well himu i'm just catching up and can't write out a long blurb, but i'll just say that you shouldn't off yourself first of all, because there are people who care and will miss you end of. second, and I can't pretend to be in your shoes here and your experience transitioning, so I have no real advice there, but i do know about getting dealt a shit hand re: family, and all i can say is while it sucks, and sucks hard, you can find a surrogate family out there, can be in the form of friends, mentors, and an s/o's family. you will find them, might take a while, but when you do, hold on to them.
anyone who isn't with you; fuck em.