RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[El Babua]

I got super liked by a thick girl once. Haven't really used Tinder much other than to stroke my ego by getting hot (probably bot) matches.

[Rahxephon91]

I learned from Master of None to say something funny and more then "hi".

[Atramental]

Annnnd *BOOM* got a match 15 minutes later after updating my bio with that insanity I wrote down.

(Image removed from quote.)



edit: Mind you, I had a "normal" profile and everything. And I got nothing all of last week and this week. 

edit2: Another thing that I've learned from months on Tindering: being entertaining/interesting is just as important if-not-more-so than being physically attractive. If you're boring/not funny you might as well not have a dick.

When my friend showed me her profile and we were having fun with it, I noticed most people had boring bios. But once they matched, the dudes would send her creepy texts and try sexting from the first interaction. Perhaps it's kind of a cultural thing on Tinder too. How do you personally act when you match?

I don't respond right away when I match with someone I usually wait a day to several hours before I send anything. Also, I'm generally pretty busy so I can't really focus on messaging matches until shit calms down.

And when I'm ready to respond I use openers along the lines of:
"Hi, [name]. What would you assume are people's first impressions of you when they first meet you?"
 "Hey, [name]. What's something personal or unique about yourself you typically share with a stranger you just met?"
"Hi, [name]. How would you complete this sentence? 'I wish I had someone to share [blank] with."

And I will admit my openers are very survey-esque but they seem to get the ball rolling more often than not.

They're definitely better than "hey", "you want sum fuk?", or "what that mouth do?". 

[Mupepe]

"You may not be able to tell from my profile but I can run really fast"

[Huff]

"I bet you think this boner is about you"

[toku]

"hi I hate anime i hope this won't be a problem"

[Boogie]

Also why don't you write something interesting instead, because that just looks weird, at least to me. Honestly I'd rather read a normal profile with info than someone trying to be funny (?).

Do your local girls really like that stuff? I guess it's all about trying to be funny and stand out?

Edit: Maybe I'm just lame and old fashioned.

Alas, I have what I would consider a "normal" profile, and I rarely get matches on Tinder.  It's been six weeks since my last match.

I don't consider myself funny enough in talking about myself to try for the "quirky" profile, so I've kept mine pretty straightforward.  It's... not really working out for me so much. 

[chronovore]

Also why don't you write something interesting instead, because that just looks weird, at least to me. Honestly I'd rather read a normal profile with info than someone trying to be funny (?).

Do your local girls really like that stuff? I guess it's all about trying to be funny and stand out?

Edit: Maybe I'm just lame and old fashioned.

Alas, I have what I would consider a "normal" profile, and I rarely get matches on Tinder.  It's been six weeks since my last match.

I don't consider myself funny enough in talking about myself to try for the "quirky" profile, so I've kept mine pretty straightforward.  It's... not really working out for me so much. 

Use your weightlifting pics, sweetie.

[Boogie]

Also why don't you write something interesting instead, because that just looks weird, at least to me. Honestly I'd rather read a normal profile with info than someone trying to be funny (?).

Do your local girls really like that stuff? I guess it's all about trying to be funny and stand out?

Edit: Maybe I'm just lame and old fashioned.

Alas, I have what I would consider a "normal" profile, and I rarely get matches on Tinder.  It's been six weeks since my last match.

I don't consider myself funny enough in talking about myself to try for the "quirky" profile, so I've kept mine pretty straightforward.  It's... not really working out for me so much. 

Use your weightlifting pics, sweetie.

But I don't have any weightlifting pics, I only take vids in the gym. 

I just don't want to come across too "dudebro"-ish, I've seen a lot of women's profiles with variants of "I'm not impressed by your gym photos/ab photos "

[Mupepe]

Also why don't you write something interesting instead, because that just looks weird, at least to me. Honestly I'd rather read a normal profile with info than someone trying to be funny (?).

Do your local girls really like that stuff? I guess it's all about trying to be funny and stand out?

Edit: Maybe I'm just lame and old fashioned.

Alas, I have what I would consider a "normal" profile, and I rarely get matches on Tinder.  It's been six weeks since my last match.

I don't consider myself funny enough in talking about myself to try for the "quirky" profile, so I've kept mine pretty straightforward.  It's... not really working out for me so much. 

Use your weightlifting pics, sweetie.

But I don't have any weightlifting pics, I only take vids in the gym. 

I just don't want to come across too "dudebro"-ish, I've seen a lot of women's profiles with variants of "I'm not impressed by your gym photos/ab photos "

If a woman isn't impressed with my deadlift or squat stats she's an idiot and I don't want to put my dick inside her.

[Atramental]

Your profile is fine, but that question stuff is 

 If you're fine with your matches that's fine, but if not I'd  really focus on changing that.

What would you recommend instead?

I'm still pretty clueless when it comes to shit like this.

[Mupepe]

I think I've mentioned it before but I used to get good responses by sending a photo of Joey from Friends with "How you doin'?" 

[brawndolicious]

Also why don't you write something interesting instead, because that just looks weird, at least to me. Honestly I'd rather read a normal profile with info than someone trying to be funny (?).

Do your local girls really like that stuff? I guess it's all about trying to be funny and stand out?

Edit: Maybe I'm just lame and old fashioned.

Alas, I have what I would consider a "normal" profile, and I rarely get matches on Tinder.  It's been six weeks since my last match.

I don't consider myself funny enough in talking about myself to try for the "quirky" profile, so I've kept mine pretty straightforward.  It's... not really working out for me so much. 

Use your weightlifting pics, sweetie.

But I don't have any weightlifting pics, I only take vids in the gym. 

I just don't want to come across too "dudebro"-ish, I've seen a lot of women's profiles with variants of "I'm not impressed by your gym photos/ab photos "

I thought you were a cop, you can't tell when they're lying?

To satisfy your Canadian humbleness, maybe just put a normally clothed photo as your second pic and see what happens.

[Atramental]

I usually make a joke or say something about their description

Try that.

I'm always concerned I'll come off as mean if I joke about something in their profile.

For example, I remember joking with this girl about her being indecisive in her bio about wanting to use tinder for finding friends instead of dating  and she threw a multi messaged shit fit and unmatched with me. 

Edit: read your post wrong.

I'm terrible with coming up with jokes on the fly.

[Valkyrie]

Would you guys ever write that you're into video games, either in your bio or if they asked about your hobbies? I assume not, but what's your end game on that, are you gonna hide it from the girl or pretend it's just a minor hobby?

[Atramental]

In the past I just used this generic sentence:
"If you're into nerdy stuff we'll probably get along."

spoiler (click to show/hide)

That was in my bio when I matched with the girl who ended up sleeping with me. 

[close]

[mormapope]

Based on my time with okcupid, its a pure numbers game for conversations kicking off. There's no reason not to try a different approach with talking to every woman you see.

Dont know how many of ya use that over tinder.

[Boogie]

Would you guys ever write that you're into video games, either in your bio or if they asked about your hobbies? I assume not, but what's your end game on that, are you gonna hide it from the girl or pretend it's just a minor hobby?

Well, at this point for me, video games are just a minor hobby. 

I just described myself as a "nerd", sandwiched between also being a "fitness enthusiast", and "Brazilian Jiu-jitsu martial artist".  So it's there, but not as the sole defining part of "me".

[Bebpo]

Would you guys ever write that you're into video games, either in your bio or if they asked about your hobbies? I assume not, but what's your end game on that, are you gonna hide it from the girl or pretend it's just a minor hobby?

I've done both. I've listed it like it was nothing and I was confident in who I am and what I like; I've also kept it off. I notice a pretty big difference in stark responses and who I get likes from between the two. When I list it, I get likes from very overweight people and for some reason a lot of pagans. When I don't list it I get responses and likes from a wide range of everyone else.

Because of this I usually keep it off, though I'll bring it up on actual dates with people and they've never cared because once we meet in person they either like me (and don't care) or they don't like me (and it doesn't matter). I've never had a gf or a someone I've dated ever say anything negative about my gaming or game collection. I've actually had the opposite where multiple gfs when they see my closet of every console from NES->current they think it's really awesome and I've had girls go omg you have a dreamcast! or Sega CD or something. It's retro cool.

But yeah, especially with all the gamergate fuckwads and fedora kids, there's still a bad auto-image of people who are into videogames, and a lot of women will pass on initial contact if they see that because they never know if the person will be a misogynist fuckwad or a normal person who just enjoys videogames. So I find it's best to leave it out.

However, if I see a woman's profile that lists videogames, I'll usually message them about games in the initial message, especially if they have good taste. Most of the time they won't reply. I actually think there's a psychological thing where a lot of people into games are looking for someone not into games. Although that may be because if they play games they've encountered first hand the online masculine fuckwad culture and it's turned them off of male gamers completely, even moreso than non-gamer women.

My .02

[Huff]

I will never list it and will usually not talk to women who put "gamer" or some shit in their profile

[toku]

as a rule i don't talk about video games, anime or comic books in meat space

[Bebpo]

I will never list it and will usually not talk to women who put "gamer" or some shit in their profile

But when a gal lists Silent Hill 2 on her favorite games:

  that's a gal you gotta message.

as a rule i don't talk about video games, anime or comic books in meat space

Usually if you're with someone, their being passionate about something is an attractive turn on. So if I'm really excited about the new Final Fantasy/Persona/Devil May Cry/Whatever, I'll talk about it.

[thisismyusername]

"I bet you think this boner is about you"

[brawndolicious]

I've made girls or children cry/call me a "fucking bitch ass" for beating them too hard in video games so I think it's something you should disclose early but not necessarily in your profile. People get sensitive when they lose at something and I aint a punk who's gonna play easy. Gotta sign a waiver to play against a Super Saiyan.

WTF cares if you're into comics or anime though? Unless you got some pillow-chested figurines they'd probably just think it's cute.

[Huff]

No, they think youre a weirdo

[Huff]

[Mupepe]

I've always nerded the fuck out from the get go and it never seemed to make much of a difference (I also don't like anime so I'm sure that helps).  But I bowed out of dating right when online shit was starting to get huge so I only dabbled in it some. 

[Atramental]

I just want to say that I've gotten 2 more matches after changing my bio. I've done some more word smithing but it's still essentially the same nonsense as before. 

If I wasn't using the free version of tinder at the moment, which is a basically useless if you're like me, I would probably have more.

But yeah. Online dating is a fucking dumpster fire and I kind of wish it wasn't a thing sometimes.

[Rufus]

It got you laid tho.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I, for one, am so glad that I never had to deal with online dating.

[fistfulofmetal]

Don't see what's so bad about online dating. Then again maybe I was just an outlier and it's just shitty for everyone else.

I also only ever used OK Cupid.

[brawndolicious]

Don't see what's so bad about online dating. Then again maybe I was just an outlier and it's just shitty for everyone else.

I also only ever used OK Cupid.

You can feel confident getting your hopes up much more quickly in real life. These old peeps, they're too fragile having to wait a week before an initial message turns into a convo.

[Valkyrie]

I, for one, am so glad that I never had to deal with online dating.

Depends on what you consider online dating, imo. If it's a person you were already friends with and you both kinda end up liking each other, it seems more doable with natural chemistry than meeting someone on a dating website. But all in all, anything LDR is shit. Tried it once, never again. So I guess it's an "online LDR" vs "online dating (aka dating app)". But neither of them rarely work out.

[TakingBackSunday]

Online dating is the source of a lot of my crippling embarrassment that I feel late at night when trying to fall asleep

But it also is what got me out of my shell and made me more comfortable with not only chatting with women but how to behave in social situations.

I would not trade my online dating experiences for a more private, introverted life – I would, however, like to get my mind erased of some of the scumbag shit I used to do.

[G The Resurrected]

I'm so glad that I met the one the way I did because if I didn't I would have had to put up with that online dating bullshit. I struggled with an LDR for many years before things worked out and we finally moved in together. The internet was cool for meeting folks at one time (pre 2004) or another, but now that everyone has it the quality of the people online has diminished. And in general the quality of people has fallen off a fucking cliff for like the past decade or so. I feel for folks that are still trying to find love online. It seems less and less folks are finding meaningful connections. And with the rise of STD's in younger people it seems that promiscuity is also on the rise. You guys can deal with gonorrhea that is incurable, I'll pour one out for you when you kill yourself.

If you've got chemistry don't let it die because of stupid mistakes. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get things right and that's perfectly ok too.

[Rufus]

I can see where people who don't like it are coming from. It's high frequency disappointment.

[Rahxephon91]

I can see where people who don't like it are coming from. It's high frequency disappointment.

I mean I feel like I've been rejected by millions of girls instead of a few.

[mormapope]

Say what you want about people making nerd shit a focal point of their personality or life. But the number of women that make hiking, kayaking, and nature shit a focal point of their lifestyle or personality is staggering.

Same thing with cats or dogs or coffee or some shit.

[Mupepe]

Say what you want about people making nerd shit a focal point of their personality or life. But the number of women that make hiking, kayaking, and nature shit a focal point of their lifestyle or personality is staggering.

Same thing with cats or dogs or coffee or some shit.

Not that I don't agree with your sentiment but hiking, kayaking and nature shit isn't generally associated with a basement dwelling shut-ins by media.  Quite the opposite actually.

[TakingBackSunday]

I can see where people who don't like it are coming from. It's high frequency disappointment.

I mean I feel like I've been rejected by millions of girls instead of a few.

I don't think that's a particularly accurate (not to mention healthy) stance to have.  I don't see how its any different from being around a bunch of people at a bar and choosing not to approach someone in that setting.

It's not rejection – it's indifference.  And many people experience or have experienced it.  Me especially.

[Rufus]

I can see where people who don't like it are coming from. It's high frequency disappointment.

I mean I feel like I've been rejected by millions of girls instead of a few.

I don't think that's a particularly accurate (not to mention healthy) stance to have.  I don't see how its any different from being around a bunch of people at a bar and choosing not to approach someone in that setting.

It's not rejection – it's indifference.  And many people experience or have experienced it.  Me especially.

Whatever you call it, he obviously experiences it differently. Hits him harder, for whatever reason.

I would assume it's because of low self-confidence in general.

[TakingBackSunday]

Sure I get that.  He's been doing really well lately so I don't want him to beat himself up.

[Mupepe]

I think rejection is probably easier in person.  You at least get some sort of answer that way and have more than just a static profile and text to win them over.  You get to put some of your intangible qualities to work.

[mormapope]

Say what you want about people making nerd shit a focal point of their personality or life. But the number of women that make hiking, kayaking, and nature shit a focal point of their lifestyle or personality is staggering.

Same thing with cats or dogs or coffee or some shit.

Not that I don't agree with your sentiment but hiking, kayaking and nature shit isn't generally associated with a basement dwelling shut-ins by media.  Quite the opposite actually.

Very true! No matter what, making any hobby the driving force of any first interaction or your personality always sours things for me.

Like, even someone being into books a lot makes me think that's reflective of them as a person. With a bookwarm profile, I think ahead to a future where this person is gonna wanna read, over doing shit i think is fun.

In general, women are as boring as men, or can be imo. Didn't really get or understand that until i became more social, online dating included. 

[Mupepe]

I'm with ya. Ive found that those people tend to get snobby about why the particular hobby they waste their time with is the way we were meant to spend our lives.

[thisismyusername]

I love you all. Don't ever forget this.

[Rahxephon91]

I can see where people who don't like it are coming from. It's high frequency disappointment.

I mean I feel like I've been rejected by millions of girls instead of a few.

I don't think that's a particularly accurate (not to mention healthy) stance to have.  I don't see how its any different from being around a bunch of people at a bar and choosing not to approach someone in that setting.

It's not rejection – it's indifference.  And many people experience or have experienced it.  Me especially.

I mean you're probably right, but online dating has probably hurt my confidence more then anything. My lack of success there has really fed my negativity. I've probably swiped left on over 5,000 girls and maybe have gotten 2 matches with girls I'd find attractive. Not getting good feedback kind of makes me feel like shit and confirm whatever negative images I can come up with.

I mean I keep going and I know the thing is to not take it seriously, but I guess yeah the indifference I don't think really helps a guy like me who is not incredibly handsome.

Now obviously I'm the same as the girls, but I don't know it just doesn't seem as helpful.

Either way I keep at it on tinder and bumble.

On putting out your nerd stuff. I mean I don't adviertize it I guess. I'm not like "my hobbies include watching anime and playing final fantasy". I just say I like eccentric and ridiculous things", which I think says I'm a nerd, but hopefully not super serious about that shit. I mean its gonna come out eventually, I'm not gonna deny it, but I don't know I don't actively look to talk about it.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I never got any real dates off okcupid but I actually met a few friends who I'm still close with a bunch of years later, go figure

[tiesto]

Would you guys ever write that you're into video games, either in your bio or if they asked about your hobbies? I assume not, but what's your end game on that, are you gonna hide it from the girl or pretend it's just a minor hobby?

I put that I like "retro video games" in my Match profile. I haven't been doing that great on the site but I'm pretty open and confident with who I am. If someone isn't gonna message me or want to go out with me because I mention gaming or anime (my 2 main nerd interests - I'm not so much for Star Wars/Marvel/Game of Thrones/Harry Potter/zombies/other fandom), then I probably won't want to date someone so judgmental.

The one thing I see so much in women's profiles is yoga. A bunch of my Indian coworkers were asking me "what's up with white girls into yoga lately"  I laughed then told them I think they use it as a replacement to spirituality or something. :shrug

[TakingBackSunday]

I would usually put an all-encompassing term that included video games, like "Pop-culture and entertainment nerd" or something along those lines.

Trivia King was used a few times too.  Ended up going out with girls where it didn't work out but we formed a trivia group out of it.

[seagrams hotsauce]

I don't put in anything because bitch'll figure it out sooner or later.

Putting 'gamer' or 'comic fan' or whatever nerd signifier in your Tinder profile is counterproductive for this very reason imo. It's not match or okcupid or whatever where you're trying to feel out someone's personality. You're trying to stick out amongst dozens to hundreds of other people. There's a stigma around that shit that will automatically alienate the part of population who don't play that manbabby shit.

Tbh tho I don't really feel like my I'm any more of a 'gamer' than I am a 'tv viewer' 'movie watcher' or whatever. If I were going to put an accurate label on my profile I guess it'd be something like 'mass consumer of various multimedia to fill soul-shaped void-er' 

[seagrams hotsauce]

That's exactly it - most women I know play or have played videogames in some way shape or form anyway. I feel labeling yourself as a gamer is way more suspect than actually playing videogames. It's a billion dollar industry and not exactly a niche hobby, but I feel like it's still less conspicuous to just mention it in passing than waste precious space noting it on your profile.

[Tasty]

I love you all. Don't ever forget this.

[Huff]

What's in the profile doesn't really matter, it's all about the pics

I've had similar success when I had a full-ish bio vs when I just put something like "Allstar". Maybe it's different for the web based shit like match or okcupid.

[Valkyrie]

I feel like it's stupid because most women my generation either have an interest in it of their own or are used to other men my age being into it, so it doesn't matter.

I get it when it comes to some of you older folks, though.

I keep forgetting that most people here are in their 30s. :v

[etiolate]

I feel like it's stupid because most women my generation either have an interest in it of their own or are used to other men my age being into it, so it doesn't matter.

I get it when it comes to some of you older folks, though.

Yeah, it's too common to think much about.

[Boogie]

What's in the profile doesn't really matter, it's all about the pics

I've had similar success when I had a full-ish bio vs when I just put something like "Allstar". Maybe it's different for the web based shit like match or okcupid.

I have a feeling that you're right, given my limited experience with tinder and bumble.

So, that being said, what's your recommendations for pics, on say, selfie vs. non-selfie, smiling vs. "serious", or for me as a "fit guy", throwing that out front-and-center vs. more subtle pics that still suggest a fit physique?

I remember waaaay back seeing that "OK Cupid Trends" blog, which suggested that for dudes, not smiling was better than smiling, and non-selfie pics were better than selfies.

(Yes, I know this is probably overthinking this shit, but just looking to improve my odds in this damn numbers game  ......*shrug* )

I feel like it's stupid because most women my generation either have an interest in it of their own or are used to other men my age being into it, so it doesn't matter.

I get it when it comes to some of you older folks, though.

I keep forgetting that most people here are in their 30s. :v

Yeah, but the 30s crew doesn't get to bitch about being old so long as uncle Chrono keeps hanging around. 

[Samson Manhug]

Boogie, google "how to write a Tinder profile" and find articles written by women. It's very easy. They're just giving the info away. Crowd sourcing for a forum of people who identify as video game players is not the worst way, but it's up there.

And about the video game thing: We all play them. We like them so much we talk to specific strangers in the internet about them. But that's not your personality. If it is your personality, don't date. You will not find the woman you are looking for.

[Huff]

Just from my experience I tend to avoid "selfies" and try to have a good variety of both solo and group pics. Gym pics may offput non athletic types but I think they can be solid as well as other "action" stuff - hiking/wakeboarding/etc.

I think people just want to know what you look like, and selfies + angles can really make you look skinnier than you are. Drastically lol.

[Boogie]

Boogie, google "how to write a Tinder profile" and find articles written by women. It's very easy. They're just giving the info away. Crowd sourcing for a forum of people who identify as video game players is not the worst way, but it's up there.

lol, fair enough.