Movie News, Reviews, and Discussion Super-Thread

[The Fake Shemp]

And seriously, what the hell were you doing watching Land of the Lost? At least I was stuck on a plane, I didn't choose it...

I didn't pay for it, family was watching it, etc.

[duckman2000]

Just watched The Last Mimzy. Charming, and I'd imagine treehuggers and leftists really get into it.

[Don Flamenco]

just watched Primer.  crazy shit.  can't wait to watch it again tomorrow!

[duckman2000]

Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Offensively bad. I can appreciate a stupid comedy as much as the next guy, but this wasn't the right kind of stupid. Holy shit was it bad.

[Robo]

just watched Primer.  crazy shit.  can't wait to watch it again tomorrow!

Sounds interesting.  Added to Netflix queue!

[Mupepe]

Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Offensively bad. I can appreciate a stupid comedy as much as the next guy, but this wasn't the right kind of stupid. Holy shit was it bad.

I watched this movie immediately after Observe and Report.  Both were crap.  I watched two shitty mall security movies in one day back to back.  Goddamn, they were both shitty.  Observe and Report had some really genuinely funny moments.  But it was just boring most of the time.  And the fact that it tried to be a dark comedy was obnoxious too because it failed so bad at it. 

I saw New Moon saturday.  What a piece of crap.  The best thing was Jacob with his shirt off.  Goddamn.  Edward with his shirt off was gross.  The movie had no fucking plot.  It was actually worse than the first.  I didn't think that was possible.  It goes absolutely nowhere and has the most annoying ending I've ever seen.  It was just agitating.  It was the worst fucking cliffhanger ever.  They didn't try to give you any satisfaction.  It's 2 hours of nothing and they start rubbing your dick barely and as soon as it gets a little chubby they just zip it up and go home.  what the fuck.

[Don Flamenco]

just watched Primer.  crazy shit.  can't wait to watch it again tomorrow!

Sounds interesting.  Added to Netflix queue!

extremely interesting.  best time travel movie ever.  I don't want to spoil anything, but keep in mind that you're not supposed to get it the first time through...

[Kestastrophe]

just watched Primer.  crazy shit.  can't wait to watch it again tomorrow!

Sounds interesting.  Added to Netflix queue!

extremely interesting.  best time travel movie ever.  I don't want to spoil anything, but keep in mind that you're not supposed to get it the first time through...

that is a cool movie, though its been a few years since I watched it. It seems almost believable, with these everyday guys getting together every night

[Himu]

Jacobs Ladder:

Good, but not as good as I thought it would be (too much praise from you guys). The ending wasnt very fullfilling. I liked the ending in Angel Heart more.

What didn't you like about it and how was the ending not fulfilling?

[Bildi]

Matrix Revolutions

I saw it for the second time - haven't seen it since the original cinema screening.  I think it's better than the second film but that's like saying constipation is better than diarrhea.  Still have no idea what happened at the end.  Funniest bits I'd forgotten:

 - the robot exoskeleton things
 - how serious and 'cool' everyone is
 - the closeup of the Neo's hand hitting Smith's face.  The CG characters look rubbish from a distance and they decide to go for a closeup? WTF were they thinking.

just watched Primer.  crazy shit.  can't wait to watch it again tomorrow!

I've been wanting to see this for a while.  Good to hear it's cool.

[Bildi]

How was The Number 23?  Sounds like it has an interesting premise.

I didn't mind it - it's OK.  Depends on your expectations.

My friend who watched it with me didn't find it engaging at all.

[Don Flamenco]

found this forgotten gem on Netflix streaming:



OFFICIAL SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO LIVEBLOG™

Buddy movie with Dolph Lundgren, who plays an "american" that was raised in Japan like some kind of reverse swedish weeaboo, and Brandon Lee, the wisecracking chinese-but-japanese-in-this-movie guy who was raised in LA and is fully assimilated, as evidenced by such lines as "I don't eat raw fish," but don't worry, he still knows karate.  also starring Tia Carrerre as another non-japanese asian person playing a japanese person who dolph lundgren saves from committing seppuku, which, dolph has just informed me, is rarely done by women unless they've been dishonored. 

The yakuza come to america to spread a highly addicting drug that "makes crack look like decaf."  Dolph Lundgren has a car speeding at him with four guys with SMGs all shooting at him while he fires away with his pistol, he misses all of them, but just jumps over the car. 
Simon Rhee (brother of Philip Rhee of Best of the Best 1 through 4 fame...yeah they made 4 of them) cuts off his pinky as penance to the yakuza boss for screwing up, but the boss doesn't accept it and stabs him in the heart instead. 

Now dolph lundgren is wrestling a big fat guy in a bath house, and he stabbed him under water...the fat guy let out a nice underwater wilhelm scream.

YES. 

edit: now they're at dolph's place with tia carrerrere (who just got naked.)  dolph tells brandon lee to sleep on a futon...brandon lee says "what's a futon?" and stares blankly for about 15 seconds, then gives that "haha, got ya!" look.  WTF THE 90s

There was a 5 second sex scene with dolph and tia. Tia was pretty into it, but dolph didn't look how a person with a naked tia carrerra on top of him should look.  The yakuza just found them!  Now dolph is in his underwear with a shotgun, a bunch of ice picks and sais and ninja stars and a bow gun and he's killing guys left and right.

Oh the Yakuza boss killed dolph's parents, though i'm not sure why. 

They just put brandon lee and dolph in a car and crushed the roof of it in a compactor, now the car's on a conveyor belt heading towards some kind of car grinding device.  The yakuza guy said they were making "heavy metal sushi" out of them. 

They escaped...

FUCK YEAH TRAINING MONTAGE TIME!!!

Oh shit the yakuza are putting drugs in the beer to get "america hooked while they watch football."  They've enlisted a bunch of black and hispanic people to distribute the drugs.

all that training was for nothing, he's just shooting guns at them now.  he's trying to rescue tia, who the yakuza boss kidnapped

brandon lee's face is all bloody and he looks EXACTLY like the joker in TDK (who resembled brandon lee in the crow.) Creepy!
He's doing the classic "reading the miranda rights while kicking the shit out of the guy then blowing him up in a vat of alcohol" scene

Now they've blown up the brewery where the drugs were being smuggled and are chasing the yakuza boss through a parade.  Dolph and the boss are dueling with katanas.  The boss had a gun, but dolph told him guns were dishonorable, so he put it down and now they're swordfighting. 

Dolph shoves a sword through the boss' stomach, says "this is for my parents, then throws him on to a fireworks wheel, which starts spinning and catches on fire, completely burning up the boss' body.  END GREATEST MOVIE  EVER.

[HyperZoneWasAwesome]

I wish to cosign to the petition to have Showdown in Little Tokyo recognized as being totally fucking awesome.

its a shame his career as a theatrical leading man was so short, as most of the movies he made that didn't premiere on the same video store shelf as the latest Shannon Tweed flick were actually pretty good (see also, Army of One, I Come in Peace).

[EmCeeGrammar]

Jesus Camp is very very depressing.  There were so many moments where I had to question if this was an elaborate parody.  Hoping it was, and that a huge segment of our midwest wasn't populated by crazies handing out fetus models to little kids.  Although the one kid boasting about how his dad lets him watch harry potter and the awkward silence afterwards was lol.

[Don Flamenco]

wow i was delirious last night apparently. 

but I do submit-- that was the worst sex scene in a movie ever.  She was overacting, as women don't usually start orgasming the second they hop onto you and he was staring blankly. Then she just rolls off of him in 5 seconds and acts like it's the best sex she's ever had. Earlier in the movie, Dolph gives Tia a gun and has her wait at her house. He tells her to shoot anything that moves.  She asks "what if it's you?" to which he responds "you won't hear me coming."  Then, after the 5 second sex scene, she rolls off of him and says "That time...I heard you coming." 

Not that I'm ungrateful, tia carrera has amazing breasts.

[Phoenix Dark]

but I do submit-- that was the worst sex scene in a movie ever.  She was overacting, as women don't usually start orgasming the second they hop onto you and

what about asian women 

[tiesto]

Jesus Camp is very very depressing.  There were so many moments where I had to question if this was an elaborate parody.  Hoping it was, and that a huge segment of our midwest wasn't populated by crazies handing out fetus models to little kids.  Although the one kid boasting about how his dad lets him watch harry potter and the awkward silence afterwards was lol.

It's not. I still need to see this movie, but when my ex said how she wanted to send our future kids to Jesus Camp (after ~6 months of dating), that was the exact moment I knew to bail.

For me, the most recent was Planet 51 (with new, non-Jesus-freak girlfriend who doesn't like my ex). Decent enough premise for a kid's movie, had the voice of The Rock, some funny jokes. Not the greatest kid's movie I've seen but its worth watching if you're into that kinda stuff.

[etiolate]

World's Greatest Dad

Really timely satire of celebrity death cults, but probably a bigger comment on how some people are just shallow and don't even know how to not be shallow when they are trying so hard to appear so.

[Robo]

wow i was delirious last night apparently. 

but I do submit-- that was the worst sex scene in a movie ever.  She was overacting, as women don't usually start orgasming the second they hop onto you and he was staring blankly. Then she just rolls off of him in 5 seconds and acts like it's the best sex she's ever had. Earlier in the movie, Dolph gives Tia a gun and has her wait at her house. He tells her to shoot anything that moves.  She asks "what if it's you?" to which he responds "you won't hear me coming."  Then, after the 5 second sex scene, she rolls off of him and says "That time...I heard you coming." 

Not that I'm ungrateful, tia carrera has amazing breasts.

I'm surprised you didn't take the time to recognize one of the all time greatest movie quotes ever:

Brandon Lee: Just incase we get killed, I wanted to tell you that you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man.
Dolph Lundgren: [nods] Thank you.

 

[chronovore]

found this forgotten gem on Netflix streaming:

(Image removed from quote.)

OFFICIAL SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO LIVEBLOG™
(snip) END GREATEST MOVIE REVIEW EVER.

Fixed

Also, if you want to talk about a truly bad film, one with no redeeming qualities, I saw Land of the Lost tonight. It was probably the most painfully unfunny Will Ferrell experience thus far.

Did you see Bewitched? I actually LIKE Will Ferrell, but I don't think I even SMILED during that one.

[HyperZoneWasAwesome]

Not that I'm ungrateful, tia carrera has amazing breasts.

I'm pretty certain its her body double that has the really nices ones, as we never see her boobs and her face at the same time, but I wouldn't call Ms. Tia's hotness into question even for a moment.

[Polari]

Herzog's Nosferatu Phantom der Nacht. Really captures that slightly unnerving vibe that all good vampire films should have and Isabelle Adjani was one smoking hot babe.

As for Ebert, I can't really take his opinion seriously. He's too inconsistent.

[The Fake Shemp]

I think he's very consistent. What irks people is that he grades films on a scale of what they set to accomplish, not against other standards. If a film is attempting to be a big, dumb summer blockbuster, he will grade it as a big, dumb summer blockbuster - whereas some just want him to dock points for the film being big and dumb.

I agree with him.

[ManaByte]

Netflix'ed X-Men Origins: Wolverine and it's shit. The opening credits is fuck awesome...then the bone claws come out and it's SHIT.

[chronovore]

Wolverine is one of the movies I saw on a plane and still felt like I'd wasted my time.

[Great Rumbler]

Fantastic Mr. Fox

It was...fantastic.

[Barry Egan]

was it one of the best movies...OF ALL TIME?

[Great Rumbler]

was it one of the best movies...OF ALL TIME?

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but it's one of the best movies of 2009.

[brawndolicious]

I think he's very consistent. What irks people is that he grades films on a scale of what they set to accomplish, not against other standards. If a film is attempting to be a big, dumb summer blockbuster, he will grade it as a big, dumb summer blockbuster - whereas some just want him to dock points for the film being big and dumb.

I agree with him.

Crash and Juno were his movies of the year.  His opinion is very hit or miss when it comes shitty movies.

[Don Flamenco]

wow i was delirious last night apparently. 

but I do submit-- that was the worst sex scene in a movie ever.  She was overacting, as women don't usually start orgasming the second they hop onto you and he was staring blankly. Then she just rolls off of him in 5 seconds and acts like it's the best sex she's ever had. Earlier in the movie, Dolph gives Tia a gun and has her wait at her house. He tells her to shoot anything that moves.  She asks "what if it's you?" to which he responds "you won't hear me coming."  Then, after the 5 second sex scene, she rolls off of him and says "That time...I heard you coming." 

Not that I'm ungrateful, tia carrera has amazing breasts.

I'm surprised you didn't take the time to recognize one of the all time greatest movie quotes ever:

Brandon Lee: Just incase we get killed, I wanted to tell you that you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man.
Dolph Lundgren: [nods] Thank you.

 

  that's right.   All and I mean every single line spoken by brandon lee in that movie is completely awkward.   

[The Fake Shemp]

Crash and Juno were his movies of the year.  His opinion is very hit or miss when it comes shitty movies.

They were also Academy Award-winning films, so I'd question if his opinion is inconsistent at all. We can argue whether or not they deserve those awards (I certainly don't), but his critique of both is consistent with the scale on which he grades films.

But - yes - Roger Ebert's opinion will probably not be the same as yours one-hundred percent of the time.

[Phoenix Dark]

[youtube=560,345]DX3R7fVVU-g[/youtube]

what the fuck 

...is there any context that I should know about, or was it as random as it seems 

[The Fake Shemp]

That is like EVILBORE: THE MOVIE.

[OptimoPeach]

"Nice. It's like one of those video games; you just defeated the first wave."

Man, now I want to watch The Crow

[The Fake Shemp]

I will incorporate both lines into my next screenplay.

JACK "MONSTER COCK" DEVROW

[brawndolicious]

Crash and Juno were his movies of the year.  His opinion is very hit or miss when it comes shitty movies.

They were also Academy Award-winning films, so I'd question if his opinion is inconsistent at all.

Yeah, but that means he just follows along with whatever's popular.  Whatever is an oscar favorite.  I don't think I've seen him give an unpopular opinion on any big movie.

[Phoenix Dark]

Crash and Juno were his movies of the year.  His opinion is very hit or miss when it comes shitty movies.

They were also Academy Award-winning films, so I'd question if his opinion is inconsistent at all.

Yeah, but that means he just follows along with whatever's popular.  Whatever is an oscar favorite.  I don't think I've seen him give an unpopular opinion on any big movie.

So because he liked Juno/Crash he's following the leader? Maybe he uhhh...legitimately liked those movies. He sure can defend his arguments for them

[brawndolicious]

Yeah I just don't respect the opinion of somebody who likes those two movies.  At least when it comes to those two movies.

[Phoenix Dark]

I haven't seen Crash, can't comment on it. I thought Juno was meh, but it's not hard to see how someone could really like it. I was surprised that my mom loved it and cried at the end, given her social conservative/old school views

[Don Flamenco]

what the fuck 

...is there any context that I should know about, or was it as random as it seems 

not really.  there were scenes when he was naked, but brandon lee wasn't in them.  so basically, he was sneaking peeks.

[Bebpo]

saw fantastic mr. fox.  Was good.  Not monumental, but good.  Better than Darjeeling at least.

[Tucah]

Saw Precious. I liked it a lot, a very powerful and moving film. Precious' life was so fucked up and I really felt for the character, especially with the great acting job done by Gabourey Sidibe. The supporting cast was equally as well acted - Mo'nique in particular was fantastic and there was even a surprisingly good acting job from Mariah Carey. Definitely recommended.

[Bildi]

300 

Jesus this movie is boring so far.  I've seen maybe 30 minutes and have started watching it at 1.3x speed.  Didn't even slow down for the bewbs.

[BobFromPikeCreek]

Wow. I wanted to know what David Fincher was up to, so I checked his IMDB page. He's directing a movie about the birth of Facebook, and it's starring Justin Timberlake???

[Great Rumbler]

Wow. I wanted to know what David Fincher was up to, so I checked his IMDB page. He's directing a movie about the birth of Facebook, and it's starring Justin Timberlake???

Initial reaction is: 

But David Fincher is a pretty awesome director, and he's got Aaron Sorkin [A Few Good Men, American President, Studio 60, The West Wing, Sports Nights, and Charlie Wilson's War] doing the screenplay, so maybe they can make something good out of this.

[bork]

Ninja Assassin

Starring Steven Colbert's arch-nemesis, Rain.  Uh...it was better than G.I. Joe and Transformers 2.  That's all I got.  Ultra-violence a-plenty, but brought down by cheesy CG blood/gore and awful, awful use of shaky cam during fights in the dark.  Still, if you want to turn your brain off and catch some of the nastiest dismemberment seen in an action movie in a good while, you might (and the keyword here is MIGHT) want to check this movie out.  Just go in with the lowest of expectations.  The cheesier-than-cheese opening scene, with "Japanese" "Yakuza" getting hacked to bits was by far the best part of the movie.

[Phoenix Dark]

Up

I didn't expect it to be so amazing. Pixar fanatics are unbearable but clearly I won't be trolling them anytime soon. The film goes into so many different emotions and themes that work on many levels a kid and adult can relate to - without feeling cheesy/cheap. All while introducing one of the most entertaining main characters I've seen in a recent Disney film: a mean old man dragging his past around. I gotta admit my eyes watered up a couple times  :'(

Star Trek

Willco is right, this is meh and overrated. I thought the final big action scene kinda redeemed things but ultimately it didn't make me forget about the annoying dialogue and boring scenes. This is another remake/blockbuster with characters who are unbearably annoying; I'm guessing there's some film writers' playbook that declares in order to appeal to a 21st century audience, film characters must be total asshole pricks, and not the cool kind. It's just forgettable. Abrams needs to leave time travel alone.

Maybe it's because I know nothing about Star Trek, but what was up with the completely random Spock/Uhura relationship.

Finally, some of the action scenes were extremely jumbled/poorly shot or something. Like the one where Kirk and the asian dude are fighting on top of the Romulan drill. It was just messy as fuck

[The Fake Shemp]

The biggest problem for that film is that there is no sense or urgency or emotional impact whatsoever. The villain blows up an entire fucking planet, and you're like, "Eh."

[Beezy]

HyperZone and distant are the only ones out of all you queers who saw Black Dynamite? SMFH

[HyperZoneWasAwesome]

I will follow Lyte Edge's analysis of Ninja Assassin and agree that its pretty disappointing.  Its not all bad, and by the standards of most American action movies these days it might even measure favorably, but on the whole is an overly murky, too serious, too CGI-ie, too shaky cam-ie, too long piece of work that manages to fit in snugly among other Joel Silver productions such as those non-French made english language Jet Li movies and some of the less goofy Van Damme flicks (Death Warrant would be a good tonal match).

Its high production values only end up meeting its low ambition, and whatever game performances are there (such as the surprisingly spry Sho Kosugi and Rain's admirably buffed up turn) don't add as much impact as they should.  Any movie that's all about something as inherently rad as Ninjas should be more fun, or at the very least, better then a Christopher Lambert movie of the same genre.  Both tests this movie manages to fail.

**

[Phoenix Dark]

The biggest problem for that film is that there is no sense or urgency or emotional impact whatsoever. The villain blows up an entire fucking planet, and you're like, "Eh."

Agreed. I didn't really care about...anything in the movie. The opening scene is rather emotional or whatever but it was just like "meh, whatever. Oh nm, he grew up to be an asshole"

[brawndolicious]

The original Kirk was up his own ass PD.  That's not something new to the franchise.  They actually took care of that by making the new one get his ass whooped every single time he acts like an asshole (this was for a reason!!).

He was like atoning for William Shatner's sins.  Personally, I didn't have ANY problem with how any of the characters or actors except for the Kirk and Spock childhood scenes which were just annoying.  I thought McCoy and Scotty's actors were the best cast out of all of them though.

I did have a problem with how they cut out like a third of the original movie.  There's a lot of relevant build-up missing like wtf Neero was for a couple decades.  What they actually cut out was that Neero and his crew were captured by Klingons and tortured in prison until they escaped and killed a whole fleet (that's where the Klingon distress signla Uhura heard came from).  There's probably a good hour or so they cut out from the theatrical version.

[Phoenix Dark]

Eh I thought McCoy was horrible, especially when first introduced. He didn't serve much of a purpose later in the movie.

I understand Kirk is an asshole, but I thought he was intolerable. I was talking to my brother about this: why do so many recent blockbusters feature young characters who are arrogant assholes with idiotic dialogue? I guess that's how kids act today but it sure pisses me off on film

[CajoleJuice]

I thought the characters were fine, but I'm also in the "OK" camp overall.

[TakingBackSunday]

McCoy was one of the only good characters in the film, maurice.  :'(  That and whoever Pegg played.

I enjoyed Star Trek, but that's only because I went in not caring about what I'd think about it.  Seemed to be a fun movie regardless of what was wrong with it.

Can't say the same for Shitformers.

[brawndolicious]

Eh I thought McCoy was horrible, especially when first introduced. He didn't serve much of a purpose later in the movie.
I understand Kirk is an asshole, but I thought he was intolerable. I was talking to my brother about this: why do so many recent blockbusters feature young characters who are arrogant assholes with idiotic dialogue? I guess that's how kids act today but it sure pisses me off on film

Kirk was still an asshole back when your parents were your age.  The thing is that Spock's personality keeps his spontaneity in check, making for a pretty decent story with some character chemistry and planets blowing up and shit.  None of this will matter to somebody who wasn't already a Trek fan though.

If you already liked Star Trek, then there isn't really a good reason to dislike this movie.

[The Fake Shemp]

Eric P called it "Lens Flare: The Movie".

I remember Cajole remarking that even the title credits had lens flare. It was so bad.

[CajoleJuice]

YES

I burst out laughing in the theater when I saw that.

[The Fake Shemp]

Oh well, hopefully they address the film's many, many faults in the inevitable sequel. And maybe Federation ships can equip tinted windows.

[OptimoPeach]

I think Abrams even admitted that their use of lens flare was egregious