not sure if this is the right thread, but something i've been chewing on the last week or so
been in a "kind of" relationship with one girl for some time, sometimes we'd go off and date someone else, talk to eachother about our relationships, things like that- but when it inevitably didn't work we'd just go back to how things were "as usual", flirting with each other, sort of half-dates, but more of "we're going out as best friends!" kind of things than actual dates, not really romantic, just more fun, things have been very comfortable with her, we even had sex a few times (the first time we were both drunk, and then a few times after that casually when the mood seemed right) but there was never any talk of anything more serious or heavy
flashforward about two years ago when I got out of a long relationship with my ex and she caught her fiance cheating on her, we had a sort of bonding moment of "wow our partners suck fuck people etc" and we had this .. moment? it was like suddenly things were a lot more intense, although neither of us was willing to commit to anything, it was definitely a lot heavier and more passionate than anything we've ever done before, sex incl, and it was weird as hell, honestly
that lasted a few months, and then things calmed down kind of, her and her fiance worked things out, they eventually got married, but she still kept acting like we did when we were both single- occassionally sending me nudes, talking about the times we slept together, things like that. I just sort of put it in the back of my mind because she was married, and the one time I sat her down to talk with her about "hey whats going on whats up with this" and she told me I was misreading things, that her husband knew she was sending this stuff (although she'd always have to do it secretly and nowhere permanent because she was afraid he'd find out ?? red flags but it's not my life so I just kept to my lane) so I was like whatever, I'm too old to deal with this, I'll just do whatever
our friendship kind of returned to a somewhat normal state (with rare moments of her trying to act more like a girlfriend than friend, but that was usually when she was fighting with her husband)
flash forward again, her and her husband are fighting every day, and she's talking about getting a divorce, I've been trying to be there for her, but I've been talking to another girl for the last two months who's poly, and things between us got a bit heavy- I've been wanting to experiment with a poly relationship, and she knows it's new to me and told me if I ever decided to take our friendship a step further she'd be there for me and help me through it, because she thinks I might be poly as well, based on some of my past relationships and other things I've told her
Old friend found out about this and got really pissed off at me, basically told me she loved me and always loved me, was just waiting for me to take the first step and make us official, she never wanted to be with her husband but wanted to start a family and figured I'd never give her the time of day, etc. which.. caught me off guard, but she's also mono, and I'm really questioning if I am, or if I could be for her?
Kinda stuck in the scenario of do I choose the girl who I've known for almost two decades now that I'd be comfortable with, or do I choose the new girl who's exciting, been very supportive of a lot of discoveries I've been making about myself, helping me discover new things about myself, and at the very least help me figure out who I am?