Author Topic: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and  (Read 7645 times)

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benjipwns

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Sometimes these are really important because they have warnings and stuff that I want you guys to be safe about and I never know where to post them. Now I do.

https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/religion/2019/08/31/harry-potter-books-removed-st-edward-catholic-school/2168489001/
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The seven-book series depicting the magical adventures of a young wizard and his friends was removed from the library because of their content, the Rev. Dan Reehil, a pastor at the Roman Catholic parish school, wrote in an email.

"These books present magic as both good and evil, which is not true, but in fact a clever deception. The curses and spells used in the books are actual curses and spells; which when read by a human being risk conjuring evil spirits into the presence of the person reading the text," the email states.

Reehil goes on to say in the email that he consulted several exorcists in the U.S. and Rome who recommended removing the books.

Great Rumbler

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WHAT YEAR IS IT
dog

benjipwns

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It feels good to cancel Harry Potter because he's promoting witchcraft instead of because J.K. Rowling is a TERF on Twitter. :heart

Joe Molotov

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https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/03/health/poor-diet-blindness-scli-intl/index.html

Quote
Teenage boy goes blind after existing on Pringles, white bread and French fries

Come on, we all know it was the chronic masturbation that caused it.
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BisMarckie

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https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/03/health/poor-diet-blindness-scli-intl/index.html

Quote
Teenage boy goes blind after existing on Pringles, white bread and French fries

Come on, we all know it was the chronic masturbation that caused it.

I hope Dan Ryckert will be okay.  :-\

Raist

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WHAT YEAR IS IT

201-

Quote
the Rev. Dan Reehil, a pastor at the Roman Catholic parish school, wrote in an email.

Oh. Huh, yeah, 201.

Yeti

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 :pika
WDW

Joe Molotov

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Shocking.
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benjipwns

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https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/hitlers-last-living-relative-convicted-19441891
Quote
Hitler's 'last living relative' convicted of paedophilia after kissing girl, 13

...

The angry dad said: "I had put a garage up for sale and Hitler answered the advert. But when he turned up he didn't seem to have much interest in the garage, only in Ania. He lured her to his flat with sweets, brought her clothes and plastic flowers and even offered to marry her."

The dad said when their daughter had told them he had kissed her, they banned her from seeing him and filed a complaint with the cops.

Hitler however defended himself, saying he simply enjoyed the company of the child and that when he kissed her it had simply been the usual sort of greeting that was normal in Germany and was harmless. He insisted: "I'm innocent".

Quote
He has always insisted it is bad for him to have been related to the German dictator, claiming that his surname was the reason why he struggled to find work. He added: "The name is like a cross to bear and I wish that on nobody."

BisMarckie

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2019, 06:34:03 AM »
Cultural genocide against German customs  :maf

Brehvolution

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2019, 08:56:59 AM »
If the Harry Potter spells really worked when they were spoken, why did they need all that CGI? :thinking
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benjipwns

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2019, 09:05:13 AM »
If the Harry Potter spells really worked when they were spoken, why did they need all that CGI? :thinking
lol it's just a movie, i can't believe you thought it was real :neogaf

Ghoul

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Joe Molotov

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2019, 01:50:06 PM »
Single or double guns?
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Raist

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Joe Molotov

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2019, 11:32:08 AM »
https://gizmodo.com/body-of-man-who-went-missing-in-1997-discovered-in-pond-1838090294

Not funny, just creepy. Someone just happened to see a car in a pond on Google Maps and police checked it out and found a body that had been there for 22 years.
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benjipwns

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2019, 11:46:45 AM »
great, now I have to make a bunch of phone calls

Tasty

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2019, 11:54:28 AM »
I read speculation that the bloody spots in the pools nearby are from dogfighting. :(


Tasty

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2019, 12:38:45 PM »
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2019/09/09/jerry-falwell-liberty-university-loans-227914

Quote
Not previously reported is the fact that, according to a half-dozen high-level Liberty University sources, when Gauger traveled to New York to collect payment from Cohen, he was joined by Trey Falwell, a vice president at Liberty. During that trip, Trey posted a now-deleted photo to Instagram of around $12,000 in cash spread on a hotel bed, raising questions about his knowledge of Gauger’s poll-rigging work.

Trey did not respond to requests for comment.

Tasty

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2019, 12:59:13 PM »
Quote
Everybody is scared for their life. Everybody walks around in fear,” said a current university employee who agreed to speak for this article only after purchasing a burner phone, fearing that Falwell was monitoring their communications.

Dude, you work at Trump U for Evangelicals.

White Christians really do exaggerate their woes. "Everybody is scared for their life." Give me a break.

benjipwns

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2019, 10:16:29 PM »
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-to-protect-your-library-with-medieval-book-curses
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Given the extreme effort that went into creating books, scribes and book owners had a real incentive to protect their work. They used the only power they had: words. At the beginning or the end of books, scribes and book owners would write dramatic curses threatening thieves with pain and suffering if they were to steal or damage these treasures.

They did not hesitate to use the worst punishments they knew—excommunication from the church and horrible, painful death. Steal a book, and you might be cleft by a demon sword, forced to sacrifice your hands, have your eyes gouged out, or end in the “fires of hell and brimstone.”
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The curse of excommunication—anathema—could be simple. Drogin found many examples of short curses that made quick work of this ultimate threat. For example:

    May the sword of anathema slay
    If anyone steals this book away.

    Si quis furetur,

    Anathematis ense necetur.

If a scribe really wanted to get serious, he might threaten “anathema-maranatha”—maranatha indicating “Our Lord has Come” and serving as an intensifier to the basic threat of excommunication. But the curses could also be much, much more elaborate. “The best threat is one that really lets you know, in specific detail, what physical anguish is all about. The more creative the scribe, the more delicate the detail,” Drogin wrote. A scribe might imagine a terrible death for the thief:

    “If anyone take away this book, let him die the death; let him be fried in a pan; let the falling sickness and fever size him; let him be broken on the wheel, and hanged. Amen.”

Or even more detailed:

    “For him that stealeth, or borroweth and returneth not, this book from its owner, let it change into a serpent in his hand & rend him. Let him be struck with palsy & all his members blasted. Let him languish in pain crying aloud for mercy,  & let there be no surcease to his agony till he sing in dissolution. Let bookworms gnaw his entrails in token of the Worm that dieth not, & when at last he goeth to his final punishment, let the flames of Hell consume him for ever.”
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If you’re looking for a good, solid book curse, one that will serve in all sorts of situations, try this popular one out. It covers lots of bases, and while it’s not quite as threatening as bookworms gnawing at entrails, it’ll get the job done:

“May whoever steals or alienates this book, or mutilates it, be cut off from the body of the church and held as a thing accursed.”

Tripon

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Re: Dumb News Stories: aka it's not really that funny but it's kinda amusing and
« Reply #23 on: September 26, 2019, 12:14:00 AM »
https://www.jpost.com/Magazine/Jewish-pirates-of-the-Caribbean-447397

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ACCORDING TO Edward Kritzler’s Jewish Pirates of the Caribbean, as early as 1501 the Spanish Crown published an edict that “Moors, Jews, heretics, reconciliados (repentants – those who returned to the church), and New Christians are not allowed to go to the Indies.”


benjipwns

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keep a lookout for Rufus around your car guys:
https://www.kmov.com/news/that-s-nuts-squirrel-hides-more-than-walnuts-under-pennsylvania/article_f460ff2a-ea78-11e9-a081-eb537e27ed12.html

Quote
There were so many walnuts and so much grass under the hood of the car that it took almost a full hour to get the car clean enough to take it to a local auto repair shop.

Once they got the car to the shop, mechanics were able to put it up on a lift and remove the protective plate from under the car. Walnuts they couldn't reach fell out and covered the floor. There were enough walnuts to fill half a trash can.

Joe Molotov

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Hey, free walnuts!
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Joe Molotov

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EchoRin

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https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-50258727

Indonesian man who helped set strict adultery laws flogged for adultery  :doge :brain

tiesto

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https://www.newsday.com/long-island/crime/long-island-firm-chinese-surveillance-1.38332553

Quote
Federal prosecutors Thursday charged a Long Island company, its chief executive and other employees with fraudulently passing off Chinese-made surveillance and security equipment as American-made and selling it to the U.S. government — potentially exposing the military and federal agencies to cybersecurity surveillance and attack.

Commack-based Aventura Technologies Inc., and seven of its current and former employees, ran the scheme that dated to 2006, netting some $88 million in sales, including $20 million in government contracts in the last nine years, authorities said.

The Chinese-manufactured equipment included network surveillance cameras imported into the United States through Kennedy Airport in Queens in 1,000 shipments from China since 2010, said Richard P. Donoghue, the U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of New York.

"Aventura not only defrauded their customers, but also exposed them to serious, known cybersecurity risks and created a channel by which foreign adversaries and other actors could potentially access some of our government's most sensitive facilities and computer networks," Donoghue said.

When I got laid off from my last job, I applied to a whole bunch of jobs. Aventura called me in for an interview right away, and I met with the owner... the next day, he made an offer, but it was $8k less than I was making before so I didn't take. Dodged a bullet on that one!
^_^

benjipwns

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https://www.sfgate.com/news/us/article/Court-rules-against-life-inmate-who-says-he-died-14819864.php
Quote
The Iowa Appeals Court has ruled against a convicted killer who says he "died" during a medical emergency and thus fulfilled his life sentence.

Wapello County court records say Benjamin Schreiber has been serving the life term since being convicted in 1997 of beating a man to death.

Schreiber says his heart stopped five times on March 30, 2015, at a hospital where he'd been taken from the Iowa State Penitentiary in Fort Madison.

Schreiber filed for release in April 2018.

A district judge found little merit in Schreiber's argument, saying his filing confirmed he was still among the living.

The appeals court affirmed that ruling Wednesday, saying: "Schreiber is either alive, in which case he must remain in prison, or he is dead, in which case this appeal is moot."
so close

Joe Molotov

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https://www.sfgate.com/news/us/article/Court-rules-against-life-inmate-who-says-he-died-14819864.php
Quote
The Iowa Appeals Court has ruled against a convicted killer who says he "died" during a medical emergency and thus fulfilled his life sentence.

Wapello County court records say Benjamin Schreiber has been serving the life term since being convicted in 1997 of beating a man to death.

Schreiber says his heart stopped five times on March 30, 2015, at a hospital where he'd been taken from the Iowa State Penitentiary in Fort Madison.

Schreiber filed for release in April 2018.

A district judge found little merit in Schreiber's argument, saying his filing confirmed he was still among the living.

The appeals court affirmed that ruling Wednesday, saying: "Schreiber is either alive, in which case he must remain in prison, or he is dead, in which case this appeal is moot."
so close

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benjipwns

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https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/shelter-cat-put-solitary-confinement-20859811
Quote
A cat named Quilty has been sentenced to solitary confinement for continually letting other cats out of their enclosures at his shelter after multiple warnings failed to curb the problem.

The serial offender was caught by staff at Friends For Life Animal Rescue and Adoption Organization jail-breaking other felines out of the senior room 'repeatedly, several times a day'.

Quilty also has a chequered past of consistent offending, after staff at the shelter in Houston discovered he used to let his dog sibling into the house at his old home.

After an online campaign was launched to #FreeQuilty, the shelter said that his review with the parole board had failed but he 'released himself' anyway, before being returned to solitary.

The shelter said: "Quilty will not be contained. And he has no shame.

"Quilty loves to let cats out of the senior room. Repeatedly. Several times a day.

"We have since Quilty-proofed the cat room, while he took a brief hiatus in the lobby.

"His roommates missed him while he was banished to the lobby. They enjoyed their nighttime escapades around the shelter.

"The staff, however, did not miss the morning cat wrangling, so we’ll just have to agree to disagree there."



NO JUSTICE NO PEACE ATTICAT ATTICAT

Joe Molotov

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bork has to be stopped
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benjipwns

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GR letting one of his friends do donuts:


benjipwns

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https://www.sacbee.com/news/politics-government/capitol-alert/article237802609.html
Quote
In a new filing to quash the subpoena, Parkhomenko’s attorney argues that the Twitter accounts’ language “does not constitute defamation” and that courts are tasked with protecting anonymous communications in the interest of freedom of speech.

“No reasonable person would believe that Devin Nunes’ cow actually has a Twitter account, or that the hyperbole, satire and cow-related jokes it posts are serious facts,” reads the filing in Virginia’s Henrico County Circuit Court. “It is self-evident that cows are domesticated livestock animals and do not have the intelligence, language, or opposable digits needed to operate a Twitter account.
I can't even with this cowphobia.

Tripon

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https://www.yahoo.com/news/habsburg-jaw-seen-in-16th-century-kings-was-caused-by-inbreeding-researchers-find-200002981.html

Quote
A distinctive jutting jawline seen in dozens of pictures from the Habsburg dynasty of Spanish and Austrian kings was caused by inbreeding, researchers have found.

The family intermarried multiple times, securing power and influence across a European empire for 200 years - but it carried with it an unusual by-product.

The distinctive ‘Habsburg jaw’ can be seen in dozens of paintings, and researchers analysed the deformity, comparing it to the degree of relatedness in the kings and wives pictured in the images.

Professor Roman Vilas from the University of Santiago de Compostela said, "The Habsburg dynasty was one of the most influential in Europe, but became renowned for inbreeding, which was its eventual downfall.

“We show for the first time that there is a clear positive relationship between inbreeding and appearance of the Habsburg jaw.”


Joe Molotov

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You may not like it, but this is what peak monarchy looks like.
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Cindi Mayweather

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https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/03/health/poor-diet-blindness-scli-intl/index.html

Quote
Teenage boy goes blind after existing on Pringles, white bread and French fries

Come on, we all know it was the chronic masturbation that caused it.

How TF did his parents not make sure he was eating good things? Did they not ever make breakfast, lunch, or dinner? How is this not neglect? How did this kid eat lunch at school every day?
« Last Edit: December 03, 2019, 11:04:39 AM by Cindi Mayweather »
JAZZ

Cindi Mayweather

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What is WRONG with this boy?

Quote
Back in Bristol, the 19-year-old walking case study is unable to finish his college courses or to get a job, but he hasn't changed his eating habits, either. "He is taking vitamin supplements, but his diet is still pretty much the same," his mother said. “When he was having counseling we managed to start him on fruit smoothies. But he’s gone off those now.”

Quote
"The first we knew about it was when he began coming home from primary school with his packed lunch untouched. I would make him nice sandwiches—and put an apple or other fruit in—and he wouldn’t eat any of it. His teachers became concerned, too," his mother told The Guardian. "He has always been skinny, so we had no weight concerns. You hear about junk food and obesity all the time—but he was as thin as a rake.”

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ywapnw/19-year-old-goes-legally-blind-due-to-picky-diet-of-pringles-bread-fries
JAZZ

Joe Molotov

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His parents were probably chavs.
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Cindi Mayweather

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I read it and it says they tried. She literally packed the kids lunch and he wouldn't eat it.

It's basically the kid being a moron or possibly autistic.

Even after going blind he still eats THE SAME DIET. Is this autism? What in the CHRIST.

How does someone not like at least one fruit? HOW? How does someone not like even a hamburger or pizza? A hamburger and pizza are probably more healthy than what he currently eats! :mindblown
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Great Rumbler

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Fruit is basically natural candy that it's okay to eat!
dog

Tripon

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Tasty

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Tripon

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Tripon

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Tripon

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Skullfuckers Anonymous

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https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/jan/27/college-football-coach-adolf-hitler-dinner-guest-grand-valley-state

Quote
“This is probably not going to get a good review, but I’m going to say Adolf Hitler,” he said. “It was obviously very sad and he had bad motives, but the way he was able to lead was second-to-none. How he rallied a group and a following, I want to know how he did that. Bad intentions of course, but you can’t deny he wasn’t a great leader.”

Joe Molotov

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regarding the previous post about Adolf Hitler, you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to him"
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Tripon

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chronovore

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https://www.bbc.com/sport/taekwondo/40391326

"World Taekwondo Federation changes name over 'negative connotations'"

Joe Molotov

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https://www.bbc.com/sport/taekwondo/40391326

"World Taekwondo Federation changes name over 'negative connotations'"

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Tripon

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Tripon

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Lonewulfeus

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South Jersey is pretty much north Kentucky no shock there.

Tripon

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