Malignant was bonkers in the best way possible. From the delirious camera angles, to the thumping techno swells, to the completely off-the-rails third act, I was loving every minute of it. The twist wasn’t even that surprising, it was hinted at heavily, the surprising part was that they actually did it, like it was still the 1980’s or some shit.
9/10
other stuff I watched this weekendDEFCON-4 (1985) Middling 80’s post-apocalyptic action movie about a trio of astronauts that return to Earth after a nuclear war to find most of the population wiped out and the rest turned into irradiated mutants or under the rule of petty warlords. The main guy had zero charisma and the main villain was just some asshole highschool jock (literally, that was his character). The only interesting thing about it was that later I learned that the jock’s girlfriend who he occasionally tries to kill and she occasionally tries to kill him is now a liberal MP in the Canadian Parliament. #Girlboss but also 3/10
Prison (1988)Renny Harlin directed this Charles Band joint about a dilapidated prison that’s haunted by the ghost of the last prisoner to be (wrongfully) executed there. Viggo Mortensen plays the lead role of the quiet badass, it also has Tommy Lister as a fellow inmate and Lane White as the increasingly unhinged warden. As bodies pile up in increasingly brutal ways, tempers flare, leading to a full scale riot and a full scale ectoplasmic manifestation. I didn’t know anything about this movie going in, but it was actually pretty cool. 7/10
Return of the Living Dead III (1993)Peak Brian Yuzna. The best romantic horror movie since The Bride of Frankenstein. 10/10
The Groove Tube (1974)Dated sketch comedy parody of network TV. Mostly just an excuse to be horny on main, but it’s surprising equal opportunity horny for the era, featuring big floppy dongs in addition to vegene, but it is comedy and dongs are undeniably funny. Features a brief appearance by Chevy Chase, but sadly not his dong. 4/10
The Cellar (1989)Good ol’ fashion country-fried horror film, featuring no budget, no talent, and a dream, plus a pickup load of pyrotechnics. The story is about an ancient Navajo curse against the white man that summoned a demon to kill all YTs, but it was too indiscriminate in its bloodlust that the Navajo sealed it away, only to be accidentally unsealed in the present day. When the medicine man and an old white guy that had been protecting the site are killed off, only a little kid believed the monster is real and he has to deal with it the only way he knows how: by blowing the fuck out of it with dynamite. Not a good movie, but I appreciate these kinds of efforts. 5/10
