On with the offshore boss/offshore team
"Puppy, you keep saying this performance is unacceptable."
"Yeah, that's right"
"It only takes 2 minutes, forty seconds."
"That's unacceptable. You ever wait that long for a report to come up?"
"2 minutes 40 seconds is completely acceptable!"
"Oh hold on on a sec, hold on a sec....I'm getting another call. DON'T HANG UP! I don't want to lose this connection. Just wait."
<sometime later>
Me: "Ok I'm back."
Offshore: "What the hell? Why did you keep us on hold? We have things to do!"
"Gents, that was exactly 2 minutes and 40 seconds. If you find it unacceptable to wait that long for me return, now you know how our users feel. FIX IT!"
I hung up.
Later I get a call from the boss, "Puppy, we need to talk about your management skills."
"is it not working?"
"Oh no, I laughed when offshore told me what happened, but come on."
"Play humiliating games, you win humiliating prizes."