturday, during a matinee performance at The Carriagework Theatre put on by the Bite My Thumb theater company, an audience member left, according to Bite My Thumb.

The audience member left during the performance of "Today 4 U, Tomorrow 4 Me," sung by the drag queen character Angel. The leaving theatergoer told a staff member they were leaving because "I didn't realise this show was about gays."

Joe Molotov

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The Onion or Real News™?
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Uncle

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I don't know why anyone says stuff like that  :doge

a - you don't have to give anyone a reason why you're walking out unless you're asking for your money back,

b - you can just say "the subject matter isn't really doing it for me," "not something I'm interested in," "didn't realize some of the sensitive topics it covered"

c - if you want to be lauded for your bravery, just call it offensive straightwashing

Quote
“The fact that the straight white male is the protagonist is ultimately the problem," she says. "But then there's the specifics about how gay people with AIDS die and straight people with AIDS live, and that's the centerpiece of Rent."
Uncle

benjipwns

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I don't know why anyone says stuff like that  :doge

a - you don't have to give anyone a reason why you're walking out unless you're asking for your money back,
Considering the source for the story is the production companies statement on Twitter about how brave and important they are for putting on Rent when this kind of hatred and bigotry exists and how they will remain defiant by continuing to do the show I'm somewhat skeptical about whether it actually happened.

benjipwns

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Experience: I let a baby bird nest in my hair for 84 days

He fell asleep in my palm. As far as he was concerned, I was his mother


Joe Molotov

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:thinking

oh no, top of the page react :dead
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