Psaki: "We're freaking out you guys operation RACIST ROGAN failed, can someone circle back on what to about these crack pipe smears before we hit single digits?"
CNN: "We're out of ideas on how to stop Rogan Jen, maybe we need to hype that war with Russia again?"
CIA: "Don't worry Jen, we could always stage a false flag, just tell us when and where"
MSNBC: "How about we increase our reporting on the easing of regulations first, that polls well"
Psaki: "Yes, it polls well for Republicans. And no we can't launch a false flag because no one will believe it because of that asshole Joe Rogan"
Pfizer: "May I remind everyone that you are to promote our FDA approved crack pipes, I appreciate it is difficult to give this is a positive spin but we expect everyone to honor their contracts"
CIA: "Haha, I remember when we sold that and had to hide that shit from the public, good times"
Psaki: "Don't worry John, we fully intend to honor our contracts with Pfizer. As long as there is something in it for the big guy. The rest of you big news organizations are all as useless as the VP..."
Dayton Daily News: "Excuse me miss, our local reporters have learned that Dave Chapelle is protesting some kind of residential zoning thing. We could film it on a shitty phone and make it look like some sort of secret meeting where he gets 'caught' red handed"
Psaki: "For doing what exactly?"
CNN: "Crack... Joe Rogan... affordable housing... black history month... working class people.... Dave Chapelle, yeah, I think we can make this work"
