RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[Rahxephon91]

Well it’s not like I’m unsure if she likes me. She’s said she does. What I think is going to happen is she’s going to realize I’m too insercure to be her partner and slowly move away from that. I’ve already shown I am. This downtime from sex is probably the first move and after that she’ll probably find someone who can satisfy her and be confident. I’ll just be a special friend.

Today she said I’m too focused on thinking she just wants good sex with me and that she’d  be happy just enjoying my company. To me that reads as admintiance that this sex thing hasn’t worked.

I guess my problem is I just don’t buy that she wants to keep going. That’s on me.

But yes I thought about going back to the gym to raise testerone and stuff. I can’t get Viagra. I don’t have insurance and what not. It would be too expensive for me.

I mean I probably won’t end it at least on my end. I’ll carry on like everything’s fine and I’m trying to get better. But I think it’s not actually mutual and I should end it because I clearly can’t handle this.

I mean at least now I have an idea what these things are like.

[team filler]

[BlueTsunami]

Honestly Rahx, this is why it was suggested you work on yourself before trying to getting into it with someone. Now you get to experience the awkwardness of trying to sort your shit out to a spectator.

On the flip, she's obviously very patient and understanding. Listen to what she has to say, let her guide you as she seems to be doing and stop thinking that life is some sort of multi layer gambit.

[team filler]

^^^ also FHUTA!

[Rahxephon91]

I mean it’s not like I set out to get into a relationship with this person. It just happen gradually. I was just myself. It’s just now she’s meeting the bad part of that.

I get that she’s patient and that’s great. Because she also has her own problems and must find me somewhat worthwhile. I get the impression I’m the first person to treat her well.

But I just think it would be easier if I ended it now instead of her getting feud up later and doing it. Which would probably hurt a lot worse.

I just think I have too many problems to sort through to make this work.

[team filler]

But I just think

I just think

[BlueTsunami]

And the curse of the old slumbering snail dick sounds like you're in your head too much. Basically filler is on what it is. I mean, yeah hittup the gym but, once she's comfortable again, maybe ask that y'all take it slower and try to feel the moment instead of orchestrating it.

[Rahxephon91]

I mean yeah it’s in my head obviously and it’s easy to mock me for this. I just think this is going to end terribly for me. It just added to my insecurities. I learned my dick doesn’t work and maybe prob or my own brain has ruined it for me. I mean it made me feel good and when I’m with this person I feel great, but I also feel incredible fear. Now maybe if I remove myself from this I can just feel like “hey now I know relationships don’t work for me what do I care”. It just seems very hard and my biggest fear is I’ve fuxked up with someone I actually like.

Lol I mean I guess we can just be friends.

[team filler]

like my posts and I'll fix you

[BlueTsunami]

. It just seems very hard and my biggest fear is I’ve fuxked up with someone I actually like.

Lol I mean I guess we can just be friends.

You haven't fucked it up. Its natural, it happens to dudes. Now cutting and running would be fucking things up with her. You also have to see how defeatist you were when not with someone and how that same mindset is being applied now, don't you?

[team filler]

still #teamrahx, but I'm also a raidah fan 

[Rahxephon91]

Well I appreciate the bore not making fun of me for my dick problems. I just wish I wasn't so fucked up.

But I do still think the right thing is to end this. I'm not going to instantly start having great boners and being more confident. In the mean time (if it honestly hasn't started already) her interests will wane and she'll find someone better. Which will suck when it happens.

I guess what I find hard to do now is maintain someone's interests when they've seen how unlikable you are. I don't know why this girl would still want to talk to me. It's easy to say she doesn't want to do end it. But I don't believe it. I feel like saying we should pause on sex is the slow beginning of that.

[team filler]

too bad you're not a girl or gay. you could just lay there and get pounded from behind and get put on your knees to suck dick.

[team filler]

you're so self-defeating, rahx  this is worse than everything in the bad vibes thread 


just want to give you a big hug, breh 

[Rahxephon91]

I don't really need a hug. I'm going to be fine.  At least I'm better informed now. When this ends I can at least maybe glean some knowledge from it.

I mean the stuff that I regret is the fact that this girl was pretty perfect for me and I've fucked it up. She was sarcastic, very funny, independent, not girly girl, and intersted in sex. She was open about it and very communicative with me. Wanted me to tell her how I wanted a bj and said I could cum on her which I won't be able to do now. I kind of had the perfect girl on my hands and I messed it up.

Ok maybe I need a hug.

[Rahxephon91]

This one is a lost cause.

Going to a doctor, getting back to the gym, and trying to build confidence are ongoing things that won't help this one, so it's a wash. It sucks, but this one I don't think is going to be fixed.

I mean she says yeah it's not over and she dosen't regret anything, but lets be real here. Why would she want to be someone who can't keep there thing erect and is very unconfident? Why put a pause on having sex if you are actually enjoying it? I don't know it seems pretty clear to me that she's trying to wind this down and is losing interests.

I've learned some things from it, so it wasn't a waste, but I'm being realistic here.

[team filler]

she's saying to put a pause on sex, because it's causing you so much grief.

[team filler]

"Those who are compulsively attached to the results of action cannot really enjoy what they do; they get downcast when things do not work out and cling more desperately when they do. So the Gita classifies the karma of attachment as pleasant at first, but 'bitter as poison in the end' (18:38)"

[Rahxephon91]

Maybe it's genuine concern. Maybe it's not. She said that she thought we should put a pause on sex because of my frustration and anger about doing a good job and not because of my actual performance. She said that I'm stuck on the notion that she just wants to have good sex with me, but that she enjoys my company even without it. She said that we have to get comfortable again, but that she dosen't know if we'll have sex again. Honestly it just seems like I've turned her off to the idea of sex and were just going to be friends. Which I don't know, I've never been friends with someone who I had an actual sexual thing with and had kind of intense feelings for. Calling it a wash is dismissive, but I mean it seems like this relationship is over or is at least moving away from being sexual. At this point she'll probably find someone else who can satisfy her without any confidence issues. And I'd rather bail before that happens. Her reassurances read to me as making a landing pad for a relationship without sex. Which honestly will frustrate me more as her presence will remind me that I really fucked up. I also don't want to fall back on porn either.

I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I'm not going to attempt to end it, but I don't want to sit around waiting for it end either.


Also how do I even get affordable psychiatry without insurance? Either way it's not going to be an instant fix so this current situation counts as a loss.

I'm just really worried that I fucked up a great thing.

[Rahxephon91]

Is this online? I’ve never bought medical drugs.

[skullstorm]

Rahx, no matter what the Bore always says, a big fat juicy cock is not the be all and end all of fucking everything. Yes, it's nice and everyone here worships cock but sometimes you have to focus on the smaller things in life. Forget that thing for a while, hang out and have fun with your girl, learn something new about her, bake her a cake, make her a mixtape or draw a funny picture for her, fucking take it back to a more innocent stage. When things get cute and flirty, don't feel pressure to perform but instead just focus on her, just holding and kissing her, maybe eventually let the cock back into play but as long as you're fixated on your dingdong it is staying in your pants. No one is to go near it, not even you.

If you can get Cialis then maybe try that as fallback but don't rush straight to meds. Give your peen a break and stop being so hard on it or it won't be hard. That little feller feels the pressure way harder than you do now. Yes, everyone loves cock but sometimes you need to let go of the things you love so that when you get back to it you appreciate it in a whole new way. And so will she, after a while of not being allowed near it she'll be all over that shit. And no, she won't go looking for stray dick the moment she can't get yours, unless she's a legit sex addict nympho.

Tldr; forget the dick for now and focus on having fun. Fun with the dick will follow.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

LOL, don’t buy Cialis

I agree with skullstorm and stop assuming the absolute worst case scenario as a default. I’ve never seen anyone try to fuck up a good thing as much as what I’ve been seeing these last several posts. Based on your posts, you found a good girl: someone who is kind, patient, and understanding. Do not fuck this one up. In fact, at this point you should just do the exact opposite of what your mind is telling you to do.

[HardcoreRetro]

[BlueTsunami]

Rahx over here trying to cure cancer and I'm sure she's like, damn my dude I'm just tryna play some vidya and cuddle with ya

[Atramental]

Met another married women last night who is “monogam-ish”.

I just don’t understand why I’m running into this trend of married & engaged women who seemingly want to jump my bones. 

edit: also, her husband looks like a giant “soyboy”. 

He must be really funny or have a lot of money because Jesus...

[Mupepe]

If you take cialis are you going to take it for the rest of your life?  because if you think your mind is fucking with you now wait until the anxiety that hits you the first time you try to fuck being off of cialis (or any other dick drug).  It's a mental problem that you need to address accordingly and your girl is giving you the best medicine there is - kindness and understanding.  Trust her and take it. 

[Huff]

As the bores local family druggist, boner pills ain’t going to help you

[skullstorm]

Yeah ok I know nothing about dick drugs so maybe hold off on them unless your junk is really literally dead. Maybe just make sure you watch no porn, don't jack it, don't let her touch it too soon now so it won't do the whole hard for a minute and in a coma as soon as your brain goes "aww shit I wonder how long this will last".

Essentially, what I'm saying is get a penis cage and send the key to Bork. When he eventually after about a month of raging about couriers finally receives it and sends it back to you everything should be fine!

[ToxicAdam]

Met another married women last night who is “monogam-ish”.

I just don’t understand why I’m running into this trend of married & engaged women who seemingly want to jump my bones. 

Only 3-5 percent of all mammals form life-long bonds with their mate.

I don't think humans are any different, since we all come from the same tree. IMO, people are not programmed for long-term monogamy and are not adept enough to fight through those impulses (to leave). That's why marriage is a religious ceremony. They had to instill the fear of god into people to get them to stay together.


 

[Space Jam is Canon]

It’s good that you realize that you’re sabotaging yourself, but I suggest you listen to everyone else and realize that this is a growing pain that you shouldn’t shy away from. I guarantee you fucking this up explicitly will be a lot worse for you in the long run than letting it just run its course naturally. It’s really frustrating trying to get through to you that, without treatment, you have literally no clue what baseline normalcy is. Do not trust your judgment here. You can recover from this and should definitely try.

Also keep in mind that this is kind of a new frontier for male sexuality and that dysfunction is readily becoming the new norm for young men. I had the same problems with my first girlfriend at 21, for what it’s worth. All her past flings were 10 years my senior, ridiculously attractive, and had a lot more to offer in terms of stability and experience. She could have had pretty much any dude that she wanted, but she wanted me. I couldn’t wrap my head around that, but that’s because I hated myself just like you do. History will continue repeating itself until you find some way to redress that.

[BlueTsunami]

Rahx, another thing, you really need to stop assuming what shes all about. Either ask her or stop assuming. Because your assumptions are, as read, just a projection of your lack of self confidence in what you have to offer her.

[ToxicAdam]

[citation needed]

I don't know if you're aware, but there is a website called google where you can type words/phrases into it and it will bring up results.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Only+3-5+percent+of+all+mammals+form+life-long+bonds+with+their+mate.

[Rahxephon91]

I know it’s playful ribbing ritious, but I don’t kind of think I ruined this. I mean it’s not like we had an argument. I just got clearly pissed and then she said she was done having sex tonight and that lead to a talk. I mean yes after that she did she wasn’t ending anything, but I don’t know things have cooled. I don’t know, she’ll be gone next week for a trip. It’s kind of terrible to end on this note. When she comes back I doubt she’s going to want to resume anything when she remembers how Unconfident I am.

[Mr. Gundam]

Rahx you sound like you're trying to find a reason that it's over. Take her at her word at see what happens.

This "giving up so I don't get hurt more" thing just doesn't make much sense to me;  if you are so convinced the girl wants to ditch you, how is that even going to hurt less?  Like I "get it" you won't have the memory of the person dumping you but you still have this idea that they didn't want you anymore and that's really where pain comes from. 

The way Rahx has talked about himself in the past, his brain is going to feel hurt no matter what decision you make, so why not do the opposite of what you'd normally do and work on being better. There is no shame in that.

[BlueTsunami]

[Rahxephon91]

Well I haven’t done anything drastic or said anything to her. But in my head it is actually over. Maybe I’m wrong or acting on negative assumptions. But I was right about one assumption, she did in fact like me.

I don’t know, she doesn’t seem to want to hang out this weekend so I figure it’s done.

It may not make much sense to you, but it makes sense to me. I want to get away from the pain as soon as possible. As soon as I know it’s over I can start getting over it, instead of sitting around wondering and getting more anxious. So if I can get ahead of it I can carry on.

And the reason I want to get out is because I feel incredibly shitty. I had something that was pretty good and ruined it and would rather just get past that. So it’s going to feel shitty anyway, might as well get a jump on it. I also just don’t think I can do relationships. I don’t have the mind for them right now so at least I know that. I probably won’t wine about them or try to get into them now that I know.

Basicly I just want to stop being miserable. I wasn’t. I felt good and wow that went away quickly.

[nachobro]

[demi]

can u send her my way when ur done with her thanks

[BlueTsunami]

So when you've fled the scene, and you're scouring tinder for love, please don't act like the universe did not throw you the biggest goddamn bone ever.

Oh and good luck finding another woman who actually enjoys playing videogames, even one who doesn't view it as a complete waste of time.

This is def beyond forum encouragement. A crash in slow motion.

[Rahxephon91]

Oh I will not be touching Tinder or the likes ever again. I don’t think I’ll be looking for a relationship for a long time.

And yes I realize the universe gave me something great. That’s kind of why I’m upset that I fucked it up. But there’s really nothing I can do. I mean the other party has to be open to it and I’m telling you they aren’t. Again I’ve just been lying low right now. I haven’t made any sudden moves or anything. I’ve just chilled as far as she’s concerned. But I can tell there’s something wrong now.

[team filler]

if you want her, go after her. you'll find no growth going back to your comfort zone. love you, rahx breh

[Rahxephon91]

I appreciate that, but I’m going to be fine. I can’t force the girl to be ok with me after she lost interests. Any self help stuff will be an on going thing that won’t help that.

[Rahxephon91]

can u send her my way when ur done with her thanks

You don’t even know what she looks like.

Here’s a pic of her with one of my dogs.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

https://m.imgur.com/a/tCxnGXw

[close]

[team filler]

 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

can u send her my way when ur done with her thanks

You don’t even know what she looks like.

Here’s a pic of her with one of my dogs.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

https://m.imgur.com/a/tCxnGXw

[close]

lolwut

[Rahxephon91]

And one positive Glen and ritious is I won’t be complying about not having sex at least. I can’t do it even if I wanted to so I have nothing to complain about.

[Rahxephon91]

can u send her my way when ur done with her thanks

You don’t even know what she looks like.

Here’s a pic of her with one of my dogs.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

https://m.imgur.com/a/tCxnGXw

[close]

lolwut

What?

[team filler]

you and yo girl make a trip out my way. I'll dick you both down, problem solved 

[BlueTsunami]

This is like the forum version of The Passion of the Christ

[demi]

can u send her my way when ur done with her thanks

You don’t even know what she looks like.

Here’s a pic of her with one of my dogs.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

https://m.imgur.com/a/tCxnGXw

[close]

She likes videogames and likes to have sex. Who cares about the rest

[Rahxephon91]

This is like the forum version of The Passion of the Christ

I do look a little like Jesus. Espically when I had long hair.

[Rahxephon91]

I agree she's been great. The girl was perfect for me. It's really all my fault. She probably wants and needs someone who's actually confident. I can't be that person. It sucks, but that's what it is. She did say I did'nt come off as very needy like her last bf thing so I guess that's a positive.

I'm not treating it like that bu. I don't expect or want to get into another relationship anytime soon man. I'm not cut out for those currently or ever. The next girl I meet probably won't be anywhere near accommodating and would probably even be harsher about my performance. The last thing I want to do right now is have sex with anyone. Too much pressure. Dating is something I'm going to actively avoid. And not because of any stupid incel I hate women bullshit. I'm not on that crap. Simply because I do not have the mind or body for it. I have no problems accepting things worts and all and am not looking for anything perfect. I liked this girl because she appeared to be un-perfect. Which is far more comfortable to me. Problem is a girl like that is probably going to need someone she can rely on. Her positives about me where that I was kind, compassionate, mindful of her feelings, and made her laugh because I had a unique sense of humor. Those are all nice, but in the end a girl is going to want someone who is confident. I don't think a relationship can start if the guy can't do that. And I can't right now.

I'll check to see if there are any money conscious options and ask my mother if she'd be willing to pay for a doctor again. But the last time I went to a doctor I got nothing from it. I want feedback too quickly and some reassurance that something is happening which is probably a problem on my end.

I am thinking this through though. Despite what she said before, she's gone cold on me the last two days. Maybe she realized her patients has her limits and she can find better dick somewhere else without any actual baggage. I don't know. It would be nice if she simply told me though. I'm not throwing it away. I'm being realistic. I can feel that her interests is dead now. She probably got tired of having to reassure me. But I really don't want to bring this up to her or ask her because 1. I know she's stressing because of her upcoming conference and 2. Asking wouldn't show any confidence. So now I'm left in the miserable position where all I can do is wonder. Which sucks, because I'd just like to watch porn if this thing is over like it feels it is. I mean if it wasn't over and she wanted to continue(which she said she did, but her actions suggest otherwise) I would do what I could to avoid the problems, but thats not whats going on.

[Rahxephon91]

Feels good to jerk off to porn again though.

[Fifstar]

Basicly I just want to stop being miserable. I wasn’t. I felt good and wow that went away quickly.

Excuse the hot take but:

Honestly woman/relationships aren't the cure for depression. Might lighten you up longer than other things, but bad feelings and thoughts will always keep crawling back unless you keep working on yourself wholesome.

[Rahxephon91]

I don't know if I'm actually depressed. I certainly have a inclination for self sabotage and negative inward thoughts. I don't really know what I am. I have low self esteem when it comes to these things. But it's not like I'm not aware of my positives. It's not like I don't think I have self worth. It's just I find it easier to see the negative, because it feels more realistic.

But what I meant was I was actually pretty happy with what was going on. But I've become miserable because I quickly messed it up. Which is why I just want to cut it off.

But if I maybe step back I can see things are ok. I mean she has told me that she isn't ending anything and enjoys my company. We even made jokes about my kissing the day after. Sure our texts conversations have been kind of lame, but it's not like everyday can you have amazing conversations. She's also probably focused and anxious because next week she has an important job convention shes going to and right now thats important. So what I should be doing is not adding unto her stress and just making sure I'm emotionally  available when she comes back.

And that's probably whats going on. If she really did want this to stop she probably wouldn't still text me or she would just tell me she did'nt.

And I probably know this is all true.

But my mind feels like thats not whats true and the reality is I fucked up, not created a small but fixable bump that probably happens to a lot of relationships in the beginning, the middle, or the end. What my mind thinks is that "oh no I fucked it up again. This time with a girl I really liked. See! This is why you should'nt even try because you easily mess up. You're such a failure when it comes to women and this is more evidence".

The funny thing is the former is something I realize only after I've acted on the later and the reason for negativity has already been cut from my life.

[BIONIC]

How many fucking times do I have to read your posts about your negativity.

People are actually read his screeds? 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

[Rahxephon91]

Not long enough to be screeds. Tedious maybe.

[Huff]

I dunno how many times its been posted here (not just for you, but you lately)

Finding someone that likes you doesn't mean youre gunna like yourself. Nor make all your self confidence issues among others go away

[Rahxephon91]

Well I guess I’m getting that harsh lesson in the field.

[Mupepe]

She looks like she has thick thighs. Are they thick?  Send her my way and tell her I’ll still give her unsatisfying sex but I won’t sulk about it.